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Mojo Threepwood posted:Voting this. This CYOA is amazing, my favorite parts are the out of context page entries, especially the one referencing Rambo. i wonder what would happen if we saved his life?
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Jul 3, 2015 19:36
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Incredible work so far btw OP, having failed spectacularly at piecing one of these rare books together from two beaten to hell copies I stumbled on in part of my brother's comic book collection I bought off him wholesale I know your pain. Interestingly enough, one copy (which had apparently had its own wombat-tier "incident" with an eclair doughnut) was eaten by ants, but the other copy that was actually in decent shape was literally carried off by ants to an unknown location after they had eaten the first. This is interesting, I need not tell you of course, because of the bit with ant colony later on if you (correct me if I'm wrong here) chose to attend the gala dressed in the barrel and 1 shoe. I thought it was pretty odd at the time but now that everybody here is sharing stories as to the mysterious ways copies of this book have left their possession it makes me wonder. edit - while I mourn the loss of my two copies, I do live next to a library, and I take solace in my firmly held belief that the ants in question may be librarian ants who have chosen to restore the books to pristine condition and keep them forever out of the hands of humans who clearly cannot be trusted Epic High Five fucked around with this message at 20:37 on Jul 3, 2015 |
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Jul 3, 2015 20:35
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Claven666 posted:i wonder what would happen if we saved his life? Let's try to help him, and see if we can become allies.
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Jul 4, 2015 00:42
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Pyroi posted:Let's try to help him, and see if we can become allies. This seems an ok plan, after all, the summoning was an accident and now that the phallus is losing blood maybe the brain can do some work, hmm?
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Jul 4, 2015 03:04
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Update: Sorry the update's late tonight. The new book gave me a paper cut while I was scanning it. Nothing too serious but I had to go to hospital and get a few stitches. Apparently it somehow cut me down to the nerves and I might never straighten my right index finger again? I'm really more upset about the new book, it's kind of ruined now  Here's the properly scanned image, don't mind the smudges, it's not as bad as it looks:  A pretty even split between the options to finish him off using the pixie dust and to heal him up. One of these options leads to the very first endings that you can get to in this game, so let's check that out first: Claven666 posted:i wonder what would happen if we saved his life? Pyroi posted:Let's try to help him, and see if we can become allies.  It's not the worst ending possible but it would have been good to find Dad and maybe get a real Sword of the Bastard Elf instead of a figurative one. At least Jeff got what was coming. Epic High Five posted:Now that it's likely not going anywhere, I'd like to Toss pixie dust on him, and while it takes effect I shall regale him in excruciating detail of my amorous affair with the bat creature to ensure his hallucinations are entirely of my plowing a giant wombat On this note, checking out page 347:  Rolling for potion effects again (we don't lose the Elan because we have a Pixie-skin Cloak equipped):  I got snake eyes. Rerolled and got 4. We had to fight a Granny and we only had 6 Elan, which means it was unbeatable. Sorry guys, adventure over. Trying again, I rolled 8, which made this a very useful healing potion instead of a potion of dying of hallucinations. Potions in this game are scary. Now with the Knight finally out of the picture, we can select one piece of loot from the corpse before moving on... what do we take? As usual, here's the updated adventure sheet: 
Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at 03:36 on Jul 4, 2015 |
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Jul 4, 2015 03:05
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almost1337 posted:We should check on Karol, and then use the condiment packets to salt his wounds, angering the Phalloknight further and goading it into making a mistake. Karol didn't do anything this time round but he's more useful when dungeoneering than he is at dealing with murderbeasts. King of Bleh posted:This CYOA is just the swellest Thanks, it's a pity this book has been mostly forgotten aside from a couple of terrible fan sites. There was nothing for Karol on 275 but if we tried to use him on the page leading up to that decision (98) he would have cussed us out and ditched us. Epic High Five posted:Incredible work so far btw OP, having failed spectacularly at piecing one of these rare books together from two beaten to hell copies I stumbled on in part of my brother's comic book collection I bought off him wholesale I know your pain. Thanks, there's definitely something strange about these books, they seem to want to get away from us for some reason. They're hard to keep in good condition at least. I think I just ruined the last pristine copy in existence. Anyway, that is weird about the ants, we might encounter them during this playthrough if the thread plays its cards right. Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at 03:23 on Jul 4, 2015 |
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Jul 4, 2015 03:17
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. Given all the talk about long thin poles, I'm curious if there's any bonus result on 275 + 30?
