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Germstore posted:Sorry to break it to you but that cow's been talkin' poo poo about your dick ever since. Not cool. I thought we would never speak of that moment again
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Nov 2, 2015 21:29
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ANIME IS BLOOD posted:wampa stompa wins the thread on page 1 with a brutal own on cyclists 
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Nov 2, 2015 21:42
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symbolic posted:but...but my childhood dual masturbation story... It's a beautiful story. You did great.
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Nov 2, 2015 23:12
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what man there is some f*cked up stuff going on in this thread!!! 
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Nov 2, 2015 23:52
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when i was 19 i got super drunk at someone's apartment and threw up some dude's wife came into the bathroom and cleaned me up and then for some reason gave me a handjob and then i passed out on a fold out bed in the middle of the party
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Nov 2, 2015 23:54
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one time there was a big rain storm that knocked out power (and thus credit card machines). so i, the man with $40 in cash, was king. i bought two big bottles of flavored vodka to share with my then girlfriend, but i ended up drinking most of it and eventually threw one of the empty glass bottles into the street from the roof. i explained to her upset roommates that i was owed at least one irresponsible bottle toss, but i still feel like it was a real awful thing to do. the next morning i puked more than i ever had and couldn't sleep because i was having visions of loud things happening that woke me up.
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Nov 2, 2015 23:57
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bunch of my friends came over when my parents were gone (this was in high school). like 6 or 7 dudes. at some point everyone decides to sit around naked with the lights off. i don't know who suggested it and i don't know why we all did it. it was hosed up.
Puppy Galaxy fucked around with this message at 00:10 on Nov 3, 2015 |
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Nov 3, 2015 00:06
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Wampa Stompa posted:Threw an unlocked Citibike off a bridge before realizing that it was probably linked to some poor motherfucker's credit card who didn't put it back in its dock the right way. We felt sort of bad after that, but then again, if you're stupid enough to pay their usurious rates you're either a yuppie or a tourist, so I'm not exactly tearing up over here. Jim Barris posted:Once I was drinking heavily alone feeling sorry for myself when some friends showed up unannounced and I was rather teed off about it cause I wanted to be alone with my liquor and misery. So one of them she jokingly says something like 'ha ha wouldn't it be crazy if we all had sex?' and well I said something like "oh yea? well guess what its loving happening". So i start taking off my clothes and I look up and they're both just standing there confused so I bark at them to start stripping cause this is happening. So to make a long story short we had a threesome that nobody really wanted to happen but I made it happen to punish them for interrupting my self-pity party. I love you both.
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Nov 3, 2015 00:09
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Puppy Galaxy posted:bunch of my friends came over when my parents were gone (this was in high school). like 6 or 7 dudes. at some point everyone decides to sit around naked with the lights off. i don't know who and i don't know why. it was hosed up. You didn't know ur friends? Confused here . We'll leave the why alone for now.
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Nov 3, 2015 00:10
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FordPRefectLL posted:when i was 19 i got super drunk at someone's apartment and threw up women are hosed up
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Nov 3, 2015 00:14
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If you get blackout hosed up then there's nothing to speak of in the first place. Masturbasturd fucked around with this message at 16:25 on Jan 13, 2016 |
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Nov 3, 2015 01:05
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Champenema posted:
yeah id be pretty embarassed too if I was a steelers fan
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Nov 3, 2015 01:07
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Zzulu posted:I've killed fourty finnish men You must be a Finnish national hero.
