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Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

hi how are you

Big main quest update



We're going along with the skeletons, but only after getting some looting in. 303:



Hogge Wild posted:

there's no point in looting the elves, those fuckers won't have anything useful

Elves are the worst. If they had anything on them, their compatriots would have stolen it in the process of fleeing. You find some twigs and bark.

Since this is an LP let's not leave this to chance - do you want the Elven Rations or somewhere between 20 and 120 Leaves (Elven currency)?

Let's meet the wizard:



As you can see, trying to wheedle compensation out of the wizard is a possibility so we can try that in the next update. We might need a follow up plan though.

1. Do we still want to get something out of her for the "injury" we received from her hench skelly?

2. What next?

---------------------------------------------------

Alternate quest -

No update tonight but a reminder that we need to make a final decision on the labyrinth questline. So far we have

Kajeesus posted:

We are the Minotaur. Our destiny is to be the bastard half-creature who rules the maze with an iron fist. Karol can help lure hapless wanderers if he wants, but no pressure.

Anything else or are we all happy with that outcome?

-------------------------------------------------------

Next update if I can ever get the scanner working again. Apologies for the quality of the book, it tried to throw itself in the deep fryer and I suffered some nasty burns trying to save it. These books are suicidal. Hopefully I can finish this LP before the book manages to off itself or me.

No changes to adventure sheet.

Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at 12:30 on Jul 13, 2015

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Amorphous Blob
Jun 26, 2009

by Lowtax

(and can't post for 2 years!)

Gilganixon posted:

Anything else or are we all happy with that outcome?

Does the plate come off? There might be something behind it.


vvvv yeah this wizard is kind of and rear end in a top hat I don't think it's worth a shot

Question Time
Sep 12, 2010



Don't whine about the non-existent injury,just take the deal and move on to bilgeton.

Hyrax Attack!
Jan 13, 2009

We demand to be taken seriously

Starting eating the testicle and chewing with your mouth open. When she turns away in disgust, push her over the landing. If she survives the fall throw the barrel at her.

Darth Llama
Aug 13, 2004

Offer to share the testicle with her over a candlelight dinner, then escort the caravan to Bilgeton.

Monkey Fracas
Sep 11, 2010

...but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you!
Grimey Drawer
Doesn't seem like this wizard would give a skeleton's bony rear end about our "injury"- should probably just accept whatever reward we can get for protecting the caravan to the place-we-want-to-go from lazy grifter-hippies.

Make sure we are well-supplied with surprise-skeleton-barrels that have "ALE" or "GOLD" crudely written on them

Epic High Five
Jun 5, 2004



Darth Llama posted:

Offer to share the testicle with her over a candlelight dinner, then escort the caravan to Bilgeton.

If she spurns our advances, we should accept the Obscenomancer's job and take the chance to get paid to put the boot to some elves

the_steve
Nov 9, 2005

We're always hiring!

1. Nah, I don't see us getting anywhere with that line of inquiry.
2. loving Yes we want in on caravan duty. Why? Because Aggie seems like the sort of person who will back the folks on her side, and more importantly, it's a chance to beat the everfucking hell out of some elves.
I think Elf Hunter should be our calling in life. We travel the countryside knocking the granola out of these fucks, and get paid to do it.

Hogge Wild
Aug 21, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Pillbug
gently caress, help the goddamn wizard

BadgerSeat
Feb 28, 2006

Would you like to see where I keep my severed heads?

Butt Discussin posted:

Don't whine about the non-existent injury,just take the deal and move on to bilgeton.

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011


use the testicle to try to romance one of the skeletons

Cactus Ghost
Dec 20, 2003

you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack

Dreggon posted:

use the testicle to try to romance one of the skeletons

this is a good use of balls that have been chopped off

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.

the_steve posted:

1. Nah, I don't see us getting anywhere with that line of inquiry.
2. loving Yes we want in on caravan duty. Why? Because Aggie seems like the sort of person who will back the folks on her side, and more importantly, it's a chance to beat the everfucking hell out of some elves.
I think Elf Hunter should be our calling in life. We travel the countryside knocking the granola out of these fucks, and get paid to do it.

Bicyclops
Aug 27, 2004

Dreggon posted:

use the testicle to try to romance one of the skeletons

Attach it to the skeleton so he can feel what it's like to have balls again, and maybe start attaching more giant parts to him as we travel.

