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Pladdicus
Aug 13, 2010

Land Fish posted:

Is the game out yet?

according to chris roberts, yes! and you're lucky you only spent 92$ on it!

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joats
Aug 18, 2007
stupid bewbie
I woke up today feeling ill. It wasn't a normal feeling by any means. Something was lingering within my soul. I finished showering and brushing my teeth. The condensation in the mirror started to fade and an ill figure looked back at me. His eyes were crusted and red, skin a sickening pale, worn out from repeating the same routine every day and hating it. I opened my mouth and with a creaky voice I cried. That's me! I'm in the wheelchair.

Semi-Protato
Sep 11, 2001



Pladdicus posted:

according to chris roberts, yes! and you're lucky you only spent 92$ on it!

I know, right? A space golf cart simulator like this would be a bargain at 100x the price.

MeLKoR
Dec 23, 2004

by FactsAreUseless

ShredsYouSay
Sep 22, 2011

How's his widow holding up?

i feel bad

Ash Crimson
Apr 4, 2010
"I sued a man today
To see if I still could
You think I'm just a jerk
I'm just misunderstood
Chris Roberts is a fraud
I tell the FTC
Made a killing off of fools
But it really should be me

What have I begun
My facebook friends?
If you copy this, you'll get sued
In the end
And I can save you all
From this concept art
I won't let you down
I am Derek Smart"

thats him in the wheel chair

Mirificus
Oct 29, 2004

Kings need not raise their voices to be heard
Do you guys have any endgame plans that you want to work towards?

quote:

Personally after I trade enough I want to use game packages to create some custom NPC's. Then buy an Endeavor with farming pods and send all the "peasants" to work the farms. I might even decide to board other "houses" and conscript the peasants to relieve them of their stuff, thus making my "house" richer. All will fear the wrath of House Zuri.

Well thats just what I want to do. You guys have any plans once you save up enough UEC?

quote:

A hangar with every single game-purchasable ship in it, in mint condition. My own personal ship museum. My pledge ships don't count. Every ship I've pledged for will be my workhorses. I'll have to buy them all again in-game for the museum.

In this way my game is never over while ever CIG is adding content.

quote:

I want to be known as a notorious bounty hunter, with endless bounties claimed. I want people to look to me when I jump into a system and wonder if I'm there for them. I want a nice quiet hangar on some beautiful planet full of trophies from my conquests. I had that in Galaxies and it was so much fun, and very fulfilling. I'd load into a starport and watch everyone's head look at my character as they ran a command to see if I was hostile towards them (bounty hunters had first strike, forgot how you could tell if you were being hunted)

ShredsYouSay
Sep 22, 2011

How's his widow holding up?

Selling dreams.

Agrajag
Jan 21, 2006

gat dang thats hot

:drat:

Kakarot
Jul 20, 2013

by zen death robot
Buglord

Agrajag
Jan 21, 2006

gat dang thats hot

Tippis posted:

Goons see redditors post silly images.
Silly images get reposted on SA for mockery and laughter.
Redditor sees images mocking The Lord and Saviour on SA
Redditor writes a scrape-and-report bot to nuke all images hosted on imgur.
Redditors wonder why their silly images are being mass-reported and removed.
Redditors blame goons.
Goons laugh even harder.

So your last question is answered by the first.

stop punching yourself!

Cheen
Apr 17, 2005

If you look closer at the image you'll see that it's a coke machine in that wheelchair

FireWhizzle
Apr 2, 2009

a neckbeard elemental
Grimey Drawer
Reddit adbot knows..

Furious Mittens
Oct 14, 2005

Lipstick Apathy

AP posted:

poo poo or get off the pot.

Edit. Actually given past experience of your little merry band of twitter superstars, keep doing whatever crazy stuff you are doing, I'm sure it will all be absolutely fine.

It took someone as scammy and scummy as Chris loving Roberts and Star Citizen and its community to make Derek Smart into the hero he always saw himself to be.

I don't think I've seen anything like it before. Besides Jonestown, Heavens Gate, and The Branch Davidians, and those weren't a constant source of hilarity.

Mirificus
Oct 29, 2004

Kings need not raise their voices to be heard

Advocacy Records: 116952 posted:

Advocacy Records

Evidence pertaining to case file: 116952

Log file recovered from derelict ship




LOG ENTRY 2945-10-21_16:59 SET: New message came off the spectrum today. Must be some pretty serious stuff. I've been taking contracts for nearly eleven years and I've never come across encryption this heavy. Nothing to do now but wait while my decrypt protocols work on it.



