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Ghost of Mussolini
Jun 26, 2011
NOTICE ME

Scuderia Ferrari



In 1898 Enzo Anselmo Ferrari was born, and the sum of human civilization has failed to provide us with a comparable specimen ever since. Enzo was young designed and racer, and founded Scuderia Ferrari in 1929 as Alfa Romeo's racing arm. After years of internal divisions, the poor fools at Alfa Romeo finally pressured Ferrari into independence in 1939, and thus cast themselves into inevitable future defeat at the hands of their former employee. Ferrari worked out of Modena, largely as a supplier for other teams. During the war, the factory was bombed, prompting relocation to the sacred grounds at Maranello. Since the first season in 1950, a Ferrari car has been present on the grid, being the only team to lay claim to such a history, it is widely believed that the lack of a red car may bring about the death of the sport (at 888 entries, it has participated more than anyone else).

On 29 July 1951, Alberto Ascari secured the pole as well as the top spot on the podium for Ferrari at the German Grand Prix. It would be the first of many. From this first grasp of victory, Ferrari has gone forth to accumulate 221 wins, 207 poles, 81 one-two finishes, 680 podium finishes, 5834.5 Driver's Championship points and 6736.27 Constructor's Championship points. Observant readers may note that this means that Scuderia Ferrari leads each and every single one of these categories, but this does not really matter as other entities are but transient beings who fail to even scratch the legacy of the Cavallino Rampante.

The Scuderia is known in Formula One for its passion and reverence to the sport. Often cited for their humility and honesty, the uncompromising self-reflection of the team at Maranello is only matched by their steadfast dedication to their drivers, who return their love and admiration unquestioningly. This has resulted in 15 World' Drivers Championship and 16 World Constructor Championship titles for Ferrari. A list of WDC and WCC years, important drivers (i.e. every important driver to have ever been in Formula One), and other such information would be provided, but this body of text would become unwieldy.

Currently, Ferrari is led by Maurizio Arrivabene, who's steady leadership promises to return the best of days to the Scuderia, the technical director is James Allison, one of the few englishmen who can be trusted not to be a malicious pirate. Free of the perennial weaboo baggage of Fernando Alonso, they count on their drivers to bring the trophies back to their one and only rightful place. Team veteran Kimi "Ice cream" Raikkonen (WDC 2007 for the Scuderia) and Sebastian "Wetmeister" "The Finger" "Wunderboy" "The Once and Future King" Vettel, who, we have determined through statistical analysis, will bring 10 titles to Ferrari (previous number of titles won by the last German to join the team at a ratio of 2.5). Ferrari also counts with approximately 172 Reserve, Test and Ferrari Driver Academy associated drivers, in order to establish the future talent pool of the team. They also have all the self-respecting fans of the sport. It is the best team.


The one and only


Michael Schumacher, who's spirit has ascended to accompany Enzo


:italy:

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El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'
Ferrari owns

GEORGE W BUSHI
Jul 1, 2012

be nice wicka posted:

shanghai is shaped like the first character in the chinese spelling of "shanghai"



if it was written by a retarded baby with Parkinson's then I see it.

Feels Villeneuve
Oct 7, 2007

Setter is Better.
Shanghai kind of looks like a pile of poo.

Sulman
Apr 29, 2003

What did you do that for?

El Hefe posted:

Ferrari owns

I know it's a bit :spergin: but I wish the later cars were there - the different shades of red they've used over the years are pretty fascinating.

Sulman
Apr 29, 2003

What did you do that for?

enri posted:

Ok, Sauber are dealing with some contract poo poo with VDG (hosed if I'm trying to spell htat) and Sutil, Force India are having cash flow troubles... Marussia are going to be on the grid for Australia?

Can someone please tell me how many teams I can expect to see in a race this year please, I'm confused as gently caress. We lost Caterham right?... and almost Marussia but they're now definitely back.. and.. is that 11 teams still? or am I completely forgetting some other forgettable hack team that we lost?

