[CYOA] Let's Play - Sword of the Bastard Elf

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > [CYOA] Let's Play - Sword of the Bastard Elf

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

Get him busted for all the crimes we expertly pinned on him.

As a parting shot, tell him mom was seeing a phalloknight behind his back.

# ? Jul 29, 2015 14:50

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 23:36

HackensackBackpack: Aug 20, 2007; Who needs a house out in Hackensack? Is that all you get for your money?

Dienes posted:

Get him busted for all the crimes we expertly pinned on him.

As a parting shot, tell him mom was seeing a phalloknight behind his back.

I vote for this.

# ? Jul 29, 2015 15:02

Pinche Rudo: Feb 8, 2005

Gilganixon posted:

I'll see what I can do but you should get your own copy if you want to play through on your own, jeez. All the loose ends should be wrapped up though - we are heading to the main ending here.

I saw a copy a few years ago at a weird little bookstore but for some reason I couldn't get within a foot of the book without my eyes bleeding. I came back a week later and the bookstore was gone, it looked like the storefront had been shuttered for years.

# ? Jul 29, 2015 15:07

where the red fern gropes: Aug 24, 2011

We actually need to rewind the book back to the bar so we can pick up the dwarf woman for a trophy; we have two for sleeping with the bat and Aggie and you need at least three to seduce Jeff.

# ? Jul 29, 2015 16:07

CheeseThief: Dec 28, 2012; Two wholesome boys to brighten your day

Adopt Jeff and marry our own mother. Let's give him a taste of his own medicine in this immaculately well thought out plan.

EDIT: Wait that's stupid, better plan. Bring mum and Jeff to the estate, keep them in luxury. Constantly berate Jeff as a lay about do nothing with no job and secretly use your connections to thwart his every attempt to be his own man.

CheeseThief fucked around with this message at 16:18 on Jul 29, 2015

# ? Jul 29, 2015 16:14

By popular demand: Jul 17, 2007; IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!

J'accuse! :cop:

# ? Jul 29, 2015 16:28

RC Cola: Aug 1, 2011; Dovie'andi se tovya sagain

CheeseThief posted:

Bring mum and Jeff to the estate, keep them in luxury. Constantly berate Jeff as a lay about do nothing with no job and secretly use your connections to thwart his every attempt to be his own man.

# ? Jul 29, 2015 16:39

Dr Cheeto: Mar 2, 2013; Wretched Harp

CheeseThief posted:

EDIT: Wait that's stupid, better plan. Bring mum and Jeff to the estate, keep them in luxury. Constantly berate Jeff as a lay about do nothing with no job and secretly use your connections to thwart his every attempt to be his own man.

# ? Jul 29, 2015 16:42

Hyrax Attack!: Jan 13, 2009; We demand to be taken seriously

Send Jeff to Aggie to be flensed. Give his skin to James Boned. Force his skeleton to play third chair tuba in undead traveling band for all eternity.

# ? Jul 29, 2015 16:51

Furia: Jul 26, 2015; Grimey Drawer

CheeseThief posted:

Adopt Jeff and marry our own mother. Let's give him a taste of his own medicine in this immaculately well thought out plan.

EDIT: Wait that's stupid, better plan. Bring mum and Jeff to the estate, keep them in luxury. Constantly berate Jeff as a lay about do nothing with no job and secretly use your connections to thwart his every attempt to be his own man.

# ? Jul 29, 2015 17:17

Eighties ZomCom: Sep 10, 2008

CheeseThief posted:

Bring mum and Jeff to the estate, keep them in luxury. Constantly berate Jeff as a lay about do nothing with no job and secretly use your connections to thwart his every attempt to be his own man.

# ? Jul 29, 2015 17:17

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

CheeseThief posted:

Bring mum and Jeff to the estate, keep them in luxury. Constantly berate Jeff as a lay about do nothing with no job and secretly use your connections to thwart his every attempt to be his own man.

the best ending

# ? Jul 29, 2015 17:55

Monkey Fracas: Sep 11, 2010; ...but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you!; Grimey Drawer

This must end with us using our ill-gotten power/wealth to laze around all day and make life inconvenient for Jeff via passive-aggressive meddling

# ? Jul 29, 2015 18:25

goth smoking cloves: Feb 28, 2011

CheeseThief posted:

EDIT: Wait that's stupid, better plan. Bring mum and Jeff to the estate, keep them in luxury. Constantly berate Jeff as a lay about do nothing with no job and secretly use your connections to thwart his every attempt to be his own man.

