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Code Jockey
Jan 24, 2006

69420 basic bytes free

Humphreys posted:

I remember myself and a friend had a sneakernet of porn distribution in my younger days.

As my mother tended to travel a lot for her work, she always had meetups with my friends parents who had moved away or were penpals.

We conceived a way to use my mother as a porn mule delivering floppies to my friends when she visited. I told her it was "easier and cheaper than printing a letter and mailing it seeing as you are going that way anyway!"

Now for the opsec the discs were actually opened and the platter was covered in paper to prevent anyone reading it that didn't know that you had to remove the paper to read it.

loving pioneers!

That is impressive.

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Keiya
Aug 22, 2009

Come with me if you want to not die.

Humphreys posted:

We conceived a way to use my mother as a porn mule

I'm supposed to be sleeping, not laughing so hard I choke to death.

coldpudding
May 14, 2009

FORUM GHOST

WebDog posted:

In Australia you'd either end up in a Dick Smith's store or a Tandy's - basically the Aussie Radioshack where they started off selling CB radios and kit systems along with regular electronics like phones and so on.

Dick Smiths would sell Tandy clones, so the Dick Smith System 80 was riffling a TRS-80. The ads of the day are pretty fantastic.

Have I got a book for you

It reads pretty much like something a kid would pick up to try and goad their parents into getting a system 80 saying "look dad it does tax returns and banking"
also there is this hilarious thing.

How many bets it's just electronic sex dice.

BogDew
Jun 14, 2006

E:\FILES>quickfli clown.fli
Manaccom along with OziSoft dominated the home PC software market back in the early 90's in Australia. Before major stores started stocking software you filled in a form and sent it off by fax and you'd get your disks in the post. I might have some old mail order flyers floating around from the 90's spruiking DOS shovel-ware which also featured just-as-bad sounding "adult" software.
They also funded some Australian games in conjunction with Apogee, such as Halloween Harry, Mystic Towers and the FMV hell Down Under Dan.

Also whenDuke 3D got censored in Australia Manaccom released a "Oz to US converter" once the fuss had died down.

BogDew
Jun 14, 2006

E:\FILES>quickfli clown.fli

coldpudding posted:


How many bets it's just electronic sex dice.
I just found this article that describes the early days of porn games on PCs. Apparently one used disk read sounds to simulate heavy breathing.


Interlude turns out to be a sex act suggestion guide. You plug in what mood you and your partner are in and then it gives you a number to refer to in the manual and find out what suggestion it gives you.

The sequel appears to be a bit more sophisticated.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8W7wmA7rnU

Humphreys
Jan 26, 2013

We conceived a way to use my mother as a porn mule


moller posted:

Leisure Suit Larry? Text files? ASCII art? A single digit quantity of static 32/64 color gifs?

Nope, banner ad pictures. Thats all we could manage. Better than the softcore magazines we couldnt scan!

1000 Brown M and Ms
Oct 22, 2008

F:\DL>quickfli 4-clowns.fli

WebDog posted:

Manaccom along with OziSoft dominated the home PC software market back in the early 90's in Australia. Before major stores started stocking software you filled in a form and sent it off by fax and you'd get your disks in the post. I might have some old mail order flyers floating around from the 90's spruiking DOS shovel-ware which also featured just-as-bad sounding "adult" software.
They also funded some Australian games in conjunction with Apogee, such as Halloween Harry, Mystic Towers and the FMV hell Down Under Dan.

Also whenDuke 3D got censored in Australia Manaccom released a "Oz to US converter" once the fuss had died down.

I'm from NZ, but we had a similar thing. I can't remember the name but a few times in primary school we got a mail order shareware catalog. There was the usual list of Apogee and Epic games, but at the back was a porn CD. I remember that the CD was $100 and even then I knew that was a ripoff

Last Chance
Dec 31, 2004

Humphreys posted:

Nope, banner ad pictures. Thats all we could manage. Better than the softcore magazines we couldnt scan!

You are my hero

Trabant
Nov 26, 2011

All systems nominal.

Humphreys posted:

Now for the opsec the discs were actually opened and the platter was covered in paper to prevent anyone reading it that didn't know that you had to remove the paper to read it.

Genius :aaaaa: Forget encryption, that would probably defeat most hacking attempts today.


WebDog posted:

Apparently one used disk read sounds to simulate heavy breathing.

Oh yeah baby

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Qz9a8kYYkA

Lowen SoDium
Jun 5, 2003

Highen Fiber
Clapping Larry
I used to have a game on my old 286 that was a sex board game.