I can't keep up with teams coming and going at the moment, feel like I might have missed something important by generally not giving a gently caress about them in the first place.

Sauber, Force India, and I think Renault/Lotus (they'll always be Renault to me) got an advance from Bernie to help get them to Oz. I expect Manor had some help too.

The only team we really lost was Caterham, but the others are definitely on the critical list for the year. My guess is (I'm usually wrong) they'll either be bought or go bust this year.

HP Artsandcrafts
Oct 3, 2012

Sulman posted:

I know it's a bit :spergin: but I wish the later cars were there - the different shades of red they've used over the years are pretty fascinating.

Especially that number 6 car up front! :buddy:

Sulman
Apr 29, 2003

What did you do that for?

HP Artsandcrafts posted:

Especially that number 6 car up front! :buddy:

Don't mock the F14T, they really tried

captainOrbital
Jan 23, 2003

Wrathchild!
💢🧒

Sulman posted:

I know it's a bit :spergin: but I wish the later cars were there - the different shades of red they've used over the years are pretty fascinating.

They should paint the cars a slightly darker shade of red every year until they win a world championship again.

Or hell, a race.

George Zimmer
Jun 28, 2008
Word on the street is that Roberto Mehri will get the 2nd Manor seat. Not a bad lineup if true.

Human Grand Prix
Jan 24, 2013

by FactsAreUseless

El Hefe posted:

Ferrari owns

Everybody loves Ferrari.

enri
Dec 16, 2003

Hope you're having an amazing day

Sulman posted:

Sauber, Force India, and I think Renault/Lotus (they'll always be Renault to me) got an advance from Bernie to help get them to Oz. I expect Manor had some help too.

The only team we really lost was Caterham, but the others are definitely on the critical list for the year. My guess is (I'm usually wrong) they'll either be bought or go bust this year.

Cool, thanks for the summary :)

MattD1zzl3
Oct 26, 2007
Probation
Can't post for 4 years!

be nice wicka posted:

for the first part of the season they will be running a hastily modified 2014 chassis with the 2014 ferrari PU, but they will transition to a new chassis with the new engine at some point. i don't think ferrari wants to keep supplying the old one.

By this i assume they mean "We will enter the minimum number of races required to collect our 2014 winnings in order to pay off our massive debt (Something the administrators couldnt find a way to get out of a dead team, and trust me they tried), than fold sometime around spain or monaco."

They are the f1 version of those NASCAR teams that do the parade lap and park to collect sponsor income without the expenses of running a race car.


As for sauber (or ferrari for that matter) f1 is and should be bigger than any team. If we have Vapeaire Google Tesla racing against Mcdonalds MSNBC Nissan, as long as its an open wheeled contructors formula, its still every bit as f1 as it was in 1950, or 1970, or 2014. Ferrari, Team lotus, Brabham and Honda can all take their combined heritage and stick it. In short yes, i would like nothing more than for historic teams like Ferrari and Sauber to fold if they are going to go around acting like heritage actually entitles them to something. Nothing about Mark webbers endurance car 20 years ago makes me ok with them dicking over a young driver who worked his whole life for something that is already over and gets nothing out of it because of them.

MattD1zzl3 fucked around with this message at 19:56 on Mar 9, 2015

Human Grand Prix
Jan 24, 2013

by FactsAreUseless
Well known historic team Sauber.

ImplicitAssembler
Jan 24, 2013

be nice wicka posted:

giedo and probably sutil are both well within their rights to sue for damages, but trying to force sauber to let him race is a level of childishness even I struggle to comprehend.

This. Totally agree in suing for unfair dismissal, but demanding to race is stupid.

wicka
Jun 28, 2007


MattD1zzl3 posted:

By this i assume they mean "We will enter the minimum number of races required to collect our 2014 winnings in order to pay off our massive debt (Something the administrators couldnt find a way to get out of a dead team, and trust me they tried), than fold sometime around spain or monaco."

