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i guess the coolest bomb dropped in my family was that my great grandmother's sister was married to al capone. this was a few years ago, she died this year, but she wasn't senile or anything, her body was just done. just was hanging out with the extended family and dropped that, no one had heard that before, but it was real and pretty cool. other than that, there's nothing much from my family (that I know of). my grandmother went lesbo a long time ago and I was really dumb about her having a female "roommate" for my entire life until i was like 12. her brother, my great uncle, is pretty much 100% confirmed gay too, but whatever. I think my paternal grandfather, her ex-husband, came from moonshine bootleggers, but that's not super surprising for virginia. my wife has the best one though, she comes from a pretty conservative southern family and did some genealogy and found out they're related to a former vice president. the only hangup being that that particular vice president was super gay with james buchanan. her dad gets really touchy with being related to a famous politician who was also very gay and it owns.
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Oct 24, 2015 07:09
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Drink Cheerwine posted:23andme only offers ancestry now, not genetic predispositions. i guess 3 days ago they got approval to test for bloome syndrome, but that's it. thanks obama Interesting fact: 23 and Me collected everyone's genetic data and sold that personal information to pharmaceutical companies. They made a boatload of money from both sides without telling either, because gently caress ethics. For content: Our family found out on Facebook that my sister's husband was cheating on her, and after five kids, had another baby with a friend of hers. A few years after that child was born he ended up suddenly dying from something heart-related at 42. Just mowing the lawn one morning, and dead. The other woman even showed up at his funeral, which I'm sure was pretty loving awkward. My dad has a rusted, wicked-looking kris dagger stowed away somewhere, and he's never given me a straight answer on where he got it from.
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Oct 24, 2015 07:19
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symbolic posted:a few months ago my dad told me that i was almost aborted because my parents didn't think they were financially ready for a kid. they went to the clinic but it closed 10 minutes before they arrived. the day after my dad got promoted and so yeah, here i am. first post is complete bullshit, as is most of the thread, I'm sure
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Oct 24, 2015 07:21
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gnarlyhotep posted:first post is complete bullshit, as is most of the thread, I'm sure My dad's precious little brother that died at 28 of leukemia didn't fail to leave behind a loving child. We're all supposed to be all omg he's essentially his poor dead dad but that doesn't stop the fact that the loving pig, and by pig i mean literally a loving cop, raped for years essentially half of his cousins. Try that one on for true, motherfucker.
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Oct 24, 2015 07:44
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tactlessbastard posted:My dad's precious little brother that died at 28 of leukemia didn't fail to leave behind a loving child. We're all supposed to be all omg he's essentially his poor dead dad but that doesn't stop the fact that the loving pig, and by pig i mean literally a loving cop, raped for years essentially half of his cousins. Try that one on for true, motherfucker. I am sorry for your lots
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Oct 24, 2015 07:46
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gnarlyhotep posted:I am sorry for your lots If I had the choice of a different lot I would have taken it! Long time listener, first time caller, thanks for listening.
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Oct 24, 2015 07:50
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tactlessbastard posted:If I had the choice of a different lot I would have taken it! Long time listener, first time caller, thanks for listening. yeah whatever
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Oct 24, 2015 08:08
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tactlessbastard posted:My dad's precious little brother that died at 28 of leukemia didn't fail to leave behind a loving child. We're all supposed to be all omg he's essentially his poor dead dad but that doesn't stop the fact that the loving pig, and by pig i mean literally a loving cop, raped for years essentially half of his cousins. Try that one on for true, motherfucker. which half
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Oct 24, 2015 08:18
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I mean top or bottom
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Oct 24, 2015 08:19
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gnarlyhotep posted:first post is complete bullshit, as is most of the thread, I'm sure 
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Oct 24, 2015 08:51
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My grandpa was in the Hitler Youth. He's not my biological grandpa. My grandma remarried before I was born but to me he was the only grandpa I knew. My bio-grandpa fought in the US Army against Germany in WW2.
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Oct 25, 2015 03:46
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My uncle was bi-polar but every time I met him he was ok, just loud. Then I hear of incidents where my dad had to beat his rear end with a hurley. He got run over trying to help one of his dogs (which I liked to meet) that got run over by a car. Doctor at the subsequent inquiry just went "uh he died", where my aunt, an actual doctor was present. She got pissed. Wish I knew my non-dead parental uncles.