Hyrax Attack!
Jan 13, 2009

We demand to be taken seriously

the_steve posted:

1. Nah, I don't see us getting anywhere with that line of inquiry.
2. loving Yes we want in on caravan duty. Why? Because Aggie seems like the sort of person who will back the folks on her side, and more importantly, it's a chance to beat the everfucking hell out of some elves.
I think Elf Hunter should be our calling in life. We travel the countryside knocking the granola out of these fucks, and get paid to do it.


Changing my vote to this.

Pinche Rudo
Feb 8, 2005

the_steve posted:

1. Nah, I don't see us getting anywhere with that line of inquiry.
2. loving Yes we want in on caravan duty. Why? Because Aggie seems like the sort of person who will back the folks on her side, and more importantly, it's a chance to beat the everfucking hell out of some elves.
I think Elf Hunter should be our calling in life. We travel the countryside knocking the granola out of these fucks, and get paid to do it.


This. We need to crack some more elf skulls

Beer4TheBeerGod
Aug 23, 2004
Exciting Lemon
gently caress elves. Let's ride.

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

hi how are you

the_steve posted:

1. Nah, I don't see us getting anywhere with that line of inquiry.
2. loving Yes we want in on caravan duty. Why? Because Aggie seems like the sort of person who will back the folks on her side, and more importantly, it's a chance to beat the everfucking hell out of some elves.
I think Elf Hunter should be our calling in life. We travel the countryside knocking the granola out of these fucks, and get paid to do it.


Beer4TheBeerGod posted:

gently caress elves. Let's ride.

This seems like a solid plan.

Hogge Wild posted:

gently caress, help the goddamn wizard

Speaking of this does the thread want to bust a move on the wizard (you've done worse) or just get on with the job?


Amorphous Blob posted:

Does the plate come off? There might be something behind it.


No, it's part of an extremely heavy-handed metaphor. There's just a wall behind it.

This is a map of the "maze" we've been in:

vrath
Jul 6, 2015

Buy 1 get 1 bottle of Lysol FREE!

the_steve posted:

1. Nah, I don't see us getting anywhere with that line of inquiry.
2. loving Yes we want in on caravan duty. Why? Because Aggie seems like the sort of person who will back the folks on her side, and more importantly, it's a chance to beat the everfucking hell out of some elves.
I think Elf Hunter should be our calling in life. We travel the countryside knocking the granola out of these fucks, and get paid to do it.

FRINGE
May 23, 2003
title stolen for lf posting

Darth Llama posted:

Offer to share the testicle with her over a candlelight dinner

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

hi how are you

Let's get this secondary quest squared away, will update on the main quest throughout the day tomorrow.

The completed page we were on previously:



Using Karol here doesn't work (261 is about fighting one of the demons we could have summoned earlier, the double-elf) ,so we go for 250 and reach ending:



If this ending doesn't satisfy, we can try using Karol one last time here:



Game over, but I guess we went down fighting, sort of. Whoever said earlier in this thread that killing Karol leads to a bad end was right.

Anyway, we're free of that side-quest now and can focus on the main event.

GENUINE CAT HERDER
Jan 2, 2004


Wedge Regret

Gilganixon posted:

Speaking of this does the thread want to bust a move on the wizard (you've done worse) or just get on with the job?

If our goony hero doesn't try his moves on the one person he's come across so far who's as hosed up as he is I will be so, so disappointed.

the_steve
Nov 9, 2005

We're always hiring!

She might be a cool boss, but she is not waifu material for our half Elf hero.
Also, I think she would snap us like kindling whether we were successful or not in our attempts, the only difference would be in what context she does it.

assemblyrequired
Jul 14, 2014

the_steve posted:

Also, I think she would snap us like kindling whether we were successful or not in our attempts, the only difference would be in what context she does it.

Yeah, let's not make her angry.

1. Drop the injury subject
2. Get on caravan duty pronto

Epic High Five
Jun 5, 2004



I'm extremely happy as the minotaur. I like to think that Karol is sending his professional rivals our way, and thus our partnership continues

Zulily Zoetrope
Jun 1, 2011

Muldoon
Any adventure that ends with ownership of a dungeon is a good adventure in my book.

Pinche Rudo
Feb 8, 2005

GENUINE CAT HERDER posted:

If our goony hero doesn't try his moves on the one person he's come across so far who's as hosed up as he is I will be so, so disappointed.

Try the moves maybe we can convince her to curse Jeff

almost1337
Jun 14, 2013

The male likpatons turn around the nucleus formed of female boobons and neutral bolsterons

Jenkem Delivery posted:

Try the moves maybe we can convince her to curse Jeff

This; at the very least we can try and get some nice loot.

