F1 2014 Off season - #Blessed #MegaJet - The Something Awful Forums

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Riso: Oct 11, 2008; by merry exmarx

Clearly he's never heard the bible says you should not mark your skin like pagan savages.

# ? Mar 10, 2015 22:06

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 25, 2024 19:48

Funzo: Dec 6, 2002

keevo posted:

Sick tat Lewis

I was about to claim it has to be fake but no, there it is in his Twitter feed.

# ? Mar 10, 2015 22:09

pik_d: Feb 24, 2006; follow the white dove

TRP Post of the Month October 2021

keevo posted:

Sick tat Lewis

Where's the rest of the image?

# ? Mar 10, 2015 22:11

Late Hit: Nov 4, 2009

We're posting trip reports? I went to Spa last year! Notice me?

I got to take beautiful photos like this on Friday.

I also saw Formula One race winner Pastor Maldonado do this.

On Sunday we realised we'd paid to get hailed on. In August.

But the view from the campsite near Les Combes was pretty awesome at sunrise. The road between the two sections of the campsite used to be the circuit!

And for anyone wondering how fast F1 cars are to see in the flesh, the Porsche Supercup cars go through Pouhon like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xff1V11tXJg

And the F1 cars like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRSLM40-ITc

Apologies for the shakiness. It's cold.

# ? Mar 10, 2015 22:11

Kilmers Elbow: Jun 15, 2012

Will I Rise?

# ? Mar 10, 2015 22:12

Riso: Oct 11, 2008; by merry exmarx

pik_d posted:

Where's the rest of the image?

Nico has got it and won't share.

# ? Mar 10, 2015 22:12

Norns: Nov 21, 2011; Senior Shitposting Strategist

Lewis is disgusting.

# ? Mar 10, 2015 22:28

keevo: Jun 16, 2011; WAKE UP

Riso posted:

Nico has got it and won't share.

Nicole also has it.

# ? Mar 10, 2015 22:28

Norns: Nov 21, 2011; Senior Shitposting Strategist

keevo posted:

Nicole also has it.

Wrong side of the photo.

# ? Mar 10, 2015 22:30

Pablo Bluth: Sep 7, 2007; I've made a huge mistake.

dor1 posted:

Personally i wouldn't call Monza poo poo, but the racing there isn't excellent.
A better example would be "Monaco is poo poo and should gently caress off".

Monza is better these days, but around 2000, during the worse of the refuelling era, it was consistently atrocious. After the first corner melee, everybody would circulate in order for 1/3 of the race, everybody would dive in to the pits, then do the remaining 2/3rds of the race circulating in order. Barely an hour* after it started, it'd be over in an entirely predictable fashion.

At least with Monaco there's a chance somebody will stick it in the wall.

* the short duration of the Italian GP is another bugbear of mine. To deserve the 'Grand' superlative, the race needs to be closer to 2hrs.

# ? Mar 10, 2015 23:11

marsisol: Mar 30, 2010

When does the new thread come out? I wanna read all the goon gibberish in one fell swoop.

# ? Mar 10, 2015 23:14

Brainwrong: Mar 20, 2004; RIP Bobby K
Poland's Rose. Like a cabbage in the wind.

MattD1zzl3 posted:

What would you guys like to see?

Pictures of womens tits

# ? Mar 10, 2015 23:17

dandaman: Dec 30, 2005

Kilmers Elbow posted:

Will I Rise?

Still I Rise

# ? Mar 10, 2015 23:29

George Zimmer: Jun 28, 2008

Can whoever is doing Red Bull please include this forgotten gem:

# ? Mar 10, 2015 23:41

Wirth1000: May 12, 2010; #essereFerrari

A little warning before posting track day bro!'s pic please.

# ? Mar 10, 2015 23:51

gret: Dec 12, 2005; goggle-eyed freak

So Van Der Garde appears to have won his case in Australia.

# ? Mar 11, 2015 00:03

Cojawfee: May 31, 2006; I think the US is dumb for not using Celsius

When does Sauber reveal their two seater cars?

# ? Mar 11, 2015 00:13

The Sweet Hereafter: Jan 11, 2010

I'm going to get crucified if this isn't good enough.

NOTICE ME

Formula One Race Winner Pastor Maldonado
b. 9 March 1985

Formula One Race Winner Pastor Maldonado is a Venezuelan philanthropist, racing driver, and significant contributor to the entropy of the universe.