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E: wrong thread
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Jul 4, 2015 03:27
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Shimrra Jamaane posted:I didn't read anything, is this thread rated gold ironically or unironically? yes
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Jul 4, 2015 03:40
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Loot that bitchin' PhalloHelm to complement our already incredibly Sweet Belt edit - FIRST WE SHOULD WASH THE REMAINING PIXIE DUST OUT OF THE HELMET QUITE THOROUGHLY Also note to self: cover face when tossing fistfuls of pixie dust at enemies Gilganixon posted:I think I just ruined the last pristine copy in existence. Probably best to not to make hot dogs next to precious books, lest you get red stains smeared all over them from the ketchup Edit - read the first part of the post that I apparently missed. RIP your finger OP, with any luck the book will have a good recipe for a healing salve later on Epic High Five fucked around with this message at 04:52 on Jul 4, 2015 |
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Jul 4, 2015 03:55
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am i right in thinking the Phalloknight is some sort of dick centaur type dude, i.e. we can't look his cock steed because it's his own dick? if we can take the steed we could get to bilgeton a lot faster. if not, i say we make a thorough search of the Phalloknight and take the most demonic artifact
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Jul 4, 2015 04:26
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Good stuff! The great sword would be pretty great, but as we already have a fine blade and the knight's weapon would probably be too heavy for us I am also in favor of adding a dick helmet to the inventory. E: hard hat. That was the subpar joke I was looking for. Two Free Toppings fucked around with this message at 05:06 on Jul 4, 2015 |
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Jul 4, 2015 04:36
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If we eat its testicles do we gain its virility? Barring that the helm.
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Jul 4, 2015 04:43
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Beer4TheBeerGod posted:If we eat its testicles do we gain its virility? Good idea! We can eat the testicles on the spot so no need for them to go into the inventory, and with how low our Effort is now I'm sure we're famished. I vote In addition to looting the PhalloHelm, we feast on a testicle to gain the virility our spindly and meek frame needs so badly
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Jul 4, 2015 04:45
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I like you OP. Take his pills of monumental ejaculation.
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Jul 4, 2015 04:47
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Gilganixon posted:Thanks, it's a pity this book has been mostly forgotten aside from a couple of terrible fan sites. There was nothing for Karol on 275 but if we tried to use him on the page leading up to that decision (98) he would have cussed us out and ditched us.  That said, I agree that we should go for the helm and a nice testicle fricasee.
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Jul 4, 2015 06:53
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Loot the phalloknight and be on your way to bilgeton
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Jul 4, 2015 07:11
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It seems to me that the only thing that won't be grossly too heavy to use would be the helmet. But there's a lot of strange stuff in this book, so maybe I'm wrong
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Jul 4, 2015 14:40
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Speleothing posted:It seems to me that the only thing that won't be grossly too heavy to use would be the helmet. But there's a lot of strange stuff in this book, so maybe I'm wrong Yeah it's got an almost improvisational tone. Helmet's not a bad choice even though it fits over the Elf's entire upper torso.
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Jul 4, 2015 15:46
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take the 'eye' from his steed, it's small and not technically part of the knight's armor so it should be free right? you don't have to do this if the eye loot card turns out to be from an endgame area though we don't want to break the book also i cannot help but notice that his sword does not match the one in the bestiary. is this the censored UK version?
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Jul 4, 2015 16:37
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eat the teste, bastard elf
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Jul 4, 2015 17:38
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mvo posted:eat the teste, bastard elf
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Jul 4, 2015 18:41
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The Phalloknight's helm could be used as an impromptu shelter or clothing... or more importantly as proof you slew a Phalloknight. Bilgeton and a few tales later (in which we omit the part where we summoned the thing in the first place) and I bet we're stuffed full of sweet jingly coin.
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Jul 5, 2015 00:05
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Main quest updateBadgerSeat posted:Loot the phalloknight and be on your way to bilgeton  Although the last page said to take one item it's pretty easy to take the wrong thing here and get locked out of some possible endings. There's no time limit here so let's just assume the Elf scoops up everything he can carry and/or cut off. Carlton Fisk posted:The Phalloknight's helm could be used as an impromptu shelter or clothing... or more importantly as proof you slew a Phalloknight. Bilgeton and a few tales later (in which we omit the part where we summoned the thing in the first place) and I bet we're stuffed full of sweet jingly coin. The helmet is big, but fine - if we want to equip it it gives us a bonus to Elan in combat and a malus out of combat.As you say it could be useful up ahead though so whether we equip it or not let's just take it.  Epic High Five posted:Good idea! We can eat the testicles on the spot so no need for them to go into the inventory, and with how low our Effort is now I'm sure we're famished. I vote In addition to looting the PhalloHelm, we feast on a testicle to gain the virility our spindly and meek frame needs so badly There's a loot card for the testicle, so let's have it. You can either eat it for some useful effects or hold onto it for a situational effect:  Dreggon posted:take the 'eye' from his steed, it's small and not technically part of the knight's armor so it should be free right? you don't have to do this if the eye loot card turns out to be from an endgame area though we don't want to break the book Why not. I'm not sure what it does though.  To answer your question the Phalloknight in the Bestiary is probably a different knight, they're all meant to have their own unique gear. I think the shield has a different device on it too. This enemy appears a tedious number of times throughout the series and is probably the main reason the books got ditched by the publisher. Claven666 posted:am i right in thinking the Phalloknight is some sort of dick centaur type dude, i.e. we can't look his cock steed because it's his own dick? Yeah, and even if it wasn't part of him, we just killed it. A_Bug_That_Thinks posted:Take his pills of monumental ejaculation. No loot card for that but the testicle will do the trick I think. Moving on to 55:  The main decisions here: a) Do we want to wear the dick helmet or just carry it around? b) Do we eat the testicle or save it for later? Not much of a choice this time but after all we've been through we could use a breather. Adventure sheet: 
Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at 00:45 on Jul 6, 2015 |
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Jul 5, 2015 03:11
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Alternate quest update Rounding the bend we get this (108):  Choice is either to take the next right or head back. Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at 03:26 on Jul 5, 2015 |
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Jul 5, 2015 03:13
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Eat the lovely elf rations, save the testicle for later, head to bilgeton
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Jul 5, 2015 05:04
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Was this book made before or after the Blues Brothers movie? Because I'd like to think the movie makes reference to it and not the other way around.
