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Injure the guard but leave him conscious. Load our loot onto the remaining horse. As we prepare to depart, hear the guard demand to know what we believe in. Walk up to him and kneel, and place a small bag of pixie dust loosely tied with string in his mouth. Remove our helmet and say "I believe that whatever doesn't kill you, simply makes you... Jeff." Tie the other end of the string to your horse so the guard gets doused as you ride away, blending in with a parade of identical horses.
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Jul 8, 2015 04:50
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1: Save the bits for later 2: Fight the guard 3: Fancy clothes, bundle of letters, magic(?) mirror Escape on horse Carry on into maze
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Jul 8, 2015 05:18
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1. Do we still want to contaminate the camp with mixed pixie bits and the cockeye? Save the parts. 2. Fight the guard or get captured? (not fighting the guard is the same as losing as far as the book is concerned, we will be captured) Fight the guard. 3. Assuming we are not captured, what 3 items do we take before making a break for it? And by what means should we escape? 1) musical instrument 2) some kind of missile weapon 3) the rich lords drug stash Escape with a horse
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Jul 8, 2015 07:47
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can someone work at restoring this book like that super mario porn someone tried to do? i would like a copy of this book not super mario porn
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Jul 8, 2015 07:48
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Save the parts Fight the guard Steal everything that appears to be magical, hopefully a codpiece Ride a horse to bilgeton
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Jul 8, 2015 10:46
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Mojo Threepwood posted:Injure the guard but leave him conscious. Load our loot onto the remaining horse. As we prepare to depart, hear the guard demand to know what we believe in. Walk up to him and kneel, and place a small bag of pixie dust loosely tied with string in his mouth.
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Jul 8, 2015 11:12
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Fight: The Guard Poison: The poo poo out of that food Steal: Kickass Lute, Pile of Jewels, Horse "Jeff wuz here" E: Leave the tent on fire to distract people while we spike the punch A_Bug_That_Thinks fucked around with this message at 12:48 on Jul 8, 2015 |
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Jul 8, 2015 12:46
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We encountered Humans at last, so here's the Bestiary entry for a typical human. It may come in handy: This doesn't apply to Karol of course. There's a separate entry in here for Poles for some reason. Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at 15:54 on Jul 8, 2015 |
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Jul 8, 2015 15:42
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Gilganixon posted:We encountered Humans at last, so here's the Bestiary entry for a typical human. It may come in handy: Pictured: master potionsmith, at least given the nature of potions in this CYOA STOP HERE, THIS IS WOMBAT COUNTRY 
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Jul 8, 2015 16:30
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1: Save the bits for later 2: Fight the guard 3: magic trinket, fancy doublet, and jeweled codpiece Escape on horse, but not before carving "JEFF WAS HERE" onto somewhere extremely obvious Ask Karol if maybe this maze we're in is actually tunnels making up a giant word that may be of relevance in the near future
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Jul 8, 2015 16:32
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1. save bits 2. Fight fight fight 3. Symbols of nobility, human cash, human pornography. If I remember right, you have to get the nobles royalty stuff, signet ring, wax seal etc card so you can pose as a noble later on. Makes it a lot easier and you get some cooler swag down the line when you buy it on Sir dipshit's dime.
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Jul 8, 2015 17:18
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When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
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Jul 8, 2015 17:21
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Main Quest - Fight the guard (kick him in the dick, because our helmet should give us True Cock Sight) - poison the food. - Steal whatever looks the most like a priceless family heirloom, and some nice clothes.
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Jul 8, 2015 17:28
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Epic High Five posted:Pictured: master potionsmith, at least given the nature of potions in this CYOA can confirm https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_FQU4KzN7A
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Jul 8, 2015 18:00
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Gilganixon posted:We encountered Humans at last, so here's the Bestiary entry for a typical human. It may come in handy: I love this
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Jul 8, 2015 19:53
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What the gently caress....how does this have almost a million views?
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Jul 8, 2015 20:56
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1. Use the bits to spike the food 2. Fight the guard, despite being half the man he is 3. Steal letter/proof of nobility, the shiniest object available, and a fancy gown. 4. Leave a note stating "Jeff sends his regards", and escape on horseback
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Jul 8, 2015 21:32
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Thanks for votes. So far it's Save the ingredients by a large margin Fight the guard by an even larger margin Take: clothes and royal jewels (4 votes for each) Leave on horseback but not before framing Jeff The only remaining choice is the third item : the instrument and the codpiece are neck and neck. The next post that suggests either of those two will decide the issue, or I'll pick one at random failing that. Update coming shortly, just wrestling with the scanner and injuries as usual.
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Jul 8, 2015 22:07
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Gilganixon posted:Thanks for votes. So far it's CODPIECE if it's super bejeweled and shiny, but I'd settle for a stringed instrument of some variety is the codpiece is pretty ho-hum fake edit - I'VE DONE IT, THE LEAST HELPFUL POST EVER
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Jul 8, 2015 22:10
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You said Codpiece first. Your dreams of a musical career are now dust. Update to follow soon!
