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Grizzled Patriarch posted:Spin! Yay! Cyberpunk Fairy Tales and Religious High Fantasy! There's an adventure there for sure! skwidmonster posted:Spin! Yay! Buddy Cops and Zombies sound like a blast! Fumblemouse posted:Spin! Yay! Can't go wrong with either Dystopian Detective or Vampire Weird Fiction! Megazver posted:Spin! Yay! There is so much to do with Magical Realism and Historical Fiction! Excellent! Yay! Supernatural Romance could be just the kick in the pants your writing career needs! Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 20:31 on Aug 25, 2015 |
# ? Aug 25, 2015 20:22 |
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# ? Apr 25, 2024 07:34 |
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Here's all the people signed up so far: WeLandedOnTheMoon! Chairchucker C7ty1 Killer-of-Lawyers Jonked epoch. Broenheim Martello Thyrork A Classy Ghost HopperUK Cingulate Meinberg Thranguy Entenzahn SlipUp docbeard Grizzled Patriarch skwidmonster Fumblemouse Megazver worlds_best_author Sebmojo J.A.B.C. magnificent7 ravenkult SadisTech Djeser spectres of autism kurona_bright SurreptitiousMuffin Bompacho Morning Bell After The War Nikaer Drekin Obliterati Kaiju15 JuniperCake Halbey jon joe newtestleper Ovaltine Dr. Kloctopussy N. Senada I like it! Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 18:16 on Aug 28, 2015 |
# ? Aug 25, 2015 20:28 |
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In
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# ? Aug 25, 2015 21:06 |
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Put me IN, coach!
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# ? Aug 25, 2015 21:10 |
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I'm in, no tox. I'll take whatever.
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# ? Aug 25, 2015 21:11 |
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yo, spin that bitch
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# ? Aug 25, 2015 21:30 |
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spin
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# ? Aug 25, 2015 21:36 |
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Hi I'm in
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# ? Aug 25, 2015 21:44 |
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sebmojo posted:Spin! Yay! Political intrigue and Bangsian Fantasy must be a dream come true for an imaginative writer! J.A.B.C. posted:Spin! Yay! Someone ordered up a Paranormal Police Drama! It was me! magnificent7 posted:Spin! Yay! Someone's going to create a delightful piece of Multicultural Military/War Fiction! It's you! ravenkult posted:Spin! Yay! Finally! I think we've all wanted to see Fabulist Wuxia for a long time! SadisTech posted:Spin! Yay! Who doesn't love Biopunk Chick-Lit? Sweet! Djeser posted:Spin! Yay! Cosmic Horror Children's Fantasy or a Lost World Historical Drama! The only downside is that you have to choose one!
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# ? Aug 25, 2015 22:06 |
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spin! (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
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# ? Aug 25, 2015 22:15 |
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ravenkult posted:spin! Yay! You decided to spin the wheel a second time! I hope you love Multicultural Spy-Fi because that's your other choice!
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# ? Aug 25, 2015 22:18 |
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I'll spin again, too.
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# ? Aug 25, 2015 22:25 |
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Judgeburps for Sins Week Hi guys, I really enjoyed a lot of the stories this week, and the ones I didn't enjoy were mainly just inoffensively bland, rather than horrible plotless messes. Even the losing story was actually a story. Now these are unedited, and in some cases they are somewhat mean-spirited. I have two excuses. The first is that there were a lot of words to judge, and the second is that I hate you personally. They are also, in almost all cases, very short. I probably won't be posting any crits over and above these, but I would genuinely love to discuss your story in a more constructive way in IRC. Just hit em up via PM. If I'm at work it might take me a while to get back to you. Oh- also these were all written prior to turning off judgemode. Warring Within Wrath hubris.height The author seemed to get bored of this story. It set up a simple conflict, a relationship that made us care, and then, FIGHT yadayada REVOLUTION THE END amazed this wasn’t a situation where the author just ran out of words- it certainly felt like that. Dedove was a terrible name. LOW MID/DM Loomer Spectres of Autism [size=109]This is a cool story! I think the only issue I have with it is that the modern, laid back voice doesn’t really interact with the other elements very well- it feel like there is slightly too much going on. I like that you “wove” LOLZ a real plot in to this monologue in a way that kept it interesting, kept the action ticking over. [size=109]High mid/HM Capitalism is the one true ideology of Freedom Wrath Jonked This would have benefited from section breaks. Ayn Rand is a bit of an easy target, and used here as a sort of short-hand for ‘this guy is a jerk’. You actually had me with the doll stuff, but I am an easy target for stuff about little kids atm. THere was noone to root for in this story. Unlikeable characters. Prose fine, though. MID Aptera Lust. HopperUK[/size] The opening paragraph was very good, and while there were a few pieces that were a little flat, this was a great story overall. Really lush imagery, and a story arc that was compact while spanning ages.