Star Citizen: Big MoMA's House

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Star Citizen: Big MoMA's House

Tippis: Mar 21, 2008; It's yet another day in the wasteland.

Berious posted:

Bet they feel a bit sore that they had to actually deliver a game though.

Yeah that's got to sting. What an embarrassment. Then again, from a company that is consistently voted �worst� and which has an acronym that could creatively be misread as Evil Empire, I'm sure this is just par for the (evil) course � it's a game publisher after all, and we all know how sick and perverted those are.

# ? Jan 27, 2016 22:52

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 05:16

Madcosby: Mar 4, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

i cant wait to see videos of chris robert's npcs trying to board, sit and order drinks on that cruise spaceship

# ? Jan 27, 2016 22:52

hanales: Nov 3, 2013

Can someone explain what an unmelt token is, and why it is important?

# ? Jan 27, 2016 22:53

Madcosby: Mar 4, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

also i'd like to say that if anyone, anywhere asks me if I know what "the stimpire" is, I'd have to lie

i hate you guys

# ? Jan 27, 2016 22:53

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

The follow up post Croberts68 made was pretty good too, but didn't have the same magic

Croberts68 posted:

The poo poo Nerds Care About

So at the end of the last griefing story I said anytime I say one thing to a nerd, a dozen other nerds get mad for days. That's a bit of an understatement, I don;t even have to say poo poo, if loving Ben says some poo poo that even implies I approved of it, a small army of Best Buy hourly employees will be ready to write entire loving essays about how much they hate it while another small army of Target stockers will go to war on my behalf and scream that the other nerds are infact secret nazis or some poo poo.

When this all started we were thinking the game (see possible DEA/SEC/FBI investigation team, I do whole-heartedly intend to make a game) we had the idea it would just be War Thunder meets EVE. Sounded really simple, just make it look pretty and they'd knock down the door. Ben then thinks that some people who played EVE were too mean and the best way to keep them from doing that in our game would be to make it so early backers would have their poo poo replaced for free when they inevitably got it blown up by wandering in to the wrong area to trade someone for space-gold or whatever and then have the other guy's friends pump their ship so full of holes you'd think it was my wife at a casting call. We call this poo poo something like Space-GEICO (I forget what they decided to go with, but I think Space GEICO could have been a really good marketing/advertisement tie-in. But I'd rather go Space-Progressive cause Flo has that weird-lookin-chick-you-still-wanna-gently caress vibe going on) and the idea is it replaces all your poo poo if you die so you don't have to worry about losing something you paid $500 real-world-cash for. But it turns out that doing this after a few months really pissed a ton of nerds off. Our website was over-flowing with slapfights and everytime one of my employees made a statement about it there was practically an e-riot about said statement.

So then loving Ben (Turtle) starts making posts and videos and other poo poo about it and all it does is get the peasantry to continue to revolt. Like I'm pretty sure I could go on tumblr and detail all the VDs I gave to booth-chicks at E3 with confirmation pictures/medical bills circa 2001-03 and still not get even a modicum of the bitching these nerds were doing. So I come up with a plan to fix that poo poo, I tell them we'll stop selling it as a lifetime add on for ships that already exist in the game, and only offer it for ships that we've only scrawled pictures of on mysteriously powder-covered napkins. Not only does this poo poo enrage half the mouth breathers, it also makes sales on imaginary internet spaceships triple. I'm the smartest man to ever live.

# ? Jan 27, 2016 22:54

Sir Simon Milligan: Mar 27, 2003; Yes, I have walked along the path of evil many times, it's a twisting curving path, that actually leads to a charming block garden, but beyond that evil!

Fried Watermelon posted:

They are representative of their core demographic

I guess I'm just constantly amazed that they don't really bring anything useful to the table. It's not like they're programmers with brilliant insight or anything of value to add. I mean I understand and agree with you, it just breaks my brain.

# ? Jan 27, 2016 22:55

AugmentedVision: Feb 17, 2011; by exmarx

Also,

# ? Jan 27, 2016 22:55

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

Madcosby posted:

also i'd like to say that if anyone, anywhere asks me if I know what "the stimpire" is, I'd have to lie

i hate you guys

Dude I still don't really get it

# ? Jan 27, 2016 22:55

hanales: Nov 3, 2013

Booblord Zagats posted:

Dude I still don't really get it

It's the worst amount of pain you can imagine, doubled every 4 seconds.

# ? Jan 27, 2016 22:59

stinch: Nov 21, 2013

Beer4TheBeerGod posted:

I wonder just how much of CIG's efforts have been wasted because CR wanted to do things in his special snowflake way instead of a way that loving worked.

