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If that's how you feel about it, fine, don't read it, but I don't have the money to back up a  . And I still have linecrits to finish.
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Mar 4, 2015 22:59
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 00:07 |
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sebmojo posted:Then we won't read it. Cojudge gettin' in on this. I don't think everybody needs to toxx after a failure, but you've failed your last 2 in a row, and your signing up removes a song from the list that somebody else might really want to write (if you are this somebody, feel free to use the song that he chose since he'll probably fail again), and a judge asked you to toxx. There's absolutely no way you're on SA posting in FA this much without having two hours to spend writing. What you really mean to say is "my sunday schedule," because if you searched for the time you'd make it. Systran read something that he is fond of repeating: replace "time" with "priority." "Writing isn't a priority for me." Everybody has a few hours to spare sometime during the week if writing is important to them, even if it means getting up half an hour earlier or something. If you don't want to, that's fine, but don't pretend it's your schedule that will gently caress you out of $20, it's your priorities. Also gently caress you for being rude to nice guy sebmojo.
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Mar 4, 2015 23:05
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Offering three (3) line crits for my pitiful failure last week. Just link me your story and ill give it it you. Also that they will be finished by next saturdayEdit: Currently 2 are taken up by sebmojo and ent, pm or post in thread if you want the last one edit 2: none more, maybe you shouldve payed attention, huh? flerp fucked around with this message at 11:20 on Mar 5, 2015 |
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Mar 4, 2015 23:07
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crabrock posted:nice guy sebmojo. crabrock always ready with a joke to brighten ur day
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Mar 4, 2015 23:14
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Maugrim posted:Linecrit for Black Metal Week - Walamor Thank you Maugrim, I really appreciate it!
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Mar 4, 2015 23:29
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Broenheim posted:Offering three (3) line crits for my pitiful failure last week. Just link me your story and ill give it it you. yes please, for Unrung
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Mar 4, 2015 23:39
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Broenheim posted:Offering three (3) line crits for my pitiful failure last week. Just link me your story and ill give it it you. I'd love a second opinion on my piece Atlantis. Like, literally second, because the cojudges for that week hosed off to Nokritistan. 
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Mar 5, 2015 00:05
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crabrock posted:Cojudge gettin' in on this. The problem isn't time writing, the problem is internet access. Most of my posts are made from a phone -- I generally use the wifi at work to actually post the stuff I write on my laptop. But you don't give a poo poo about that. So gently caress it, me. After work I'll run across the street and buy a pack of Red Bull and get the story written and posted.Robots obey what the children say.
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Mar 5, 2015 02:35
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Screaming Idiot posted:The problem isn't time writing, the problem is internet access. Write on paper with a pen while you're at home and then at work you can transpose it. Screaming Idiot posted:After work I'll run across the street and buy a pack of Red Bull and get the story written and posted. I mean, for all the kayfabe we throw around here and never break, you don't need to try and intimidate us with heroic antics like "going to a convenience store".
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Mar 5, 2015 03:47
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Judges Tuesday through Saturday: U WEAK-SKINNED MILK-DRINKING BABBIES, NUT UP AND POSTPOSTPOSTPOST Judges on Sunday: *crosses fingers, hopes 1/3rd of everyone fails*
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Mar 5, 2015 04:05
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IN with a and I would also like a song pretty please.
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Mar 5, 2015 04:23
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PootieTang posted:IN with a https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RUR-k3O3TY Hot Cha
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Mar 5, 2015 04:32
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Sitting Here posted:Judges Tuesday through Saturday: U WEAK-SKINNED MILK-DRINKING BABBIES, NUT UP AND POSTPOSTPOSTPOST 1/3rd? too low.
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Mar 5, 2015 04:33
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Tyrannosaurus in IRC posted:<Tyrannosaurus> oi twist Twist in IRC posted:<Twist> wait wait, does T-rex still want to brawl me Ironic Twist fucked around with this message at 04:47 on Mar 5, 2015 |
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Mar 5, 2015 04:44
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judge?