LOG ENTRY 2945-10-21_21:13 SET: Well, I finally got the job decrypted, and not a minute too soon either. Once word of this hits the net the scavengers will be out in droves to try to collect. Not a small amount either. If I can pull this off, this will be three times the biggest payroll I've pulled. The name sounds familiar, but I'm not quite sure where I've heard it before. Time to do some research.



LOG ENTRY 2945-10-21_22:44 SET: Parker Terrell, I knew I had heard that name before. Some independent conspiracy nut who runs a spectrum show. Looks like he finally mouthed off about the wrong people. Could be anyone though, this guy has a list of enemies a mile long. I'll put some feelers out tonight and see if I can't pin down his location.



LOG ENTRY 2945-10-22_08:21 SET: Woke up this morning with a dozen messages from my contacts throughout the empire. Looks like this guy keeps on the move. Luckily there's an information broker I use from time to time who has a pretty solid lead on Parker. Looks like he's on Earth, and apparently asking some pretty damning questions. No time to waste. Anyone who's decrypted the job will be chasing down the same leads I am. I just have to make sure to get to them first.



LOG ENTRY 2945-10-24_13:17 SET: I never followed politics. Never really saw the point. It's not like the suited up bastards ever did any good for me personally. I've been listening to some of Parker's broadcasts on my way to Earth. Know your enemy and all that garbage. While I can certainly agree with some of the sentiment, the guy comes off like a raving lunatic. He keeps spouting off these outlandish accusations about corporate and government conspiracies. Who knows. Maybe there's some truth to what he says, after all, someone posted this job. In my experience though, people aren't that smart. Things are more or less what they seem, and it seems like someone is sick of this guy's opinions.



LOG ENTRY 2945-10-25_01:24 SET: Set down on Earth without a hitch, but I have to leave most of my equipment on the ship. I always hate visiting these core worlds. Everything is too clean and regulated. I have a contact here that I can get some equipment from once I'm through customs, but his supply doesn't come cheap. Good thing the people who want Parker dead are willing to pay so much. Still, pulling off a job on a core world like this comes with a lot of risks. I'll do some recon before I visit my contact. Figure out the best way to finish the job and make a clean getaway.



LOG ENTRY 2945-10-27_20:38 SET: I think I have everything ready. It didn't take me long to pick up Parker's trail. That man moves around a LOT. I assume he's following up on leads for his show because he doesn't stick to any kind of pattern. Always to different places. Luckily I was able to follow him back to his ship. It's locked up in one of those SelfLand towers. I won't be able to touch him in there, but the area in front of the tower is a nice big open space. I figure I can take him down from a distance and be off world before anyone knows where the shot even came from. I was able to get a rifle and an IR masking bodysuit from my contact. The bodysuit should mask me from the automated sentries covering the square. If this all goes off without a hitch, by this time tomorrow night I'll be counting my credits far away from this rock.



LOG ENTRY 2945-10-28_23:07 SET: Well, things have gone to poo poo and I'm thinking it's time to hit the eject on this job. I'm on my way out of the system as I type this. Maybe there's something about being a conspiracy nut that just always keeps you on edge. I don't know how, but when Parker got in my line of sight, he started looking around. Like an animal sniffing the air for trouble. I know in my mind there's no way he could have spotted me. Camped on a roof two blocks away, but I swear as I was looking at him through the scope, that man stared right back at me. I rushed. I took the shot, but it was sloppy. Pretty sure I hit him in the shoulder. He went down, but he was surrounded by police and civilians. I couldn't get another clear shot, so I ran. No chance of him bleeding out either. No, the medical facilities on a core world like this will patch him up just fine. In my experience, jobs like this you only ever get one chance. I hosed it up. Best thing I can do now is cut my losses and run before the job gets too hot. Parker's been alerted now. The next guy who comes for him is going to have a more difficult time.



LOG ENTRY 2945-10-30_02:12 SET: I don't know what the hell is going on, but I sure as poo poo don't like it. I've been keeping on the move since I botched the Parker Terrell job. As soon as I jumped out of the Sol system, my nav computer started going haywire. Started broadcasting my position on some secure channel. I couldn't lock it down, so I had to do a whole system wipe. Before I cleaned the drive, I got a look at the file that had initiated the process. That goddamn encrypted job had some hidden subroutines. There's definitely more at play here than some simple elimination job, and I don't take to kindly to being a pawn in someone elses game. I'm hiding out in Nyx right now. My gut tells me to just lay low until this blows over, so that's what I'm going to do. Some serious poo poo is at work here, but with a little luck, I'll stay alive long enough to update this log again.



