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  • Locked thread
Sally
Jan 9, 2007


Don't post Small Dash!
:siren: New to the LP? Keep reading. The Table of Contents starts on the third update. If you've read the start of the LP, seen the thread vote, and want to skip directly to the Table of Contents, click this text. :siren:


The Planet Kronus.


Beset on all sides by the tides of war, this once-quiet colony became a savage battlefield.




Seven armies clashed on this one world, each refusing to back down, each convinced it was in the right.


From beneath the sands of Kronus's central desert came the Necrons--


--ancient machines bent on eradicating all life.


But another evil already had its eyes on the planet.


From the depths of the Warp, the daemonic forces of Chaos arrived to enforce their claim.


To oppose these fearsome powers--


--the planet's rulers in the Tau Empire sent their elite soldiers and sophisticated battlesuits into the fray.


From the mighty Imperium of Man came the Imperial Guard--


--there to secure Kronus for the glory of the God Emperor.


Like a green tide, the Ork horde descended on Kronus--


--caring little for others' claims and sowing destruction in its wake.


The Eldar, ancient enemies of the Necrons--


--emerged from their Webway to pursue their own agenda on Kronus.


And last came the Space Marines, finest and most uncompromising of the Imperium's soldiers.


Seeing a world beset by aliens and heretics, they undertook a great purge.


A Dark Crusade had begun. It could only end with the total victory of one of these factions, and the total defeat of all others.

Sally fucked around with this message at 18:14 on Jun 10, 2016

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Sally
Jan 9, 2007


Don't post Small Dash!


Hey, welcome this Dark Crusade LP! Dawn Of War is a really sweet RTS series made by Relic Games that I somehow missed upon its initial release and only got into long after everyone else had moved on. I'm skipping the original game and it's first expansion, Winter Assault, for its second expansion, Dark Crusade. I would argue that this one is the best of the series, refining a lot of the mechanics for multiplayer and offering one of the most engrossing and satisfying single player campaigns I've ever seen in an RTS.

If you're wondering what we missed in the first game here's a quick plot dump: Space Marines go to a planet, fight some Orkz and Chaos Marines, then some Eldar show up, and whatever. Winter Assault throws the Imperial Guard into the mix.

Okay, now that you're caught up on the backstory, here's where we are now (warning, I know literally nothing about Warhammer 40k--all that I know I have learned from my exposure to the Dawn Of War games--if you are a Warhammer 40k fan and I mess up this explanation, please correct me, I like learning about this nutty universe): somehow there's this planet Kronus, see? It was colonized by the Human Imperium thousands of years ago, but more recently the Tau Empire have captured and ruled it for the last two centuries. It was pretty peaceful, but something went wrong when some dickhead human, Thomas Macabee, went digging around old grave sites trying to figure out mysteries of the planet's past. Pro-tip, thread: if you live in universe where Chaos monsters can literally rip through space and time to destroy your world, don't dig around grave sites. Ever. Anyways, he accidentally awoke the legions of Necron forces that slumbered beneath the planet's surface. Yeah, turns out that Kronus was a Necron Tomb World before the Imperium colonized it. Now this is where things start to go nuts: Eldar forces show up, having detected the Necron's awakening. The Eldar hate the Necron, they're like sworn enemies or whatever. So they show up to wipe the Necron from the face of the planet. Only these Eldar have annoyed the Imperium recently, so the Imperial Guard shows up, chasing them, and decide they oughta reconquer this planet from the Tau. Only problem was, a whole bunch of Chaos Space Marines showed up as well. They're still upset about losing to the Space Marines hundreds of thousands of years ago back when the Imperium first colonized Kronus and decided now is the perfect time to exact their revenge. Now if this wasn't confusing enough, a detachment of Space Marines, the Blood Ravens, arrive on the planet looking for sacred artifacts. They're under strict commands from their superiors to purge the planet of heretics and aliens in order to preserve the sanctity of blah blah blah--they're gonna scorch the planet to bury their secrets. Only problem is the Imperial Guard isn't having any of it--the Imperium of Man suffers from massive bureaucratic troubles. Both the Imperial Guard and the Blood Ravens are acting on orders from their superiors, so although they are technically on the same side, they now have orders to kill each other. Oh, and to top it off, a bunch of Orkz land on the planet looking for a fight.

So here you have this planet, Kronus, and it's now the battlefield for seven massive armies. SEVEN massive armies.

