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also of note today: when i went to the shops a lady with big hair and wearing several dresses asked me for a pound coin, and when i said i didn't have one she told me, very sternly, that she was an anglo-saxon
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 00:38 |
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# ? Mar 28, 2024 11:29 |
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best man speech guidance pls
Ratjaculation fucked around with this message at 18:57 on Aug 21, 2015 |
# ? Aug 11, 2015 00:41 |
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Fraction posted:official countdown of worst places to live in UK. how the gently caress did Burnley not make the list? ...Burnley didn't make the list because London it seems, outside of Luton, truly is a loving awful place to live. 9/10 is a pretty solid score.
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 00:43 |
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Ratjaculation posted:best man speech guidance pls Get your cock out.
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 00:53 |
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Get agressivly more nasty and personal with your jokes as the speech goes on, ending it with the revelation that his fiancee is actually pregnant with your child.
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 00:55 |
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poo poo in a pint glass and throw it at the brides gran.
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 01:00 |
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Ratjaculation posted:best man speech guidance pls Email some of the groom's close friends and collect some stories. Mention how beautiful his bride to be is, throwaway comment early on. Do not dwell. Alternatively do dwell and tell her that she has made a big mistake and should be with you. Talk about shock at him finding a wife because of ineptness on a date, but not about proper exes. Be funny. Get drunk
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 01:19 |
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The Big Taff Man posted:that was me Taff you are definitely not as aware of people's facial expressions and thoughts as you claimed to be then Vitamins posted:poison the dog to save its suffering Poisoned or repeatedly wanked off, hmm...
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 03:38 |
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poisoned or having the UK's morally inpet touching your dilz!
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 06:49 |
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Just to be clear this is taffs wedding right?
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 08:47 |
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what?
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 08:48 |
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Pedricko posted:What about me You didnt offer me free sausages Ratjaculation posted:best man speech guidance pls Start the speech asking the bride to put her hand on the table, and the groom to put his hand on top of hers, and to keep it there till the end of the speech. Then at the end say that your final gift to the groom was for him to get the upper hand for the last time ever in their relationship, and point to camera gnarlyhotep posted:what? how are you today
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:04 |
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The Big Taff Man posted:Start the speech asking the bride to put her hand on the table, and the groom to put his hand on top of hers, and to keep it there till the end of the speech. Then at the end say that your final gift to the groom was for him to get the upper hand for the last time ever in their relationship, and point to camera using this the groom for me is a big wrestling fan so I am debating the use of folding chairs / Undertaker's theme in the speech
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:09 |
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Party Boat posted:using this Theres only one way to use wrestling in a wedding Can you get your hands on a snake
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:13 |
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just stand up and do a karate montage to 'youre the best' by joe esposito
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:14 |
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Bobby Deluxe posted:the players: fyi none of this makes any sense am I supposed to vote for hairy potter now or what
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:16 |
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Do a racism in your speech. Stare into eyes of mother of bride for entire duration.
