Cumslut1895 posted:

some were mad when Cho Chang was chinese

oldpainless posted:

That was actually the sound JK Rowling made when she signed her newest book and movie deals.

Bertrand Hustle posted:

People are bafflingly stupid, especially when it comes to race. There was, I recall, a bit of an uproar on social media when the Hunger Games movies came out and a black character was played by a black actress.

DudeGoofyGuy posted:

Although to be fair the book says Rue has dark skin and eyes so in my head I imagine her as having a Mediterranean look potentially.

echinopsis posted:

sat night my wife watched me passionately dry hump her best friend on my lounge floor three times

i look back an I still can't believe how it ended up happening. it was good though she was hot as hell. probably would have been cooler if we had actual sex and my wife kept saying "it's ok with me if you have sex" to her friend and by that she meant "have sex" but her friend has boundaries and I can respect that and I'm not complaining but it was a weird situation idk why her friend was into it actually.

echinopsis posted:

it would have been better but I got indigestion towards the end, because until my wife told me they were both going back to our palce, I just assumed I was home alone all night, and had eaten too much fried rice

echinopsis posted:

I'll tell u what though son it was some of the best dry humping u ever seen


earlier on as I was catching the sexy vibe (before dry humping was on the menu) I had gone and taken my underwear off, so then when we start at first I couldnt just take my jeans off coz them I would be cock loose, but I said this and by round three I had put underwear ON which ironically made for better dry humping coz I could take my jeans off.

echinopsis posted:

wife was just watching. honestly I think it was hotter for her than for me. fuckin lomarf

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Intoluene posted:

E/N is getting really loving weird these days.

Oh who am I kidding, it's always been this hosed.

Trig Discipline posted:

Guess again!

I'm not sure why yospos is being treated to The Sexual Awakening of Echinopsis: The Serial, but I'm generally in favor of it.

no they will not posted:

All jokes have two main elements; the "setup" [in which a premise is established and the reader's expectations are set] and the "punchline" [the word "triggered"]

Faux-rear end Nonsense posted:

no they will not posted:

FactsAreUseless posted:

Greetings.

Trig Discipline posted:

Guess again!

I'm not sure why yospos is being treated to The Sexual Awakening of Echinopsis: The Serial, but I'm generally in favor of it.

echinopsis posted:

when I was in intermediate, maybe americans call it middle school? puberty age school for two years?

my nickname was "stiff", because I was "that guy", who talked no stop about masturbating, and dicks and I have a memory of asking a guy if he would swim in a pool of pussy juice. we were like 11 or 12. if you ever wonder what your 11 or 12 year old is talking about.. never forget there is a guy like me at school talking about that kind of poo poo

Shugojin posted:

I still love how loving angry nerds got at black Heimdall

Bar Crow posted:

I'm pretty sure that was the whole point. White supremacists tend to be keen on Norse mythology so they cast a black guy as the literal gatekeeper to keep them away.

FreudianSlippers posted:

Also Laufey, a giantess, is a dude because someone heard "Loki Laufeyjarson" and knew enough about Norse names to know that the last name is usually patronymic but not enough to know that Laufey is a ladies name and that Loki is named for his ma.

Al! posted:

i already know how the 9th film will end. black storm trooper and Luke 2 will flee the galaxy from uh let's say deadly force storms. they will find themselves at a strangely familiar spiral armed galaxy. as the last monologue is delivered by Luke 2 we see flashes of humanity: pyramids, wind farms, wheat, smiling Chinese babies etc. then cut to everyone looking out the window at a small blue planet. it's earth! cut to black as the last line is delivered "finally a place where we can start over and be safe from all these Star Wars..."

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Dex posted:

'twas the night before christmas, and all through the net,
no transactions were processed, not even a bet
the miners were hung by the fans with aplomb,
in the hopes that they wouldn't be unplugged by mom

the manlets were nestled all snug in their chairs,
losing their wallets to trojaned warez,
and tibanne on his throne, ver on a stick,
andreas is drunk and getting vitriolic

when suddenly on reddit a new thread is hot,
"banks buying bitcoin! they're buying the lot!"
no evidence is posted to support this notion,
but the upvotes have spoken, and caused a commotion

the lines on the graph of the unstable price
start rocketing upwards, no more rolling the dice!
when suddenly, selling, a red arrow shows
some actual volume, and transaction lag grows

with this kind of movement, so many orders to fill,
they knew it their hearts it was the work of a shill
with money to burn thanks to the fed,
battle plans formed, and the sticky now said:

"now voorhees! now fenton!
now, charlie and roger!
hang on a minute,
who isn't a tax dodger?
no matter just buy,
the beast isn't picky!
quick, give it money,
while i start the wiki!"

their fortunes depleted, pocket money spent,
the older among them investing the rent,
personal credit forever in red,
but totally worth it, the bearwhale was dead

and then, a new message, a reply to a post,
some economic analysis from user cum-ghost,
the rainbows confusing, the triangles scattered,
but it turns out none of that had really mattered

utility, value, a wave of the hand,
none of this matters to freemen of the land
a reminder, he posted, as best as he could:

"no matter what happens, for bitcoin it's good!"