It's loving awesome!

To the LP, though--



We're gonna be playing on the hardest difficulty. You (the posters of the Something Awful LP Subforum) are going to be my war advisers. The campaign of Dark Crusade is really awesome in that it plays out like a big ol'game of Risk. You get this map of Kronus and each army takes turns moving around the map trying to conquer territory. Each attack or defense is played out real-time, as this game is an RTS. Each of the seven armies has a home base that must be destroyed in order for them to be eliminated. However, each army can upgrade their forces and their commanders by taking over territories and performing awesome feats in battle. I will be playing out the RTS matches for the LP, but you will be deciding where and when I will attack, and what strategies I will utilize. We're gonna be on hard mode, so keep that in mind when you give me orders.

Before we can continue any further, though, we have to decide which of the seven armies we will play as. For those of you who aren't super familiar with Warhammer 40k, I've done my best to give a description of how each army functions in Dawn of War:

The Tau Empire

Space Communists. The Tau are a highly advanced species that have united several other species, creating a vast Empire that fights for "The Greater Good™". The Tau infantry are great long ranged marksmen, but have weak constitutions and are terrible in close combat. Thus, they employ Kroot and Vespid (member species of the Tau Empire) auxiliaries to compliment their soldiers. Tau Tech is awesome, so they get the benefit of stealth technology and limited flight for infantry. Their vehicles also boast some of the most powerful energy weapons in the universe and, being hover vehicles, are some of the quickest. Again, however, armour is limited. Overall, the Tau are glass cannons.

Space Marines, The Blood Ravens

Space Knights. Space Marines are the ultimate human warriors. Clad in heavy armour, they can take obscene amounts of punishment. They're also all highly competent in a variety of weapons. Their vehicles are similarly massive machines that can take tonnes of punishment and deal out pain in kind. They make a great jack-of-all trades army, but don't excel in any one area like other armies do. That might sound like a drawback, but it actually makes them one of the more dangerous armies, able to remain a threat throughout the duration of a match.

Da Orkz

Space Orkz. Imagine the orcs from The Lord Of The Rings were in space, and had cockney accents, and were a bloodthirsty horde concerned only with fighting, and were actually fun, and were nothing like the orcs from The Lord Of The Rings. Boom, you have da Orky hordez. Their weapons are literally just garbage slapped together that somehow functions because "Orkz". Their ranged weapons aren't great, but Ork infantry excels in melee combat. Most of their vehicles are more trash slapped together and painted red, but they've got some stolen vehicles from other armies that can dish out and take ridiculous amounts of pain. Really, the Orkz shine with their infantry, able to make literal waves of Orkz to overwhelm and crush the opposition.

The Necron

Space Undead. Do you like the idea of legions of skeletons slowly marching forward and crushing their enemies? Well how about terminator robots doing the same? Cause the Necron are basically terminator skeleton robots. They're super resilient, with even their most basic infantry able to take massive amounts of punishment. However, they're extremely slow. Like, they can't move faster than a slow walk or shamble. They do have some cool unique abilities. Being undead robots, they sometimes come back to life, restarting themselves, after being "killed" in battle. Many units also enjoy sweet teleporting abilities. Their vehicles are a mixed back. Though many are fast, they aren't as tough as you might want them to be--however, they have a vehicle that can scavenge dead bodies after a battle and use them to build new Necron soldiers on the fly. Oh, and their main base eventually turns into a flying, teleporting monolith that rains down death and destruction upon all who oppose.

The Imperial Guard

Space Humans. Weak, weak infantry. Let's just get that out of the way. The weakest. They're strong in massive groups, as you can rain down laser fire on enemies--but they're not very durable. Also, their morale is easily broken, which other armies can exploit. However, they have some of the best vehicles in the game, bar none. Awesome, awesome walker vehicles and tanks and APCs. So awesome. Like, game breakingly awesome. So much armour. So much firepower. They're also a great defensive army, able to hide within buildings and still fire upon enemies. Weak individually, they can overwhelm most enemies with their superior numbers (they don't quite match they impressive size of the Ork hordes).

The Eldar

Space Elves. The Eldar's infantry aren't quite as weak as the Imperial Guards, but many of them are quite fragile. That said, they do enjoy many benefits, such as stealth, teleportation, and various psychic attacks that can make up for these drawbacks. They also have some of the fastest infantry in the entire game. Most of their vehicles are similarly fragile, but they deal massive amounts of damage and can disrupt enemies to mitigate damage. Also they have teleporting stealth bases. Like, their bases can turn invisible and teleport around the map if you get attacked.

