Post the very best in obsolete and failed technology

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Code Jockey: Jan 24, 2006; 69420 basic bytes free

Athenry posted:

There was a minor cottage industry with those back in the day. Every cell phone had a different connector so you had to get a new cable to install your own ringtones and whatnot.

Oh man but when you did

*purposefully turns ring volume to max at work, waiting for AXEL_F.MID to go off*

# ? Jul 30, 2015 21:50

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 10:13

blugu64: Jul 17, 2006; Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face?

Ringtones that used the vibe as part of the ring were best.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 21:54

Grassy Knowles: Apr 4, 2003; "The original Terminator was a gritty fucking AMAZING piece of sci-fi. Gritty fucking rock-hard MURDER!"

Athenry posted:

There was a minor cottage industry with those back in the day. Every cell phone had a different connector so you had to get a new cable to install your own ringtones and whatnot.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Lot-of-5-Ce...=item23544981b1

Had to work with one of these that had more than 100 different cables. Apparently they still sell fairly well as "digital forensics equipment."

# ? Jul 30, 2015 22:38

BattleMaster: Aug 14, 2000

They make machines for cops that come with briefcases of cables like that, for slurping data off of confiscated cell phones.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 22:42

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

BattleMaster posted:

They make machines for cops that come with briefcases of cables like that, for slurping data off of confiscated cell phones.

Isn't it possible today to use software to do most/all of the work in pulling data?

# ? Jul 30, 2015 22:43

Laserjet 4P: Mar 28, 2005; What does it mean?; Fun Shoe

So I found this somewhere.

Copyright said 1988. You can do arithmetic exercises, train yourself in touch typing and the "games" consist of hangman and solving jumbled words.

Back then probably cheaper than a C64 but it aged quite badly. The top of the line units are now either tablets with educational software or "kids tablets" which are just slower and more locked down, or these:

# ? Jul 30, 2015 22:44

Pretty good: Apr 16, 2007

Don't forget the crappy edutainment console they put out: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/V.Smile

I mean I guess it's appropriate for like five year olds maybe but I wonder how many kids were subjected to relentless piss-taking at school when it came out that their parents got them one of these for christmas instead of a 360 :v:

# ? Jul 30, 2015 22:50

Grassy Knowles: Apr 4, 2003; "The original Terminator was a gritty fucking AMAZING piece of sci-fi. Gritty fucking rock-hard MURDER!"

BattleMaster posted:

They make machines for cops that come with briefcases of cables like that, for slurping data off of confiscated cell phones.

I mean that's all they do or have ever done, but those machines are loving beasts, and it's not like new police departments are springing up left and right. You'd think all that would need to be done is renew your subscription to software updates and maybe get a new cable once in a while.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 22:51

Mister Kingdom: Dec 14, 2005; And the tears that fall
On the city wall
Will fade away
With the rays of morning light

flosofl posted:

I completely forgot about those.

I remember my Grandfather bitching about how lovely these looked when I was growing up:

# ? Jul 30, 2015 22:54

Code Jockey: Jan 24, 2006; 69420 basic bytes free

sinking belle posted:

Don't forget the crappy edutainment console they put out: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/V.Smile

I mean I guess it's appropriate for like five year olds maybe but I wonder how many kids were subjected to relentless piss-taking at school when it came out that their parents got them one of these for christmas instead of a 360

*glares at grandma*

# ? Jul 30, 2015 22:59

champagne posting: Apr 5, 2006; YOU ARE A BRAIN
IN A BUNKER

Kaizoku posted:

I mean that's all they do or have ever done, but those machines are loving beasts, and it's not like new police departments are springing up left and right. You'd think all that would need to be done is renew your subscription to software updates and maybe get a new cable once in a while.

Each time a new device demands a new connector, you buy a new set :v:

# ? Jul 30, 2015 23:01

Horace: Apr 17, 2007; Gone Skiin'

WebDog posted:

Back in the olde Nokia days it was a bit of a thing to get your operator logo changed into a fancy graphic or as phones got more advanced, edit the little animated hands you got when you turned your phone on.

Usually via some suspect site.

Oh, I love these. I'd forgotten all about them until a couple of months ago when I found some magazines from the early 00s. Here's an ad picked at random:

These cost �3 each. That's how much you had to pay if you wanted to see Snoopy being ejaculated on every time you looked at your Nokia 3210.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 23:36

Gaz2k21: Sep 1, 2006; MEGALA---WHO??!!??

Horace posted:

Oh, I love these. I'd forgotten all about them until a couple of months ago when I found some magazines from the early 00s. Here's an ad picked at random:

These cost �3 each. That's how much you had to pay if you wanted to see Snoopy being ejaculated on every time you looked at your Nokia 3210.