# ? Jul 29, 2015 18:34

SaltyJesus: Jun 2, 2011; Arf!

CheeseThief posted:

Adopt Jeff and marry our own mother. Let's give him a taste of his own medicine in this immaculately well thought out plan.

EDIT: Wait that's stupid, better plan. Bring mum and Jeff to the estate, keep them in luxury. Constantly berate Jeff as a lay about do nothing with no job and secretly use your connections to thwart his every attempt to be his own man.

holy poo poo

# ? Jul 29, 2015 19:34

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

CheeseThief posted:

Bring mum and Jeff to the estate, keep them in luxury. Constantly berate Jeff as a lay about do nothing with no job and secretly use your connections to thwart his every attempt to be his own man.

It's like CheeseThief saw my idea and was like, "that's the sort of thing a 3 year old would think of" and put me to greatest shame

This is ABSOLUTELY what we should do

# ? Jul 29, 2015 19:51

poor life choice: Jul 21, 2006

Lol if you think a lazy poo poo like Jeff will ever try to be his own man.

# ? Jul 29, 2015 20:08

kissekatt: Apr 20, 2005; I have tasted the fruit.

Dienes posted:

Get him busted for all the crimes we expertly pinned on him.

As a parting shot, tell him mom was seeing a phalloknight behind his back.

# ? Jul 29, 2015 20:16

Dogstoyevsky: Oct 9, 2012; If there is no Dog, everything is permitted

CheeseThief posted:

EDIT: Wait that's stupid, better plan. Bring mum and Jeff to the estate, keep them in luxury. Constantly berate Jeff as a lay about do nothing with no job and secretly use your connections to thwart his every attempt to be his own man.

It's beautiful.

# ? Jul 29, 2015 20:24

Metrilenkki: Aug 1, 2007; Oldskool av for lowtaxes medical fund gobbless u -fellow roamingdad

CheeseThief posted:

Adopt Jeff and marry our own mother. Let's give him a taste of his own medicine in this immaculately well thought out plan.

EDIT: Wait that's stupid, better plan. Bring mum and Jeff to the estate, keep them in luxury. Constantly berate Jeff as a lay about do nothing with no job and secretly use your connections to thwart his every attempt to be his own man.

# ? Jul 29, 2015 20:45

Paladin: Nov 26, 2004; You lost today, kid. But that doesn't mean you have to like it.

CheeseThief posted:

EDIT: Wait that's stupid, better plan. Bring mum and Jeff to the estate, keep them in luxury. Constantly berate Jeff as a lay about do nothing with no job and secretly use your connections to thwart his every attempt to be his own man.

Perfection. Simply perfection.

Edit: OH, also, make sure we hire our real dad as the milkman.

# ? Jul 29, 2015 22:18

Saint Isaias Boner: Jan 17, 2007; hi how are you ♥

Well I believe we have our choice! Update ASAP, just finishing up a few things after a disastrous visit to the hospital.

# ? Jul 29, 2015 22:24

Dr Cheeto: Mar 2, 2013; Wretched Harp

Hope you're doing alright, OP :ohdear:

# ? Jul 29, 2015 22:39

Amorphous Blob: Jun 26, 2009; by Lowtax
(and can't post for 2 years!)

gently caress you karol

# ? Jul 29, 2015 23:28

RC Cola: Aug 1, 2011; Dovie'andi se tovya sagain

Amorphous Blob posted:

gently caress you karol

Has anyone translated everything Karol has said so far?

# ? Jul 29, 2015 23:33

an actual frog: Mar 1, 2007; HEH, HEH, HEH!

Amorphous Blob posted:

gently caress you karol

Man, if only google translate was available in the bad old days of alt.games.2ffans. would've saved countless flamewars :doh:

Hope they can save the fingat, OP

# ? Jul 29, 2015 23:36

Amorphous Blob: Jun 26, 2009; by Lowtax
(and can't post for 2 years!)

