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Describe in great detail extremely unsexy things, then strike while the knight is limp and vulnerable
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Jul 2, 2015 11:09
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 03:42 |
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piss in its eye to establish dominance
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Jul 2, 2015 12:24
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is the elf a virgin? otherwise give the phalloknight chlamydia or genital herpes.
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Jul 2, 2015 12:47
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Coohoolin posted:is the elf a virgin? otherwise give the phalloknight chlamydia or genital herpes. Maybe we picked up something from the bat cuck
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Jul 2, 2015 12:50
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Coohoolin posted:is the elf a virgin? otherwise give the phalloknight chlamydia or genital herpes. Earlier on the Elf was deflowered by a randy forest bat. We don't have those items listed on the adventure sheet though and the goons ITT neglected to pick up the loot cards when they had the chance. Most of the suggestions given so far are in the book so I'll scan those in this evening.
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Jul 2, 2015 12:57
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Epic High Five posted:Describe in great detail extremely unsexy things, then strike while the knight is limp and vulnerable This is probably the smartest answer.
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Jul 2, 2015 13:09
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You fools, has the internet not shown you that everything is someone's kink?
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Jul 2, 2015 13:12
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What is unsexy enough to dissuade a phalloknight by its mere description?  Better to strike for the weak spot. If nothing else, we can force the knight to dismount; that should knock its stats down a little!
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Jul 2, 2015 13:16
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In an old saga, the hero buried his sword tip up in the ground and kited a wyrm over it until it sliced its stomach open. The Phallus Knight has a pretty large ballsack under him, just saying...
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Jul 2, 2015 13:39
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loquacius posted:What is unsexy enough to dissuade a phalloknight by its mere description? there are alternate ways to deal with a Phalloknight besides head on combat. I'm surprised he even considers us a worthy foe considering we are not mounted on a magnificent cock-steed ourselves. my suggestion is to appeal to the Phallonight's sense of chivalry and ask him to dine with us before he slays us. slip some pixie shavings into his food afterwards, i say we tame his cock steed and take it for ourselves
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Jul 2, 2015 13:41
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Gilganixon posted:Earlier on the Elf was deflowered by a randy forest bat. We don't have those items listed on the adventure sheet though and the goons ITT neglected to pick up the loot cards when they had the chance. I forgot about the bat cucking. EDIT: This is better: Claven666 posted:there are alternate ways to deal with a Phalloknight besides head on combat. I'm surprised he even considers us a worthy foe considering we are not mounted on a magnificent cock-steed ourselves. my suggestion is to appeal to the Phallonight's sense of chivalry and ask him to dine with us before he slays us. slip some pixie shavings into his food afterwards, i say we tame his cock steed and take it for ourselves
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Jul 2, 2015 13:51
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Claven666 posted:there are alternate ways to deal with a Phalloknight besides head on combat. I'm surprised he even considers us a worthy foe considering we are not mounted on a magnificent cock-steed ourselves. my suggestion is to appeal to the Phallonight's sense of chivalry and ask him to dine with us before he slays us. slip some pixie shavings into his food afterwards, i say we tame his cock steed and take it for ourselves He shouldn't duel someone who isn't also a knight. Seems to be a huge dick though. I say hide in the mount's urethra and talk him out of it.
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Jul 2, 2015 14:38
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Just kick him in the nuts
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Jul 2, 2015 15:25
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I think the sheathing the sword in the dick slit option is best because we also trigger conditions for chivalry, being suddenly defenseless and all. So if the first hit doesn't get him we'll still have the "third" option
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Jul 2, 2015 16:17
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It's easy. Just thrust pixie dust into the vulnerable urethra.
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Jul 2, 2015 16:58
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We probably can't fight it. But we can try to deflate it
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Jul 2, 2015 17:10
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Be the sneaky, cowardly bastard you are
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Jul 2, 2015 17:11
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Gilganixon posted:
Amazing. Looks totally like an evil knight of out Berserk. The elf should whip out penis, rapidly achieve erection, jump on Karol's shoulders and engage in a friendly high-speed jousting match with the Phalloknight to prove that you are equals, brothers, not enemies. MONKEY TRASH! fucked around with this message at 19:11 on Jul 2, 2015 |
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Jul 2, 2015 19:04
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Get some of that ground up pixie dust in the dick horse's eye/mouth urethra. Just chunk a handful in there or coat your sword with it and sheathe the sword right there. Let's see how tough the Wiener Knight is when his horse is tripping its balls (lol) off.