At least the 3210 had programmable ringtones, I spent hours using a program to convert Midi files into usable code which then could be converted to key presses in another program to be put into the phones ringtone composer.
It was a pain in the rear end but I managed to make some good ones.

My favourite being genocide by the offspring and Bro Hymn by pennywise.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 23:44

Grassy Knowles: Apr 4, 2003; "The original Terminator was a gritty fucking AMAZING piece of sci-fi. Gritty fucking rock-hard MURDER!"

Boiled Water posted:

Each time a new device demands a new connector, you buy a new set

In 2011 even feature phones were phasing out proprietaries and moving to micro usb, is this no longer the case?

# ? Jul 30, 2015 23:53

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

Horace posted:

Oh, I love these. I'd forgotten all about them until a couple of months ago when I found some magazines from the early 00s. Here's an ad picked at random:

These cost �3 each. That's how much you had to pay if you wanted to see Snoopy being ejaculated on every time you looked at your Nokia 3210.

What's GB, as in I <3 GB

Mister Kingdom posted:

His whole upper body looks like a videocassette logo.

# ? Jul 30, 2015 23:59

Code Jockey: Jan 24, 2006; 69420 basic bytes free

Horace posted:

Oh, I love these. I'd forgotten all about them until a couple of months ago when I found some magazines from the early 00s. Here's an ad picked at random:

These cost �3 each. That's how much you had to pay if you wanted to see Snoopy being ejaculated on every time you looked at your Nokia 3210.

Why would you gently caress snoopy :smith:

# ? Jul 31, 2015 00:00

Zonekeeper: Oct 27, 2007

sweeperbravo posted:

What's GB, as in I <3 GB

Judging by the "These colours don't run" next to an English flag and the ~~soccer~~ football team logos, this is an British ad, so GB is Great Britain.

# ? Jul 31, 2015 00:04

drrockso20: May 6, 2013; Has Not Actually Done Cocaine

sinking belle posted:

Don't forget the crappy edutainment console they put out: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/V.Smile

I mean I guess it's appropriate for like five year olds maybe but I wonder how many kids were subjected to relentless piss-taking at school when it came out that their parents got them one of these for christmas instead of a 360

I want to see someone make a version of Doom run on one of those, shouldn't be too hard since it's supposed to have power comparable to a SNES or GBA

# ? Jul 31, 2015 00:08

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Zonekeeper posted:

Judging by the "These colours don't run" next to an English flag and the ~~soccer~~ football team logos, this is an British ad, so GB is Great Britain.

Judging by how awful all of these are, especially the sodomized snoopy, this is an ad for people with terrible opinions, so the GB is George Bush.

# ? Jul 31, 2015 00:28

peter gabriel: Nov 8, 2011; Hello Commandos

Tunicate posted:

Judging by how awful all of these are, especially the sodomized snoopy, this is an ad for people with terrible opinions, so the GB is George Bush.

I think because of the confined space they had to work in, and the reasons you mentioned it's probably 'I Love GBS'

# ? Jul 31, 2015 00:38

Gromit: Aug 15, 2000; I am an oppressed White Male, Asian women wont serve me! Save me Campbell Newman!!!!!!!

Kaizoku posted:

In 2011 even feature phones were phasing out proprietaries and moving to micro usb, is this no longer the case?

The cellphone acquisition kit I have in the office here is in a big toolbox, but for most jobs I only take the dongle and 3 cables to cover most popular phones. If they have some other model then I can seize it and take it back to the lab if need be, but I just don't see any other brands these days.

# ? Jul 31, 2015 03:54

BogDew: Jun 14, 2006; E:\FILES>quickfli clown.fli

Didn't you once have to source photos off a GameBoy camera or something obscure?
What's been the most obtuse device you've had to ferret into?

# ? Jul 31, 2015 06:48

BattleMaster: Aug 14, 2000

No number of cables can get past full-device encryption though :laugh:

Edit: Except ones optimized for torture I guess but Western cops who do routine warrantless device imagings aren't going to be applying rubber hoses to anyone

BattleMaster has a new favorite as of 07:02 on Jul 31, 2015

# ? Jul 31, 2015 06:56

davidspackage: May 16, 2007; Nap Ghost

Horace posted:

Oh, I love these. I'd forgotten all about them until a couple of months ago when I found some magazines from the early 00s. Here's an ad picked at random:

These cost £3 each. That's how much you had to pay if you wanted to see Snoopy being ejaculated on every time you looked at your Nokia 3210.

Two about having sex with Snoopy. Whoever made those probably had the 98 other sexual Snoopy positions downloadable from his Angelfire page.

# ? Jul 31, 2015 06:58

Ellie Crabcakes: Feb 1, 2008; Stop emailing my boyfriend Gay Crungus

Zonekeeper posted:

Judging by the "These colours don't run" next to an English flag and the ~~soccer~~ football team logos, this is an British ad, so GB is Great Britain.