His philanthropic activities have mostly been confined to monetary donations to underfunded racing teams, work which he has carried out since a young age and combined neatly with a burgeoning career as a race driver. Having helped out teams in Formula Renault, Italian F3000, and Formula Renault 3.5, he found himself supporting teams in the GP2 feeder series. Believing wholeheartedly in sharing his wealth he sponsored four teams in his time in GP2, taking a mere four years to finally win the GP2 title, one more title than almost every other driver who has ever competed in the series.

Maldonado was courted by all of the new entrants to Formula One in 2010, but wisely decided that his charitable donations were more worthy of assisting a previously great team now brought low. He thus joined the Williams F1 team in 2011, replacing his former GP2 teammate Nico Hulkenburg, who has never won a Formula One race. His speed was evident from the beginning, and although it was a little time before the other drivers and the mechanical components of his car fully adjusted to his style it took him a mere three races to record his first finish, and barely another nine after that to score his first World Championship point, something many drivers never manage to do at all.

Pastor Maldonado finished the 2011 season ranked the fifth best driver from the New World, promoted to fourth when it was discovered that Felipe Massa was actually piloted by Englishman Rob Smedley. He achieved this feat with his impressive consistency, lying between 14th and 18th in all but three of the many races he finished, and as a result Williams were pleased to have him stay for another season to see the fruits of his charitable work.

The jealousy of others over his many successes saw Formula One Race Winner Pastor Maldonado become the most heavily reprimanded driver of 2012, but his continued efforts to make work for tyre barrier builders, Arnco manufacturers, carbon fibre experts, and race stewards saw many to come to regard him as a hero for the working man. Once again it took him a mere three races to finally cross the finish line, but it was in the fourth race that he achieved his greatest success to date.

After a blisteringly second fastest lap in qualifying Maldonado skillfully stood by as Lewis Hamilton was disqualified, promoting him to pole position for the 2012 Spanish Grand Prix. He fell to second place at the start of the race but a brilliant pit stop saw him use the Marussia of Charles Pic to hold up his closest rival while he retook the lead. There were worries late in the race when he was under pressure from Fernando Alonso, but a mere two time World Champion was easy for Pastor to handle, and he duly went down in the record books as the first Venezuelan ever to sit on the shoulders of a Spaniard and a Finn simultaneously.

While celebrating after the race Formula One Race Winner Pastor Maldonado's heroic status was confirmed as he saved his cousin from a conflagration in the Williams pit, allowing his mechanics and those from other teams better access to fight the fire once the remaining women and children and the disabled man had also escaped. It's widely accepted that Maldonado's actions were significant in ensuring a mere thirty-one injuries and seven hospitalisations.

Having seen the wondrous bounty of his charity, Maldonado devoted the rest of his season to benefitting the aforementioned barrier constructors and carbon fibre manufacturers, with the assistance of Sergio Perez, Pedro de la Rosa, the Wall of Champions, Lewis Hamilton, Sergio Perez again, Paul di Resta, Timo Glock, and the inside kerb of turn three at Interlagos.

Unlike Sebastian Vettel, Pastor Maldonado was not a greedy man. He knew that one race victory was plenty, indeed far more than most drivers who entered the sport, and more indeed than many of the drivers who finished above him in the Championship. He therefore quietly devoted his 2013 season to further work on behalf of the barrier and carbon fibre industries. Despite this, a creeping feeling grew. As he pottered about the race tracks of the world, complaining about the car and accusing his team of sabotaging him, he gradually became aware of another team, further up the grid, who outwardly appeared as though the Quantum money would arrive any day now but inwardly were in turmoil. His mind made up, he was told by Williams they would not be retaining him in 2014, and he moved on to become the chief benefactor of Lotus F1.

Having decided to devote the remainder of his life solely to charitable work, he gracefully flipped Esteban Gutierrez into the air at the Bahrain Grand Prix to illustrate the need for revolution in that country, before seeking ever better ways to highlight the perpetual struggle of those who build barriers, cars, helmets and so on. To illustrate his point he made superb use of the wall, the wall again, Marcus Ericsson, Gutierrez again, Jules Bianchi, the wall again, and the wall again again. Finishing as one of the best sixteen drivers in the world, his public profile ensured that his philanthropic quest simply could not be ignored.

In the 2015 season Formula One Race Winner Pastor Maldonado will once again embark on his charitable crusade at the wheel of a Lotus F1 car. He has finally found a place where he feels comfortable as a person and as a Formula One Race Winner, with a team who are happy to let him demonstrate on behalf of the workers as much as he likes provided he continues making sizeable financial donations and does not crash into his teammate, Romain Grosjean, who has never won a Formula One race.

In a world now sadly without Chavez, the story of Maldonado continues to be the story of a humble socialist backed by $60million of dirty oil money who just wants to make a difference.

