joats posted:

If I were a reddit mod I would ban you all.


















For being too awesome!

pftc posted:

https://archive.is/dB1jf

Eonwe posted:

goatse

thatguy posted:

My goal in life is to become a reddit moderator.

quote:

I’d like to apologize for today’s Fiction being a little late. We were supposed to have a story by Props today, but due to an emergency, he wasn’t able to finish it. Luckily, Michael Shean stepped in and created the awesome piece below!

Pyre of Flowers

By Michael Shean

The Al Yasmeen was more beautiful in her death throes than Marian had ever seen her in life. Space was terrible that way. Flames of red and silver danced across the ruptured hull of the frigate as it rolled in space, gravity gone, drives shattered by the swarm of torpedoes that had struck its rear quarter seconds before. What turrets remained still spewed death from their guns, but resistance was feeble; the fallen Idris merely postponed the inevitable, swiping at her killers with a single claw while holding in her guts. It would not be long now.

Marian and her fellows had belonged to the Eridani Shields, a mercenary unit. A few days ago, Captain Merces, skipper of the Al Yasmeen and commander of their outfit, pulled up stakes from Bremen where they had been coining a mint escorting bulk haulers full of small ships and agri-products out to the frontier systems. No explanation offered or given – anyone who wanted to go left without acrimony, their contracts paid in full. It made zero sense to the rank and file, but Marian and the bulk of the outfit put their faith in the Captain and went with them to…wherever this was, a dead sector of space through a jump point that Marian was fairly certain didn’t exist on any map. The unit – four bulk haulers full of personnel and supplies, a swarm of lesser ships and fighters, and the Al Yasmeen – and were on their way to a plotted muster point, a dead rock in the middle of nowhere where the Captain promised that he would explain the sudden evacuation. They never made it, of course. There were already knives in space, ready to cut them to pieces.

They came down on the Shields with IFF beacons silenced while they were still taking formation at the jump point: two black Retaliators, escorted by six Hornet Ghosts, swooped down on the lot of them like angry raptors, firing a cloud of torpedoes that found their marks almost before anyone could get a shot off; the transports and their charges were reduced to clouds of fire in an instant, and the Hornets homed in on the smaller ships with punishing fury. Marian and her commander, flying escort for the flagship, were caught in the opening salvo as well; Marian’s Super Hornet survived the blast from a torpedo strike that landed on the Al Yasmeen’s aft quarter. Her flight commander and squadron-mate did not.

<Jesus,> muttered her RIO, a man named Bryan Halster – he was new, but he was mustard, and she was very glad to have him. <It’s like they knew we were coming.>

Marian gripped the stick tightly and banked away from the ship that had hosted her for six years. She had other things to worry about now, like getting out of the area while she still could. <All remaining allied ships,> she barked over the link, <This is Scythe Beta, assuming command. Call in!> Though their attackers were jamming the local Spectrum and comms channels, the EWAR crew on the Al Yasmeen were still trying their best to push back – the ship might be mute, but it could at least free up channels between the surviving ships. As the senior officer flying in the field and with the flagship’s comms blasted, it was up to her to try and get what was left of them together and out safe.

<Stranger, reporting in! Missiles dry, but we are otherwise armed and functional!> Marian had a flash of Steve Riley and Connie Mgumbe in their matte black Cutlass, blasting away somewhere beyond the Al Yasmeen; the fallen Idris spewed flames and superheated gas like celebration fireworks, but had not yet gone down. In the guttering holographic sphere of the radar display, Marian saw its green marker, moving amongst the several angry red bandit markers that still swarmed them all. Added to this, more voices – Tiger and Puma, a matched pair of Gladius fighters, a trio of Mustang Deltas called the Sisters, and the very angry Walkure that was the sole survivor of their Legionnaire contingent. Most were intact and with most of their ordnance, a condition owing to the suddenness of the attack.

Of all of them, Marian was the most grateful for Walkure. Though it was a humble Aurora, its pilot was the angriest and most savage ace that the Shields had. Debra Tanner kept the ship out of spite, though she had been offered Hornets on more than one occasion – and had the kill markers to justify her stubbornness. <Walkure here,> she roared over the link, the lisp from her cleft palate doing nothing to mute the fury in her voice. <Guns charged, missiles full. They took out my whole wing – I’m going to kill them all!>

<Form up with the Sisters and distract those fighters,> Marian said. <Sisters, Walkure has command. Tiger, Puma, you’re with me. We need to try and drive off those fighters and cover any escape pods. Stranger, get the hell away from the battle and get ready to collect survivors. Confirm!> There was a chorus of acknowledgement, stabbed through with digital snow, and they set about their work. It was an ugly mix, and she had no idea if any of them were getting out alive, but any room doubt was pushed out of her along with the air in her chest as she found herself suddenly executing a hasty break as fire came down from above. Energy splashed off her shields as she found herself pursued by a pair of slate gray Hornets; the Ghosts’ wings were ablaze with the backsplash from their repeaters, the laser cannons giving them a hellish red glow as they scissored in on her from above and below. Marian gunned the engine, and the ship’s ball turret discouraged pursuit as she strained to get out of the line of fire.