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Jul 8, 2015 22:26
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Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-
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Jul 8, 2015 22:45
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Good, I think I remember the Codpiece circumventing at least a few questlines in this book.
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Jul 8, 2015 22:50
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Once we get to town we can try to trade our cock eye for an instrument.
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Jul 8, 2015 23:05
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Solice Kirsk posted:What the gently caress....how does this have almost a million views? i don't know, i don't like thinking about it it's got a wiki
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Jul 8, 2015 23:49
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Main quest update We've decided to fight the guard:  This should be a really easy fight - Effort 8, toughness 1. We have 3 fists so I set aside 4 Effort and roll a 5, a 3, and a 1 on the Sweet Belt's dice.  The guard is beaten but it cost us the belt, which is now snaking around looking for a new owner. Godspeed, gentle belt. For now we're back to 2 fists. That fight cost us 5 effort overall due to the shield. Moving on, we keep the Marching Potion and 200 gold from the last update. We've also chosen decent clothes, jewellery and a codpiece.    Wrapping things up we turn back to 38:  We give credit to Jeff for what we've done here, then we pinch a horse and ride for it. Here's the horse:  And moving on to our next decision point:  (again with the broken scanner - and I left the book in the kitchen and it somehow got covered in grease too...I hate my housemates  )We lose 6 Effort here, again because of the shield. Now, do we want to take a little while to ride over to that tower and sort out the Wizard of Warlock Tower on behalf of our useless brethren? Or is there something else that we should be doing? Finally we will need a decision about the nice clothes - eventually we'll probably want to be wearing them because it'll be easier to fit in around civilised people, but in the meantime do we want the extra FIST in exchange for the loss of 1 Elan and the saving throw (neither of which have done us heaps of good so far, but you never know)? If we equip the decent outfit we can't wear our ugly helmet or lug around the shield any more. Adventure sheet: 
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Jul 9, 2015 02:17
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With out Karol I don't like our chances of getting out of a wizard tower in one piece.... leave all our armor on and let's head to that loving tower! Also, how much pixie parts/dust do we have left? Enough for one more use or can we squeeze two or three out of them?
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Jul 9, 2015 02:37
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Put on the nice clothes.
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Jul 9, 2015 02:39
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Obscil posted:Put on the nice clothes.
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Jul 9, 2015 04:28
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Keep the armor for now. See if the elves will pay in advance. If they will, take whatever they're stupid enough to give us, then pretend like we're going to the Wizard Tower, but actually ditching the quest once we're out of sight of the elves.
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Jul 9, 2015 04:32
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The Warlock sounds like a p cool guy; we should saunter on in and see if he is looking for an apprentice.
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Jul 9, 2015 04:36
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don't want to lose any EFFORT here insert ROCK GOBLIN MOUNTAIN OYSTER into MAGNIFICENT CODPIECE as if it were a bowl, use CONDIMENTS on OYSTER and have a healthy meal
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Jul 9, 2015 04:45
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Atma posted:don't want to lose any EFFORT here Changing my vote to this.
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Jul 9, 2015 05:02
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Atma posted:don't want to lose any EFFORT here While maintaining eye contact with the elves
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Jul 9, 2015 05:20
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Solice Kirsk posted:Changing my vote to this.
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Jul 9, 2015 06:28
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the_steve posted:Keep the armor for now. This. gently caress those elves
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Jul 9, 2015 06:28
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Atma posted:don't want to lose any EFFORT here also leave all of our armor on, they'll pry our hard earned cockhelmet from our cold, dead hands
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Jul 9, 2015 06:58
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Warlocks don't have skeleton hordes, that's necromancers. They're obviously lying. loving elves, burn down a tree while staring at them. Surprise magical gift my rear end, it's the pixies all over again I do think we should have a chat with that necromancer, and that we should keep our armor on, including the PhalloHelm, in order to impress him and make him less likely to horribly kill and rob us because we're wearing fancy clothing Also, what does the faint background writing on the adventure scroll say, I can only make out a few words and am slightly hoping that it's the lyrics to August and Everything After
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Jul 9, 2015 06:59
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Offer to help them [lie], then head over to the warlock and see if there's anything you can do for him.
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Jul 9, 2015 09:48
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Assuming whatever 'surprise' these elves have got isn't just a stick enchanted to look like a stick or the magical treasure that was within you all along (it is), you'd probably have a much easier time taking the reward off them than earning it fighting the skeletons who're kicking their asses, and wizards sound like bad news. Defeat the skeletons, but only the ones hiding inside the elves. Find the wizard and attach lips firmly to magical rear end until he gives you powers. Skeleton wizard is your dad now.
A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 10:14 on Jul 9, 2015 |
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Jul 9, 2015 10:08
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Epic High Five posted:Warlocks don't have skeleton hordes, that's necromancers. They're obviously lying. loving elves, burn down a tree while staring at them. Surprise magical gift my rear end, it's the pixies all over again It's the Wizard of Warlock Tower, necromancy is totally in a wizard's wheelhouse. I have no idea what the erased writing on the adventure sheet says. I can only assume it's evidence of many happy adventures through the world of the Bastard Elf.
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Jul 9, 2015 12:55
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