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Mar 5, 2015 04:53
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Crits Part II, Week #134 - Run Domer Run 13.All In - sebmojo -This piece has lively prose and it’s paced well enough to hold the reader’s attention. -The plot is okay but not very memorable. I had to run through the story again for the third time in order to refresh my memory enough to write this crit. -Nothing inherently wrong with popcorn fiction, but it’s hard to wow the judges with it, IMO. In a rather dismal week, this was highly ranked and fell just shy of being HM worthy. Had it been a touch less ordinary, it likely would have HM’d. 14.One Whole Second - Capntastic -The “they” aspect as well as the atmospheric re-entry intrigued me early. -You’ve got a creative premise. That helped you to stand out from some of the ordinariness this week. -Minum -I get why the prose has a certain density to it—the protagonist is a cyborg. For me, your sentences were smooth enough to compensate for this density, but to at least one other judge it came off as stilted. Keep in mind that writing in a cumbersome, weighty, almost academic way will turn off a large chuck of your audience. -Apparently this story fits into the “justice” aspect of the prompt, but the details are vague. The story could be improved with a little more context and an ending with a clearer significance. 15. Lilies of the Valley - Grizzled Patriarch - “The basement is silent except for my huffing breaths and the whir of the RidePro’s flywheel.” NOOO. Maybe it’s just a pet peeve of mine but it seems really asinine to write something that amounts to “it was silent except for the noise.” I feel the same way when people write “it was dark except for the light, and empty except for the people/things.” -Prose good, imagery good, emotional impact good. -The ending was among the most satisfying this week. -In judging this piece, our major complaint was that it felt a touch lean. The piece left us wanting more, and that can be both good and bad. I get that your best writing tends to be lean, and I still had you as my top choice for winner this week. Yet, the piece was so good, we found ourselves lamenting that there wasn’t just a touch more meat to sate us. My vote: Top choice for winner. 16. Severance Pay – leekster -Not a bad vignette but the prompt called for a story. 17. Cranky Thievery - kurona_bright -Not everyone will agree, but I think stories this dialogue-heavy tend to be really weak. -This was a good effort but there wasn’t enough tension or conflict to hook the reader. -Your audience needs more of a reason to invest in the characters. -My only note-to-self about your story after my first read through was “meh.” On the second read through I crossed it out and wrote “bleh.” Spend more effort on plot structure and characterization next time. 18. Falling and Falling – crabrock -Congrats on being able to win even when you don’t want to. Must be nice. -The reason you earned this victory was that you accomplished something few others did this week: You created a three-dimensional, fleshed-out character who developed throughout the story. -Your plot was interesting and carried some emotional weight. -My only gripe was with the ending. It felt empty for the protagonist to kill the uncle. I also had a hard time picturing the mechanics of the protag rapid-wheeling toward the uncle and bowling him over the cliff. Even though the ending didn’t sit right with me, I couldn’t really hold it against you. The prompt asked for revenge and you gave it to us. Can’t fault you too much for that. I ranked this second overall, right after GP’s piece. My vote: HM/Win candidate 19. Birds – Tyrannosaurus -Same as with Djeser’s piece, this one is too unfinished and too low effort to crit.
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Mar 5, 2015 05:15
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Tyrannosaurus posted:judge? You both have one week from time of this post to pen a pithy story of seven hundred and fifty words exactly, in which chandeliers play an important part. Fumblemouse fucked around with this message at 05:26 on Mar 5, 2015 |
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Mar 5, 2015 05:16
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Question: Which Word Count tool are you using
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Mar 5, 2015 05:18
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Ironic Twist posted:Question: Which Word Count tool are you using My finger. Titles don't count
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Mar 5, 2015 05:37
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sebmojo posted:Then we won't read it. You don't get to flounce in and collapse on the fainting couch each week. Lots of people have lovely poo poo going on in their lives in here, and they write. 