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Nov 3, 2015 01:07
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Aesop Poprock posted:women are hosed up someone told me i got raped but tbh even drunk 19 year old me understood the implications of someone touching his dick
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Nov 3, 2015 01:09
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FordPRefectLL posted:someone told me i got raped but tbh even drunk 19 year old me understood the implications of someone touching his dick how old and fat was the wife is the important question
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Nov 3, 2015 01:16
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she was like 30 and had 2 kids but wasn't fat or anything just never wore makeup
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Nov 3, 2015 01:19
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now that i'm approaching 30 though i probably wouldnt fingerbang a drunk teenager in a bathroom after she just threw up so it was pretty weird
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Nov 3, 2015 01:24
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One time my friend told me that his brother, who I saw on the reg, had molested one of their nephews and give to jail and there was a huge falling out. And we never talked about it again
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Nov 3, 2015 01:28
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This one time I had to kiss this dudes sick mole rat thing. It was pretty hosed up but apparently I was the only one who could fix it? lol he probably couldn't be bothered calling a vet or something so I was happy to help out in the end but 9yo me actually thought I was the only one who could save it. It threw up everywhere when I was done kissing it but he said that means I cured it. Poor little thing didn't even want to come out of the hat! E: He told me not to tell anyone as he might get in trouble because he didn't take it to the vet but he was a nice dude. He used to watch over me as I played all the time. 
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Nov 3, 2015 01:36
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Jim Barris posted:Once I was drinking heavily alone feeling sorry for myself when some friends showed up unannounced and I was rather teed off about it cause I wanted to be alone with my liquor and misery. So one of them she jokingly says something like 'ha ha wouldn't it be crazy if we all had sex?' and well I said something like "oh yea? well guess what its loving happening". So i start taking off my clothes and I look up and they're both just standing there confused so I bark at them to start stripping cause this is happening. So to make a long story short we had a threesome that nobody really wanted to happen but I made it happen to punish them for interrupting my self-pity party. haha yeah man whenever nerds interrupt my drinking i rape the poo poo outta them
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Nov 3, 2015 01:38
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We had this dog when I was a kid. The dog was mostly an outdoor dog and spent it's days in the (outdoor) kennel when everyone was at work or school. The kennel was something like 10 feet by 8 feet. The bottom of the kennel had brick pavers covering the ground. They weren't mortared together or anything, just arranged neatly to cover the ground. Spending most of its time in that kennel, the dog probably poo poo more in that kennel than anywhere else. Whenever the dog would poo poo, rather than go into the lovely old kennel and scoop the poo poo into the garbage like normal people, we would take the garden hose and spray the poo poo until it disintegrated. Of course we fed the dog lovely kibble, the kind that makes them take these massive, disgusting shits. So we would spray it, splattering it all over the place. The little poo poo pieces would fall into the cracks of the bricks, forever stinking. When my buddy and I were about 13 years old, my dad convinced us to move the dog's outdoor kennel from one location to another. We knew about the dog poo poo that forever lurked between the cracks of the bricks. So we moved the kennel and got a bunch of bleach. We dumped it all over the bricks, hosed it off, and did it a second time for good measure. After a while, we put on some gloves and our shittiest shoes and started moving the bricks. It didn't matter how much bleach we had used. There was so much dog poo poo that had leaked between the bricks over the years. The entire thing became a disgusting, lovely mess. We moved that loving kennel, cleansed ourselves as best we could, and vowed never to speak of it again.
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Nov 3, 2015 02:05
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One time I was having sex w/ my gf and my dog got on the bed and licked me in the ahole.
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Nov 3, 2015 02:10
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im a 300lb virgin. let us not speak of it again pls.
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Nov 3, 2015 02:12
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I was on a snowboarding holiday with my friends and took a massive slam off a mogul (mowgul? mohgul?) right onto my tailbone. So hard, in fact, that I poo poo myself. I waddled down to the nearest bar and cleaned myself up and went home to the hotel. I think one of my friends guessed what happened when they saw my loving underarmour hanging out to dry hours later
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Nov 3, 2015 02:25
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me and an ex-girlfriend of mine had a three way with a woman we knew and she made these ridiculous animal noises while i banged her. we were both looking at each other almost laughing until i lost my boner.
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Nov 3, 2015 02:28
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Hell Yeah posted:me and an ex-girlfriend of mine had a three way with a woman we knew and she made these ridiculous animal noises while i banged her. we were both looking at each other almost laughing until i lost my boner. What kind of animal are talking here? Dolphin, donkey?
