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My mother....she forgot how to make French toast! 
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Dec 16, 2015 03:38
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Root Bear posted:My mother....she forgot how to make French toast! My mother has never set foot in a natural body of water.
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Dec 16, 2015 03:58
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potee posted:My mother has never set foot in a natural body of water. My mother was taken from my house by the Communists in the middle of the night when I was ten years old.
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Dec 16, 2015 04:39
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That's what you had to tell me? Your father wears sneakers in the pool?
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Dec 16, 2015 04:43
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 Tippy toe! Tippy toe! Uh, lemon tree!
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Dec 16, 2015 05:01
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Let me tell you, I didn't intentionally expose myself, but now, I wish I had. For it is not me, but you who has been exposed, for I have seen the nipple on your soul!
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Dec 16, 2015 05:16
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esperantinc posted:That's what you had to tell me? Your father wears sneakers in the pool? My father has never thrown anything out, ever!
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Dec 16, 2015 19:20
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Relayer posted:My father has never thrown anything out, ever! My father is gay.
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Dec 16, 2015 19:39
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Gyshall posted:My father is gay. I think it moved.
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Dec 16, 2015 19:41
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Gyshall posted:My father is gay. But the very idea - you had me lying in urine!!
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Dec 16, 2015 20:27
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Red posted:But the very idea - you had me lying in urine!! Just a natural human function. Happens to be on my sofa, instead of in the toilet, where it would normally be. 
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Dec 16, 2015 20:59
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Anywhere in the city, I'll tell you the best public toilet.
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Dec 16, 2015 21:08
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potee posted:Just a natural human function. Happens to be on my sofa, instead of in the toilet, where it would normally be. Because I could get Uromysitisis poisoning and die. That's why! Do you think I enjoy living like this? The shame, the humiliation. You know I have been issued a public urination pass by the city because of my condition. Unfortunately my little brother ran out of the house with it this morning.
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Dec 16, 2015 21:12
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https://twitter.com/JoeGiza/status/677149201361477632
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Dec 17, 2015 03:27
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POPPIE PEED ON MY SOFA!!!!
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Dec 17, 2015 03:29
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I gotta sit down...
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Dec 17, 2015 05:44
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Making bathroom doors with the legs exposed in anticipation of the locks not working? That's not a system. That's a complete breakdown of the system.
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Dec 18, 2015 23:23
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Electromax posted:Making bathroom doors with the legs exposed in anticipation of the locks not working? That's not a system. That's a complete breakdown of the system. You know we're living in a society! We're supposed to act in a civilized way!
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Dec 18, 2015 23:29
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TMMadman posted:You know we're living in a society! We're supposed to act in a civilized way! Where's your wine!? GET OUT!!! 
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Dec 18, 2015 23:49
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potee posted:Where's your wine!? GET OUT!!! No way wine is better than Pepsi!
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Dec 19, 2015 05:25
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mojo1701a posted:No way wine is better than Pepsi! I'm telling you mojo, I don't think we want to walk in there and put a big plastic jug of Pepsi on the table.
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Dec 19, 2015 15:08
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No no......I was bald.
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Dec 19, 2015 15:58
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Well then she's just a LIAR!
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Dec 19, 2015 16:55
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Demon Of The Fall posted:Well then she's just a LIAR! "I know this is going to sound like a crazy fantasy, but every word of this story is true…"
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Dec 19, 2015 16:56
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Demon Of The Fall posted:Well then she's just a LIAR! And a bit of a tramp if you ask me.
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Dec 19, 2015 18:39
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potee posted:"I know this is going to sound like a crazy fantasy, but every word of this story is true…" I gave you a brand new Armani suit!
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Dec 19, 2015 19:31
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haljordan posted:No no......I was bald. Huh.  But.... huh. In this... medicated haze... in this .... woozy... state... um, do you, recall the words... radical reconstructive surgery being uttered?
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Dec 19, 2015 20:47
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Red posted:Huh. 
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Dec 20, 2015 15:52
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potee posted:"I know this is going to sound like a crazy fantasy, but every word of this story is true…" Well, this has all been one big tease!
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Dec 21, 2015 03:09
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mojo1701a posted:Well, this has all been one big tease! You know, there's an unusual number of people in this thread having sex with AMPUTEES!
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Dec 22, 2015 23:51
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mojo1701a posted:Well, this has all been one big tease! This son of a bitch is ice cold.
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Dec 23, 2015 00:53
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Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.
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Dec 23, 2015 14:32
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Rageaholic Monkey posted:Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way. FESTIVUS YES BAGELS NO
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Dec 23, 2015 16:26
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Rageaholic Monkey posted:Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way. My favorite part is "as I rained blows upon him"
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Dec 23, 2015 16:35
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mojo1701a posted:FESTIVUS YES 
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Dec 23, 2015 16:38
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Welcome, new comers. The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with you people! And now you're going to hear about it! 
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Dec 23, 2015 16:46
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TMMadman posted:Welcome, new comers. The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. TMMadman? My son tells me your company STINKS.
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Dec 23, 2015 16:58
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The Human Cow posted:TMMadman? My son tells me your company STINKS. Quiet, you'll get yours in a minute. TMMadman, you couldn't smooth a silk sheet if you had a hot date with a babe! ... I lost my train of thought.
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Dec 23, 2015 17:00
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efb  The Human Cow posted:TMMadman? My son tells me your company STINKS. I lost my train of thought 
Rageaholic fucked around with this message at 17:05 on Dec 23, 2015 |
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Dec 23, 2015 17:01
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I don't know about you, but I'm getting a hankering for some Doublemint gum.
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Dec 23, 2015 17:12
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