:END_OF_FILE



ERASE: Y/N

Shala
Oct 15, 2006

i shot the pilot

Lipstick Apathy

:laffo:

fuctifino
Jun 11, 2001

Derek, he wants to fight you in the playground and slap your face.

joats
Aug 18, 2007
stupid bewbie

Y

Shala
Oct 15, 2006

i shot the pilot

Lipstick Apathy
D_Smart is this your lawyer?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HL3MxAH-kDI

Xaerael
Aug 25, 2010

Marching Powder is objectively the worst poster known. He also needs to learn how a keyboard works.

fuctifino posted:

Derek, he wants to fight you in the playground and slap your face.



This is what a mass murderer looks like days before the act.

Codependent Poster
Oct 20, 2003

Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but that's him in the wheelchair!

FireWhizzle
Apr 2, 2009

a neckbeard elemental
Grimey Drawer
So back on the topic of culinary expertise for a moment - have you guys tried grilled cheese with rye bread? I've been mulling over it but haven't taken the plunge. Pros/Cons?

Moral_Hazard
Aug 21, 2012

Rich Kid of Insurancegram

FireWhizzle posted:

So back on the topic of culinary expertise for a moment - have you guys tried grilled cheese with rye bread? I've been mulling over it but haven't taken the plunge. Pros/Cons?

Go for it. The fennel seeds add a real zing.

Also, great op, OP. :v:

vyst
Aug 25, 2009



CHICKEN SHOES
Oct 4, 2002
Slippery Tilde

Tippis
Mar 21, 2008

It's yet another day in the wasteland.


Ow. My spleen. I'm broken.

Beet Wagon
Oct 19, 2015





FireWhizzle posted:

So back on the topic of culinary expertise for a moment - have you guys tried grilled cheese with rye bread? I've been mulling over it but haven't taken the plunge. Pros/Cons?

A lot of it depends on the type of cheese, but I know gruyere works really well on rye. I don't do them on rye a lot but actually Martha Stewart has a couple good recipes. I did her fontina, harissa, and pear on rye once and it was delicious.

Gonkish
May 19, 2004

Chri--Christ Roberts did 9/11? :911:

StraightFace
Feb 9, 2014

aw poo poo

Dogstoyevsky
Oct 9, 2012

If there is no Dog, everything is permitted
This thread. What a long, strange trip it has been.

Bootcha
Nov 13, 2012

Truly, the pinnacle of goaltending
Grimey Drawer
Too close for missiles. Switching to guns.

Agrajag
Jan 21, 2006

gat dang thats hot

oh my

Semi-Protato
Sep 11, 2001



CrazyLoon
Aug 10, 2015

"..."

Bootcha posted:

Too close for missiles. Switching to guns.

Derek really should hit the brakes, that way the wheelchair would fly right by and he could focus more on CIG.

Chalks
Sep 30, 2009

fuctifino posted:

Derek, he wants to fight you in the playground and slap your face.



All the most balanced commentary about SC is always screamed by a blading man from in front of a giant star citizen logo.

Deki
May 12, 2008

It's Hammer Time!

not emptyquoting.

FireWhizzle
Apr 2, 2009

a neckbeard elemental
Grimey Drawer
DSmart, how do you prefer your grilled cheese? Have you meandered into the rye-curious zone? If so, what were your experiences and how did it affect your grilled cheese habits?

2DCAT
Jun 25, 2015

pissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssss sssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssss

Gravy Boat 2k

FireWhizzle posted:

Reddit adbot knows..



:gary: :gary: :gary:

FireWhizzle
Apr 2, 2009

a neckbeard elemental
Grimey Drawer

The question we all have to ask ourselves at some point or another while browsing the SC reddit: CYPYTSbF?

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2DCAT
Jun 25, 2015

pissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssss sssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssss

Gravy Boat 2k

fuctifino posted:

Derek, he wants to fight you in the playground and slap your face.



"And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas. And a voice was screaming: "Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?"

Seriously, how many :shroom: did this dude take before filming?!

...and since I'm quoting HST:

'I shrugged. "That's not me", i said. "That's the guy in the wheel chair". He works for Rolling Stone... a really vicious crazy kind of person.'

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