The Forces Of Chaos

Space Demons. The bulk of their army are corrupted Space Marines, so they enjoy a lot of the same benefits that Space Marines have: strong infantry that can take damage as well as deal it. More advanced infantry get the benefits of demonic corruption to give them more specialized and power roles. Being Chaos demons from another dimension, they also get sweet psychic powers, and teleporting, and stealth magic that allow them to one-up their enemies. A lot of their vehicles are surprisingly fragile, despite looking like monstrous hell machines, but they do employ one of the better tanks in the game. I would suggest that they're another decent starting army for beginners who don't want to start as Space Marines.

Whichever army gets the most votes will win the day! Let's have some fun playing Dawn Of War :D

And thus, the voting begun:

Jimmy4400nav posted:

SPESS MEHRENS

Night10194 posted:

Imperial Guard

Lasers, british people, and silly tanks.

anilEhilated posted:

WAAAAAAAAGH
Obviously.

Zanziabar posted:

Do you hear the voice of Chaos too?

Black Balloon posted:

Play Tau, shoot everything for the Greater Good.

wokow6 posted:

Da Orkz of course :orks:.

To me, this is the only real choice.

NewMars posted:

Go and show everyone what the men of the Imperial Guard can do!

nine-gear crow posted:

Be a space douche, be ELDAR

Onmi posted:

EDIT: voting for the Imperial Guard

SC Bracer posted:

I'll vote Chaos because space demons sound cool.

Mysticblade posted:

Go for Necron's. Skeleton robots sound like a neat idea.

Bloody Pom posted:

Orkz iz da biggest an' da strongest!

Scintilla posted:

The Orks, because Gorgutz is hilarious.

Dr. Snark posted:

I say Imperial Guard if only because you get to use the Baneblade BEHINBLADE tank. And I swear to the God-Emperor that using it is one of the most satisfying things in any RTS ever.

mcclay posted:

For the Imperial Guard!

EponymousMrYar posted:

Dark Crusade is the best of the original trilogy simply because you get to pick who you fight as. It really gets into the whole 'war' thing better than the previous two games where you're forced into a narrative siding with the Blood Ravens. Here you make your own narrative using your own methods. It's awesome.

Every choice is good but Orkz are the best.

Ozdhaka posted:

Going to go with the Orkz here.

Agent Interrobang posted:

Listen, people. I understand Space Communism sounds kind of worrying to a lot of you hearty, salt-of-the-earth sorts. They're a little spooky, and kind of anime, and that seems sketchy as all hell. But let me tell you something else you should know: hovertanks with motherfucking railguns.

A vote for the Tau is a vote for railguns. And a vote for railguns is a vote for all the best things in life.

CommissarMega posted:

Imperial Guard! We will bury our enemies under our corpses, and drown them in our blood!

habituallyred posted:

Tau Show the enemy what "markerlight targeting" and "smart missiles" are. Then ask them why they are still using human wave tactics.

Accordion Man posted:

Get stuck in with Da Boyz.

ZoninSilver posted:

Orkz Orkz Orkz Orkz Orkz :orks:

Sinner Sandwich posted:

Imperial Guard are the only way to go!

Crane Fist posted:

Orkz because orkz never lose. If you win it's all good. If you die then you don't know you lost cos you're dead so it doesn't count. If you run away then you can come back and have another go so that doesn't count either.

TGG posted:

The Imperial Guard is the true fist of the Imperium.

JohnOfOrdo3 posted:

Whenever I play this game I always go for Necrons or Imperial Guard. So I'm saddling up with Da boyz to see something a little different.

Sylphosaurus posted:

Imperial Guard, we will blind the filthy Xeno's with our flashlights and them run them over with our tanks.

Nuramor posted:

Imperial Guard

All the tanks!
All of them!

Shadiiw posted:

Join the Imperial Guars! They need you!

And so on, and so on, and so on...

Blind Sally posted:

Vote is currently standing at:

23

18

7

4

2

2

1



I'll have some time for the first update later today. Unless something changes w/r/t voting, it looks like we're gonna roll as the Imp Guard!

