UK Cunt Thread: bread and coffee wankers

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > UK Cunt Thread: bread and coffee wankers

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Vitamins: May 1, 2012

Phoon posted:

in the end i went to the park and got drunk instead

a good way to spend the day

back to work tomorrow, rip week off

# ? Aug 9, 2015 14:03

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 15:23

a real rude dude: Jan 23, 2005

i live in england 'the uk'

# ? Aug 9, 2015 14:23

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

so like is england like part of london :sissies:

# ? Aug 9, 2015 14:52

XMNN: Apr 26, 2008; I am incredibly stupid

every time i go to new street it seems like they've somehow managed to make it shittier and more confusing which i dont think should be physically possible at this point

# ? Aug 9, 2015 14:55

Pedricko: Apr 7, 2008

I'm staying on a big boat in Götenburg

# ? Aug 9, 2015 15:56

Vitamins: May 1, 2012

crispix posted:

so like is england like part of london

do you know the queen?!!!

# ? Aug 9, 2015 16:04

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

Vitamins posted:

do you know the queen?!!!

is she like, able to just chop peoples' heads off and stuff?! :eek:

# ? Aug 9, 2015 16:09

Nigel Farage: Jun 20, 2015; by Ralp
(and can't post for 2 years!)

crispix posted:

is she like, able to just chop peoples' heads off and stuff?!

No dear.

They are called "Muslims".

# ? Aug 9, 2015 17:08

Nigel Farage: Jun 20, 2015; by Ralp
(and can't post for 2 years!)

crispix posted:

so like is england like part of london

No. The Islamic State of Londanistan is our capital.

# ? Aug 9, 2015 17:09

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

uuuurgggh piss off, nige

# ? Aug 9, 2015 17:27

Nigel Farage: Jun 20, 2015; by Ralp
(and can't post for 2 years!)

crispix posted:

uuuurgggh piss off, nige

truth hurts huh?

# ? Aug 9, 2015 17:32

Ratjaculation: Aug 3, 2007

its humid

# ? Aug 9, 2015 19:27

Party Boat: Nov 1, 2007; where did that other dog come from

who is he

- been to ikea
- done a roast
- shifted some furniture round
- sorted that bit of the shed roof where the felt was loose

It's been the most Sunday of Sundays

# ? Aug 9, 2015 19:44

Phoon: Apr 23, 2010

i built a desk but its blocking the plugs so now i need to saw a piece off

# ? Aug 9, 2015 19:50

Nigel Farage: Jun 20, 2015; by Ralp
(and can't post for 2 years!)

I had a phone argument with Herman Van Rompuy.

Had four pints of IPA at the pub.

I had another phone argument with Carswell.

Then we met at the pub and had a few pints.

Then I had dinner and drinks with Adam Walker and congratulated him on his leadership victory last month.

Now we going down the pub.

# ? Aug 9, 2015 19:58

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

i mostly lay around in my pants

# ? Aug 9, 2015 20:04

Vitamins: May 1, 2012

i watched netflix and petted the cat

# ? Aug 9, 2015 20:07

Party Boat: Nov 1, 2007; where did that other dog come from

who is he

Nigel Farage posted:

Then I had dinner and drinks with Adam Walker and congratulated him on his leadership victory last month.

It's the little details I appreciate Nige.

How was dinner?

# ? Aug 9, 2015 20:15

Nigel Farage: Jun 20, 2015; by Ralp
(and can't post for 2 years!)

Party Boat posted:

It's the little details I appreciate Nige.

How was dinner?

It was divine. I really recommend the smoked salmon with quail�s eggs.

Adam was a charm. We had a really good chat about solutions to the Calais problem that we could promote without being accused of promoting genocide of these parasites.

# ? Aug 9, 2015 20:24

UncleBlazer: Jan 27, 2011

Interesting conundrum. I slept with two women this weekend. Today I got a text from some number asking how I could have done that to this person and they want me to explain myself.

How do I say "who are you and this isn't really my fault" without sounding like a massive bell end. Because I sort of am. Help me UK thread, you're my only hope.

# ? Aug 9, 2015 20:51

Phoon: Apr 23, 2010

just ignore it or possibly reply claiming to be someone else

# ? Aug 9, 2015 20:52

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

send them a photo of your dick

# ? Aug 9, 2015 20:53

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

i didn't involve anyone else in my sex this weekend :cool:

# ? Aug 9, 2015 20:55

goatface: Dec 5, 2007; I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.; Grimey Drawer

"Were we meant to be exclusive? When did we decide that?"

