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We don't want this kind of attention at this juncture in our plan, no way. Karol is way smarter than us and he cheesed it but we need to be smart because we're on stage now. Tell Sid, "what, this old thing?" and offer to tell him all about how you got it over a drink, on us Get him chatting, get out quiet a little bit later. If he doesn't go for it, fling the cock-eye at him and RUN RUN RUN
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Jul 27, 2015 16:43
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the_steve posted:Bravely run away - Page 205 Sing a ballad about running away as you do so.
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Jul 27, 2015 17:06
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Epic High Five posted:We don't want this kind of attention at this juncture in our plan, no way. Karol is way smarter than us and he cheesed it but we need to be smart because we're on stage now.
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Jul 27, 2015 17:46
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CaptainSarcastic posted:Stare Sid in the eye and eat the cockeye.
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Jul 27, 2015 20:38
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Fling the cock eye across the bar, it will attract his attention like a flare to a Three. The book it.
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Jul 27, 2015 20:46
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Hand the cockeye off to Karol. Let's see how this fucker fares against a polish giant.
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Jul 27, 2015 20:54
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kmxexii posted:i vote we give Savage Sid some brain salad surgery The Karnevil (or something copyright-infringingly like it) is covered in Two-Fisted Fantasy 8, "Guardians of the New Clear Dawn", which is set in some weird sci-fi space travel future. Dreggon posted:Fight Sid, instead of paying with gold turn to the page that pays with teeth This would have worked. I forgot to mention this rule because it's fifty pages deep in the rules but I'm glad some people remember how this game works. Amorphous Blob posted:Hand the cockeye off to Karol. Let's see how this fucker fares against a polish giant. Karol is basically worthless at fighting. So far he's refused to help us against the bat and you might have noticed he says something incredibly rude and nick off if you ask him to help with the Phalloknight. He doesn't want anything to do with Sidney (and adding 30 to the page number doesn't come up with anything here). Update: Rescan of the page we're up to:  Four votes for fighting, three for buggering off, two for trying to pass the cockeye off onto someone else, two for trying to talk our way out of a beating, two for eating the cockeye and one for romancing Sid. It was a tough call but the thread was mostly against fighting so I didn't do that. In the interests of getting past this hurdle, we surrender which will let us do most of the above. Turning to 205:  I don't think we're welcome there any more, but whatever. We now turn to 46:  We're rapidly coming to the final pages of this adventure now. How do we deal with the guard and further our greasy scam to steal Sir Tedbald's identity? Adventure sheet: 
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Jul 28, 2015 02:16
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Fire the guard. We're Ted now, and we're sick of this oaf lazing about on our coin. He wants to roll dice, send him back to his mama's basement.
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Jul 28, 2015 02:45
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He's a gamblin man; make him a bet he can't refuse and you can't lose.
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Jul 28, 2015 04:15
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Offer him a casual 'Still reading books and rolling them dice, I see, old guard whose name I forget! Glad to see some things haven't changed!" as you stroll through the gate.
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Jul 28, 2015 04:28
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Are there any scorpions around on the ground? Try and gather up as many as you can, then release them into the guard shack so they sting the guard.
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Jul 28, 2015 04:30
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See if you can make out the title of the book. Probably having read it at some point during our sheltered youth, spoil the ending for him.
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Jul 28, 2015 04:34
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Beyond sane knolls posted:See if you can make out the title of the book. Probably having read it at some point during our sheltered youth, spoil the ending for him. This then fire him
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Jul 28, 2015 05:28
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Gilganixon posted:The Karnevil (or something copyright-infringingly like it) is covered in Two-Fisted Fantasy 8, "Guardians of the New Clear Dawn", which is set in some weird sci-fi space travel future. Sounds like a scene, what a scene. boldly bluffing our way into riches with Tedbald's armor. Karol says you are what you wear, wear well
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Jul 28, 2015 05:32
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Who's to say the guard, clearly reading a book and rolling dice as one does in Sword of the Bastard Elf, isn't therefore recursively the architect of this very story itself? Killing, stopping, or deposing him could lead to a sudden evaporation of our very existence.  E: Somehow force him to read the book, forever, possibly in some kind of magic containment or locked in the basement. Dogstoyevsky fucked around with this message at 07:22 on Jul 28, 2015 |
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Jul 28, 2015 06:53
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The guard is playing his own CYOA, spoil the choices for him. If he gets mad, flash our signet ring and claim to be an invited guest. Be a real Jeff to the guard until he leaves in frustration.
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Jul 28, 2015 07:05
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The spotty kid will know we're not the man at first glance. Good. Enlist him in the scam in return for leadership of our personal guard/army. Then instead of dice he can gamble with the lives of men.
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Jul 28, 2015 07:12
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Can't we just kill the guard to take everything and pretend the house was robbed, get Karol off the hook and then somehow pin it all on Jeff? It's ambitious, but it just might work. E: can we also lead the expedition to capture Jeff and rip off the insurance company? Furia fucked around with this message at 09:14 on Jul 28, 2015 |
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Jul 28, 2015 08:02
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We must not kill the guard, it would make a great deal of sense for him to be playing sword of the bastard elf Let's see if he'll help us cheat the game and fix dice rolls
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Jul 28, 2015 15:11
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Tell the guard that you are Sir Tedbald and make long, threatening eye contact with him. If he understands the score and agrees that you are indeed Sir Tedbald, promote him to captain of the manor guard. If he disagrees, pretend to leave and then fifteen minutes later sneak up and stab him in the back as he plays dice.