And thus, another flurry of votes came in chiming in support for either the Imperial Guard and the Orkz. Votes were changed, reasons for either side were given, and it was a tight race. However, the ultimate victor was...


Well, let's see. Tallying up the votes, it looks like we're going to be playing as the Imperial Guard--




















































































Pffffffffffffft! Bwahahahahaaaa! I can't keep it up any longer! It's a prank! A prank! Oh, Ethereal save me, what a hilarious prank! It was hilarious, wasn't it, Shas'uis?
It was hilarious, Shas'o!
Hello, I'm Shas'o Kais, the Commander of the Tau forces on Kronus. There was never any choice, this LP was always going to be the Tau rescuing our beloved colony from the clutches of fanatical alien scum. Hahaha, what game did you think we were playing? "Democratic-Vote-Hammer 40k?" Haha, filthy Gue'la. Now that most of you have outed yourselves as supporters of the vile forces that are invading Kronus, you shall all be quarantined, sterilized, and re-educated. Oh, don't worry, it's for the Greater Good. See, we don't want to kill you, merely ensure you'll never pass on your traitorous genetics while simultaneously showing you the irrefutable rightness of the Greater Good--it's a win-win solution! More on that in a moment, let's celebrate the fact that we shall be leading the Tau Empire into victory:




The rise of the Necron and the arrival of the other powers on Kronus was a threat the Tau Empire could not ignore.
Oh, shhh! It's starting.


With their doctrine built firmly around the so-called Greater Good, the Tau could not tolerate seeing a thriving colony taken away from them.
I take issue with their use of "so-called", but as you can see, the Tau Empire are clearly the good guys. Great intro, huh?


The Ethereals, leaders of the empire, responded to the distress signals from Kronus by sending some of their best and brightest to retake the world.


Aun'el Shi'ores was among the most lauded of a new generation of Ethereal caste; he would be responsible for restoring proper order to this wayward world.


With him came the military leader Shas'o Kais.
Oh, haha, that's me!
A student of the teachings of Commander Puretide, O'Kais brought a massive force of Fire Caste warriors as well as auxiliaries from the Tau's allied races, the Kroot and Vespid.


Tau ground forces landed in the city of Tash'n (or Asharis to use its true Imperial name) and from there began the crusade to retake the planet as a whole.

Ah, good stuff. Alright, all you filthy Gue'la sympathetic to the invaders, off you go to boot camp! Shas'el Shovah will give you a basic run down on the structures and units currently at our disposal here on Kronus. Once you've been re-educated to better appreciate the Greater Good, you may come back to work on my council.
With me, Gue'la, let's get you trained up!
Actually, if any of the rest of you want a review on Tau units and structures, it'd probably be a good idea to go off with El'Shovah, as well. He's a good guy, he'll sort you out. Now, the rest of you Gue'vesa who showed your true dedication to the Tau Empire may come directly with me to the war council room to help plan our first move. You, Shas'la, who are the Gue'vesa who proved themselves to be honourable and trustworthy?
Let's see, that would be:
  • Black Balloon
  • Agent Interrobang
  • habituallyred
  • Jobbo_Fett
  • Godna
  • sullat
  • JamieTheD
  • and, Kaboom Dragoon
Alright, you group get to decide our opening move. Let's take a look at our war map:


This is Kronus. We currently hold the city of Tash'n, but that's it. Every other force have had a chance to better entrench themselves. To the north of us are the Eldar and Space Marines. Directly east, and perhaps the greatest threat, are the Necron. South of us are the Ork Hordes. The only positive thing about being surrounded by the Necron and the Orkz are that they're acting as buffers to the Imperial Guard and Chaos Legions.
Shas'O is right. Now, as we are limited to ground movements, we can only attack provinces directly next to ours. A wall to the west of Tash'n protects us from the Eldar, but it also means we cannot advance directly west. The numbers on each province indicate their strength. The higher the number, the more dangerous and difficult the battle will be. We have not liberated any forces, so we cannot send Shas'O into combat with any wargear or honour guards--we'll get more into those when we can liberate them.
As my war council, you, the thread, are going to choose which province we attack, and how. As for actual tactics on the ground, they will be left up to my own discretion, but the decision to play defensively, or aggressively, or with swarms of vehicles, or on either the path of Mont'ka or Kauyon, will be left to you. This is the Hardest difficulty, so your decision can either make my life easier or more difficult. Make informed decisions or I'll send you back for re-education. Oh, and don't forget that pausing for a round is a legitimate strategy. It allows us to track our enemies' movements and build up more requisition for later use.
The three provinces currently open to us right now are as follows:


The Panrea Lowlands are held by the Space Marines and might provide a moderate challenge with our current limited resources.