Rah! posted:

WickedHate posted:

Yeah, there is zero percent chance that isn't a fetish video.

Automatic Slim posted:

I wonder how much he paid for that?

Hihohe posted:

He sold his children

Yoshifan823 posted:

I actually discovered that through the (generally excellent) This Week in Pop column that Stereogum has. They try to highlight some of the best pop music of the week, and then one song that should probably not exist. There is also a Simple Plan/Nelly collaboration that was made in the year 2015 (that is not a typo, I did not mean to type 2005, I meant 2015). It is terrible, but doesn't sound like either Simple Plan or Nelly, so it's not even uniquely terrible.

A comparison:

3OH!3 posted:

E-e-e-very time I look at my dick
Dick, dick, dick

Call me on the dog and bone
All you Yanks, that? s a telephone
Here have a look, just have a butcher? s
Northern Manky, cock-muncher
My dick? s bigger than your brother
Pushing 25-stone like your mother
My dick? s bigger than Wales
And your dick? s smaller than a motherfucking snail

Ma bite, mec, ça monte jusqu? ŕ la tour
Ta bite, mec, ça voit męme pas le jour
My dick like the Mississippi River
My dick ask your bitch, what? s for dinner?

Every time I look at my dick
I? m like holy poo poo that? s a big dick
And every time I look at your dick
I? m like holy poo poo that? s a small dick

Every time I look at my dick
I? m like holy poo poo that? s a big dick
And every time I look at your dick
I? m like holy poo poo that? s a small dick

Ya dog, it? s motherfucking Kid Quizine
My dick gets bigger than Mr. Clean
So fresh you could swish it like Listerine
Your dick look like Adam Levine
My dick like Pinocchio nose
I lie and I just watch it grow
I hang low like trunk of Dumbo
While your dick gets small like Frodo

Young Bob Barker in this motherfucker
Price looking right in this motherfucker
Big Dick Clark in this motherfucker
Dick look like a loving Nutter Butter

Got more wood than Barry Bonds
Dick so big, got a car alarm
Dick so big that it bought the farm
Your dick? s like Seth Rogen? s arm

Coming through with a big wang
Doing things bigger than the Big Bang
Your dick don? t got no name
Your bitch call my dick Ving Rhames
Vin-Vin-Ving, Vin-Vin-Ving Rhames
Rhames, Rhames, Rhames

Every time I look at my dick
I? m like holy poo poo that? s a big dick
And every time I look at your dick
I? m like holy poo poo that? s a small dick

Every time I look at my dick
I? m like holy poo poo that? s a big dick
And every time I look at your dick
I? m like holy poo poo that? s a small dick

Your dick? s growing mold
My dick shines like gold
Your dick? s like the Pope
My dick don? t get old

Every morning I wake up and cry
It? s too much dick for one guy
But if I donated my poo poo to science
Motherfucker start a riot

Every time I look at my dick
I? m like holy poo poo that? s a big dick
And every time I look at your dick
I? m like holy poo poo that? s a small dick

Every time I look at my dick

Notes: The first verse is in a terrible british accent and then a terrible french accent and then a terrible southern accent, so you lose points for that. Props for the Adam Levine insult, especially with the Listerine rhyme. I dunno why "my dick looks like a nutter butter" is good at all, aren't those generally pretty small? Also, some of the stretches are pretty sad: "I hang low like trunk of Dumbo" is just pathetic, even in a song about how big your dick is.

Mike Avalon posted:

My dick cost a late night fee
Your dick got the HIV
My dick plays on the double feature screen
Your dick went straight to DVD

My dick - bigger than a bridge
Your dick look like a little kid's
My dick - large like the Chargers, the whole team
Your poo poo look like you fourteen

My dick - locked in a cage, right
Your dick suffer from stage fright
My dick - so hot, it's stolen
Your dick look like Gary Coleman

My dick - pink and big
Your dick stinks like poo poo
My dick got a Caesar do,
Your dick needs a tweezer, dude

My dick is like super size
Your dick look like two fries
My dick - more mass than the Earth
Your dick - half staff, it needs work

My dick - been there done that
Your dick sits there with dunce cap
My dick - V.I.P.
Your poo poo needs I.D.