Epic High Five
Jun 5, 2004



Ask the wizard lady if she wants to watch Deadwood with us

I think she may enjoy it. Just a guess

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011


hit on the lady and see if she kills us/worse

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

hi how are you

Epic High Five posted:

Ask the wizard lady if she wants to watch Deadwood with us

I think she may enjoy it. Just a guess

Deadwood is a fine show but I don't get the connection.

Update

Scanner working again, this happened last time:



Wisely deciding not to piss her off we accept the offer. Turning to 290:



The thread appears to be narrowly in favour of busting a move (24)



This works out well. If you don't make a move on her you don't get the Skeleton Friend, which is this thing:



Choices for now:

Since we're almost certainly about to go off to battle it might be worth looking at our equipment and deciding what we should be wearing.

To prioritise Elan and defence our current set up is good - we get +1 Elan from the helmet, +1 from the sword, and a save of 4+ on the shield at a cost of some extra effort each round.

To prioritise offence we can wear the DAPPER OUTFIT for +1 Fists instead, which will let us take more advantage of the Skeleton Friend but cost us the use of the helmet and the shield.

1 Do we change outfits?

2 What piece of loot do we want from the tower?

3 Equip Skeleton Friend? (this seems like a no-brainer but maybe you don't want a skeleton in your backpack?)

Adventure sheet:



By the way I forgot about the stuff we got off the elf corpses. I rolled for it and we came up with 60 Leaves which are now on the sheet for what they're worth (basically nothing).

Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at 10:45 on Jul 15, 2015

Epic High Five
Jun 5, 2004



Deadwood has lots of swearing and she swears a lot. Also, she seems like a character right off the show.

I vote we:

Go with the helmet and Shield. Don't want to gently caress up our good clothes, and it's important to not underestimate the ability of that helmet to throw people off their stride

Equip the skeleton for sure

Dapper trousers are probably unlikely in a remote tower like this and those were my first choice, so we should try to snag some steel-toed boots for Elf kicking, or some sort of ranged weapon (pike or bow+arrow) for Elf stabbing from horseback

fake edit - I vote we name the skeleton James Boned or McCoy

Pyroi
Aug 17, 2013

gay elf noises
Skeleton Friend is our new buddy, he also needs a name.

I suggest Ronaldo Q. Jimbabwe.

Speleothing
May 6, 2008

Spare batteries are pretty key.
Literally no downside to the Skeleton Friend, I like James Boned for the name.

Need to save the fancy clothes for the ball, so helmet and shield

Is there a loot card for some gauntlets? I seem to remember being (literally) disarmed is possible in at least one of these books. Otherwise try to get some of the Necromancer's Undies as a keepsake. I think 'conquest' items can usually restore stats or be traded. Depends on who the came from, really.

Speleothing fucked around with this message at 03:43 on Jul 15, 2015

Atma
Sep 16, 2002

College Slice
do not trust the skeleton friend

what fool would put a skeleton on his back, let alone one that has a knife

hello, this is skeletons 101 people

release skeleton friend into the wild but make sure it is near some water so he has a chance at survival

Dr Cheeto
Mar 2, 2013
Wretched Harp
The skeleton friend just wants to help us! Don't be a skeleracist.

almost1337
Jun 14, 2013

The male likpatons turn around the nucleus formed of female boobons and neutral bolsterons

Dr Cheeto posted:

The skeleton friend just wants to help us! Don't be a skeleracist.

Yeah, don't bodyshame our new pal!

Epic High Five
Jun 5, 2004



Anybody who wishes to abandon our skelefriend shall be thrown to the elves


Speleothing posted:

Literally no downside to the Skeleton Friend, I like James Boned for the name.

Need to save the fancy clothes for the ball, so helmet and shield

Is there a loot card for some gauntlets? I seem to remember being (literally) disarmed is possible in at least one of these books. Otherwise try to get some of the Necromancer's Undies as a keepsake. I think 'conquest' items can usually restore stats or be traded. Depends on who the came from, really.

Skelefriend counts as a conquest item I suppose, as we wouldn't have gotten it had we not joined her in her bed

Monkey Fracas
Sep 11, 2010

...but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you!
Grimey Drawer
Only a madman wouldn't equip a live skeleton

keep mighty battle gear equipped for maximum elf fearage

Any castoff items containing magical power laying around that the wizard doesn't want? A hat that allows for extreme heroic field ploughing with minimal effort? EZ-Scythe of +1 Harvest? A fell incantation scratched onto ancient vellum that causes a chosen victim to immediately crap their pants?

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Modus Pwnens
Dec 29, 2004
Enough paths lead us to meeting Karol again that I think we should consider taking the Enchanted Poleacks.

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