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Jul 28, 2015 22:32
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Update: 46 scanned:  Most people wanted to bluff their way through (maybe firing the guard afterwards). Anyway everyone in Bilgeton is a mark so it's easy enough to get through this without a fight. Lacking the scorpions or the collective will to take out the guard, we turn to (345):  Pretty late in the day to be picking stuff up, but whatever. Let's see what we got:  An expired coupon. Well, we have both the Signet Ring and the Sword of the Bastard Elf. so turning to 136:   Welp. It's JEFF. We didn't even have to hunt him down. We've just about come to the end of our adventure. We've done well, but there's a loose end to tie off. What's the final move? Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at 02:58 on Jul 29, 2015 |
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Jul 29, 2015 02:38
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Tell him we didn't learn a thing, we got here on our own, and our real dad is waaaay cooler(we never did get a chance to meet him did we? wasn't that the whole purpose of the trip to bilgeton?) I'm not sure what course of action to take but I think we should at least hurt his feelings.
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Jul 29, 2015 03:05
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The Unrepentant Bastard's Mega Happy Ending: Pretend to gratefully welcome him back into your life and your manor, then as soon as he's asleep, have him arrested and charged with committing every foul act you perpetrated throughout the story. Put out a reward for witnesses who saw him skulking around the crime scenes in your wake. At his execution, make sure the last words he ever hears is, "You're not my dad." Wash down the taste of victory with a cool glass of fresh milk delivered straight to your manor. Alternatively, last chance to add 30 and see what's there?
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Jul 29, 2015 04:00
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Actually, go with Plan Modus Pwnens
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Jul 29, 2015 04:06
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Look guys, we made out like thieves and have experienced a lot over the last couple days. We lost our virginity technically and then for reals, we ate rotting flesh, we escaped dangerous situations is such a shameful way that nobody would believe anybody who brought up the truth, we ate a meter long testicle and grew an instant beard. We murdered a lot of stuff and robbed and stole. We did good despite ourselves in murdering the poo poo out of a bunch of elves and pixies. We slew a creature from the hell dimensions. We need to take stock of our blessings and afford some to a deserving soul; to whit, our dear mother. We are, after all, miserable and pathetic man-children to the core and would do anything to please our dear dear mother. Unfortunately, because she seems to enjoy the company of that fucker, we should set Jeff up in a cozy cottage on one of our estates to live out his days in comfort with our mother, under the agreement that A) our mother is never to be made unhappy and B) the 16 foot oil painting of ourselves in the living room is never to be brought down Let him never doubt at whose whim he lives.
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Jul 29, 2015 04:10
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"Foul elf, I have no idea what you are talking about - I am Sir Tedbald of Bilgeton! Begone from my sight!" Don't even give him the dignity of recognizing him. Besides, if we admit that he raised us than any witnesses will know that we are not, in fact, Sir Tedbald.
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Jul 29, 2015 04:21
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Modus Pwnens posted:The Unrepentant Bastard's Mega Happy Ending: Pretend to gratefully welcome him back into your life and your manor, then as soon as he's asleep, have him arrested and charged with committing every foul act you perpetrated throughout the story. Put out a reward for witnesses who saw him skulking around the crime scenes in your wake. At his execution, make sure the last words he ever hears is, "You're not my dad." Wash down the taste of victory with a cool glass of fresh milk delivered straight to your manor. Yeah this
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Jul 29, 2015 04:23
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CaptainSarcastic posted:"Foul elf, I have no idea what you are talking about - I am Sir Tedbald of Bilgeton! Begone from my sight!" Oh poo poo. That WOULD be like Jeff, getting us to indirectly admit that we're a fraud so he can steal our stuff. Changing my vote to: Throw his rear end in the dungeons for besmirching our good name. Formerly: The UltraHappyBastard Ending Edit: I'll spoil this since it's speculation and probably wrong: If I recall correctly, and there's a very good chance I'm not (I read this off the Two Fist wiki, which has virtually no content, and looks like it was run through Babelfish more than a few times) Mom actually kicks Jeff out not long after we get kicked out. See, she knew all along that he was a massive prick, but she was hoping that he would be enough of a father figure to us that we'd straighten up and be a respectable member of elf society with enough tough love. But, without us in the house for them to focus their mutual disappointment on, mom realized just how incompatible they really were and how much of a dick he is to everybody, not just us. Now, like I said, the wiki for this is beyond unreliable, so it's possible none of this is remotely true, or it references a different book (It actually does list different character names, though I think that's just a language thing), so take it with as much salt as you can safely consume in any given moment of skepticism, but, there you go. the_steve fucked around with this message at 04:44 on Jul 29, 2015 |
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Jul 29, 2015 04:30
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Add thirty, and if it doesn't make sense then I'm voting to gently caress Jeff, literally or figuratively as applies.