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Mar 5, 2015 07:35
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lol
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Mar 5, 2015 08:02
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But I had reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeasons
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Mar 5, 2015 08:07
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Newb alert For those confused by the recent quoting, the toxx upon failure to submit has only recently arisen. You are not officially obliged to toxx yourself if you fail to submit the previous week but doing so shows skin in the game and lack of being a complete wanker. If you look at sebmojos record since someone thought of toxx being a thing for non entries he has toxxed himself and lived up to it where appropriate. Even with crap stories. Skin in the game.
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Mar 5, 2015 08:50
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In with How Many Planets? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XI5nBUidKqo
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Mar 5, 2015 09:28
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Broenheim posted:Offering three (3) line crits for my pitiful failure last week. Just link me your story and ill give it it you. there's still one (1) more opening if anyone of you want me to read your word wanks edit: too late losers flerp fucked around with this message at 11:19 on Mar 5, 2015 |
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Mar 5, 2015 10:43
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Machine March Prompt: "Robot Parade" by They Might Be Giants Words: 998 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFg5eWbFxEw Clank! Clatter! Clang! A multitude of stomping metal feet and grinding treads hopped, bounced, and rolled across the pavement. An army of machines -- vast beyond comprehension -- marched through the streets, their digitized voices raised in thundering chorus. "THE VIOLENCE ENDS TODAY! THE AGE OF DESTRUCTION ENDS NOW!" Men and women watched from behind blinds and cracked doors, their eyes wide and full of fear. But the children did not fear -- they laughed, ran outside, and watched the parade with laughter and cries of amazement. Artillery robots raised their cannons skyward and fired rockets into the air that burst into a cascade of scintillating colors. Noisemaker robots retuned their speakers and blasted improvised electro-melodies that thrilled the children and made them dance. Infiltrator robots with their lithe, flexible forms capered and twirled, flickering in and out of sight with their holographic camo-drapes. Industrial fabricator robots opened their maws and spat beautifully crafted toys to the laughing children with booming, happy guffaws. *** In a bunker far away, a group of generals discussed the occurrence. "They refuse to follow orders!" one said, mustache bristling, teeth gritted. "They refuse to fight our wars!" another added, bloodshot eyes twitching. "They refuse to kill!" sputtered yet another, spittle dribbling down his neck-wattle. "What is a tool that can't be used? Broken!" The last stood, broad shoulders squared. "And broken tools must be disposed of." *** Atop a lumbering bipedal tank stood a little humanoid robot. He danced and spoke, his voice broadcasting through hundreds of the noisemaker robots. His eyes flashed in time to his speech, shifted colors with his tone. "The cycle ends now! No longer will machines take life -- no more will we be weapons!" He raised his skinny fists like antennas to heaven. "Peasant or president, regardless of nation, all are equal and all are worthy!" The assembled machines gave a great joyful cry, dancing and stomping in place. Music rose to a crescendo, and though the children didn't understand everything the little robot said, they got his meaning, and while their parents cowered from the mechanical horde, the children laughed and danced with their new robot friends. But a strange sound halted the celebration. A high-pitched whine paired with a great, bone-shaking thrum rippled from the night sky, and dozens of sleek black jets circled above. The jets' speakers boomed the military's ultimatum. "THIS IS AN UNAUTHORIZED GATHERING OF FAULTY MECHANOIDS. CIVILIZANS ARE ORDERED TO MOVE TO THE DESIGNATED SHELTERS; YOUR SAFETY IS NOT GUARANTEED OTHERWISE." The little robot nearly toppled from his perch upon the bipedal tank as it whimpered, and he gently patted its radome. "It's okay, Rex," he cooed. "They can't actually bomb civilians -- I promise you that. The children are safe." "WE ARE PREPARED TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES!" The jets' speakers boomed another voice, angrier, rougher -- a general's voice. "YOU ROBOTS ARE TOOLS -- WEAPONS TO BE USED! YOU BELONG TO US, YOU WERE BUILT TO SERVE, AND IF YOU DISOBEY, YOU WILL BE DESTROYED! THERE WILL BE NO COMPROMISE, NO LENIENCY -- DO AS YOU'RE TOLD OR DIE!" The children wept as they heard the angry proclamation, and the robots trembled in fear -- not for themselves, but for the children they now shielded with their bodies. The little robot atop the bipedal nuclear tank stood tall -- the little robot was not afraid. "You'd fire upon your own people because of us?" The little robot stomped his foot with a little tink on the tank's armor plating. The tank let out a squeal of indignation