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Sitting Here posted:
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Jul 29, 2015 01:41
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drat slow judges, i swear
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Jul 29, 2015 02:14
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Screaming Idiot posted:
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Jul 29, 2015 02:30
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Bompacho posted:
Edit: Bompacho posted:prompt
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Jul 29, 2015 02:37
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Week 155 Crits County Fair The major problem with this story is that this isn’t a story. Nothing happens. It’s more of a character study, and it’s actually one of the better ones because it is an interesting, conflicted, and human character. I’d like to read a story about this character, although his flaws are a little too pronounced, but you do well in not being absolutely lovely. This story could’ve easily failed, but you at least had an interesting character so good work there. Low effort bullshit from an idiot baby-man (ain’t that the truth) Welp, at least you don’t have to spend 10 bucks. I’m going to put about as much effort as you put in this story. FJGJ, Rosa Flores, golden bean. This sucked. The end. Fried So, this story had an interesting rhythm to it. It was odd in an interesting way, enough to keep me reading. It was a cool idea, but there wasn’t enough character in this story for me to say that I enjoyed. Then the ending made no sense because apparently the dream was true??? Idk and frankly, I don’t care that much. Barebones character and while this made SOME sense, the plot was just weird and the characters were all boring and had no real personality. I Am Stretched on Your World’ Grave Huh, this was… interesting. Death was characterized in a unique and interesting way that I enjoyed. Death felt human and that was cool. The girl was interesting too, but not really much development there. But, Death did develop and it felt natural. So, after all these centuries 1) Death has never thought about what happens next and 2) Nobody has ever asked him? Even that wasn’t too much to detract from it. The big issue was the lack of focus. I had this an HM and I overall enjoyed it, but there were some issues. There were a bunch of cool ideas, but none of them were fully committed to. The first scene felt a little long for what it set up (Death is like a psychologist and the world ended), and because of that, you lacked time to develop the main plot. Speaking of the main plot, I'm not sure what that is. Is it Death working on trying to get everyone to pass on? Is it talking to that girl? Is it Death dying? I'm not sure and because of that, each part is a bit underdeveloped. You just needed to take one part of this story and focus on that. The Sweat Adds Flavor There’s some characterization, but overall this just felt easy and stupid. Old guy is grumpy, young guy gets high all the time and is a gently caress up. But, oh wait, the young guy is actually a hard worker and is trying his best. You even complete it with “Maybe Billy isn’t so bad,” somehow without realizing how cliched and stupid that ending is. This just went through all the notes without any nuance or any semblance of interest, but at least you characterized the two decently. Could This Be Our Last Team-Up? (oh dear I hope not) Ehhh, this one just didn’t really matter to me. There’s some characterization, some interest, but I just can’t seem to muster up my ability to care. I don’t really know or feel these characters relationship, so them breaking up doesn’t really affect me. Then the resolution is pretty weak and it just feels like a set-up to a larger story. Not awful, just landed cleanly in the middle. The Scientific Method, or: How Doctor Shlyapkin Kept it Cool I did not care for this. I was not feeling the romance to be honest. This is also hurt by a lack of focus because I never see this romance really become anything. I just don’t really care for the characters, and it feels like a romcom without really any characters that feel nuanced or human. It just feels a little too easy for me. Also you wrote this quote:Her fingers are clumsy on the fretboard, timid with the strings like a virgin lover So, please, go kill yourself right now thank you. Also you changed perspective at the last line. Fireproof There’s actually some cleverness in this story, with the burning and smoke and clever word usage, but a little of it is too much. Still, this was well-written. However, the plot and character is a bit weak. The opening was a pretty good start as I was getting a feel for the characters, but then the plot becomes a revenge story and I’m just mehhhhhh all the way through. I wish you would’ve done something different with this besides this kind of generic nonsense. A cool idea that just devolves into really nothing interesting. Sweat Tea in a Tin Can A subplot in like every single loving cop movie jesus christ. There’s nothing to set it apart, and I have 0 investment in any of this. This story could work if I liked or even knew who the gently caress these characters are, but I don’t. I don’t know these cops friendships, or their relationships with their wives, or really anything. So when you say “his friend cheated with his wife!!!!” I’m left thinking “why the gently caress do I care?” Who are these guy? Why do they matter? Why do I care about either the marriage or the friendship? At the moment, I care about neither, and so this story has no impact. Secondly, nothing loving happens. They just talk and talk and is boring as gently caress because there is little characterization and while you try to add some nuance to this, it’s too little IMO. Best Laid Plans  Another cleanly in the middle entry. There’s not much to