It's time that we let the world know
Dude, you gotta let your girl go
D.S. is the best in the business
P.S. we got dicks like Jesus

It's time that we let the world know
Dude, you gotta let your girl go
D.S. is the best in the business
P.S. we got dicks like Jesus

My dick need no introduction
Your dick don't even function
My dick served a whole luncheon
Your dick - it look like a munchkin

My dick - size of a pumpkin
Your dick look like Macaulay Culkin
My dick - good good lovin'
Your dick - good for nothin'

My dick bench pressed 350
Your dick couldn't shoplift at Thrifty
My dick - pretty drat skippy
Your dick - hungry as a hippie

My dick don't fit down the chimney
Your dick is like a kid from the Philippines
My dick is like an M16
Your dick - broken vending machine

My dick parts the seas
Your dick farts and queefs
My dick - rumble in the jungle
Your dick got touched by your uncle

My dick goes to yoga
Your dick - fruit roll -up
My dick - grade -A beef
Your dick - Mayday geek

My dick - sick and dangerous
Your dick - quick and painless
My dick - 'nuff said.
Your dick loves Fred

It's time that we let the world know
Dude, you gotta let your girl go
D.S. is the best in the business
P.S. we got dicks like Jesus

It's time that we let the world know
Dude, you gotta let your girl go
D.S. is the best in the business
P.S. we got dicks like Jesus

Notes: I appreciate that this song isn't just about dick size, but about general appearance, cleanliness, and overall ability to use the dick. Your dick apparently stinks, has AIDS, was molested, has unkempt hair, is generally pretty bad at it's job, and is short, skinny, and looks like a 14 year olds, which I think is much more thorough than 3OH!3's repetition of "my dick is bigger than yours", which seems like such a lame insult in comparison. This song is also more likely to stand the test of time, because aside from Gary Coleman and Macauley Culkin references (which in themselves are already old enough to have some staying power), it's pretty universal stuff. We'll always know what someone having a stinky dick means, or how bad it is to have a dick like a munchkin, but it seems like every other line in 3OH!3's song has some sort of cultural reference, half of which I don't think even make sense. Who in 10 years is gonna know anything about Seth Rogan's arm, and why having a dick like it is bad? (Is it hairy? It doesn't seem to be small...). Will Ving Rhames forever be the codeword for "large black man?" Aren't kids already forgetting who Bob Barker and Dick Clark are? I will say that I have no idea who DS is, nor does the song really make me want to find out. I'm pretty sure it's his rap group or something.

Summary: Mickey Avalon, for the first time in his career (I assume, I had a friend try to tell me he was good once and now I don't talk to that friend anymore, for unrelated reasons but still), has a song that is better that someone. 3OH!3, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Well, more ashamed than you already should be for being 3OH!3 and making me have to type your dumb name out like that.

rjmccal posted:

look, it's simple. you have a Happy Burger brand fast food establishment, and sometimes kids come in and want their Happy Burger brand Happy Kiddy Burger, which according to the Happy Burger brand franchise operating instructions is supposed to be 4oz of usda utility grade hamburger lightly grilled and pressed into a poppy seed bun with two slices of mild pickle and a slice of tomato and a piece of iceberg lettuce and the name of the kid written on the top in half an ounce of Happy Burger brand special sauce about which the less said the better

so naturally what you do is, you post an ad saying, cooks wanted, please bring your own grill and meat and bun and pickle and tomato and lettuce, we'll supply the sauce

and you get an applicant, and you send him down to the Hall of Cooks, which is a featureless infinite plane that you keep in the unlit basement of your Happy Burger brand fast food establishment. and you tell him to just keep making burgers and handing them up, and if he hands up a burger that satisfies your standards, you'll pay him a bonus, which is $100,000, plus the price of the burger, which is $.50

now the cook can't see too good down there, and he keeps handing up burgers that are more like pickly meatballs with a swastika painted on the side in tomato sauce, but as long as the meat's cooked the health department won't shut you down, so you keep taking them and dutifully handing down briefcases of cash with a few quarters tossed in. and the cook's pretty happy, even after you summarily declare one day that you're only going to pay $50,000 per burger in the future

so the cook calls in a friend, and she sets up in the Hall of Cooks and starts handing up burgers, and now you're getting acceptable burgers faster than you can sell them. so you raise your standards a bit, and you insist that burgers have to be on a bun, and that cuts production back down to a manageable rate. but the cooks are still pretty happy, even after you cut the burger bonus again to $25,000

this goes on for a while, and now you've got a hundred cooks down there, and you've started demanding that they spell out the kid's name correctly, and that's not easy. so now they're not just making burgers to your increasingly exact specifications, they're racing each other to be the first to get the kid's name right. but you're still paying $5,000 a burger, and apparently the cooks are still happy, because more and more keep showing up