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Jul 29, 2015 05:21
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Epic High Five posted:Look guys, we made out like thieves and have experienced a lot over the last couple days. We lost our virginity technically and then for reals, we ate rotting flesh, we escaped dangerous situations is such a shameful way that nobody would believe anybody who brought up the truth, we ate a meter long testicle and grew an instant beard. We murdered a lot of stuff and robbed and stole. We did good despite ourselves in murdering the poo poo out of a bunch of elves and pixies. We slew a creature from the hell dimensions. We need to take stock of our blessings and afford some to a deserving soul; to whit, our dear mother. We are, after all, miserable and pathetic man-children to the core and would do anything to please our dear dear mother. This is the theatrical ending. Let's go for that director's cut, baby! Modus Pwnens posted:The Unrepentant Bastard's Mega Happy Ending: Pretend to gratefully welcome him back into your life and your manor, then as soon as he's asleep, have him arrested and charged with committing every foul act you perpetrated throughout the story. Put out a reward for witnesses who saw him skulking around the crime scenes in your wake. At his execution, make sure the last words he ever hears is, "You're not my dad." Wash down the taste of victory with a cool glass of fresh milk delivered straight to your manor.
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Jul 29, 2015 05:35
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the_steve posted:Mom actually kicks Jeff out not long after we get kicked out. See, she knew all along that he was a massive prick, but she was hoping that he would be enough of a father figure to us that we'd straighten up and be a respectable member of elf society with enough tough love. But, without us in the house for them to focus their mutual disappointment on, mom realized just how incompatible they really were and how much of a dick he is to everybody, not just us. drat we take after him more than i thought. hire our mother to clean our castle(hey she did it for free before) and go with the mudus plan
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Jul 29, 2015 05:41
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Also as an epilogue can we check out the dairy?
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Jul 29, 2015 06:41
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Roll eyes, cut his head off and slam the door shut. Uhg, what an rear end.
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Jul 29, 2015 07:19
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Applewhite posted:He's a gamblin man; make him a bet he can't refuse and you can't lose. eat rancid things? Gilganixon posted:Update: Make him eat rotting things. Al Borland fucked around with this message at 08:17 on Jul 29, 2015 |
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Jul 29, 2015 07:43
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CaptainSarcastic posted:"Foul elf, I have no idea what you are talking about - I am Sir Tedbald of Bilgeton! Begone from my sight!" This, but make him eat rotting food and rancid things for the rest of his life in the public stocks for befouling us and calling us his son. E: I hope we can get our hands on one of the other books by this guy. They are clearly top notch goon collectables. ALso... that's a lot of blood there OP. I'm gettin a bit worried.
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Jul 29, 2015 08:20
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See if Karol has anything interesting to say.
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Jul 29, 2015 10:49
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Can we hang him above the gates in a cage and feed him slops?
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Jul 29, 2015 11:19
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I do enjoy that the Wizard of Warlock Tower is, by all appearances, a Necromancer. Possibly Aggie at that
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Jul 29, 2015 11:28
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Epic High Five posted:I do enjoy that the Wizard of Warlock Tower is, by all appearances, a Necromancer. Possibly Aggie at that Aren't all the games interlinked? I thought there was a whole section devoted to bringing your character from one game to the next if you made it all the way through to the end. Maybe we can meet Aggie again in the next book as the Jeff Slayer
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Jul 29, 2015 14:16
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Dr Cheeto posted:See if Karol has anything interesting to say. 166  Not really. Epic High Five posted:I do enjoy that the Wizard of Warlock Tower is, by all appearances, a Necromancer. Possibly Aggie at that That's the Warlock of Wizard Tower, get it right (it might be Aggie though, not sure) Al Borland posted:This, but make him eat rotting food and rancid things for the rest of his life in the public stocks for befouling us and calling us his son. We're fresh out of rotting things for once, we'd need to harvest more. I think I'll be ok. Got a trip to the doc today, will let you know how it goes when I update. Jenkem Delivery posted:Also as an epilogue can we check out the dairy? I'll see what I can do but you should get your own copy if you want to play through on your own, jeez. All the loose ends should be wrapped up though - we are heading to the main ending here. I don't want to spoil the ending so I don't want to comment on the choices, but the suggestions made here come down to : Kill Jeff Lock him up in our private dungeon (or cellar or cage or whatever it is) Get him busted for all the crimes we expertly pinned on him Set him up in a nice house someplace and make sure mom is taken care of I'll check back later and get the update together. Epic High Five posted:Look guys, we made out like thieves and have experienced a lot over the last couple days. We lost our virginity technically and then for reals, we ate rotting flesh, we escaped dangerous situations is such a shameful way that nobody would believe anybody who brought up the truth, we ate a meter long testicle and grew an instant beard. We murdered a lot of stuff and robbed and stole. We did good despite ourselves in murdering the poo poo out of a bunch of elves and pixies. We slew a creature from the hell dimensions. .... We are, after all, miserable and pathetic man-children to the core. The best possible synopsis of this book. Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at 14:38 on Jul 29, 2015 |
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Jul 29, 2015 14:22
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