They are the f1 version of those NASCAR teams that do the parade lap and park to collect sponsor income without the expenses of running a race car.

i saw someone say this on reddit as well and i don't understand how you can be so stupid as to get that impression from what they're doing

Dudley
Feb 24, 2003

Tasty

Human Grand Prix posted:

Could we a see a DNQ? Who Knows?!

It's not impossible. The estimate of how much quicker other cars are now combined with their times from last year would put them right on the edge.

The interesting follow up though is, if they don't start any races, do they still get their money?

GramCracker
Oct 8, 2005

beauty by stroll
Are Lewis does butts stuff with his trainer

https://instagram.com/p/0BK9IlL0zR/?modal=true

wicka
Jun 28, 2007


MattD1zzl3 posted:

a young driver who worked his whole life for something that is already over and gets nothing out of it because of them.

RIP brave pay driver

Tsaedje
May 11, 2007

BRAWNY BUTTONS 4 LYFE

ImplicitAssembler posted:

This. Totally agree in suing for unfair dismissal, but demanding to race is stupid.

It's a negotiating tactic. If they are claiming they have a valid contract which is being broken by Sauber, not demanding they race undermines their case. When Sauber inevitably have to settle they'll be able to wring more out of them in return for backing away from the race seat than if they just demanded compensation.

Feels Villeneuve
Oct 7, 2007

Setter is Better.
Sauber is a poor team and VDG is a poor driver so I hope they end up with a settlement that sees them both out of the sport

CratSock
Aug 5, 2004

Sock Wielding Assassin

Dudley posted:

It's not impossible. The estimate of how much quicker other cars are now combined with their times from last year would put them right on the edge.

The interesting follow up though is, if they don't start any races, do they still get their money?

If the Mercs are actually faster than they were last year, and some teams are using cobbled together frankencars, that might be a very real possibility. 2014 AUS GP fastest time in Q1 was Danny Ric with 1:30.775. 107% cutoff was 1:37.129. Seven seconds off the pace using a year old spec engine and some kind of chassis made of whatever they had around the shop? Sounds likely to me.

gret
Dec 12, 2005

goggle-eyed freak


Hope VDG does a Karl Wendlinger.

wicka
Jun 28, 2007


CratSock posted:

If the Mercs are actually faster than they were last year, and some teams are using cobbled together frankencars, that might be a very real possibility. 2014 AUS GP fastest time in Q1 was Danny Ric with 1:30.775. 107% cutoff was 1:37.129. Seven seconds off the pace using a year old spec engine and some kind of chassis made of whatever they had around the shop? Sounds likely to me.

"whatever they had around the shop" was an entire 2014 f1 car, one that was three seconds off the pace in melbourne last year. strongly doubt they're going to add another four seconds on top of that.

poty
Jun 21, 2008

虹はどこで終わるのですか? あなたの魂の中で、または地平線で?

The Sweet Hereafter posted:

Except on my phone, where the track image is tiny and kind of looks like a grumpy bird sat on its arse.

Oh my god

poty
Jun 21, 2008

虹はどこで終わるのですか? あなたの魂の中で、または地平線で?

GramCracker posted:

Are Lewis does butts stuff with his trainer

https://instagram.com/p/0BK9IlL0zR/?modal=true

Anyone knows how to zoom in on Instagram videos

Shit Farm
Jan 10, 2013

Cojawfee
May 31, 2006
I think the US is dumb for not using Celsius
Sauber are poo poo and deserve to get kicked out of the sport. When all the other teams over the years that were much better have dried up and died like Ferrari and McLaren, Sauber isn't doing anything that would justify them screwing people out of millions of euros. Sutil and VDG deserve to at least get the money back if they don't get to drive. If I were VDG, I'd demand a drive and then be even more poo poo than ever just to stick it to Sauber and cause them to fold. He's clearly never getting an F1 drive ever again, so who cares.