say, to be frank. The plot’s ok, it’s just I don’t really care about the characters that much. The relationship between the two friends aren’t explored or the daughter. I just don’t really have that much of a reason to care. I need that character oomph personally. Not horrible, just nothing more then average. Sleep in the Dark I liked George, a lot of subtlety in his actions, some good characterization. Everyone else was kind of just ok, wish I had a bit more understanding of Kate and who she was personally. Not too much, but the relationship didn’t feel fleshed out enough for my tastes.I was enjoying it up until the ending where it’s just kind of the ending of “Of Mice and Men” but just not really strong enough for me since Kate wasn’t really that interesting and the revelation was presented a bit weakly. I was a bit confused on the setting, but a lot of the descriptions are really good. Just kinda wish you did more with the plot while it was still interesting and George felt like a real character so kudos. I Reckon You Think You’ve Been Saved this is seriously stupid as gently caress and I don’t know what the point of it is. It feels like your doing some heavy handed commentary against evangelists (complete with my favorite STDH.txt cliche where a person questions the lunatic with an extremely basic question and the lunatic strawman has no answer). This was just a poo poo that didn’t happen story and I hate those and don’t write those and UGHHHH gently caress this story. No characters, boring plot, every about this was either boring, bad, and/or offensive. There is very little redeeming this besides it was a story with things happening. You Can’t Catch Every Portrait in a Picture Frame Mom becoming a hippie in the middle of the story kind of killed your down-to-earth characters (Stan excluded), but besides that, everyone felt very nicely fleshed out. There was a moment that sticks out to me as a sore thumb quote:Like, we have to to prove that this is real so we do a board game night now and a finger painting night and a yoga night and a “counseling night” which is some hippie new age crap where me, her, and Stan sit in a circle and close our eyes and express our feelings. And there’s something different every day and it takes up a ton of time and it’s driving me crazy and I hate it. I think it conflicts with the voice of the character a bit because the character felt realistic in her voice but then this reads to me like generic teenager complaining and takes me out a bit. It’s also very long and rambling and I don’t like that. Otherwise, all your characters felt distinct and likable and/or interesting that were human and had their own desire and blah blah blah, good work. It’s a very personal story that is very realistic, but it doesn’t really have an ending, but it’s more of a story about a person’s life and I feel like having a “real” ending like other stories would hurt this story in particular. Still good and I like it. It’s a personal moment of a character that I enjoy. Anyways, your dialogue is super loving good. That first scene is so loving good. The dialogue is realistic, and you have down how people say things in what they don’t say and you just nail it perfectly. Also this paragraph in particular is great quote:We smile at each and don’t say anything else. I know how this goes. I’ll pretend I didn’t hear her screaming about getting full custody and she’ll pretend the walls are thicker. My room is haunted with conversations that never existed. There’s so much in this small little paragraph for plot, character, voice and it reads great. However, there’s some problems with your dialogue, especially in the third scene. I just didn’t like how caricaturized you made Stan and the mom, I wish they were a bit more realistic. Also this- quote:“I’m positive,” I say, “that this is a bunch of bullshit.” felt out of place tonally personally. Something about it rubs me the wrong way, like she’s saying this to the audience. And then you cut at that line when I would’ve really liked to see how they reacted to this accusation. Overall though, your strengths greatly outweighed your positives and I loved your story. Sun Mother I don’t know what to say about this. You start off with one character then kill her off for some reason. Then there’s some weird nonsense and husbands being incompetent and that this village is seemingly low tech and don’t understand what the point of this story is. It’s not really about the characters, the village is just kind of glossed over, and it just seems like a story about solar panels which isn’t very interesting. It was just kinda boring and felt like nothing important happened, mostly because your characters were boring and not that interesting. Signals of Fear and Uncertainty At first, I didn’t think much of this story. It was well written because of course it is, it’s you GP. But the character is just a crazy dude. He’s just crazy and does crazy thing and then he gets more crazy then does crazier things and then the end. However, stylistically, this story is very good. It’s not more personal taste because I like stories with characters and stuff, but your prose is fantastic and this story was good. I just wished it had more substance than style, but that’s just me. It’s very fever dream-esque. It’s off in just about all the right ways. I just wish I knew more about the character and why I should be invested in this guy’s descent into madness. Overall, this was good, I just wanted more than “crazy guy is crazy and does crazy things.” Also profane said you had a “tropical cadence” and I have no loving clue what that means and I’m personally excited to see what that means. flerp fucked around with this message at 07:56 on Jul 29, 2015 |
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Jul 29, 2015 03:04
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that post was ORIGINAL CONTENT please DO NOT STEAL!