# ? Aug 9, 2015 20:59

The Big Taff Man: Nov 22, 2005; Official Manchester United Posting Partner 2015/16; Fan of Britches

UncleBlazer posted:

Interesting conundrum. I slept with two women this weekend. Today I got a text from some number asking how I could have done that to this person and they want me to explain myself.

How do I say "who are you and this isn't really my fault" without sounding like a massive bell end. Because I sort of am. Help me UK thread, you're my only hope.

I'm back to help. Tell me about these two women

# ? Aug 9, 2015 20:59

Gaz2k21: Sep 1, 2006; MEGALA---WHO??!!??

Ask them if they'd like to be number 3.

# ? Aug 9, 2015 21:05

UncleBlazer: Jan 27, 2011

Phoon posted:

just ignore it or possibly reply claiming to be someone else

Evasive. My favourite suggestion.

Jose posted:

send them a photo of your dick

I can't quite get the lighting right.

goatface posted:

"Were we meant to be exclusive? When did we decide that?"

It's an angry boyfriend. I could ask him if he wants to be exclusive, couldn't hurt the situation.

The Big Taff Man posted:

I'm back to help. Tell me about these two women

I regret the first one, it's probably her. She seemed trouble. Second was lovely.

Taff damage control my life. Thought I'd never say that.

# ? Aug 9, 2015 21:10

Fluo: May 25, 2007

Back from Amsterdam

Id recommend going

# ? Aug 9, 2015 21:11

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

did you know she had a boyfriend

# ? Aug 9, 2015 21:12

Bozza: Mar 5, 2004; "I'm a really useful engine!"

Are these people in your immediate circle of friends? If no, gently caress it off and don't panic. If yes, ignore and hope it all blows over.

I've used this pro tactic before.

# ? Aug 9, 2015 21:13

JFairfax: Oct 23, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

UncleBlazer posted:

Interesting conundrum. I slept with two women this weekend. Today I got a text from some number asking how I could have done that to this person and they want me to explain myself.

are you quite sure you haven't raped someone?

# ? Aug 9, 2015 21:13

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

Bozza posted:

Are these people in your immediate circle of friends? If no, gently caress it off and don't panic. If yes, ignore and hope it all blows over.

I've used this pro tactic before.

is that why you moved to glasgow?

# ? Aug 9, 2015 21:14

UncleBlazer: Jan 27, 2011

Jose posted:

did you know she had a boyfriend

Nope. Morally in the clear. A big reason why I can't really be bothered to reply.

Bozza posted:

Are these people in your immediate circle of friends? If no, gently caress it off and don't panic. If yes, ignore and hope it all blows over.

I've used this pro tactic before.

All signs point to ignore. I like this.

# ? Aug 9, 2015 21:17

Bozza: Mar 5, 2004; "I'm a really useful engine!"

Jose posted:

is that why you moved to glasgow?

No comment your honour.

# ? Aug 9, 2015 21:17

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

UncleBlazer posted:

angry boyfriend

sending a photo of your winky is an even better suggestion now

# ? Aug 9, 2015 21:19

quidditch it and quit it: Oct 11, 2012

Reply and say you don't want her any more, he can have her. Give him The Fear.

# ? Aug 9, 2015 21:22

The Big Taff Man: Nov 22, 2005; Official Manchester United Posting Partner 2015/16; Fan of Britches

UncleBlazer posted:

Nope. Morally in the clear. A big reason why I can't really be bothered to reply.

All signs point to ignore. I like this.

I'd offer advice but it sounds like youve made a series of rookie mistakes here that frankly I cant understand. Who doesnt ask for proof of age and check the facebook relationship status of someone before engaging in sexual activity

# ? Aug 9, 2015 21:22

The Big Taff Man: Nov 22, 2005; Official Manchester United Posting Partner 2015/16; Fan of Britches

Clearly you should reply saying that if shes pregnant you'll do the right thing and propose

# ? Aug 9, 2015 21:23

goatface: Dec 5, 2007; I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.; Grimey Drawer

Ask him if he'll send you pictures of his dick.

# ? Aug 9, 2015 21:27

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 15:23

UncleBlazer: Jan 27, 2011

de la peche posted:

Reply and say you don't want her any more, he can have her. Give him The Fear.

Ha!

The Big Taff Man posted:

I'd offer advice but it sounds like youve made a series of rookie mistakes here that frankly I cant understand. Who doesnt ask for proof of age and check the facebook relationship status of someone before engaging in sexual activity

gently caress, why am I only doing this now. Looks like she's engaged to this ginger who just runs in a park at weekends and posts on a comedy forum. Reckon I could have him.

# ? Aug 9, 2015 21:29

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