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Jul 5, 2015 05:11
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If you get a valuable quest item like that, you don't go wasting it all early! Save that testicle for the end, where I'm sure it will be the most useful.
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Jul 5, 2015 06:28
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Eat elf rations for sure, making sure of course that we are not eating any elf currency. Definitely gotta save that oyster to impress someone later on like Also I think it's important we look our best upon arriving at Bilgetown so I vote we dud up with whatever we find laying around and/or in unguarded houses, put a polish on our PhalloHelm and Sweet Belt, and get our strut on Then find the bar and trade some pinecones for booze because we've got some poo poo to forget
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Jul 5, 2015 07:16
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Main Quest - wear the helmet. - save the testicle for later
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Jul 5, 2015 08:05
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Oh yeah the side quest! side quest - Continue to explore of course! Karol seems to know his poo poo and should obviously be left in charge here but I do still this it's important that we make lots of really suicidally dumb suggestions so that we seem like we're helping and don't feel left out
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Jul 5, 2015 09:31
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the_steve posted:Main Quest Leave the helmet. Take the testicles. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yHzh0PvMWTI
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Jul 5, 2015 09:56
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There are two testicles though, couldn't we eat one and take one for the road or was the second testicle damaged too much in the 'fight'? Also, wear the helmet.
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Jul 5, 2015 11:43
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BadgerSeat posted:There are two testicles though, couldn't we eat one and take one for the road or was the second testicle damaged too much in the 'fight'? There's only one loot card. Anyhow, we shouldn't bogart the testicles. Leave some for the next guy.
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Jul 5, 2015 11:54
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main quest: Save the teste! I'm sure the head strap on, viagraball and cock eye analbead combo will serve us well when we get to Bilgetown and get showered with punani after we shared our story. Sword of the bastard elf is a great porn name and we should waste no oppertunity buiding our reputation on the queeste to porn stardom. side: We might be a bastard but at least were not a pussy rear end second guessing our decisions kind of bastard. Also, karol is in front of us and we might be able to shove the sucker into whatever death trap we encounter first. zaitochi fucked around with this message at 11:58 on Jul 5, 2015 |
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Jul 5, 2015 11:54
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Side quest: always check with Karol before proceeding, this is definitely his bag Main: either eat the rations or take the 10 effort hit
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Jul 5, 2015 12:01
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Highblood posted:Was this book made before or after the Blues Brothers movie? Because I'd like to think the movie makes reference to it and not the other way around. Blues Brothers came out in 1980, this series started in '82-ish.
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Jul 5, 2015 14:09
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Eat the elf rations. Head to Bilgetown post office and mail the testicle to Jeff with the note "YOUR NEXT"
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Jul 5, 2015 15:03
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Speleothing posted:Blues Brothers came out in 1980, this series started in '82-ish. This was the subject of countless flame wars on the old Two-Fisted Fantasy ezboards. I think it's a coincidence. The author was supposed to be some kind of shut-in who lived out in a woodland cabin so I doubt he ever saw any of the movies he's supposed to be referencing. Main Quest Update The popular option is to wear the helmet, save the testicle and eat the Elf Rations. Epic High Five posted:Eat elf rations for sure, making sure of course that we are not eating any elf currency. Definitely gotta save that oyster to impress someone later on like  Since you've obviously been reading the entries out of context this will come as no surprise (312): It was just leaves and junk anyway and we got 10 EFFORT out of it. We still have our valuable teeth as a backup currency as well as a whole bunch of junk we're hauling around which we can possibly fence later on. Anyway turning to 106...  We've stumbled across a royal picnic or something along the road to Bilgeton. We saw them before they saw us, which is good because it looks like they've got guards.Of course my scanner is on the fritz again so hopefully the thread can recall what options were available on this page. Anyway what's the plan? We could just ignore them and keep hiking but we've got a long way to go and they've got transport, food and other stuff we could use, if they could be convinced to help us out. Adventure sheet: 
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Jul 6, 2015 01:10
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Walk into their camp and ask if you can share their stewpot. Add pixie bits, and when it is time to eat excuse yourself to pee behind a tree. Wait ten minutes for the pixie bits to take effect, then emerge wearing only the helmet and pixie cloak.
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Jul 6, 2015 04:03
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Mojo Threepwood posted:Walk into their camp and ask if you can share their stewpot. Add pixie bits, and when it is time to eat excuse yourself to pee behind a tree. Wait ten minutes for the pixie bits to take effect, then emerge wearing only the helmet and pixie cloak. Yeah, this.
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Jul 6, 2015 04:07
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