Star Citizen: Big MoMA's House

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Star Citizen: Big MoMA's House

Colostomy Bag: Jan 11, 2016; C-Bangin' it

Loxbourne posted:

I'm guessing a fully-functional ingame cash shop for clothes and cosmetic items. It has just the right ring of pointlessness and cash-grab to it.

A good guess. Wasn't there images floating around of the clothes?

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:02

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 20:15

Dusty Lens: Jul 1, 2015; All Glory unto the Stimpire. Give up your arms and legs and embrace the beautiful agony of electricity that doubles in pain every second.

Peroxide Cowboy posted:

Lieutenant Barclay is currently in holodeck five.

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:03

Justin Tyme: Feb 22, 2011

Phi230 posted:

Tie credit card to game to purchase space cola with real money, to support development.

An in-game UEC debit card which you can load with UEC via CIG's online store

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:03

Phi230: Feb 2, 2016; by Fluffdaddy

Justin Tyme posted:

An in-game UEC debit card which you can load with UEC via CIG's online store

Oh no stop giving them ideas

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:06

CHICKEN SHOES: Oct 4, 2002; Slippery Tilde

Romes128 posted:

Do you have to be a backer to post on the RSI forums? I'd totally be down for joining the stimpire just to see what other hosed up poo poo that dude wrote.

With a free account you can only post in the new recruits subforum. I know, its extremely disappointing.

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:06

MeLKoR: Dec 23, 2004; by FactsAreUseless

darkarchon posted:

Following this thread for 300+ pages now, I have to say I you guys. Best thread in the internet.

You sorry excuse for a J4Smart, are you telling me you didn't even bother to read the thread from the start before you started shitposting?

Mods?

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:14

Stanko-Prussian: May 22, 2006; CLEAN YOUR ROOM!, 'they' said.
DO YOUR HOMEWORK!, 'they' said.
WHY ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH A CARTOON PONY, 'they' said.
FOR GODSAKE! STOP SHOWING US YOUR BLACKHOLE'!! 'they' said.

When I lit the match....STOP SCREAMING, 'I' said

Been in bed with a lovely cold, is fuzzy modem still acting like he knows the person behind the role of "sandi gardner"

Hey fuzzy modem, don't focus on how your date treats you, focus on how your date treats the servers and the tip they leave.

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:14

AugmentedVision: Feb 17, 2011; by exmarx

Peroxide Cowboy posted:

Lieutenant Barclay is currently in holodeck five.

Sandi Gardner, goddess of empathy :vince:

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:18

Berious: Nov 13, 2005

Illegal Move posted:

It was my idea but I'll let you invest in it if you want

(someone else probably said it first)

drat only 200 pages ago too

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:21

Berious: Nov 13, 2005

MeLKoR posted:

You sorry excuse for a J4Smart, are you telling me you didn't even bother to read the thread from the start before you started shitposting?

Mods?

I say I love the phrase J4Smart

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:22

Iglocska: Nov 23, 2015

Does anyone have the stimpire saved?

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:25

Colostomy Bag: Jan 11, 2016; C-Bangin' it

Only the Stimpire can save itself.

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:27

Berious: Nov 13, 2005

Beet Wagon posted:

Oh you're looking for the stretch-goal version. It's right over here:

I shamefully bought one of those monstrosities for a Guildwars 2, a clickfest MMO. It was uncomfortable as gently caress and you needed to be double jointed to work the buttons. Luckily it was from Amazon so a refund was easy and they didn't try to bill me after someone else did a chargeback on a different mouse

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:30

fat bossy gerbil: Jul 1, 2007

Did anything interesting happen? This thread is moving fast as poo poo.

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:31

Rudager: Apr 29, 2008

A Neurotic Jew posted:

Can't see the context cuz its concierge, but I'm posting it anyway in case you enjoy Huckaby-Speak as much as I do. Its about unmelt tokens obvs

It's glorious to see how all these company officials keep calling it a purchase, and not a donation, it's like they're just handing D Smart the bullets to shoot them with.