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Nov 3, 2015 02:52
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weird deep guttural sounds. like the grunting of a lion or bear during sex.
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Nov 3, 2015 02:54
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symbolic posted:oh boy i had something kind of like this happen w/o the jerking off part and the dude later turned out to be gay. i always wonder if i'm the one that made him realize he was a gayboy 
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Nov 3, 2015 02:55
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i was also doing some sex with a girl i was seeing and there was a headboard with a fan on it. the fan obviously inched its way off the headboard and smacked her right on the forehead and i bust out laughing the secret is that i saw this slowly happening and i didn't care enough to stop it
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Nov 3, 2015 02:57
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Jim Barris posted:Once I was drinking heavily alone feeling sorry for myself when some friends showed up unannounced and I was rather teed off about it cause I wanted to be alone with my liquor and misery. So one of them she jokingly says something like 'ha ha wouldn't it be crazy if we all had sex?' and well I said something like "oh yea? well guess what its loving happening". So i start taking off my clothes and I look up and they're both just standing there confused so I bark at them to start stripping cause this is happening. So to make a long story short we had a threesome that nobody really wanted to happen but I made it happen to punish them for interrupting my self-pity party. lol you traumatized some folks.
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Nov 3, 2015 02:58
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Business Gorillas posted:i had something kind of like this happen w/o the jerking off part and the dude later turned out to be gay. i always wonder if i'm the one that made him realize he was a gayboy my friend rubbed his boner on me in 5th grade when he was staying over for basketball camp and i turned out to be the gay one
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Nov 3, 2015 03:08
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I used to suck my cousin's dick on the regular,.
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Nov 3, 2015 03:10
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LTs wife makes funnier threads than him. Let's not talk about that again.
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Nov 3, 2015 03:16
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Jim Barris posted:Once I was drinking heavily alone feeling sorry for myself when some friends showed up unannounced and I was rather teed off about it cause I wanted to be alone with my liquor and misery. So one of them she jokingly says something like 'ha ha wouldn't it be crazy if we all had sex?' and well I said something like "oh yea? well guess what its loving happening". So i start taking off my clothes and I look up and they're both just standing there confused so I bark at them to start stripping cause this is happening. So to make a long story short we had a threesome that nobody really wanted to happen but I made it happen to punish them for interrupting my self-pity party. I, for one, would really like to know the genders/weights of all involved parties.
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Nov 3, 2015 03:44
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Me and a few guys beat Kim Jong Il with shovels untill he couldn't move
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Nov 3, 2015 03:50
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Hell Yeah posted:me and an ex-girlfriend of mine had a three way with a woman we knew and she made these ridiculous animal noises while i banged her. we were both looking at each other almost laughing until i lost my boner. I am betting the woman was my old tenant. That woman sounded like a straight up donkey getting hosed. Also, on our recent trip to Vegas the woman next door to us sounded like a ghost having loud, fast sex against the wall.
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Nov 3, 2015 03:56
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Business Gorillas posted:i had something kind of like this happen w/o the jerking off part and the dude later turned out to be gay. i always wonder if i'm the one that made him realize he was a gayboy i tried to find david on facebook but he apparently disappeared off the face of the earth. maybe he's a gay porn star now.
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Nov 3, 2015 04:03
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FordPRefectLL posted:when i was 19 i got super drunk at someone's apartment and threw up Think about how much of an rear end in a top hat that woman's husband must be that she felt the urge to give you a handjob. Like, what benefit could she possibly get out of it, other than hate-wanking your dick as some sort of act of defiance against her husband. I just imagine her muttering to herself while jacking it, complaining about how its not her turn to take the trash out, she did it last time!
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Nov 3, 2015 04:24
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I'd tell you but I promised to never speak about it again.
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Nov 3, 2015 04:27
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Deki posted:I'd tell you but I promised to never speak about it again.
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Nov 3, 2015 04:30
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