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Oct 25, 2015 04:18
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what the gently caress is a hurley
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Oct 25, 2015 23:41
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Frostwerks posted:what the gently caress is a hurley hurlˇey ˈhərlē/Submit noun noun: hurley; plural noun: hurleys a stick used in the game of hurling. another term for hurling. Origin early 19th century: from the verb hurl. It's a stick
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Oct 25, 2015 23:59
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Not as exciting as my last story, but I was talking with my dad a few weeks ago and he was telling me some stories about my grandfather. I'm not 100% on the fine details, but I guess he worked as a cop and later an investigator of some renown in Mexico City. He apparently had some connections not just with the government but some crime bosses as well. One of the bosses invited my grandfather over for a chat after a murder trial where he was found innocent and straight-up admitted to my grandfather that he did it. Old man shared some secrets with my pops, but probably held on to many more. Dad says there's probably a lot of people out there who were glad when he died a few years back.
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Oct 26, 2015 00:12
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My mom's uncle was a potential murderer. He and a few of his friends broke into a guy's house, and wound up killing him. Police could never pin the murder on one of them, so they all got off. Mom's uncle and another of her uncles managed to kill themselves a few years after that by flipping a convertible after hitting a pole at the end of the driveway and plowing through that same house (which had a new owner at this point) upside down.
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Oct 26, 2015 00:18
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My super Polish Catholic father found out that there was some Jew blood in his family lineage and it nearly brought him to tears.
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Oct 26, 2015 00:24
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My cousin was an AIDs baby and I accidentally told my extended family that. The way the story goes, my uncle caught a whole mess of diseases raping his way through Desert Storm, and when he got back to the states he put a baby in my aunt without telling her about his activities. My aunt eventually told my mom all about it, while she was divorcing my uncle, and I overheard enough to ask questions, so they filled me in, so that I wouldn't try and ask anyone else in the family about it. I, being like 10 at the time, assumed that if I was allowed this info, everyone in the family knew it. So a few weeks later, when my cousin skipped out on some family event to see his girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to make a joke about her getting AIDs off of him. I still don't really go to any events for that side of the family.
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Oct 26, 2015 02:23
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A great-grandfather on the maternal side was investigated by the FBI for espionage during WWI
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Oct 26, 2015 02:43
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Anaranjado posted:I'm gay. Not a big deal.
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Oct 26, 2015 07:18
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Rumors that my family's last name was changed when they relocated a long time ago due to them being a bunch of jackass horse thieves. This is apparently why we can't trace our genealogy back past a certain point.
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Oct 26, 2015 07:20
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My grandpa was one of those people you read about, who suffer a head injury and then their personality completely changes. Apparently one night he was doing some (probably drunken) late-night snowmobiling and he crashed into a tree. He was airlifted out, and then later went into a coma. Apparently when he woke up he was just absolutely nuts. He was angry all the time, would start getting abusive, and things like that. It eventually peaked when he tried to kill himself by burning down his house, with him inside of it. He called 911 before starting the fire, but he lived in the rear end end of the Colorado mountains at the time. When the first officer arrived the building was in flames, and my grandpa was standing at the window waving around a gun. Eventually he passed out from smoke inhalation, and because nobody else had arrived on scene yet, the cop ran in and pulled him out. He survived the ordeal, my grandma got half the insurance payout on the house, and I don't know what happened to my grandpa after that other than the fact that he eventually drank himself to death. This happened sometime back in the late 60s/early 70s, and even though my grandma is still alive, I've never once talked with her about this. All this information came from my mom, who I'm pretty sure was living on her own at the time.
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Oct 26, 2015 07:38
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Badgers posted:Rumors that my family's last name was changed when they relocated a long time ago due to them being a bunch of jackass horse thieves. This is apparently why we can't trace our genealogy back past a certain point. thats a cool crime dude its basically the carjacking of rural historic america.
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Oct 26, 2015 07:53
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Frostwerks posted:thats a cool crime dude its basically the carjacking of rural historic america. naw man, horse thieves are the worst
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Oct 26, 2015 08:40
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My uncles mother in law (not really family per se) worked at the post office and would steal money and valuables out of people letters/parcels. This wasn't really a secret, since this was something she freely admitted to. Another uncle by marrige, I'm fairly sure was a rapist and/or a pedophile from what I can piece together of information. My great grand father was a gambler, a drunk and an adulterer. He would spend all his money on horses, booze and mistresses while my grandma and her sisters hardly had clothes. A cousin of mine was in a gang, dealing drugs and beating up people. He has since given up on that and is a really, really nice person and a devoted father. fish and chips and dip fucked around with this message at 08:48 on Oct 26, 2015 |
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Oct 26, 2015 08:44
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Badgers posted:Rumors that my family's last name was changed when they relocated a long time ago due to them being a bunch of jackass horse thieves. This is apparently why we can't trace our genealogy back past a certain point. They change their name out of embarrassment at stealing donkeys by mistake?