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:33

tooterfish: Jul 13, 2013

Berious posted:

I shamefully bought one of those monstrosities for a Guildwars 2, a clickfest MMO. It was uncomfortable as gently caress and you needed to be double jointed to work the buttons. Luckily it was from Amazon so a refund was easy and they didn't try to bill me after someone else did a chargeback on a different mouse

Did you play an elementalist perchance?

Because frankly they should be sued for that carpal tunnel causing poo poo.

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:33

Berious: Nov 13, 2005

tooterfish posted:

Did you play an elementalist perchance?

Because frankly they should be sued for that carpal tunnel causing poo poo.

Yeah, I thought it might make me barely acceptable at the game. It didn't.

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:40

peter gabriel: Nov 8, 2011; Hello Commandos

I feel like the world is at my feet and I love you all

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:41

MeLKoR: Dec 23, 2004; by FactsAreUseless

Iglocska posted:

Does anyone have the stimpire saved?

I've seen screen grabs on the thread, I usually save these but since it was broken in two I saved the link to the thread instead. :doh:

Still, they are somewhere in this Library of Babel of a thread.

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:41

Iglocska: Nov 23, 2015

MeLKoR posted:

I've seen screen grabs on the thread, I usually save these but since it was broken in two I saved the link to the thread instead. :duh: Still, they are somewhere in this Library of Babel of a thread.

Nooo, it cannot be lost forever, surely? We need to pass it on generation to generation!

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:42

Colostomy Bag: Jan 11, 2016; C-Bangin' it

We got called out.

https://forums.robertsspaceindustries.com/discussion/316874/procedurally-generated-birds-and-a-handcrafted-ecosystem#latest

Not easy for me to a screenshot at the moment.

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:43

alf_pogs: Feb 15, 2012

when is the next cool announcement from CIG coming in, i am excited for more Hot News about the Best Videogame In The World

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:48

big nipples big life: May 12, 2014

Colostomy Bag posted:

We got called out.

https://forums.robertsspaceindustries.com/discussion/316874/procedurally-generated-birds-and-a-handcrafted-ecosystem#latest

Not easy for me to a screenshot at the moment.

"crowing"

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:49

Beet Wagon: Oct 19, 2015

Iglocska posted:

Does anyone have the stimpire saved?

I found this. It isn't the original one I don't think, but it's... something

A loving Lunatic posted:

In the last 500 years, the Fourth Stimpire has dominated four systems, which it has united into one starzone, Stimsis. The Fourth Stimpire has origins from the Ten Empire War in which 10 of the United Stimpires revolted against each rules. All empires except for the fourth swore freedom upon their citizens. There is no free speech in the Fourth Stimpire, and all self-controlled transportation has been made illegal without undergoing painful medical verification methods, in which arteries are severed without pain resistant, operated entirely by machines. The way they work claim to be the most hygenic and healthy way possible, but these machines often rub against pain points, causing great deals of pain to patients. The heart is then extracted from the body and placed into a glass grinding machine. Various energy centers are also dissected and replaced with dangerous transplants. After the painful, 52 hour surgical procedure, patients will then have to use a fused guidance tool, which pumps painful resistors into the body every 2 hours. The pain they have caused is so bad, the victim would freeze in a tense position. They would then collapse afterwards.

Sexual stimulation in any way within the grounds of the Fourth Stimpire is strictly prohibited, and anyone detected even touching their sexual organs will be subjected to a penectomy or if the offender was a female, they would then have a razor inserted into their ovaries. They would pump a blue solution into the womb until the stitchings burst. Offenders would also be forced to show their operated areas in public, and they would always harass and punch them to a pulp, against their will.

Otherwise, offenders would be tazed with the worst type of electricity in the systematic district, causing so much pain, the victim would scream and flail in madness. The pain would also triple every second, but no death would be incurred. This is also used in combat against enemy units, which is why all UEE forces must wear the upgraded suit to block this effect.