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:16 |
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gnarlyhotep posted:fyi none of this makes any sense Its a bobby P post what did you expect
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:20 |
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The Big Taff Man posted:Start the speech asking the bride to put her hand on the table, and the groom to put his hand on top of hers, and to keep it there till the end of the speech. Then at the end say that your final gift to the groom was for him to get the upper hand for the last time ever in their relationship, and point to camera lol i used this when you suggested it for my best man speech and it was ace
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:23 |
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gnarlyhotep posted:fyi none of this makes any sense
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:27 |
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Ratjaculation posted:best man speech guidance pls Look up best man speeches on youtube, steal the jokes you think will work. Remember that everyone present wants you to succeed, try not to piss this goodwill away. Most brides will straight-up murder you if you ruin their wedding day, possibly tell her in advance what you're planning on saying so she can veto any bits involving her that her family shouldn't hear. The groom gets no such veto powers. Mock the groom, but remember this isn't a night in the pub. Frankie Boyle is very good at his act. You are not. Do not copy him. Keep it short. This allows you to make a 'speech as long as the groom lasts in bed' joke, which usually goes down well ("Like the bride!!!!1111eleventy")
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:29 |
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Bobby Deluxe posted:it doesnt really make sense to us and we live here, so vote whichever way your heart leads you ah, well I know voting is a joke so I'll treat this thread as such
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:29 |
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make suggestive jokes about brides mother then keep making them for way too long and then start openly hitting on her and then have sex with her later
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:35 |
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Ok I have the answer: Everybody go BOOP BOOP Everybody go BEEP BEEP Everybody say HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! Then go to sleep
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:43 |
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gnarlyhotep posted:Ok I have the answer: Silly gnarly, it's the morning here in The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:45 |
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sout posted:Silly gnarly, it's the morning here in The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Like I give a rat's rear end
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:46 |
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over the black country the map should just say COB speaking of which those dead cheap lunch places where you get a massive sandwich, with all the fillings in big ice cream tubs, with a salad bar for a few quid are amazing. i miss them
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:48 |
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The Big Taff Man posted:Theres only one way to use wrestling in a wedding The groom was greatly moved by Jake Roberts' struggle with drug addiction following his wrestling career, I am sure he would be honoured if I DDTd him on his big day
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:49 |
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JFairfax posted:Email some of the groom's close friends and collect some stories. The Big Taff Man posted:Start the speech asking the bride to put her hand on the table, and the groom to put his hand on top of hers, and to keep it there till the end of the speech. Then at the end say that your final gift to the groom was for him to get the upper hand for the last time ever in their relationship, and point to camera Semprini posted:Look up best man speeches on youtube, steal the jokes you think will work. Thanks for these guys. Cracking on with it today
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:52 |
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gnarlyhotep posted:ah, well I know voting is a joke so I'll treat this thread as such its my lifes work what will i do now where will i go (to the chippy most likely)
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:53 |
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Bobby Deluxe posted:but i put so much effort into the op If you never ever use words like "chippy" I will respect you
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:56 |
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frenchfry-y
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:58 |
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gnarlyhotep posted:If you never ever use words like "chippy" I will respect you where you live g-tep?
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 10:00 |
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gnarlyhotep posted:If you never ever use words like "chippy" I will respect you What is going on here? Why can't we do britishisms in our british thread?
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 10:00 |
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tentish klown posted:What is going on here? Why can't we do britishisms in our british thread? Hey it's not my fault if your thread sucks real bad.
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 10:10 |
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corn in the fridge posted:lol i used this when you suggested it for my best man speech and it was ace Did you really, its my most hated best man speech thing Heres some more Top Speech Tips from Taff. - Make a joke about looking up tips on the internet, but getting side tracked by some other websites, and then say youve listed them on a piece of paper for the groom so he can check them out now hes married (when I gave my mam away at her wedding I said that I'd looked up my role and saw it was called "Brides Escort" so had looked up advice on becoming an escort, everyone loved it) - For those of you who dont know me, my name is Taff. For those of you who do, I apologise. Not a lot of people know my full name is actually Taff Would-You-Like-A-Drink, and if you do meet me at the bar later I'd prefer you use my full name - I have never been a best man before, and I am not renowned for public speaking. But I'm doing the best I can today because the grrom said if I do a good job today, I can be Best Man at his next wedding, too - My advice to the groom is to always remember to tell your wife those three important little words (pause for what seems like an eternity) ‘You’re right dear’. - Now they are married it's time for us all to see that the groom is really the one that wears the trousers. And luckily for him the bride will always be there to tell him which trousers he has to wear. - Groom, it's important that you make sure the bride knows who is the boss. The best way to do this is to walk up to her, look her in the eyes and say confidently "you're the boss".
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 10:12 |
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Phoon posted:make suggestive jokes about brides mother then keep making them for way too long and then start openly hitting on her and then have sex with her later Bantz
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 10:22 |
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The Big Taff Man posted:Did you really, its my most hated best man speech thing it went over really well though i completely forgot about it by the end of my speech and the groom had to prompt me oops
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 10:33 |
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The Big Taff Man posted:the grrom
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 10:59 |
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# ? Mar 28, 2024 11:29 |
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My mate is an estate agent and did his best man's speech entirely in the style of housing sales patter and it was great.
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# ? Aug 11, 2015 10:59 |