# ? Mar 11, 2015 01:02

El Hefe: Oct 31, 2006; You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Nobody is gonna read that

# ? Mar 11, 2015 01:19

keevo: Jun 16, 2011; WAKE UP

You forgot about the time he nursed a track marshal back to health after being unjustly banned from racing at Monaco.

# ? Mar 11, 2015 01:25

Nissin Cup Nudist: Sep 3, 2011; Sleep with one eye open

We're off to Gritty Gritty land

Bring back refueling imo

# ? Mar 11, 2015 01:33

Pablo Bluth: Sep 7, 2007; I've made a huge mistake.

gret posted:

So Van Der Garde appears to have won his case in Australia.

This is why F1 is so glorious. No other sport manages to so routinely find novel ways to piss itself in public.

# ? Mar 11, 2015 01:34

Carth Dookie: Jan 28, 2013

El Hefe posted:

Nobody is gonna read that

I read it and it was good.

# ? Mar 11, 2015 01:37

Kilmers Elbow: Jun 15, 2012

George Zimmer posted:

Can whoever is doing Red Bull please include this forgotten gem:

# ? Mar 11, 2015 01:50

The Sweet Hereafter: Jan 11, 2010

El Hefe posted:

Nobody is gonna read that

Nobody has to.

keevo posted:

You forgot about the time he nursed a track marshal back to health after being unjustly banned from racing at Monaco.

Yeah, it was hard to crowbar everything in to be honest. Hence why two seasons got reduced to basically lists of the most significant things he'd hit.

darth cookie posted:

I read it and it was good.

Cheers

# ? Mar 11, 2015 01:52

GutBomb: Jun 15, 2005; Dude?

The Sweet Hereafter posted:

That was Grosjean.

Edit: whoops, and Maldonado.

# ? Mar 11, 2015 02:03

Butt Wizard: Nov 3, 2005; It was a pornography store. I was buying pornography.

gret posted:

So Van Der Garde appears to have won his case in Australia.

ahahaha gently caress sauber. I hope bad things happen to them.

related content:

E: Aaaaaaaaaand Sauber are appealing this afternoon.

If you want an asbsolute horseshit take on the whole affair, have some Joe's Award

https://joesaward.wordpress.com/2015/03/11/oh-what-a-tangled-web/

Butt Wizard fucked around with this message at 02:45 on Mar 11, 2015

# ? Mar 11, 2015 02:20

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester: Oct 3, 2000

Two days until we get to watch three guys climb into two Saubers.

# ? Mar 11, 2015 02:45

pik_d: Feb 24, 2006; follow the white dove

TRP Post of the Month October 2021

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester posted:

Two days until we get to watch three guys climb into two Saubers.

Why can't we just have 3 car teams again?

# ? Mar 11, 2015 02:48

Carth Dookie: Jan 28, 2013

Lol holy poo poo I forgot the F1 actually starts this weekend. It's not like it's the same weekend as my birthday or anything. :downs:

# ? Mar 11, 2015 02:53

Butt Wizard: Nov 3, 2005; It was a pornography store. I was buying pornography.

So the appeal is at 3:15 Melbourne time.

The actual judgement is interesting to read:

quote:

The critical dispositive provision of the Award grants an order requiring the
Respondent, Sauber Motorsport AG, to �
refrain from taking any action the effect of which would be to deprive Mr. van der
Garde of his entitlement to participate in the 2015 Formula One Season as one of
Sauber�s two nominated race drivers

They can't park him and just run one car. They're actually hosed. If the Sauber arguments during the case were anything to go by, then this is going to be hilarious. Baliffs in the paddock one day one, this is gold.

E: That's the old arbitration award, apparently, but the ruling is:

quote:

For these reasons, the Application is successful. I observe that it appears to be
accepted by all parties that s 8(3) of the IAA requires that enforcement of the Award
must be by an order in the same terms as the critical dispositive provision of the
Award.

Butt Wizard fucked around with this message at 03:23 on Mar 11, 2015

# ? Mar 11, 2015 03:11

Finger Prince: Jan 5, 2007

Butt Wizard posted:

So the appeal is at 3:15 Melbourne time.

The actual judgement is interesting to read:

They can't park him and just run one car. They're actually hosed. If the Sauber arguments during the case were anything to go by, then this is going to be hilarious. Baliffs in the paddock one day one, this is gold.

Who the gently caress knows what gets written into formula 1 driver contracts, but I can't imagine they don't have a legal way simply dismissing him for *reasons*. Like, you crash the car, we can fire you. It's not like there's a driver's union or anything.

# ? Mar 11, 2015 03:25