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Oct 26, 2015 10:23
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My grandpa had a secret first family. My grandma was his second wife, and he had a few kids with his first wife but grandma made him keep it secret from his new family. He remarried his first wife after grandma died, but I never knew that her kids were also his kids. I've never met them but according to my mom they're good people. What creeped me out about it when I finally learned all this was that the other side of his family knew about us all along. There we were living in blissful ignorance, while somewhere across the country there were these people who knew that their dad was off with his new wife and six more kids. I'm kind of shocked that they apparently don't resent us for it.
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Oct 26, 2015 11:43
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I have an evil twin brother named Hugo.
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Oct 26, 2015 13:31
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Medieval Medic posted:I have an evil twin brother named Hugo. shut up and eat your fish heads
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Oct 26, 2015 20:21
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Baudolino posted:My grandfather was a abusive alcoholic prick who beat all of his seven children daily. I remember his funeral. It was a small event. My father`s side of the family was there. No one cried, no one appeared to be sad. He was dead and they were glad for it. Since i never knew him much i felt pretty numb myself. I know this is from a few weeks ago but this is pretty much verbatim what I came here to post about my paternal grandfather. Same number of kids, too. My dad and a bunch of his siblings went out to a bar to celebrate after the ceremony. Oh, and I'm related to John Hinckley, Jr.
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Oct 26, 2015 23:50
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The ancestor of mine who went over to Australia was a highwayman who killed 9 people and also pimped out his wife who was my great great great etc grandmother. Luckily he came to to penal colonies and evidently really got his poo poo together
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Oct 27, 2015 00:02
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as the heir to the Rubin gag gift empire I am privy to a host of ideas and prototypes that never made it off the floor. One of them, oddly enough, was an offshoot of the 'party game' where the last person to press a handheld controller button gets zapped. A skeleton with a proprietary but cost-prohibitive coating which allowed for battery powered 'shocks' to be delivered upon touch. I keep a couple in my walk-in for old times' sake
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Oct 27, 2015 09:42
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My dad's family is old southern baptist, so a lot of things only come out of the woodwork when you do a bit of genealogy research. One of the few things I did know growing up was that my great granddad was basically a drunk shithead who chased my clubfooted grandma and would beat her if he caught her as a form of therapy. I guess he hoped that she'd somehow stop being crippled? Anyways, she hated him and I'm pretty sure everyone was happy when he died an early death. She also was a strict teatotaller from that day forward, which I can't really blame her for. But from there things get a bit more hidden. Like, her husband, my granddad, had an aunt who was apparently murdered as a young girl when she was walking to school in the late 1800s. A black guy got lynched for it. I (and my dad) only found out about it after my grandparents died when I was doing genealogical research. Besides a weird census record and an old newspaper article that got microfilmed, I never would have known about it. My mom's side of the family is less interesting; in fact, some of the tame poo poo I do is something of a family secret because my grandma freaks about things like having 1) two completely platonic male friends as roommates and b) running off to Florida for spring break to meet a guy you like online. However, she had a grandma who everyone described as "half Indian". I dug a little into genealogy and found out that both her listed parents were bone white, but that she had to have been born when her mom was 13 and unmarried. So, its kind of a mystery. The one thing I dug up suggested that the father was from Oklahoma, so he could have been Indian? We don't know. Anyways, its just funny that my great great grandma gets invoked constantly as the charming Indian lady of the family - "you're 1/16th Cherokee, Balqis!" - but you have to know that when she was born, she was a huge loving scandal that no one talked about. Oh, and then there's the prerequisite "family used to own slaves" thing, to the point that one ancestor wrote a phrenology treatise about the inferiority of the African race using his own slaves as specimens, but, you know, no one is ashamed of that.
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Oct 28, 2015 11:48
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Drum posted:My mom's uncle was a potential murderer. He and a few of his friends broke into a guy's house, and wound up killing him. Police could never pin the murder on one of them, so they all got off. jfc was the house built on a sacred Indian burial ground or something?