It wouldn’t have worked nearly so well if Halster wasn’t such a damned good shot; even under fire and at top speed, he was able to strip the front shields from the descending Ghost, and through her radar display she witnessed it break sharply from the furious counterattack. <Eat that, you bastard cowards,> Halster roared as Marian rolled the ship and he directed his fire toward the lower fighter; the wingleader was a better pilot, though, and dodged the twin sprays of light while countering with his own guns. Scythe Alpha’s airframe shuddered as its starboard shields withered and a few hits found their mark – the armor held, however, and its attacker erupted into flames as a pair of missiles slammed into the Ghost’s aft quarter.

<Sorry to make you wait,> called Tiger’s pilot over the link; the Gladius and its wingmate soared past, harpies with canard wings, and settled on either side of Marian’s ship as she brought it round. In the distance, Al Yasmeen shuddered from another torpedo hit. Like parasites fleeing a dying host, the frigate’s hull had begun to spew a stream of escape pods – but as the capsules rocketed away, the unmarked Hornets descended upon them. One after another, they began to tear away under merciless cannon fire.

<Those fuckers,> Halster hissed, but Marian was already on it.

<All ships,> she called, <Converge on the enemy and protect those pods! Kill everyone you can to drive them off if you have to, but the escape pods must get away!>

On any other day, it would be a suicide charge – but today, for some reason, the gods of war were with the poor remnants of the Eridani Shields. Marian pushed the throttle to maximum and kicked in the boosters, but she wasn’t nearly as fast as her wingmates; they broke and surged ahead, picking two targets and executing a rolling scissors maneuver that allowed them to shred the predatory Ghosts with missiles and cannon fire. Marian caught up with them as the Ghosts broke from their victims and sheared the aft end off another with a sustained blast from all guns.

The Sisters arrived in a cloud of rockets, punishing everything that dared grow close – which, it must be said, might have been the escape pods as well were they not accurate with their fire. The trio of dark green Mustangs came in at a vector that set them above the pods’ plane of escape, however, and the dumbfire warheads pounded the stealth ships. Their fusilade was short-lived, however, as the Ghosts managed to break and come back around; though they were more heavily armored than the standard model, the ships were still incredibly light; the heavy repeaters on the Ghosts tore two of them open as if they were plastic models, sending ships and pilots scattering in different directions. The last of the Sisters took a missile at nearly point-blank range, instantly converting both ship and pilot into a spray of burning wreckage. At such close range, Marian had to bank hard just to keep from being struck by an errant engine spar.

Eonwe posted:

did you guys know there is star citizen fanfiction holy gently caress lol

Eonwe posted:

did you guys know there is star citizen fanfiction holy gently caress lol

Eonwe posted:

Pogue Ma Hoon posted:

There can not be fan fiction featuring in any capacity. There just can't be. The world isn't that cruel.

Ravane posted:

https://www.reddit.com/r/DerekSmart/comments/3pprzu/another_one_for_the_archives_boys_dont_miss/

Eonwe posted:

they should take reddit out behind the barn and put that pedo loving tinfoil hat wearing blot on humanity out of its misery imho

Pogue Ma Hoon posted:

There can not be fan fiction featuring in any capacity. There just can't be. The world isn't that cruel.

StraightFace posted:

hey reddit archive this

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3221068

peter gabriel posted:

Hey Reddit, ironically oblige this:

....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\...

Ravane posted:

https://www.reddit.com/r/DerekSmart/comments/3pprzu/another_one_for_the_archives_boys_dont_miss/

peter gabriel posted:

A sinewy thin Lesnick slid effortlessly into his snug space suit, as he caught a glimpse of his athletic frame in his mirror he flexed his lithe but strong arms, grinned a chisel jawed grin and winked at himself 'Looking good Commander' he whispered as he...

AP posted:

I laughed way too hard at this.

Eonwe posted:

sunk deep into the pie

Eonwe posted:

now that i think about it a goon written star citizen fan fiction would be p funny

AP posted:

I laughed way too hard at this.

Eonwe posted:

yea I considered posting that yesterday but I was at work

Skoll posted:

I feel sorry for Dolvak tbh. It must be horrifying to have a small dick, no IRL friends, and a massive insecurity complex to make you hate someone you don't even know over a video game that will likely never release.

That goes for all the INN people too, get (of age) girlfriends you silly fucks.

Incombibulator posted:

I think I'm far too moderate.
Nobody talks about me.
I haz a sad.

Anybody got a cat I won't sell and just pet for a while?

peter gabriel posted:

quote:

"only thing we are really doing is just watching what dsmart does"

Romes128 posted:

the star citizen reddit seems like the most sexually frustrated group of people on the planet.

thatguy posted:

I wonder what reddit thinks of me. Do you think they think I'm pretty?

I hope so.

CrazyTolradi posted:

I'm still laughing over guys who dump shittons of cash into SC and be all, oh I'm hiding this from my wife she wouldn't be happy if she found. No poo poo you dumb gently caress, even deep down you release that your wife would see it's a loving waste of money because that's entirely what it is.

You could make a horribly tragic reality TV series about SC backers. Their interactions with anyone possessing the smallest amount of common sense would have close ups of that persons face locked in a sheer WTF expression when having SC explained to them.

Skoll posted:

Space Hoarders.