[/size] HM Her Caged Song Lust dmboogie This was oddly emotionally disconnected for a story about love. It WASN’T about lust at all. The actual story arc was qute nice, completely competent. There was at least one proofreading error, and Rahul was confusing. MID Gut Instinct Gluttony Screaming Idiot doesn’t really start until just before the section break. farted wetly. This is 90% setup, then an unearned punchline that skips all of the interesting action. LOW MID/DM Closing Day Wrath Poshalligator There wasn’t enough setup to the shadowy G-men coming in, but the opening wasn’t too important. This lived and died by the action scene, and it wasn’t clear enough for me to follow. Cool idea, but I’m not sure I like the ending. I think there are problems with inconsistent tone- I think I would have liked the silliness to be pushed and the ultraviolence to be jettisoned. Low mid Divided we Orbit Greed anime was right I enjoyed this story from start to finish, even though I’ve seen the “divide the room” thing on saturday morning cartoons and sit-coms. It was funny when I found out the narrator was the insane one, and the way their insanity just escalated and escalated further was great. This is a great way to do flash, just pushing things as far as you reasonably can, and finishing with a skinny fist raised to the sky. Win/HM Saved by the Bear Sloth Divided We orbit This was boring, and took ages to get going before it got to stuff happening. I think the problem with it was that it didn’t evoke her mental health issues very well, so it was hard to be invested in the story. Some clunky prose, too. Mid Mama’s Beautiful Boy Gluttony Mons hubris I liked this story quite a bit. I think it needed a bit more action, like maybe some kind of a struggle to get the keys. I also didn’t quite feel the love between the protag and Teddy, but maybe that is intentional- she was rescuing him because she knew she needed to. High Mid Sleep, a Song, then Sleep again Sloth Broenheim This was an okay children’s story. I like that he didn’t realise monkey’s lesson till he applied it to bird. Sloth was kinda unlikeable right from the start, which hurt the story a bit as well. Mid The Gentlewoman Caller Sloth Thyrork I didn’t understand what letter she was looking for. This could be a perfectly reasonable adventure story- it has all the elements- the problem is the prose is really…. prosaic. It’s not slick, it’s not interesting, there is no surprising detail or anything to make the words sing in any way. I mean this is fine but I think this is one of those ones where the only prescription is read more because there’s no music here. Mid Sins and Stones Lust Morning Bell This moves so quickly that we never get a chance to know the characters. Needs to drop half the plot or more, tell less, and give us some interesting detail to connect us to it. It sounds sort of like a high school history textbook at the moment. Low MId The Kill. Gluttony magnificent7 This story is revolting, and not in an interesting way. Describing someone’s hair as poo poo-brown really turned me off your protagonist, and none of the other characters are interesting enough to pull off their awfulness either. This was just drab and dingy and not in a good way. DM candidate July 2026, Sestercentennial Fireworks Wrath Thranguy I actually kinda liked this. I like the way the characters movements are sort of assumed- it reminded me a bit of the chaos caused by the heath ledger joker. I would have liked the motivations to be clearer, I think, to connect me more to what’s going on. High mid Aspiration Sloth epoch. I really wanted to hate this, with the stilted drug and video game references, but I didn’t really. The protag was a little obvious, but his actions were interesting. I would have liked to delve more into his ex’s parting statement - it seemed likely to be something that was said in a hollow way, but it was treated very straight. The prose isn’t quite there. There were actually some lovely lines, such as “Tears cut a shiny river on her impeccable makeup,” but this is another one where the writer’s feeling for flow still seems to be developing, as well as some poor word choice, using overly dramatic words where simple ones would serve. Mid In the Land of the Blind Envy C7ty1 So this is a super cool setting with absolutely wretched execution, plot, character, etc etc etc etc. Wtf happens? what does he find? What is he loving done with? This is vague and terrible. Even the detail of the braille makes no sense- you can see the bumps! They correspond directly to letters! What is he doing writing in his cellar? GAH STUPID. DM/LOSS All That Glitters Greed N. Senada This is a very