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Oct 30, 2015 08:56
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Balqis posted:My dad's family is old southern baptist, so a lot of things only come out of the woodwork when you do a bit of genealogy research. One of the few things I did know growing up was that my great granddad was basically a drunk shithead who chased my clubfooted grandma and would beat her if he caught her as a form of therapy. I guess he hoped that she'd somehow stop being crippled? Anyways, she hated him and I'm pretty sure everyone was happy when he died an early death. She also was a strict teatotaller from that day forward, which I can't really blame her for. Glad my family poo poo came over after slavery so we avoided all that nasty mess. The family story is that my great grandfather was the bastard son of a count in germany. My great grandfather had a reputation of being a big man with a big temper. He got so angry once he turned white and picked up a wheel barrel filled with cement and dumped it on someone. So the story of him barging into the counts manor and demanding to be given money to go away (to America) isn't hard to imagine.
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Oct 30, 2015 09:43
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jackyl posted:my grandfather was a bombardier in b 17s and gave me a typewritten copy of his bombing runs once, which was cool bombardier or ball gunner? Not to be a poo poo here but the "glass bubble" sounds like the ball turret and it's inches off the ground and you have nothing under you and I know for a fact the regulations were not allowing people in the ball turret during takeoff In a B-17 the bombardier was ahead of the navigator, so in the plexiglass nose. So if you mean that bubble then yeah I could see that but afaik being in the nose was the standard take-off position for bombardiers SniperWoreConverse posted:Nobody knows any details. The only thing left is a little urn of ashes, some old pics, and an amulet. I remember him sitting me and my siblings down when we were young as gently caress and explaining how when he died he wanted to be cremated and what that ment and he probably had like ten years left. My mom flipped out and thought we'd be, like, traumatized or something, but I at least was totally fine with it and got it. Pics/documentary link? simplefish fucked around with this message at 10:23 on Oct 30, 2015 |
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Oct 30, 2015 10:19
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Not really a skeleton but my Great Grandad was a commando in WW2 (UK Goon here  ) and was reluctant to talk about his time in the war. He had a biscuit tin full of medals and a cache of war letters and a diary that my uncle sold to a museum when I was a kid: I didn't get to see any of it  The stuff they did find out that he did mention was essentially that the day before Operation Market Garden he burst his ear drum which ruled him out of the jump, and probably saved the lives of him and all his future progeny. Also his unit was dropped in ahead of Operation Overlord (D Day) early to covertly soften up Nazi defences as much as possible, but as the bulk of forces were further north in anticipation of a direct channel crossing some of the 'soldiers' he and his buddies were garrotting were Hitler Youth kids making up the numbers.
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Oct 30, 2015 16:55
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my dad needed to brandish his 12 gauge to fend off some guido mobster wannabes once so it's like 1990 or something like that and dad owns a small auto repair shop next to an italian restaurant. this is in a city in new york that's kind of a shithole (crack and urban decay and dying industry - think a small, more easterly detroit). the power goes out, but it comes back on for that block relatively quickly. These three lunkheads show up and start demanding my dad, who had stayed late to take care of some business in his office, give them money because they knew a guy at the power company who got the power back on for them faster. he naturally tells them to gently caress off, and they leave, but dad's suspicious so he gets his 12 gauge from his desk and loads it. the guys come back, armed with pipes and other blunt instruments, but dad pulls the shotgun and racks it and they run off. amusingly, they call the cops, dad unloads the shotgun and explains what happened to the police. the three guys were known troublemakers, so the cops believed my dad over them and they were the ones who got arrested. that's the story. i'm pretty sure it's true because my dad has always instilled in me that honesty is important, he's not the type to make this poo poo up (and in fact doesn't like it when I share this story, he's no glory hound). also my mom kept my dad's alcoholism a secret for years until I was 16 when it all fell apart when I went to go visit him for the summer, goddamn that wasn't fun to see him reduced to a slovenly wreck 
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Oct 31, 2015 06:39
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Skeletons in the family closet? My great great grandfather set the legal precedent for ownership of human corpses in Australia. He had a carnival sideshow that displayed a two headed foetus in a jar. The police confiscated it for reasons of public indecency, but eventually the high court of Australia ordered it returned to him, and to this day that case is cited when ownership of corpses is in question. http://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/sinodisp/au/cases/cth/HCA/1908/45.html?stem=0&synonyms=0&query=skeleton monkey fucked around with this message at 13:10 on Oct 31, 2015 |
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Oct 31, 2015 13:06
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Bacon Terrorist posted:... FYI while some of those Hitler youth units were random groups of boys, some were as fanatical and brutal as the SS. A number were involved in war crimes. So those kids may well have deserved it. 
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Oct 31, 2015 18:57
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