I don't remember the details other than you rolled dice to move around the board and different squares you landed on would give you a different sex act to perform.

Hand to God honest, I lost my virginity playing that game with a girl.

Last Chance
Dec 31, 2004

Go on...

Samizdata
May 14, 2007

Lowen SoDium posted:

I used to have a game on my old 286 that was a sex board game.

I don't remember the details other than you rolled dice to move around the board and different squares you landed on would give you a different sex act to perform.

Hand to God honest, I lost my virginity playing that game with a girl.

256 color GIFs or it never happened.

JayKay
Sep 11, 2001

And you thought they were cute and cuddly.

Trabant posted:


which somehow brings back memories of roaming CompUSA in late 90s for the latest, unreliable, obsolete-the-next-minute way to expand storage and eventually settling on...


I remember getting into nerd-fights with my friends over CompUSA vs Computer City. In my defense we had a custom Computer City PC at home running with a whopping Pentium II 300 MHZ.

JayKay has a new favorite as of 18:57 on Nov 13, 2015

Trabant
Nov 26, 2011

All systems nominal.
^ CompUSA supremacy! :arghfist:



In other news -- I"m not obsolete, you're obsolete!

https://news.vice.com/article/windows-31-is-still-alive-and-it-just-killed-a-french-airport

quote:

the computer failure had affected a system known as DECOR, which is used by air traffic controllers to communicate weather information to pilots. Pilots rely on the system when weather conditions are poor.

DECOR, which is used in takeoff and landings, runs on Windows 3.1, an operating system that came onto the market in 1992.

TotalLossBrain
Oct 20, 2010

Hier graben!

Trabant posted:

^ CompUSA supremacy! :arghfist:



In other news -- I"m not obsolete, you're obsolete!

https://news.vice.com/article/windows-31-is-still-alive-and-it-just-killed-a-french-airport

Once industrial control systems are implemented and installed everywhere, it is very hard to upgrade anything about them. I do a lot of work in the electrical infrastructure sector and whoooo boy!
Most recently, I have been trying to program a General Electrics remote terminal unit (RTU) that is used a lot in US substations. It uses a Motorola 68k series processor. For those that don't know, that's a pretty old processor family. It was first brought to market 36 years ago.
The software provided by GE to program this unit does not run on any OS of the last decade. I have spent the last two weeks trying to install it on three different machines, three different OS's, multiple times. It has been a fruitless effort.
The sales brochure for this GE RTU lists some communications accessories (these are CURRENT offerings!):

IUG
Jul 14, 2007


I ran across this old "tech" today at work. Our old office was going through renovation a while back, and my coworker nabbed one of these:



It's a lockbox that contains a key. The key is used on this:



Basically, it's a log for security guards. The guards carry around the clock like an old-timey Flavor Flav. They go to these lock boxes, open them up, and use the key on the clock so they could log that they were inspecting the building at certain times, and not just sleeping at the front desk. The one my coworker picked up had a lock on the box, so I guess no one could steal the key within.

Dick Trauma
Nov 30, 2007

God damn it, you've got to be kind.
Now they use wands and swipe bar codes at each station, then put the wand in a base station to download the info to security software.

doodlebugs
Feb 18, 2015

by Lowtax

WebDog posted:

In Australia you'd either end up in a Dick Smith's store or a Tandy's - basically the Aussie Radioshack where they started off selling CB radios and kit systems along with regular electronics like phones and so on.

Dick Smiths would sell Tandy clones, so the Dick Smith System 80 was riffling a TRS-80. The ads of the day are pretty fantastic.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNqwdosmMJw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G55tsSN6eKw

Dick Smith also released his own brand of matches.

ryonguy
Jun 27, 2013

Dick Trauma posted:

Now they use wands and swipe bar codes at each station, then put the wand in a base station to download the info to security software.

Before anybody thinks this is high tech, the wands are basic electronic circuits that use programs older than most Tumblr users.

"Gee, why does this software run like poo poo and crash all the time? Oh, the first iteration is from 1997."

BogDew
Jun 14, 2006

E:\FILES>quickfli clown.fli

doodlebugs posted:

Dick Smith also released his own brand of matches.


Yup as part of his campaign to encourage Australian made products. Basically well known brands such as Vegemite or Arnott's biscuits have been acquired by international companies so he established Dick Smith's Foods to bring back local preserves and spreads, with names like Ozemite and look-alike packaging that did get him in a bit of trouble from competitors.