Are you a wizard?

# ? Jul 31, 2015 07:34

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

Actually it's General Bull.

# ? Jul 31, 2015 07:35

Croccers: Jun 15, 2012

Code Jockey posted:

Why would you gently caress snoopy

I assume the joke is Screw the pooch but it's the 90's in the UK so who the gently caress knows, maybe they did want to gently caress Snoopy.

# ? Jul 31, 2015 08:24

open24hours: Jan 7, 2001

Ensign Expendable posted:

I could do that through the IR port on my laptop or Palm handheld! A wondrous era that was.

This reminded me of using my Nokia Communicator (it was a few years out of date and very cheap by the time I got one) to browse the internet on the bus and at school. It had a built in 56k modem and you could just dial up your usual ISP. It was slow and difficult to use, but better than nothing.

# ? Jul 31, 2015 08:27

Gromit: Aug 15, 2000; I am an oppressed White Male, Asian women wont serve me! Save me Campbell Newman!!!!!!!

WebDog posted:

Didn't you once have to source photos off a GameBoy camera or something obscure?
What's been the most obtuse device you've had to ferret into?

Haha yeah, we had some child porn taken on one of those GB cameras. Well, given how low-res the shots were it wasn't exactly graphic.
I don't remember anything stranger than that, though. People like to keep their porn handy and easy to get at, so sticking it on some weird device with a terrible screen is not in their best interest.

# ? Jul 31, 2015 09:10

beato: Nov 26, 2004; CHILLL OUT, DICK WAD.

Horace posted:

Oh, I love these. I'd forgotten all about them until a couple of months ago when I found some magazines from the early 00s. Here's an ad picked at random:

These cost �3 each. That's how much you had to pay if you wanted to see Snoopy being ejaculated on every time you looked at your Nokia 3210.

I had the porn☆ one.

# ? Jul 31, 2015 09:54

Humphreys: Jan 26, 2013; We conceived a way to use my mother as a porn mule

I was king of the Platoon for having an F/M Bus cable for Nokias. Unlocking, Ringtone and Logo uploading etc.

I also ran a WAP site! It was full of all the ringtones and Logos I could rip/find/make, and made them free for all, complete with an SMS portal backdooring into some russian Cellular network web-app (before that was the go to word).

Monophonic Ringtones were the poo poo, I remember having to hand enter in the codes from sites on an Ericsson A1018s to get the likes of Axel_F and I think Red Dwarf. When I got a Ericsson T68i I discovered that if I took it to the phone store and forced them to send it to Ericsson for 'reflashing' I could nominate an European Firmware than included something like 5 more hidden games, all selectable through some bastardization of the Konami Code.

EDIT: Oh poo poo, also if you had a Nokia with BLUE LEDs instead of green, you were ballin'. And you weren't cool unles you had those light up addons, clear cases, light up antenna, and inverted LCD (by pulling the polarising film off the screen with a razor blade and turning it 90 degrees).

Humphreys has a new favorite as of 12:11 on Jul 31, 2015

# ? Jul 31, 2015 12:02

My Lovely Horse: Aug 21, 2010

I had an old-rear end Nokia phone until well in the 2000s. Pretty sure it was a 3210. I distinctly remember trying to program the Mother 3 pigmask army theme into it as a ringtone.

Tell you what though, I really liked that phone. Kind of wish I still had it sometimes, but the battery had a runtime measured in minutes by the end. Plus I very occasionally do get some use out of things like Google Maps on the go.

# ? Jul 31, 2015 12:40

Powerful Two-Hander: Mar 10, 2004; Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.

Horace posted:

Oh, I love these. I'd forgotten all about them until a couple of months ago when I found some magazines from the early 00s. Here's an ad picked at random:

These cost £3 each. That's how much you had to pay if you wanted to see Snoopy being ejaculated on every time you looked at your Nokia 3210.

I always liked the total lack of consistency in these. Snoopy getting boned and Jamiroquai? Sounds like a perfectly normal most wanted list to me.

I remeber you could get animated logos as well and a friend had a second hand 3210 that had one of sperm swimming across the screen on power on but the only way to remove it was to buy another so she just left it.

# ? Jul 31, 2015 13:20

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

Powerful Two-Hander posted:

I always liked the total lack of consistency in these. Snoopy getting boned and Jamiroquai? Sounds like a perfectly normal most wanted list to me.

I remeber you could get animated logos as well and a friend had a second hand 3210 that had one of sperm swimming across the screen on power on but the only way to remove it was to buy another so she just left it.

Well, to be fair is is a list of "most wanted" (i.e. popular). So you'll likely have a mix of things from people with no taste to people who really have no taste.

# ? Jul 31, 2015 13:33