workmanlike story. It’s annoying that it’s comprised of two car crashes, without that really being thematically important. There is a small amount of characterization. I would have liked to see the meeting between greg and Ollie, instead of having to fill in the blanks. MID War Pigs of Mars Wrath Martello There are SO MANY WEAPON NAMES. I actually think the writing was very competent but any plot got lost behind the endless sci-fi weapon words and corporation names. Laying it on a bit less thick will let the story come to the fore. MID Debt Greed After the War This was a really good story, apart from one thing: I didn’t understand the narrator’s motivation. It didn’t actually kill the story- it was still good, with good use of voice and a really interesting plot, but it meant that the ending didn’t really have as much impact- the bit where Ed dies seems like the real ending. HM candidate Rainmaker Lust docbeard There’s a bit too much going on here for me to follow. The storm is some sort of ET/other dimensional being who’s in love with the protagonist. He asked for rain, and boy did she give it to him in spades. There’s casey as well- he goes with her after the storm leaves him? something like that? I like the writing here, but it’s packing a bit too much in for my taste. MID What’s theirs is mine Envy A Classy Ghost This is so dull dull dull. Why does it even matter they’re on a spaceship? Everything sci-fi about it was bad. I couldn’t DM it, but it’s a pointless boring story. Also the main character was horrible, and the plot made little sense. Okay I just convinced myself to put it in DM contention. DM The Opening of Rodeo Hercules Lust Benny Profane This is a pretty fun thing. It’s gross, but hilarious. Would have been better suited to robot week, but it still fits the prompt well enough. This is borderline HM contention for me, just because of how well paced it was. Some of the humour was maybe a little too OTT for me, but I think that’s just a personal taste matter. HM…...just Would you please step into the box Sloth WLOTM I don’t see where the sloth is here, really. Also there are major clarity issues throughout, and some errors in the prose. Apart from that this is fine. It has decent bones, just the execution is poor. MID The Sepulcher Out of Sea Envy Grizzled patriarch Arrr, tis a fine tale. Seriously though this moves with a really nice pace, and the dead captain is really creepy and enigmatic. It suggests greater, deeper horrors in an almost lovecraftian way. A very very solid story. HM/Win For Mine is the Kingdom, the Power and the Glory, For Ever and Ever Amen Pride Obliterati This was a pretty decent adventure tale. I like the idea, though i was a little unclear as to why the soldiers joined him (because they weren’t palace guards and therefore under the control of the evil Vizier?) High Mid August Widows Anonymous Envy Ironic Twist I think this story is good, and that it will need a bit of time to settle with me. The depiction of the interactions of the women is very precise and interesting, and the whisky cubes are such a nice, surprising detail that they carry the thematic weight well. I just don’t understand why CHarlie reminded her so much of her husband. I re-read a few times and I still couldn’t piece it together. HM candidate maybe Eternity Envy Bompacho This was so annoying. Just sort of catty back and forth not-very-witty dialogue with loads of cute look-at-me-i’m-omnipotent annoyingness. Didn’t really have a plot at all, and really no redeeming features. DM Stalking Bathory Wrath Fuschia Tude “a specific fruit” Of the straightforward action/adventure stories this was among the top half. It still wasn’t that interesting. This is something I find hard, too- making an actiony, plot driven flash that hangs together thematically as well. It’s a lot of moving parts to fit into a small space. You missed out on the theme. MID Paper Jam Sloth Killer-of-Lawyers So meta, but when I give it some time it it is actually not as obvious one might think. There’s not really a story here, but I think it actually works as a vignette, because of how easygoing and how the references, while glaring, are not approached directly- there is no moral to this story. It actually reminds me a bit of some of the less annoying moments of linklater films in a way. It’s easy to wax on about this because the writing is effortless and light- it doesn’t try to do a whole lot but does it well. I really have no loving idea, but this is very memorable regardless of where it places. ??? Night Swimming Wrath skwidmonster This is a good one. I enjoyed the characters, though I would have liked to have seen the dad struggling with his condition more during the caper. Here’s an adventure story that combines theme and action really well. I’m guessing Benny P. HM candidate. Summer Broken Pride Erogenous Beef I really like this apart from the ending. I really identified with Sandy, and I don’t feel like the photo redeems what’s happened to her enough for her to just accept her fate like that, despite the thematic stuff with dead eddie. That’s a bit of a nitpick- it’s a nice coming of age kind of story. HM I found a bird when I lost God but maybe I found God again later I’m not sure I guess we'll have to wait