I'm guessing 50% easy. Though I'd say a fair amount of that is just general management incompetence not just Cr's special blend of incompetence.

Anybody know what studios they have now and what each is responsible for?

# ? Jan 27, 2016 22:59

spacetoaster: Feb 10, 2014

Any of you guys like Blood Bowl?

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:01

D_Smart: May 11, 2010; by FactsAreUseless; College Slice

Terebus posted:

Is this the big news that you posted about yesterday?

No. That's currently in progress (still awaiting some solid confirmations from my sources)

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:02

Xaerael: Aug 25, 2010; Marching Powder is objectively the worst poster known. He also needs to learn how a keyboard works.

hanales posted:

It's the worst amount of pain you can imagine, doubled every 4 seconds.

So they strap you down in front of their dev stream, Clockwork orange style? Wow, that's hosed up.

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:02

HKS: Jan 31, 2005

I love that posters here have to constantly mention their work, family, hobbies, or something just as reminder they are productive Earth citizens and not a Star Citizen.

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:02

Mirificus: Oct 29, 2004; Kings need not raise their voices to be heard

2DCAT posted:

Mirificus posted:
Star Marine isn't delayed indefinitely. It's just been delayed with no date given.

Why is it back to being delayed? I thought it was released? Didn't croberts just clear this up? Maybe there needs to be another 10ftc question directed his way...

That's the result of the mushmouthed messaging and resulting mental gymnastics needed to view it in a favorable light.

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:02

Xaerael: Aug 25, 2010; Marching Powder is objectively the worst poster known. He also needs to learn how a keyboard works.

spacetoaster posted:

Any of you guys like Blood Bowl?

I used to play the tabletop version in Ye Olde Days of the �20 boxed sets.

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:03

AP: Jul 12, 2004; One Ring to fool them all
One Ring to find them
One Ring to milk them all
and pockets fully line them; Grimey Drawer

hanales posted:

Can someone explain what an unmelt token is, and why it is important?

You can buy a special space van this week only and it's great so you buy one. Next month they sell a special space truck for a week and it shoots lasers and it's better. So you melt your space van into store credits and buy the space truck with those credits.

6 months go by and it turns out the space truck shoots flash lights instead of lasers so you want the space van back, but you can't buy the space van as they only sold it that week way back. So they put a system in that looks in your log of melted space crap, you can pick anything you like that you melted and have it back as long as you give them real money.

The token allows you to pay with store credits instead of real money, once, for one piece of space crap.

This may all sound really stupid because it is.

AP fucked around with this message at 23:06 on Jan 27, 2016

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:04

Madcosby: Mar 4, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

spacetoaster posted:

Any of you guys like Blood Bowl?

I bought it during a steam sale and regretted the super long tutorial so never bothered with it again after 20 minutes

just waiting for Sausage Citizen now

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:04

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

D_Smart posted:

No. That's currently in progress (still awaiting some solid confirmations from my sources)

Derek, you need to do me a favor. I work for the National Indian leg Wrestling Alliance (NILWA) and we need something to make headlines. I think if you challenged Chris to a Leg Wrestle in Santa Barbara we'd have the star power to take this thing to the next level (Internet-Space). We'll let you choose your own entrance music but it has to be something we can get with out Columbia House account, Thad's mom won't let him get music from iTunes because she heard Steve jobs was a Satan Worshipper.

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:05

Solarin: Nov 15, 2007

Beer4TheBeerGod posted:

I suspect the threshold for charisma is significantly reduced when it comes to technical/creative fields like game design. Steve Jobs had to convince normal people, and his RDF was suitably powerful to pull that off. Chris only has to convince basement-dwelling autists desperate for something to connect with.

I actually think this audience would resent a highly charismatic leader. To them clumsy mush mouthed communication is relatable and 'authentic'.

I kind of think the magnetism he has is in people vicariously living their game dev fantasy through him. Like they dreamed of as outcast teens before they got a job coding mindless business software; their incredible creative talent never saw the light of day (and consequently was never destroyed by reality), and Chris is their chance for that precious vidya game dev glory.

At least that's my POV having grown up and out of that adolescent nerd fantasy. These people are in their 30s and 40s with that fantasy still alive and burning.

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:11

HKS: Jan 31, 2005

I mean I found myself doing it too. Mostly from the guilt of reading this thread all day most days.

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:12

sorla78: Oct 11, 2012; EAT THE PAIN AWAY!

MeLKoR posted:

I just realized something, Ben is the muscle.

This is Ben, eat it.