RC Cola posted:

Has anyone translated everything Karol has said so far?

heres what he says when he sees the dungeon text

hes why he beats up the guards

apparently hes an escaped convict who was hiding at our house for 50 years.

i think he spoke a few times before this line but i couldnt find em

# ? Jul 29, 2015 23:52

the_steve: Nov 9, 2005; We're always hiring!

To all of you voting for Ironic Justice, remember that Jeff is an elf.
His idea of being productive would be duping us out of our own ill-gotten gains.

We're only a halfbreed, which gives us some advantages, but ultimately, we shouldn't be trying to out-elf an elf.

The longer he isn't dead or locked up and forgotten about, the more likely we are to lose everything.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 00:31

Al Borland: Oct 29, 2006; by XyloJW

Dienes posted:

Get him busted for all the crimes we expertly pinned on him.

As a parting shot, tell him mom was seeing a phalloknight behind his back.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 02:07

Gridlocked: Aug 2, 2014; MR. STUPID MORON
WITH AN UGLY FACE
AND A BIG BUTT
AND HIS BUTT SMELLS
AND HE LIKES TO KISS
HIS OWN BUTT
by Roger Hargreaves

Set him up in a nice house someplace and make sure mom is taken care of

We love our mother.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 04:01

Saint Isaias Boner: Jan 17, 2007; hi how are you ♥

Final update

The scanner died completely as soon as the last page of this update was scanned. It did its job. God speed, gentle consumer electronic.

CheeseThief posted:

Bring mum and Jeff to the estate, keep them in luxury. Constantly berate Jeff as a lay about do nothing with no job and secretly use your connections to thwart his every attempt to be his own man.

Surprisingly we go for 365! I thought you'd just kill him.

poor life choice posted:

Lol if you think a lazy poo poo like Jeff will ever try to be his own man.

This guy knows what's up. But anyway, turning to 400 (the main ending in books like these):

The end!

I'd like to thank you all for your help in getting the Elf from one end of this LP to another. It's been a long and strange playthrough and while we spent most of it fiddling with and eating corpses I'd like to think we all learned something and grew as people.

Anyway, some bad news - the doctor said the infection had spread through my hand and into my forearm and it's a bit touch and go as to whether I'll keep the thing. But the REALLY bad news is that I was using the hospital scanners to get some pages scanned in and the doc noticed the book. He's taken it to the lab to study the multitude of diseases, poisoning and sheer bad luck this book causes. After they're done he assures me they'll destroy it

But hey, there are always other books in the series, if I can find them.

This is the one page I managed to get scanned in at the hospital before I was restrained, it's the dedication page from the start of the book:

Thanks for playing Hope to see you all around the 2FF forums one of these days.
----

PS I'm putting together a pdf of the book, bestiary and cards if anyone wants a souvenir, I'll upload the link to that tomorrow once it's complete as long as the thread's still alive.

Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at 04:12 on Jul 30, 2015

# ? Jul 30, 2015 04:02

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

Gilganixon posted:

Final update

The scanner died completely as soon as the last page of this update was scanned. It did its job. God speed, gentle consumer electronic.

Surprisingly we go for 365! I thought you'd just kill him.

This guy knows what's up. But anyway, turning to 400 (the main ending in books like these):

The end!

I'd like to thank you all for your help in getting the Elf from one end of this LP to another. It's been a long and strange playthrough and while we spent most of it fiddling with and eating corpses I'd like to think we all learned something and grew as people.

Anyway, some bad news - the doctor said the infection had spread through my hand and into my forearm and it's a bit touch and go as to whether I'll keep the thing. But the REALLY bad news is that I was using the hospital scanners to get some pages scanned in and the doc noticed the book. He's taken it to the lab to study the multitude of diseases, poisoning and sheer bad luck this book causes. After they're done he assures me they'll destroy it But hey, there are always other books in the series, if I can find them.

This is the one page I managed to get scanned in at the hospital before I was restrained, it's the dedication page from the start of the book:

Thanks for playing Hope to see you all around the 2FF forums one of these days.
----

PS I'm putting together a pdf of the book, bestiary and cards if anyone wants a souvenir, I'll upload the link to that tomorrow once it's complete as long as the thread's still alive.