However, enertainment is also questionable in UEE grounds. Sporting events end with the losing team being rounded into a grinder and shredded on live television, boxing matches end with the loser having their hands removed without anasthesia, flight races would end with the losers having their arms and legs removed, then being injected with insanity, for entertainment. People are also forced into these events, by undergoing a painful 127 hour procedure which involves tweaking the muscles so they will not listen to brain commands, and then having a painful drug injected which also causes madness if the player is not sporting. This is all for entertainment, and anyone not watching any of it during sporting times and cheering for the winning team, they will be imprisoned into galactic camps.

Snuff films are also broadcast, and actors are actually murdered just for entertainment. Stealth droids also guide these forced actors into behaving exactly as the director dreams, otherwise they will be punished by being placed into a macerator and having their execution written into the film. Any film that does not feature someone being murdered will be burned and the entire crew behind it will be executed in the most grotesque way possible - vivisection.

All executions are broadcast, and anyone who misses even a millisecond, even by blinking, will be executed. All citizens must boo to the person being executed, and the family is gathered to be injected with eternators, which cause pain forever, making them immoral but feeling the pain tenfold every millisecond. They cannot pass out, but they will feel like it forever.

Conquests by this Stimpire end in the planet being razed, and all the citizens being executed in the same way as their citizens are. The planet is then destroyed and all remnants of it are removed, and any memories of it will be erased instantly from civil minds. People who are also killed are also erased from memories, and all memories of them, including toys and pictures, are destroyed.

Prisoners undergo 40,000 years of relentless and endless labor, and anyone not complying is sentenced to the eternator injection. All prisoners injected with eternators are placed into capsules and launched into far space, then the room is closed tight to ensure maximum insanity. Some prisoners are also subjected to the removal of blood, the lungs, the liver, the genitals, the skeleton, the muscles, the eyes, and even the injection of pressure. Prisoners sentenced to pressure chambers are locked in until they are inflated to a high level. The decompression is then stopped to make sure they are inflated and uncomfortable.

Children born on the 14th of July are subjected to the removal of their skeleton and an implant of a silver liquid to replace it. The nervous sysem is also injected in various parts to ensure it is five times more sensitive than the average.

Restaurants also are ordered to serve civil meat, and anyone attending must give themself up to be cooked into a grotesque meal. They are cooked alive, undergoing extreme pain, and are then subjected to industrial grinders and blenders. The Stimpire orders at least 1 million citizens to be dispatched every day, as they are afraid the population may overthrow them. But only one planet is cared for, and the rest are banned from eating, drinking, talking, using technology, touching anyone, wearing unauthorized clothes, touching buildings, or walking a centimeter out of designated routes. Civil enforcers are on every planet, and they are engineered so that they are 40 times larger than the 300 quadrillion population. At least 7 billion die every 12 hours under this rule.

Thoughts are also surveyed, and anyone who does not think anything to loving the Stimpire with more than their capabilities will be sentenced to a prison. Prisoners who are punished for this violation will meet their greatest fear, only to have it amplified so they will turn insane as they imagine it exactly as they fear it. They then undergo a painful extraction of all fluids, to be replaced by a toxin which causes permanent irritation. The unknown substance keeps the subject aging normally, except they will never die. Prisoners punished in this way are unable to be reverted, despite many efforts, and they will never be able to be disposed.

The sickening truths have been revealed only today, and invigilation teams are still investigating the truths without setting foot in the galactic space of this sickening empire.

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:51

Beet Wagon: Oct 19, 2015

Berious posted:

I shamefully bought one of those monstrosities for a Guildwars 2, a clickfest MMO. It was uncomfortable as gently caress and you needed to be double jointed to work the buttons. Luckily it was from Amazon so a refund was easy and they didn't try to bill me after someone else did a chargeback on a different mouse

Man, everybody in this thread hatin' on my favorite mouse. I wish this place was more like /r/starcitizen so I could downvote you all straight to hell.

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:52

aleksendr: May 14, 2014

Dusty Lens posted:

I think the best way to draw more CIG employees into the thread is to post more highly polarized opinions on alcohol.