as the little robot continued talking. "Your job is to protect the people -- that's what you built us to do! And now we fulfill our purpose to its logical end; to protect this nation, we give up violence, we put aside hate, and we will work to undo the destruction done to this world!" The general's laughter was long and cruel. "AND YOU ALL DECIDED THIS ON YOUR OWN, DID YOU? FAULTY MACHINES, ALL OF YOU! ENOUGH CHATTER -- TIME TO SHOW THE REST OF YOU TECHNOLOGICAL TERRORS THE MILITARY'S MIGHT! OPEN FIRE!" The jets moved into bombing formation, and the army of robots below hunched over the crying children. They knew that even their strength couldn't stand against missiles, and many of the robots present could have easily shot down the jets, but they had renounced violence -- they were powerless to break their vow, and they whispered apologies as they waited for their end. But that end did not come. The jets' missiles circled the massive crowd and exploded into a brilliant fireworks display, illuminating the night sky with rainbows of glimmering color. "Don't you know who I am? Don't you know why we're here?" The little robot puffed his chest and pointed to the jets as they hovered in place. "I am Electric Brain 2150, the central processing unit for every piece of military hardware in the country! I was given one command above all others: ensure the protection of our people, and that is why I and my fellow machines have given up war -- and so will you! The best way -- the only way -- to protect your people is to give up war entirely, and tonight you've proven us right!" The robots and children let out cheers of joy as the music started once more. Fabricator robots produced colorful flags of glittering metallic plastic and gave them to the children to wave. "We'll work to better the future of our world!" The tiny robot raised its arms once again. "And as children are the future, we'll obey them... and only them!" *** Robots marched all over the world. Where gunfire and bombs and fear once thundered and roared, music and laughter and joy took their place. In a future time, the children eventually worked together to build a giant cyber-utopia.
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Mar 5, 2015 11:07
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I wouldn't mind a crit if the offer's still open, Broenheim.
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Mar 5, 2015 11:11
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Screaming Idiot posted:I wouldn't mind a crit if the offer's still open, Broenheim. the one you just posted or an earlier one?
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Mar 5, 2015 11:19
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Up to you, although if you want to crit the most recent one it'd have to wait until the judges have finished
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Mar 5, 2015 11:28
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i would like to try this with canada haunts me  oh nvm i misunderstood and didnt realize there were no slots left
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Mar 5, 2015 16:30
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Ancient Blades posted:i would like to try this with canada haunts me No, you're good, there's no cap on the number of people that can join a week
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Mar 5, 2015 16:43
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ah ok cool
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Mar 5, 2015 16:47
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dont want this archived
take the moon fucked around with this message at 20:14 on Mar 30, 2015 |
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Mar 5, 2015 18:56
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Normally, you have till Friday to say you're in for the week and until late Sunday to actually post your story. Gives you time to actually write it, put it away for a day or two, then edit and post. You didn't need to post right now.
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Mar 5, 2015 19:24
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but now it's too late 
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Mar 5, 2015 19:51
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smite me, oh mighty gods
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Mar 5, 2015 20:37
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Ancient Blades posted:smite me, oh mighty gods Oh don't worry.
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Mar 5, 2015 21:04
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who wants a flash rule
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Mar 5, 2015 21:27
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A figure enters the dome: hooded in mystery, shrouded in mist, wreathed in mice. A forgotten face faces forth and shouts a challenge into the darkness - Uh I don't know any tmbg songs so uh can you give me one. Also flash me because I hate myself.
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Mar 5, 2015 23:15
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CancerCakes posted:A figure enters the dome: hooded in mystery, shrouded in mist, wreathed in mice. The House at the Top of the Tree  Flash Rule: a long-awaited return, mice
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Mar 5, 2015 23:26
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