The Western Barrens are held by the Necron, and they are fairly well entrenched. They only have a single base, but it still might be a vain effort to retake it at this point in time.


The Agamar Desert is technically held by the Orkz, but they've left it so poorly guarded that O'Kais could waltz in there on his own and retake it.

My advisers can only advise you. Ultimate decisions are left up to the thread. Everyone will be able to offer suggestions after this first move, but in honour of the Gue'vesa who proved to be truly loyal to the Tau Empire, I'm going to allow them to decide on our very first action.

Sally fucked around with this message at 18:10 on Jun 10, 2016

Sally
Jan 9, 2007


Don't post Small Dash!

The thread has "decided", we shall be playing as the Tau Empire. By the Etherals, aren't I simply the very model of a modern Shas'o Fire Warrior?


The War Journal of Shas'o Kais
The Kronus Campaign

Aun'o Blinde Sal'lee's Practical Guide To Warfare And Understanding Your Enemy

The Kronus Campaign Fan Fiction, by Shas'ui Vel'oxyll

Tau Empire Battle Records on Kronus (Win/Loss)
code:
·Vs. El'dar of Craftworld Ulthwé              · 08/01 - DEFEATED BY TAU
·Vs. Space Marines, Blood Ravens Chapter      · 05/00 - DEFEATED BY TAU
·Vs. Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter's Ork Waaagh!        · 03/03 - DEFEATED BY TAU
·Vs. Necron of Tomb World Kronus              · 04/00 - DEFEATED BY TAU
·Vs. Imperial Guard, 1st Kronus Regiment      · 07/00 - DEFEATED BY TAU
·Vs. Chaos Space Marines, Word Bearers Legion · 02/00 - DEFEATED BY TAU
Shas'ui Ra'lep Oz'oz Ax'e captured footage of Gregory on their GoPro

Ralepozozaxe posted:



Gregory in action.

Fio'O Ni'ne Ge'ar C'row Unearths Abominable Blood Raven Texts

Sally fucked around with this message at 17:14 on Jun 12, 2016

Jimmy4400nav
Apr 1, 2011

Ambassador to Moonlandia
SPESS MEHRENS

Night10194
Feb 13, 2012

We'll start,
like many good things,
with a bear.

Imperial Guard

Lasers, british people, and silly tanks.

anilEhilated
Feb 17, 2014

But I say fuck the rain.

Grimey Drawer
WAAAAAAAAGH
Obviously.

Zanziabar
Oct 31, 2010
Do you hear the voice of Chaos too?

Black Balloon
Dec 28, 2008

The literal grumpiest



Play Tau, shoot everything for the Greater Good.

wokow6
Oct 19, 2013
Da Orkz of course :orks:.

To me, this is the only real choice.

NewMars
Mar 10, 2013
Go and show everyone what the men of the Imperial Guard can do!

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013





Be a space douche, be ELDAR

Onmi
Jul 12, 2013

If someone says it one more time I'm having Florina show up as a corpse. I'm not even kidding, I was pissed off with people doing that shit back in 2010, and I'm not dealing with it now in 2016.
EDIT: voting for the Imperial Guard

Onmi fucked around with this message at 15:30 on Aug 15, 2015

SC Bracer
Aug 7, 2012

DEMAGLIO!
I'll vote Chaos because space demons sound cool.

Mysticblade
Oct 22, 2012

Go for Necron's. Skeleton robots sound like a neat idea.

I admit to being curious about this game. Some of my friends used to love this game, but it just kind of faded out of popularity like the rest of WH40K. Might just be my group.

Tyty
Feb 20, 2012

Night-vision Goggles Equipped!


Mysticblade posted:

Go for Necron's. Skeleton robots sound like a neat idea.

Rolling with this one. Love me some skeletons.

Bloody Pom
Jun 5, 2011



Orkz iz da biggest an' da strongest!

Scintilla
Aug 24, 2010

I BEAT HIGHFORT
and all I got was this
jackass monkey
The Orks, because Gorgutz is hilarious.