Dickheads matches were one of his cheekier protest products - namely against how Redhead matches were acquired in 1998 by a Swedish company.

Slanderer
May 6, 2007

IUG posted:

I ran across this old "tech" today at work. Our old office was going through renovation a while back, and my coworker nabbed one of these:



It's a lockbox that contains a key. The key is used on this:



Basically, it's a log for security guards. The guards carry around the clock like an old-timey Flavor Flav. They go to these lock boxes, open them up, and use the key on the clock so they could log that they were inspecting the building at certain times, and not just sleeping at the front desk. The one my coworker picked up had a lock on the box, so I guess no one could steal the key within.

This didnt really make sense, so I looked it up. I'm not sure I'm summarizing this accurately: the watchclock contains a paper disk or tape (with pre-printed times on it) that moves along with the watch movement, and each station key is actually an embossing stamp of the station number. putting the key in the clock embosses the paper with the station # alongside the preprinted time. At the end of a shift, the paper is replaced, and will show a continuous series of station stamps (in the same order) if the guard was on patrol.

Also, apparently adding a visible watchface was a later innovation. Like, it took decades for someone to stay "wouldn't it be useful if this giant clock that guards have to carry around was actually useable as a clock?"

boar guy
Jan 25, 2007

I just see the security guards at the mall with thumbprint readers and/or barcode scanners

tacodaemon
Nov 27, 2006



Dick Trauma posted:

Now they use wands and swipe bar codes at each station, then put the wand in a base station to download the info to security software.

Seems like you could take a phone pic of each of the bar codes and then scan one of the pics from your phone screen every few minutes while sitting at your desk with your feet up all night

Humphreys
Jan 26, 2013

We conceived a way to use my mother as a porn mule


doodlebugs posted:

Dick Smith also released his own brand of matches.



Don't forget...



EDIT:

Keiya posted:

quote:

Humphreys posted:
We conceived a way to use my mother as a porn mule
I'm supposed to be sleeping, not laughing so hard I choke to death.

Someone rich please make this my avatar tag or whatever you call it.

Humphreys has a new favorite as of 10:37 on Nov 14, 2015

Laserjet 4P
Mar 28, 2005

What does it mean?
Fun Shoe

Humphreys posted:

Someone rich please make this my avatar tag or whatever you call it.

You have received a hi-res image that looks absolutely stunning on any 14" CRT running at 320x240x256.

Humphreys
Jan 26, 2013

We conceived a way to use my mother as a porn mule


Laserjet 4P posted:

You have received a hi-res image that looks absolutely stunning on any 14" CRT running at 320x240x256.

HOLY gently caress that is amazing! HAHAHAHAH Thank you!

(and yes I get the avatar reference)

EDIT: for posterity in case someone shits on my parade:

Humphreys has a new favorite as of 13:10 on Nov 14, 2015

Mercury Ballistic
Nov 14, 2005

not gun related
I worked on a small cruise ship in the early oughts and we had the old father time detex clock. A proper watch would make a spiral pattern in the paper. Later we got the electric one, but it used an rfid I think and looked like a little wand. As was stated it was charged in a base station where it also uploaded all the data. Rumor was someone had all the rfids mounted on a board and they could sit around and mark off their rounds in comfort.

Antifreeze Head
Jun 6, 2005

It begins
Pillbug

tacodaemon posted:

Seems like you could take a phone pic of each of the bar codes and then scan one of the pics from your phone screen every few minutes while sitting at your desk with your feet up all night

Yep, one of my co-workers did just that.

One even figured out the barcodes themselves, made his own to get high quality images, then went as far as timing out how long it would take him to get from stop to the next AND produced a video that he could play on the computer so he didn't even have to guess at the time since the last scan.

Never underestimate the amount of time people will devote to wasting even more time.

Oddly, the surest way to ensure that guards do at least one round is also amongst the lowest tech, just put a book that the guards need to date and sign at various points.

Shai-Hulud
Jul 10, 2008

But it feels so right!
Lipstick Apathy
Nothings keeping you from just making one round an writing in the times for all future rounds though.

Platystemon
Feb 13, 2012

as a person who never leaves my house i've done pretty well for myself.
How are night watchmen not obsolete technology? I mean outside of a few sensitive places like military bases.

3D Megadoodoo
Nov 25, 2010

Platystemon posted:

How are night watchmen not obsolete technology? I mean outside of a few sensitive places like military bases.