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Jul 2, 2015 19:09
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Dock your Cocks
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Jul 2, 2015 19:19
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Volume posted:bend over and take it
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Jul 2, 2015 21:41
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Update Kicked the scanner and it started working again. Here's where we left off. As you can see most of the options suggested by the thread are in there.  As this is the first "boss" battle I thought it'd be good to scan in the outcome for most of the options. Arkanomen posted:Just kick him in the nuts This is a straight-up attack, which I resolved and lost because this thing is basically impossible. I rolled a 5 on the saving throw we get from that shield so got to try again. He beat me a second time and I failed the saving throw. 18 effort lost and a trip to page 260 where...  pop So if attacking's out of the question because winning is impossible, let's try the other ways out of this mess: Solice Kirsk posted:A) I want that illustration as my avatar Dreggon posted:Below where our cock would be (if we weren't facing the other way) is a visible, literal eye of the penis! Stab it for massive damage! loquacius posted:What is unsexy enough to dissuade a phalloknight by its mere description? Turning to 275:  Hmm. Xelkelvos posted:It's easy. Just thrust pixie dust into the vulnerable urethra. 311 (face, not urethra, but same deal with these guys really)  Maybe trying to get behind it... Applewhite posted:Get behind him and attack his weak point for massive damage! Pyroi posted:Initiate Delta Formation. 116  gently caress. I didn't bother scanning the pages for trying to ruin his boner with words or talk him into realising you're not a valid target under the laws of chivalry. They share the common theme of there being no time anyway - before you could wreck his action you are hit with a huge spear. Same deal for running, you just get run through back to front instead of front to back. Finally, there's this: Volume posted:bend over and take it Dr Cheeto posted:Be the sneaky, cowardly bastard you are 31  Well what do ya know. Always bet on being a piece of poo poo in this book, I guess. It cost a fair bit of health but there's no way to get through this without getting hurt. Finally we reach our next decision point after a lot of words...  goddamn that scanner... anyway: What do we do with the Knight (if anything)? Next update won't be so long, I just wanted to show off a boss battle. We'll go with the single most popular/good choice next time as usual. Adventure sheet: 
Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at 00:47 on Jul 6, 2015 |
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Jul 3, 2015 03:25
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Now that it's likely not going anywhere, I'd like to Toss pixie dust on him, and while it takes effect I shall regale him in excruciating detail of my amorous affair with the bat creature to ensure his hallucinations are entirely of my plowing a giant wombat I guess maybe he'll kill himself or something and then we can loot it? I just want to do this to be a dick because elves are 100% assholes 100% of the time
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Jul 3, 2015 03:46
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comment on how bitterly cold it is to the Phalloknight. Encourage shrinkage.
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Jul 3, 2015 03:49
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We should check on Karol, and then use the condiment packets to salt his wounds, angering the Phalloknight further and goading it into making a mistake.
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Jul 3, 2015 03:53
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Epic High Five posted:Now that it's likely not going anywhere, I'd like to Toss pixie dust on him, and while it takes effect I shall regale him in excruciating detail of my amorous affair with the bat creature to ensure his hallucinations are entirely of my plowing a giant wombat Yeah this
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Jul 3, 2015 03:54
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Can we heal an injury with the condiments or the elf rations? I can't remember. Either way, now is the time to be a very poor winner. I support sprinkling him with pixie dust, so long as we are fairly certain that drugs, bondage and our recounted anthropomorphic tryst with the batlady aren't just going to reinvigorate the demon. I mean, if a little twinky elf pumped me full of hallucinogenic mushrooms and started getting weird about bat cuckolds and violent pixie death orgies I have no clue what my erection status would be, and I am not even a penis monster. 
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Jul 3, 2015 05:01
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Yknow, we aren't that far from home, are we? Get the Phalloknight high as a loving kite, then when he's good and paranoid, tell him about Jeff.
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Jul 3, 2015 05:39
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the_steve posted:Yknow, we aren't that far from home, are we? Get the Phalloknight high as a loving kite, then when he's good and paranoid, tell him about Jeff. Offer to spare the Phalloknight only if he agrees to give Jeff the greatest cuckolding in the history of elvenkind.
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Jul 3, 2015 06:12
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Beer4TheBeerGod posted:Offer to spare the Phalloknight only if he agrees to give Jeff the greatest cuckolding in the history of elvenkind. Wouldn't this be the same as encouraging the Phalloknight to nail your mom? Also, there's the chance that Jeff gets off on it, in which case IIRC you have to roll against an insanity table to see what effects being bested by Jeff yet again has on your fragile psyche. Better to force the knight to hallucinate about you plowing the wombat, I think it's a coin flip between the knight offing itself (or returning to the home dimension if it has effort enough) or gibbering in its hallucinatory state about dark secrets, possibly treasure! Possibly....other things!
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Jul 3, 2015 06:16
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Epic High Five posted:Wouldn't this be the same as encouraging the Phalloknight to nail your mom? Also, there's the chance that Jeff gets off on it, in which case IIRC you have to roll against an insanity table to see what effects being bested by Jeff yet again has on your fragile psyche. If mom didn't want to get hosed by a daemon of indescribable proportions from the deepest reaches of the penile planes then perhaps she should have stood up for us. But you're right, that's kind of hosed up. Have the demon cuck your mom instead.
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Jul 3, 2015 06:27
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the_steve posted:Yknow, we aren't that far from home, are we? Get the Phalloknight high as a loving kite, then when he's good and paranoid, tell him about Jeff.
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Jul 3, 2015 08:50
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This CYOA is just the swellest  . Given all the talk about long thin poles, I'm curious if there's any bonus result on 275 + 30?
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Jul 3, 2015 08:57
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steal his......... horse
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Jul 3, 2015 09:39
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"Look dude, I need you to rape my mom's boyfriend. And then kill him. Actually, I'm not worried about the order here, just as long as you check both items off the list."
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Jul 3, 2015 09:51
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Epic High Five posted:Now that it's likely not going anywhere, I'd like to Toss pixie dust on him, and while it takes effect I shall regale him in excruciating detail of my amorous affair with the bat creature to ensure his hallucinations are entirely of my plowing a giant wombat A solid plan, go with this.
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Jul 3, 2015 10:41
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Steal his dick armor and basically anything else we can carry
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Jul 3, 2015 14:32
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Epic High Five posted:Now that it's likely not going anywhere, I'd like to Toss pixie dust on him, and while it takes effect I shall regale him in excruciating detail of my amorous affair with the bat creature to ensure his hallucinations are entirely of my plowing a giant wombat Voting this. This CYOA is amazing, my favorite parts are the out of context page entries, especially the one referencing Rambo.
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Jul 3, 2015 16:08
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I didn't read anything, is this thread rated gold ironically or unironically?
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Jul 3, 2015 18:06
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 03:42 |
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Shimrra Jamaane posted:Rated gold ironically and unironically!
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Jul 3, 2015 18:34
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