and see Envy Tyrannosaurus Wow this is great. For a start i rolled my eyes and thought it would be another cliche TD anti-religion story, and to an extent it IS, but the main character is handled so incredibly deftly that I couldn’t stop reading. The depiction of depression is so insidious, it is extremely powerful. Win Ken & Jake Pride SlipUp Wow. So we go from the peak of a story that is beautiful and sensitive in its depiction of people struggling with their sexuality, to one with all the subtlety of a handful of batteries in a sock. This is truly awful. THe dialogue between the mum and Jake in the middle made me want to gag. At the end I kept wondering where the story would deviate from its horrifically predictable path, and it just never did. The storyline itself is no more played out that in “I found a bird”, but it just goes to show that it’s all in the execution. In this case hopefully it’s you who gets executed. Loss Goeth Before Pride SadisTech This is really cool. The action at the end is unexpected, yet it makes perfect sense. I get a really powerful feeling for the enormous sense of drive that these two have. It all seems plausible but still incredibly dramatic. HM/Win Just So Pride Fumblemouse THis was really confusing. Were the scourge actually a thing? Why were people spontaneously vaporizing? What was the thing with the antlers? This was all a bit of a mess. DM The Maskless Man Pride Crabrock The start of this is fantastic, well observed and funny and completely horrifying. The meeting with the Mum is bit less so, then the ending is bad - all so nicely wrapped up. Overall this is a MID but it runs the gamut from HM to DM across it. Soul Food Greed curlingiron I liked this, but I think it flubbed the ending- it needed to be more immediately, viscerally, shocking and horrifying. It also needed to be telegraphed a bit less. The rest of it did well at making us feel his psychosis. MID Actually, It’s About Ethics. Greed Entenzahn This was pretty sweet and nice. I didn’t like the way the distraction was yadayada’d. It was a really nice depiction of the child’s headspace. MID Soapy Smith Pride kurona_bright This was another story that committed the sin of boredom. There was just nothing interesting or surprising about it. Mid newtestleper fucked around with this message at 22:31 on Aug 25, 2015 |
# ? Aug 25, 2015 22:26 |
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spin
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# ? Aug 25, 2015 22:29 |
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Fumblemouse posted:According to the cyborg's number crunch thing: So spin me up!
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# ? Aug 25, 2015 22:29 |
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Fuschia tude posted:Karma, what? You're correct, I've managed to acquire just as many harsh lessons as you much faster. If anything I'm glad I got handed the DM this week as now you have no excuses. I'm prepared to on this too. Let's lay 'em down. Anyone want to step up to the plate with officiating this Brawl?
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# ? Aug 25, 2015 22:31 |
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You poor deluded fool, you made a handout week. Enjoy judging 50+ entries. In with a .
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# ? Aug 25, 2015 22:32 |
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Thranguy posted:
Yay! Thanks for a second spin! I know that Southern Gothic Biopunk is just the genre mashup this world needs to read! Yay! Cosmic Horror and Ghosts/Hauntings is sure to be a spooky delight! kurona_bright posted:Spin! Yay! Medical Drama and Weird Fiction sound like two really fun things to play with! SurreptitiousMuffin posted:Spin! Yay! Both Supernatural Medical Drama and Zombie Wuxia have the makings of something great! Good for you! Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 22:43 on Aug 25, 2015 |
# ? Aug 25, 2015 22:34 |
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Fuschia tude posted:Karma, what? PoshAlligator posted:Anyone want to step up to the plate with officiating this Brawl? How you doin' Posh Tude 2015 - This Time It May Or May Not Be Personal Ghosts. Secrets. Indecision. Using these elements, tell me a real story, with real characters (plural) and real stakes. Between 750 and 1750 words. Due no later than 5 AM CST on September 4, 2015. Sadly, I will likely be awake, but if not, I can read timestamps and do simple math, and there will be no leniency. You're both toxxed and I can learn from the past. docbeard fucked around with this message at 17:20 on Aug 26, 2015 |
# ? Aug 25, 2015 22:47 |
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Hey! Thanks for the crit! You read right between the lines and found the truth behind the curtain.
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# ? Aug 25, 2015 22:57 |
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I'm ready for a twin spin . Put me in with a ------------------------------------------------ Through some inexplicable mercy on behalf of the judges. I dodged the envy DM despite having the lowest score so heads up: Grizzled Patriarch Tyrannosaurus A Classy Ghost C7ty1 Ironic Twist Crits coming your way.