Because people will steal the antique hand rails from a public building, twice, and sell them for scrap metal. That's why.

Humboldt Squid
Jan 21, 2006

Having a security guard on duty also reduces insurance costs for the company by a fair amount.

ryonguy
Jun 27, 2013

Humboldt Squid posted:

Having a security guard on duty also reduces insurance costs for the company by a fair amount.

Ding ding ding!

This is literally the only reason for minimum wage idiot wannebe cops waddling around making nuisances of themselves. X dollars for guards versus a Y dollars insurance reduction. Nobody at the mall or office building cares what they do or that they're even there, they're just a write off somewhere.

Collateral Damage
Jun 13, 2009

I guess it has a theoretical chance of dissuading the opportunity thief as well, and it's always useful to have someone who can at least take a note of something being off.

Zaphod42
Sep 13, 2012

If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.

ryonguy posted:

Ding ding ding!

This is literally the only reason for minimum wage idiot wannebe cops waddling around making nuisances of themselves. X dollars for guards versus a Y dollars insurance reduction. Nobody at the mall or office building cares what they do or that they're even there, they're just a write off somewhere.

Which makes you wonder why the insurance people give credit for having rent-a-cops in the first place

AlphaKretin
Dec 25, 2014

A vase to face encounter.

...Vase to meet you?

...

GARVASE DAY!

Zaphod42 posted:

Which makes you wonder why the insurance people give credit for having rent-a-cops in the first place

Because they can charge more for people who don't have it.

BattleMaster
Aug 14, 2000

AlphaKretin posted:

Because they can charge more for people who don't have it.

Yeah they're not reducing the cost for those who have guards; they're increasing it for those who don't. Insurance companies are always looking for an excuse to charge more, even if the lack of whatever it is doesn't actually increase the risk in reality.

blugu64
Jul 17, 2006

Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face?
Sounds like he insurance writers brother owns a pinkerton shop to me

Antifreeze Head
Jun 6, 2005

It begins
Pillbug
At the place where I was a guard, we were mostly responsible for minor first aid. It was a tractor factory in the middle of an industrial park, so it's be tricky to steal the product undetected. At least, I thought we'd notice someone driving a stolen tractor through one of the fences pretty much no matter what since we had enough cameras everywhere. Frankly the cameras probably did more to dissuade anyone who thought to try than the guards. Even perfect guards check a place then disappear for a while to check some other place.

I always thought the real benefit to the company was having a designated person to handle a minor sort of inconvenience that would otherwise take someone away from their actual job. Having a warm body to do some random bullshit thing is valuable, especially when one of the alarms rings, a truck backs into a fence, a guy shows up drunk to start welding or whatever. As a bonus, the security people are contracted out so they aren't covered by an labour agreements with everyone else in the building, so a strike doesn't affect security.

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El Estrago Bonito
Dec 17, 2010

Scout Finch Bitch
There's a lot of reasons to have security guards TBH. Even just having someone on premises reduces theft and break ins. A unfortunate lie that has been foisted upon society (mostly by hardline conservatives in the 80's and 90's) that the security community has been trying to disprove for ages is that once you become a "criminal" you're some sort of deranged maniac capable of all crime and that the only difference between a thief and murderer is if you happen to be standing in front of your TV when he breaks into your house. The reality is that most people who steal don't wan't to go to prison and aren't loving psychopaths who are fine with casually gunning down random people. Good thieves target places where there is little to no chance of being caught or detected, this is why a lot of successful high money theft happens in the early afternoon (as opposed to the middle of the night like it's often portrayed), because your ideal scenario as a thief is to find a house with no one home. Most of the time all you need is for your place to be slightly less of a safe bet then the place down the street. If you're dealing with smash and grab meth heads tearing up walls for copper, then having a security guard is also fairly useful since he can call the police or confront them. They're even useful during the day to day as well, just read any good reports written by physical penetration test guys, often times what can stop them is just one good security guard who insists on double checking every single persons ID card. Camera systems are cool, but they only work if you review footage, and people only review footage if something is wrong or something big is missing. You could have Corporate Espionage guys breaking into your work and seeding it with all kinds of hidden electronic data gathering stuff, and unless someone is digging around in ceiling tiles and notices a tiny black box no one is ever going to think to look at tapes and notice guys that aren't supposed to be there. You hear stories from Pen Test teams all the time of doing both physical and digital audits on companies only to find out there's other guys there doing the same stuff for real.

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