This was incredible and I love you forever for doing it. What a great ending and I'm glad I stumbled onto the project so early. loving elves man, loving elves

Once the pdf is put together I'd appreciate a chance to name my price and send a little something your way ~~for all the hard work you put into this~~ for the expense that came with trying to land enough copies of the book to make a proper CYOA out of. Also toward your mounting medical bills relating to your book-maimed finger

edit - OH, and if you get bored enough and find a new scanner (even Goodwill has them laying around now!) maybe some alternate endings?

# ? Jul 30, 2015 04:10

Al Borland: Oct 29, 2006; by XyloJW

Gilganixon posted:

Final update

The scanner died completely as soon as the last page of this update was scanned. It did its job. God speed, gentle consumer electronic.

Surprisingly we go for 365! I thought you'd just kill him.

This guy knows what's up. But anyway, turning to 400 (the main ending in books like these):

The end!

I'd like to thank you all for your help in getting the Elf from one end of this LP to another. It's been a long and strange playthrough and while we spent most of it fiddling with and eating corpses I'd like to think we all learned something and grew as people.

Anyway, some bad news - the doctor said the infection had spread through my hand and into my forearm and it's a bit touch and go as to whether I'll keep the thing. But the REALLY bad news is that I was using the hospital scanners to get some pages scanned in and the doc noticed the book. He's taken it to the lab to study the multitude of diseases, poisoning and sheer bad luck this book causes. After they're done he assures me they'll destroy it But hey, there are always other books in the series, if I can find them.

This is the one page I managed to get scanned in at the hospital before I was restrained, it's the dedication page from the start of the book:

Thanks for playing Hope to see you all around the 2FF forums one of these days.
----

PS I'm putting together a pdf of the book, bestiary and cards if anyone wants a souvenir, I'll upload the link to that tomorrow once it's complete as long as the thread's still alive.

awesome! Keep the thread open till we get the PDF of this in the OP.

ALso it seems that Herman's website has been taken over by some dubious artist!

# ? Jul 30, 2015 04:12

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

Yes! We win gently caress you Jeff!

Thanks for uploading all those pages, that was awesome. Good luck with the medical issues, I hope the doctors don't take your girlfriend.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 04:17

Atma: Sep 16, 2002; College Slice

well done

or should i say...

edit: nevermind

Atma fucked around with this message at 06:48 on Jul 30, 2015

# ? Jul 30, 2015 04:24

the_steve: Nov 9, 2005; We're always hiring!

Hell yes, this was a fun game. Makes me wish I had gotten into them when I was younger.
I may have been too young though. I did like the other, more traditional CYOA books growing up, but I think I'd have had a blast with these more in-depth ones.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 04:28

HackensackBackpack: Aug 20, 2007; Who needs a house out in Hackensack? Is that all you get for your money?

I came in late and lurked for most of this but this was an incredible journey and I hope to play my own sometime in the future! Well done!

# ? Jul 30, 2015 04:37

Amorphous Blob: Jun 26, 2009; by Lowtax
(and can't post for 2 years!)

quote:

Thanks for playing Hope to see you all around the 2FF forums one of these days.

Thanks for the ride man. Really good CYOA. Couldn't help but notice that your first copy uses the author Herman S. Skull while your new one says Hermit Skull. Must be a change of pen names.

Also Mr. Skull's website looks recently updated! I really like "Food for the Moon" and "Wrath Panda"

# ? Jul 30, 2015 04:49

RC Cola: Aug 1, 2011; Dovie'andi se tovya sagain

Epic High Five posted:

This was incredible and I love you forever for doing it. What a great ending and I'm glad I stumbled onto the project so early. loving elves man, loving elves

Once the pdf is put together I'd appreciate a chance to name my price and send a little something your way ~~for all the hard work you put into this~~ for the expense that came with trying to land enough copies of the book to make a proper CYOA out of. Also toward your mounting medical bills relating to your book-maimed finger

edit - OH, and if you get bored enough and find a new scanner (even Goodwill has them laying around now!) maybe some alternate endings?

Same. I definitely want to toss some money your way. Your poor hand

If you find another book though I'd be more than glad to play!

# ? Jul 30, 2015 06:46

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 23:36

FRINGE: May 23, 2003; title stolen for lf posting

Excelsior!

# ? Jul 30, 2015 07:20

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