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# ? Aug 25, 2015 23:25 |
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In edit: with a , spin me twice Morning Bell fucked around with this message at 00:32 on Aug 26, 2015 |
# ? Aug 25, 2015 23:58 |
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Fumblemouse posted:According to the cyborg's number crunch thing: eh, the mouse wins by the skin of his tail.
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# ? Aug 26, 2015 01:19 |
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Sitting Here posted:eh, the mouse wins by the skin of his tail. Better start recording, then. (Any particular story you want to hear, Fumblemouse?)
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# ? Aug 26, 2015 01:26 |
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Sitting Here posted:eh, the mouse wins by the skin of his tail. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSsssss!!! I always felt that what the ThunderDome needed was more readings of my work in "whiny baby voices". And now we take the first step to achieving that purest of dreams. Get on right that, K_b. Fumblemouse fucked around with this message at 01:35 on Aug 26, 2015 |
# ? Aug 26, 2015 01:33 |
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kurona_bright posted:Better start recording, then. Surprise me. And do voices, too!
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# ? Aug 26, 2015 01:35 |
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In. Spin.
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# ? Aug 26, 2015 01:54 |
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Fumblemouse posted:Surprise me. And do voices, too! I'd like to hear Embryo
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# ? Aug 26, 2015 02:57 |
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Broenheim posted:Alright, so by estimations, these are the people I currently owe crits to. If there are any mistakes (aka you stole a flash rule and didn't say so before hand or in your submission), inform me by Wednesday midnight PST or I will assume I am correct and not give you a crit. preferably through SA PMs, if not available try to get my attention in IRC. also if you're part of or will be a part of this list and did not submit then gently caress you buddy, submit on time. also also please dont quote this big text of bullshit you assholes. here you go everyone https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ibXTT6UY_EHkiu_LGUVzTGO2bebeET7zxJpFy19hfWo/edit?usp=sharing
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# ? Aug 26, 2015 03:27 |
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Thanks for the crit
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# ? Aug 26, 2015 04:01 |
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And Nikaer Drekin makes his (presumably) long-awaited return to the THUNDERDOME!! I'm in for this week.
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# ? Aug 26, 2015 04:22 |
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Broenheim posted:here you go everyone Thanks bro
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# ? Aug 26, 2015 04:32 |
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Nikaer Drekin posted:And Nikaer Drekin makes his (presumably) long-awaited return to the THUNDERDOME!! I'm in for this week.
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# ? Aug 26, 2015 04:34 |
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Bompacho posted:Spin! Yay! One the one hand you have Hard-Boiled Sports Fiction and on the other is High Fantasy Thriller! Both great hands! Morning Bell posted:Spin! Yay! I was hoping someone would get Heroic Fantasy Medical Drama or Detective Fiction Police Drama and here you got both! Choose the one you like the best! After The War posted:Spin. Yay! Grimdark Urban Fantasy! What a wonderful mash up! Congratulations! Nikaer Drekin posted:Spin! Yay! You came back just in time to receive Alternate History Disaster Fiction! What luck!
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# ? Aug 26, 2015 04:49 |
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epoch. posted:I'm just gonna say this once: If your lust story gives me an actual boner, I will give you a line-by-line critique of anything you loving want that you have written* ? well e: also, spin me again trex. sebmojo fucked around with this message at 12:28 on Aug 26, 2015 |
# ? Aug 26, 2015 11:58 |
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sebmojo posted:? well I've only read two so far. No luck yet not even a chub.
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# ? Aug 26, 2015 12:57 |
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newtestleper posted:Judgeburps for Sins Week Broenheim posted:here you go everyone Thanks, y'alls is awesome.
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# ? Aug 26, 2015 13:25 |
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After The War posted:Thanks, y'alls is awesome. What this goon said.
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# ? Aug 26, 2015 13:26 |
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Judgebrawl SlipUp - this brawl's for you to judge as penance for your sins against good taste. **edited out for submission** newtestleper fucked around with this message at 09:40 on Aug 31, 2015 |
# ? Aug 26, 2015 13:45 |
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# ? Apr 25, 2024 07:34 |
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I got a boner last week, but it wasn't related to any stories. Just thought I'd keep everybody updated.
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# ? Aug 26, 2015 14:33 |