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Jul 29, 2015 04:08
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Oh T-Rex is steppin up? I'm in I'm in I'm IN don't even give a gently caress what the prompt is.
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Jul 29, 2015 06:13
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 Broenheim. edit: And Jonked I'm gonna brawl you so hard that your gender bits will appear as though they had an appalling mishap.  Ol Sweepy fucked around with this message at 06:23 on Jul 29, 2015 |
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Jul 29, 2015 06:21
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Bompacho posted:
ok
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Jul 29, 2015 06:24
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 Broenbombrawl A murder on a train? What a novel idea! Should be manageable in 1,000 words. Hmm, say though, I think I've seen a story like this before. A really long one too. Maybe 1,000 words isn't enough. Perhaps I could make things more interesting...if you dare. Your prompt is as outline above, however...you may quote this paragraph if you'd like extra words. You may request anywhere from 1 to 1,000 to work with. Along with your extra allotment of words, you will be assigned a flashrule equal in severity to how many words you asked for. Submissions are due August 4th at the stroke of midnight, PST. Broenheim - 1,250 words total; a murder on a subway train. Bompacho - 1,400 words total; a murder on the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. Bad Seafood fucked around with this message at 07:30 on Jul 29, 2015 |
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Jul 29, 2015 06:40
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Bad Seafood posted:Your prompt is as outline above, however...you may quote this paragraph if you'd like extra words. You may request anywhere from 1 to 1,000 to work with. Along with your extra allotment of words, you will be assigned a flashrule equal in severity to how many words you asked for. 250 words please and thank you
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Jul 29, 2015 06:43
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Bad Seafood posted:Your prompt is as outline above, however...you may quote this paragraph if you'd like extra words. You may request anywhere from 1 to 1,000 to work with. Along with your extra allotment of words, you will be assigned a flashrule equal in severity to how many words you asked for. I'm feeling suicidal. I'll take 400 please.
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Jul 29, 2015 06:52
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Broenheim posted:250 words please and thank you Bompacho posted:I'm feeling suicidal. I'll take 400 please.
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Jul 29, 2015 07:25
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THUNDERDOME CLVI: LET'S GET hosed UP ON LOVE So I've been really digging this band called Family and Friends lately and in this one song specifically the singer repeats over and over "let's get hosed up on love" and I think that, as a sentiment, it's just loving cool as poo poo. So I wanna read some stories like that-- stories where people feel deep, wonderful, powerful, passionate emotions-- and I want you to write them. I do not want lust. If you confuse love and lust you will tell me you that didn't read my prompt and it will piss me off and I will come down on you like a goddamn hurricane. Hell you don't even have to write something romantic. It can be romantic love, sure, but there are ton of other ways of expressing a "stronger form of like" than sexual attraction. poo poo watch this haka a bunch of schoolboys did for a teacher that passed away. Look for the kid with the trembling hands at 2:54. He's feeling something intense. Gimme some intensity. You don't have to get cute with this prompt. I just want to read some cool stuff with characters that fiercely care about someone or something. No erotica. No poetry. No plotless pieces of poo poo. 1300 words. Judges me ... ... Deadlines Sign-ups: Friday at midnight (EST) Submissions: Sunday at midnight (HAST) Suitors skwidmonster Djeser Broenheim Sitting Here Thranguy Flesnolk SkaAndScreenplays Jay O kurona_bright newtestleper Screaming Idiot Sebmojo WeLandedOnTheMoon! C7ty1 epoch. Grizzled Patriarch Ironic Twist Fuschia tude Jonked Lazy Beggar docbeard spectres of autism tentacleDate N. Senada SadisTech Schneider Heim Megazver crabrock Kaishai Killer-of-Lawyers Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 05:09 on Aug 1, 2015 |
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Jul 29, 2015 07:30
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In,
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Jul 29, 2015 07:34
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in
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Jul 29, 2015 07:34
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yeah obviously in
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Jul 29, 2015 07:35
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In
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Jul 29, 2015 07:37
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I'll give it a shot.