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:12

Iglocska: Nov 23, 2015

D_Smart posted:

No. That's currently in progress (still awaiting some solid confirmations from my sources)

Any ETA? As in, safe to go to bed, or should we hang around? :p

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:12

Prop Wash: Jun 12, 2010

sorla78 posted:

This is Ben, eat it.

lol ben probably has the lowest salary in the company, you know he wouldn't complain

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:17

fuzzknot: Mar 23, 2009; Yip yip yip yip yip

spacetoaster posted:

Any of you guys like Blood Bowl?

Bootcha does; I told him you asked.

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:17

CAPTAIN CAPSLOCK: Sep 11, 2001

AP posted:

Anybody still watching this bollocks? A passenger doesn't black out during maneuvering while on a constellation because of inertial dampers, the pilot does because of balance reasons.

for immersion!

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:17

eonwe: Aug 11, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

props to the people in this thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/starcitizen/comments/42z63c/the_saga_of_star_marine_an_indepth_analysis_of/

they didn't downvote all our comments!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:18

VealCutlet: Dec 21, 2015; I am a marketing god, shave that shit

D_Smart posted:

No. That's currently in progress (still awaiting some solid confirmations from my sources)

2 weeks.

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:18

Cao Ni Ma: May 25, 2010

Prop Wash posted:

lol ben probably has the lowest salary in the company, you know he wouldn't complain

Dude has his own office! HIS OWN OFFICE! (So that people dont get caught in his gravitational wake)

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:22

Bootcha: Nov 13, 2012; Truly, the pinnacle of goaltending; Grimey Drawer

spacetoaster posted:

Any of you guys like Blood Bowl?

Talking to the 2015 Goonbowl winnahr right here.
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3736481&pagenumber=9#post453030960
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hmzSjjtSX4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0kEcNzGwa4

Blood Bowl CE (aka Blood Bowl 1) is a good buy. All the teams. People still play online.
Blood Bowl 2 is an okay buy. New teams are DLC, but the presentation is fun.
Tabletop is okay, you can get heroclix in place of board pieces.

Be Orcs or Chaos, and punch dudes. Or be Wood/Dark Elfs, and do elfy bullshit plays.

Blood Bowl is good.

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:22

Ash1138: Sep 29, 2001; Get up, chief. We're just gettin' started.

Booblord Zagats posted:

Derek, you need to do me a favor. I work for the National Indian leg Wrestling Alliance (NILWA)

wow that sounds racist

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:24

Xaerael: Aug 25, 2010; Marching Powder is objectively the worst poster known. He also needs to learn how a keyboard works.

Breaking news: Tony the Tiger has taken to blocking furries from his Twitter account.

This news is 100x more interesting than a Star Citizen dev stream.

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:24

Mirificus: Oct 29, 2004; Kings need not raise their voices to be heard

https://www.reddit.com/r/starcitizen/comments/42z63c/the_saga_of_star_marine_an_indepth_analysis_of/czea62s

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:25

AP: Jul 12, 2004; One Ring to fool them all
One Ring to find them
One Ring to milk them all
and pockets fully line them; Grimey Drawer

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:25

Kilmers Elbow: Jun 15, 2012

AP posted:

gently caress YOU YOU DONT KNOW THE DANGERS OF BEING A STAR MARINE

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:28

Matlock Birthmark: Sep 24, 2005; I wanted this to happen!!; Soiled Meat

AP posted:

That's some good Star Marine gameplay right there. You win, then the game magically whisks you to the next objective.

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:29

DigitalMocking: Jun 8, 2010; Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Benjamin Franklin

So far 1200 unique visitors to http://www.justagamemode.com/ because of that thread.

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:30

That Works: Jul 22, 2006; Every revolution evaporates and leaves behind only the slime of a new bureaucracy

AP posted:

It's nice they got rid of those long transition animations.

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:31

fuzzknot: Mar 23, 2009; Yip yip yip yip yip

Berious posted:

That scarf looks finished, which means I can't project my hopes and dreams of the perfect knitted item which I will wear for at least 30 years. Do you have any balls of wool jpegs to better facilitate this? Preferably chunky.

Oh, I forgot. I began a scarf for Bootcha but have temporarily abandoned it while I work on a blanket for a friend's wife. I started the scarf, hosed it up, frogged it, began again, and now it's less than an inch long and sitting abandoned while I work on the blanket. The scarf IS Star Citizen. It's perfect. I'll have to get a picture of it.

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:32

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 05:16

SirPhoebos: Dec 10, 2007; WELL THAT JUST HAPPENED!

Iglocska posted:

Any ETA? As in, safe to go to bed, or should we hang around? :p

It is never safe to sleep here :unsmigghh:

# ? Jan 27, 2016 23:33

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