MattD1zzl3
Oct 26, 2007
Probation
Can't post for 4 years!
Would VDG go down as the most action-hero movie ending-esque "If i'm going, i'm taking you fuckers down with me!" ending to a career?

Butt Wizard
Nov 3, 2005

It was a pornography store. I was buying pornography.
I'd laugh if the court agrees with the Sauber angle on inexperience with the cars being dangerous but subsequently bars Nasr from driving because he has even less experience than van der Garde.

Brainwrong
Mar 20, 2004

RIP Bobby K
Poland's Rose. Like a cabbage in the wind.

Butt Wizard posted:

I'd laugh if the court agrees with the Sauber angle on inexperience with the cars being dangerous but subsequently bars Nasr from driving because he has even less experience than van der Garde.

Nasr should be banned simply because he hasn't got enough vowels in his surname.

MattD1zzl3
Oct 26, 2007
Probation
Can't post for 4 years!
I, and i suspect others mentally correct it to "Nasir" as god intended.

You Am I
May 20, 2001

Me @ your poasting

Brainwrong posted:

Nasr should be banned simply because he hasn't got enough vowels in his surname.

That's why Sauber needs van der Garde, he has enough vowels to make up the difference

The Sweet Hereafter
Jan 11, 2010

poty posted:

Oh my god

Well it does!

The Sweet Hereafter
Jan 11, 2010
Right, I didn't have time to make a proper edited video with racing in it, or even to find some engine noises or radio quotes to put under what I did manage to do (anyone who wants to do this should feel free), so I took Butt Wizard's advice and edited down the Science Of Speed opening to fit my lovely voiceover:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBG3KxV-rog

Any credit should go to eriddy for the words and Butt WIzard for the idea. Any blame probably lies with me.

You'll have to queue up The Chain for yourselves, the version of this video on youtube that had that section on the end steadfastly refused to download for me.

Jedit
Dec 10, 2011

Proudly supporting vanilla legends 1994-2014

Brainwrong posted:

Nasr should be banned simply because he hasn't got enough vowels in his surname.

Nasr doesn't even have the lowest proportion of vowels in his surname on the grid.

Abner Assington
Mar 13, 2005

For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry god. Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now, at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon.

Amen.

GramCracker posted:

Are Lewis does butts stuff with his trainer

https://instagram.com/p/0BK9IlL0zR/?modal=true
It's kind of a bizarre fetish but whatever floats your boat, Lewis :shrug:

jazzyhattrick
Jul 1, 2010

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

GramCracker posted:

Are Lewis does butts stuff with his trainer

https://instagram.com/p/0BK9IlL0zR/?modal=true

Something something sore arse, something something gooey mess, something something phwoar know what I mean fellas.

poopzilla
Nov 23, 2004

GramCracker posted:

Are Lewis does butts stuff with his trainer

https://instagram.com/p/0BK9IlL0zR/?modal=true

lewis is a huge fag and it looks like he pissed himself in that sweatshirt/robe whatever that is


also, ill try and write up a Redbull thing soon.


maybe

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MattD1zzl3
Oct 26, 2007
Probation
Can't post for 4 years!
Speaking of...

~~~~NOTICE ME WILLIAMS/NOSTRADAMUS/HAMILTON SPECULATION SECTION~~~~~

If you go to 4:20 of this video posted today, you can see claire williams is wearing a metal as gently caress scarf with scull patterns. Woman is confident and ready to smoke the competition. Pack it in boys, Felipe Massa williams WDC 2015. (Meanwhile, Lewis hamilton sustains a career-ending tailbone injury, leaving him unable to comfortably sit in the car. Forever remembered as the two time world championship winner who went out getting too hard an impact to the rear end. Marries Nichole and posts pictures with even more frequency of himself sitting on pillows with an aging roscoe like a black pewdiepie.) a youtube deal is in the works

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvOWVDpI7IM

(I'm pretty sure :350: gives you observational super-powers)

MattD1zzl3 fucked around with this message at 04:34 on Mar 10, 2015

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