TomViolence
Feb 19, 2013

PLEASE ASK ABOUT MY 80,000 WORD WALLACE AND GROMIT SLASH FICTION. PLEASE.

The Imperial Guard will fight and die for the emprah.

Dr. Snark
Oct 15, 2012

I'M SORRY, OK!? I admit I've made some mistakes, and Jones has clearly paid for them.
...
But ma'am! Jones' only crime was looking at the wrong files!
...
I beg of you, don't ship away Jones, he has a wife and kids!

-United Nations Intelligence Service

I say Imperial Guard if only because you get to use the Baneblade BEHINBLADE tank. And I swear to the God-Emperor that using it is one of the most satisfying things in any RTS ever.

Archenteron
Nov 3, 2006

:marc:
:skeltal:

(Necrons)

mcclay
Jul 8, 2013

Oh dear oh gosh oh darn
Soiled Meat
For the Imperial Guard!

Onmi
Jul 12, 2013

If someone says it one more time I'm having Florina show up as a corpse. I'm not even kidding, I was pissed off with people doing that shit back in 2010, and I'm not dealing with it now in 2016.


We should point out that the Blood Ravens, the current chapter of Space Marines that are an option are famous for being bloody magpies and looting the poo poo out of everything, including other space marines.

EponymousMrYar
Jan 4, 2015

The enemy of my enemy is my enemy.
Dark Crusade is the best of the original trilogy simply because you get to pick who you fight as. It really gets into the whole 'war' thing better than the previous two games where you're forced into a narrative siding with the Blood Ravens. Here you make your own narrative using your own methods. It's awesome.

Every choice is good but Orkz are the best.

Some more notes on the various factions because I'm also a huge 40k lore nut:

Tau:
Much like actual communists, the Space Communists sound good on paper but then you join up and it turns out that they have a strict Caste system and that while the Greater Good teaches that every sentient being is equal, the member races of the Tau have some noticeable inequalities. Forced to follow a strict genetic plan (IE making people sterile to control population) and the Vespid have to wear special helms for dubious reasons. Plus the Ethereal seem to have all the perks of being the boss (including 'calling for help and getting two battlegroups worth of it easily.') Gameplay wise Tau are glass cannons, but they're glass cannons on hover platforms so they're pretty spry with all that firepower.

Space Marines:
They're not just tough because of their armor. Their tough because they're genetically modified for being tough with a host of extra organs (two hearts, a dozen extra glands to handle pretty much anything that gets tossed at them plus any Chapter specific glands/organs etc.) on top of being recruited from harsh worlds and being put through a training regimen that makes the phrase 'bootcamp from hell' seem quaint. Very few who fail to become a Space Marine survive. That's actually their greatest weakness in gameplay terms, while being a jack of all trades army makes them really strong, they can't put out the same numbers that others can.

Orkz:
Are the best. They live for fighting and winning. They're the 'comedy' race of the setting though given that this is 40k, it's all about the silly ways they kill each other and how they function as a society of uncomplicated violence-focused sociopaths. One thing that doesn't come up much (because Orkz tend to Loot more than they barter) is that they have a currency: their teeth. Thus no one in Ork society is 'poor' (aside from Gretchins 'cause theys the smallest) since if an Ork runs out of teeth, he'll just grow more eventually. Gameplay wise Orks aren't 'just' massive amounts of melee dudes, they borrow a bunch of options from other races very well and their anti-armor is surprisingly effective against everything (because nothing solves a problem like 'more rockets.')

Necron:
Space mummies more like. You know that fantasy/sci-fi trope where everything seems sort of built on a super advanced past civilization that for some reason is no longer around despite being found all over the galaxy? Necron are both that race AND the reason why they're not still around. It's kind of weird considering that Necrons are only interested in wiping out all life in the universe (which makes sense from a Tyrannid killing perspective but that race isn't in this game!) In Gameplay their crippling slowness is a big weakness although they make great 'fire and forget' troops. Not their doombase though. You can't forget that thing.

Imperial Guard:
If you've ever played Call of Duty you should remember the first Russian mission: 'One man takes a rifle, the other takes a clip, if the man with the rifle falls, the man with the clip picks it up and starts shooting.' That's how the Imperial Guard solves problems, through sheer manpower (fortunately, everyone gets a gun!) While they have weak morale they also have strong morale via the Commissars. Yes in game you can have a Commissar and he can :commissar: someone to improve morale of the squad. Another big thing with the Guard is modularity: you can give your squads a number of special weapons and combined with the sheer amount of squads you can field their infantry can be pretty powerful. Nowhere near as powerful as their tanks and such though. Seriously best vehicles in the game.