you get curious one day while you're squeezing into your franchise past the giant mountain of rotting discarded hamburgers, and you head down to the Hall of Cooks. the last time you came down here, there were only six cooks, and they were just standing around in a disorganized circle; but now they're organized into these large groups. in one of them, you find your first cook, and he shakes your hand. "remember when we'd just started out and i was lumping up store meat by hand and cooking it on that tiny old george foreman?", he laughs. "that was before figured out cookie cutters and rolling pins." he's standing at a huge professional-grade charbroiler with twenty-four different patties arranged on it; suddenly, in a single efficient flash of movement, he flips them all over. of course, the dull glow of the grill isn't enough in the utter blackness of the Hall, and most of the patties end up on the ground, which you suddenly realize is a lot spongier than it's supposed to be. also, doesn't the ceiling seem lower? you shake it off and head back upstairs to start taking orders, wondering when it'll be the right time to cut the bonus to $1,000

it's been another year. there are tens of thousands of cooks in your basement. you're rejecting burgers for sloppy handwriting. you're rejecting burgers for having too thick a slice of tomato. you're rejecting burgers for excessively clustered poppy seeds. seven months ago, the cooks started building floor-to-ceiling ovens with internal robotics custom-designed for making Happy Kiddy Burgers; now there are whole fields of them, each making ten thousand burgers a second. of course, it's still pitch-dark down there, and the cooks aren't exactly susan calvin, so almost all of those burgers get added straight to the end of the Great Greasy Mountains, but it's amazing how quick they come now. you overhear a few of the cooks talking excitedly about the orders they just placed for massive new ovens from Barbecue Labs. you don't know how any of them can afford this when the burger bonus is only $100

three months ago, you politely asked whether they could start making the adult Happy Burgers, too

for an entire day, all the burgers had your name written on top in poison

Joementum posted:

I spent most of 2012 telling people that Nate's proprietary polling model was needlessly complex and overstated Obama's lead.

Rappaport posted:

I thought you spent most of 2012 deleting anime bestiality posts? Or was that not the time you were a mod?

Joementum posted:

That happened in 2013

Joementum posted:

2015 ended as we always knew it would: a national argument about whether "schlonged" is a penis reference.

SuperMechagodzilla posted:

The main trick is that Force Awakens is decent, but not a Star Wars movie. It's more like a Hellboy movie with Star Wars branding.

Literally The Worst posted:

the sound you hear is me blowing a raspberry while i make a jack off motion

Baron von Eevl posted:

CineD.txt

BlindSite posted:

Hmmmm with imgur I could get it down to 184kb with their editor but I don't know if there's a way to get it smaller without an actual program, anyone gimme any advice?

Chichevache posted:

Sure. Don't go to bed angry with your spouse. Always leave a good tip. It is better to wipe too much than too little. Even if you don't like Star Wars you should tell people that you do; they get weird if you don't. Long distance is the wrong distance. Whenever you meet anybody, look for something nice to say about them, because even if they’ve got a hideous face they might have fantastic ankles or lovely hair, and compliments do cheer people up enormously.

Volkerball posted:

put chiche on ignore

Cantaloupe posted:

Is gaslighting where you light your farts on fire? If so that is rad as hell.

ChogsEnhour posted:

Care for a game of Mario Kart, Mr. Bond?

Ocanthus posted:

No items, Fox only, Final Destination.

My Lovely Horse posted:

No items would be a crippling handicap for Bond.

Tasteful Dickpic posted:

These posts are old. Deal with it.

Context: What other games could James Bond play with his villain, other than texas-hold-'em or baccarat?

reddit posted:

Furthermore theymos said once the hidden scores in /r/bitcoin were a temporilary measure.

FMguru posted:

"temporilary" is the opposite of "foreverial"

Phosphine posted:

I've never heard him called Laufeyjarson, always Farbauteson, Farbaute being his giant-Dad.

Rageaholic Monkey posted:

A related story: When I saw Spotlight the other day, there were 2 nuns sitting directly in front of me, and at one point, one of the nuns took her phone out to Google something. Like, she opened the web browser on her phone, searched something, read an entire article and then put her phone up. I know she was Googling something because she had the brightness all the way up on her phone. It was aggravating and I wanted to tell her to put it away, but I pussied out because I didn't want to say poo poo to a nun.

Uncle Boogeyman posted:

i can't believe you passed up a potentially once in a lifetime opportunity to say something like

"hey, sister,

that's a bad habit."

Pick posted:

To be fair, "jotun" makes more sense when read as "foreigner or something" instead of "giant" (as in "huge person").