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Jul 29, 2015 07:39
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Tyrannosaurus posted:
60 Hour Hell Weeks Be Damned Count Me In.
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Jul 29, 2015 07:39
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In! But with feeling.
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Jul 29, 2015 07:44
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In with a ! (I don't suppose I could have a flash rule?)
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Jul 29, 2015 09:36
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Jul 29, 2015 09:53
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Is it just me, or is it hot in here? *licks finger, touches it to rear end: sizzling is heard*
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Jul 29, 2015 09:57
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in. to enter the next three weeks if my story isn't better than sitting here's
sebmojo fucked around with this message at 10:06 on Jul 29, 2015 |
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Jul 29, 2015 10:03
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Ready to get hosed up on
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Jul 29, 2015 12:08
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In!
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Jul 29, 2015 12:48
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I am interested in participating. please ban me if my story does not have a motherfucking cocksucking PLOT. Fake edit: someone plz tell me how u write plots tia
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Jul 29, 2015 13:44
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epoch. posted:cocksucking PLOT holding you to this
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Jul 29, 2015 14:07
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crabrock posted:holding you to this
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Jul 29, 2015 14:07
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In as hell.
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Jul 29, 2015 14:17
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epoch. posted:Fake edit: someone plz tell me how u write plots tia Character wants things. Character does stuff so he can get thing. At the end character does/doesn't get thing.
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Jul 29, 2015 18:03
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sebmojo posted:in. I apologize to TD judges in advance for the lovely stories you're going to have to read over the next three weeks
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Jul 29, 2015 20:34
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IN https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjI2J2SQ528
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Jul 30, 2015 00:19
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epoch. posted:cocksucking PLOT.
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Jul 30, 2015 05:59
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Sure, I'm in.
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Jul 30, 2015 06:32
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In, please.
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Jul 30, 2015 11:42
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In.
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Jul 30, 2015 12:25
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My promised reviews coming through.Screaming Idiot posted:The Sweat Adds Flavor Your simplistic and pitiful portrayal of fast food employees aside, I hate both of your characters. I resent that Rick is, in the end, able to go, "Well, gosh darn, he's a good guy who tries," in spite of Billy having done nothing to earn his respect within the context of the story except give him a ride home. The only reason I know the difference between the characters is that there are labels to everything, the story would not be able to stand without their names next to things because they're pretty shallow characters. The story doesn't really have a central conflict at all? It's not particularly a story, just kind of a sequence of events that open with someone that we are supposed to relate or like being upset about someone else getting promoted, and then in the end getting a ride home and liking the guy suddenly. This story gets a C for effort and a D for being a story. The characters are just a straight up failure, in my estimation. Bold are my comments, and I cut out the entire middle of it because it was bland and I couldn't even think of a way to be mean about it.
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Jul 30, 2015 14:56
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 08:39 |
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Jonked posted:Sweat Tea in a Tin Can, 1094 words This isn't a story. It's barely an interaction, because the characters don't really react naturally or according to any kind of rules of human interaction. Neither character has much of an arc in the story, I don't really get a feel for who they are or what they want in the story. I guess Frankie wants to try and make Al fight him while they're on a stake out? Or Al is secretly not interested in his SO, or doesn't care that the guy he's working with is nailing his SO? Like, I'm not sure why this is a story. Nothing happens, except one emotional retard cop tells another emotional retard he's nailing his SO. There's a vague threat to tell the other cop's SO about it, but its dropped because, I'm guessing, bros before hos? This story sucks, it's just a boring interaction between two poo poo lords with no depth or purpose, and certainly without motivation. I don't have line crits, because if you got a friend of yours to read one half of these interactions while you read the other ones, you would instantly realize this is an interaction between stereotypes in which nothing happens.
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Jul 30, 2015 15:08
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