Eldar:
The Eldar are something of a 'dying race' considering that they only live on Craftworlds (literally they made worlds that travel through space) and they're sort of responsible for the birth of the Chaos God Slaanesh, who has it out for them to join the rest of the Dark Eldar. They mainly take the Elvish 'playing the long game' to a dickish extreme. IIRC the only reason they're on Kronus is to stop the Necron from leaving because these Necron will be a threat to their Craftworld sometime in the future (even if it's thousands of years in the future, Eldar are extremely proactive.) They're stealth experts in this game with most of their foot units being able to use a cloak or benefit from another unit using a cloak.

Chaos Marines:
Everyone has a chink in their armor and Space Marines are no exception. Which is kind of a problem when the right thing gets through that chink and all of a sudden your Genetically Modified Power Armored Super Soldiers turn against you because they're fed up being super soldiers for you. Fortunately Evil hates itself almost as much as everything else and the forces of Chaos fight themselves almost as much as they do everything else, very rarely banding together to form a 'Black Crusade' that seeks to liberate whatever they can from decency/civility/sanity/mortality. In game we play as a Khornate-dominated Chaos force (Khornate Berserkers, Possessed Squads being melee oriented, Bloodthirster etc.) which kind of explains why the vehicles seem squishy compared to normal Space Marines: all the better to let them get closer to kill you in melee. Plus the whole 'too angry to feel pain in the first place' bit.

Ozdhaka
Oct 20, 2012
Going to go with the Orkz here.

Agent Interrobang
Mar 27, 2010

sugar & spice & psychoactive mushrooms
Listen, people. I understand Space Communism sounds kind of worrying to a lot of you hearty, salt-of-the-earth sorts. They're a little spooky, and kind of anime, and that seems sketchy as all hell. But let me tell you something else you should know: hovertanks with motherfucking railguns.

A vote for the Tau is a vote for railguns. And a vote for railguns is a vote for all the best things in life.

CommissarMega
Nov 18, 2008

THUNDERDOME LOSER
Imperial Guard! We will bury our enemies under our corpses, and drown them in our blood!

habituallyred
Feb 6, 2015
Tau Show the enemy what "markerlight targeting" and "smart missiles" are. Then ask them why they are still using human wave tactics.

Poil
Mar 17, 2007

Orkz is made for fightin' and winnin'!

Accordion Man
Nov 7, 2012


Buglord
Get stuck in with Da Boyz.

Iretep
Nov 10, 2009
Imperial Guard are made for firing and dying!

ZoninSilver
May 30, 2011
Orkz Orkz Orkz Orkz Orkz :orks:

Sinner Sandwich
Oct 13, 2012
Imperial Guard are the only way to go!

some plague rats
Jun 5, 2012

by Fluffdaddy
Orkz because orkz never lose. If you win it's all good. If you die then you don't know you lost cos you're dead so it doesn't count. If you run away then you can come back and have another go so that doesn't count either.

TGG
Aug 8, 2003

"I Dare."
The Imperial Guard is the true fist of the Imperium.

JohnOfOrdo3
Nov 7, 2011

My other car is an asteroid
:black101:
Whenever I play this game I always go for Necrons or Imperial Guard. So I'm saddling up with Da boyz to see something a little different.

Gridlocked
Aug 2, 2014

MR. STUPID MORON
WITH AN UGLY FACE
AND A BIG BUTT
AND HIS BUTT SMELLS
AND HE LIKES TO KISS
HIS OWN BUTT
by Roger Hargreaves
Remember these are the Oldcrons not the Newcrons. Newcrons have much more depth and are way more interesting; even if people complain they are just Warhammer Fantasy Tomb Kings in SPAAAAACE.

Sylphosaurus
Sep 6, 2007
Imperial Guard, we will blind the filthy Xeno's with our flashlights and them run them over with our tanks.

Nuramor
Dec 13, 2012

Most Amewsing Prinny Ever!
Imperial Guard

All the tanks!
All of them!

Jobbo_Fett
Mar 7, 2014

Slava Ukrayini

Clapping Larry
Tau

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Shadiiw
Apr 22, 2010
Join the Imperial Guars! They need you!

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