All Zinfandel wines are pure distilled poo poo. If you took bird crap, ran it trough a streamer and then added the fecal juices of a morbidly obese giraffe it would still be better than any Zinfandel, ever.

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:52

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

https://archive.is/yDd3H

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:53

2DCAT: Jun 25, 2015; pissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssss sssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssss; Gravy Boat 2k

Berious posted:

I shamefully bought one of those monstrosities for a Guildwars 2, a clickfest MMO. It was uncomfortable as gently caress and you needed to be double jointed to work the buttons. Luckily it was from Amazon so a refund was easy and they didn't try to bill me after someone else did a chargeback on a different mouse

Same. It's by far the worst mouse I've ever used.

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:55

Dusty Lens: Jul 1, 2015; All Glory unto the Stimpire. Give up your arms and legs and embrace the beautiful agony of electricity that doubles in pain every second.

Ghostlight posted:

https://archive.is/yDd3H

I was going to shitpost by pulling a particularly funny sentence from that post but gosh darn.

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:55

aleksendr: May 14, 2014

Eonwe posted:

btw tomorrow through saturday ill be in vegas so ill only be able to very rarely check in on you guys

Be sure to try the ~~Tofu~~ Heart Attack Grill.

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:56

peter gabriel: Nov 8, 2011; Hello Commandos

2DCAT posted:

Same. It's by far the worst mouse I've ever used.

I'm using one right now :lol:

# ? Feb 4, 2016 01:57

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

Dusty Lens posted:

I was going to shitpost by pulling a particularly funny sentence from that post but gosh darn.

The only appropriate one is

quote:

WTF did I just read

# ? Feb 4, 2016 02:00

runsamok: Jan 12, 2011

Beet Wagon posted:

Man, everybody in this thread hatin' on my favorite mouse. I wish this place was more like /r/starcitizen so I could downvote you all straight to hell.

It's my current & favourite mouse too. I'll stand with you.

# ? Feb 4, 2016 02:00

peter gabriel: Nov 8, 2011; Hello Commandos

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QofThpYz1c

# ? Feb 4, 2016 02:01

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

alphabettitouretti posted:

There is a titty card inside my car door. It was tucked beside the glass and fell down when I opened the window. I hope one day it gives some mechanic a chuckle. If I ever get it out I'll post it to you to add to your collection.

It's important to take the titty cards because if no one does then they'll stop paying them to hand them out and then not only will those people not have jobs, there will be no one to perform the vital service of connecting lonely tourists with lovely prostitues and/or undercover law enforcement officers.

# ? Feb 4, 2016 02:02

aleksendr: May 14, 2014

Colostomy Bag posted:

A good guess. Wasn't there images floating around of the clothes?

But still useless without a Character Editor. There is only so much you can do with "white dude in spacesuit"

# ? Feb 4, 2016 02:08

Colostomy Bag: Jan 11, 2016; C-Bangin' it

peter gabriel posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QofThpYz1c

Amazing how polished everything is.

# ? Feb 4, 2016 02:10

runsamok: Jan 12, 2011

aleksendr posted:

But still useless without a Character Editor. There is only so much you can do with "white dude in spacesuit"

They're seeding the character editor with facial scans of their staff. So even after it's out I'm guessing it'll be pasty white dudes as far as the eye can see.

# ? Feb 4, 2016 02:12

Bootcha: Nov 13, 2012; Truly, the pinnacle of goaltending; Grimey Drawer

fuzzknot posted:

Primarily in what not to do.

Speaking of which, Bootcha is getting ready to attempt to cook rice by himself, and I'm still at work and may not arrive in time to avert disaster, so if I never post again, you'll know what happened.

I hosed it up.

# ? Feb 4, 2016 02:14

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 20:15

aleksendr: May 14, 2014

peter gabriel posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QofThpYz1c

Always loved Ravel's Bolero

# ? Feb 4, 2016 02:14

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