BARONS CYBER SKULL posted:

Schrödinger's oval office

Harime Nui posted:

Don Johnson as Rob Liefeld, Tim Roth as Todd McFarlane, Karl Urban as Bob Harras....

Dutch Angle of Harras bellowing in the phone. "You've gotta stop them! They're TAKING ALL THE COMICS!"

Security footage of Liefeld and McFarlane, their arms stuffed with a messy splay of comics as they attempt to sneak out of the lobby of Marvel corporate HQ, the Comics Vault (an old-timey safe) open and sloppily plundered behind them.

Med. shot of Liefeld, McFarlane and Lee in a trash-strewn brick alley, leaning into each other conspiratorially

Lee: I can't do this.... I have a family.....

c/u on McFarlane, eyes burning with a drive bordering on madness

McFarlane: Jim, they'll be at your house by now. Your family's already dead.

Pan upwards from Liefeld's bare feet as he stands framed in the stucco doorway of his California mansion. He's stripped to his Levi's, muscles splattered in blood, his authentic Conan sword gripped in two hands as he bellows defiance at unseen foes. The trailer music is pounding hard now.

The marvel office: tight c/u on a grimacing Harras, toying with the blinds on the window and ashing his cigar, a panel of concerned junior editors in conference behind him.

Harras: This is out of control... call Lobdell.

Axel Alonso: Do you know---

Harras: Dammit, I said call him!

Camera tracks upwards to look through the driverside window of a dark sedan as Scott Lobdell (a surprise appearance by Matt Damon) clicks the hammer back on a beretta 92fs, extending the weapon through the open window and down at his target. Reverse shot to McFarlane, defiant and bloody, trying to crawl back on the pavement with a broken leg.

McFarlane: Who the gently caress are you!?

Lobdell: Nothing personal.... I'm just the cleaner

big white letters on black card: NOTHING

Joe Quesada (played by Kevin Smith) rubs Harras's shoulders in a mock-friendly way that tells us he'd love nothing more than to strangle this bastard. "dangerous times, Bobby---think about your health..."

STAYS SECRET

Steady long-range shot of Jim Lee running down an alley, a wide stack of individually bagged card-backed comics tucked under his arm, headlights just on his heels as a car screeches

FOREVER

In a darkened comic shop beside a line of those display stands they use in drug stores McFarlane turns back to look over his shoulder.

McFarlane: I didn't need this, y'know. I coulda played baseball. In the big leagues.

Cut back to McFarlane's shadowy contact, Chris Claremont (played by Patton Oswalt in a beard, or possibly Chris Claremont) chuckling as he flips up the collar of his Gambit coat.

Claremont: Kid, where the gently caress do you think you are? This is the big leagues.

THIS CHRISTMAS

PARTING IS SWEET SORROW

BLOOD DEBT: THE UNTOLD STORY OF IMAGE COMICS

A FUCKIN CANARY!! posted:

Is it okay to just use a chamber pot or have hipsters started using them?

GnarlyCharlie4u posted:

I put a mic in a brass chamber pot when recording to get that eerie/old timey feel.

Sorry bro, hipsters ruined it already.

BattleMaster posted:

Gordito posted:

Jeesh, Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Edition continues to get creepier every year...

Luna Was Here posted:

the top 1% of players have 99% of the mmr, elect me, bernad sandler and i shall break up the big ganks

titties posted:

It's kind of funny but I empathize with the daddy longlegs because my penis also appears to be 99 million years old, is firmly encased in sticky solidified fluid, and is 0.2 cm

Takoluka posted:

Come on, Shmorky. Y-y-you gotta get out of there. You got leave, Shmorky. Sh-sh-she's *burp* crazy, Shmorky. And you're crazy if you don't leave now. You gotta go, Shmorky.

Aaaah geez, Rick. I don't know if I can.

Shmorky, y-y-y-you just gotta lee*burp*eeet her go, Shmorky. She's not good for you. Come back, Shmorky. Let's get you home, buddy.

I'm scared, Rick! I mouthed help me to cops! What else can I do, Rick!? I'm dumb and so goddamn craaaazzzyyyyyyy!!!!

Calm down, Shmorky! C-c-calm down! You gotta calm down, Shmorky!!!

kimcicle posted:

If I was 10 and saw an ATV with a sticker THIS MACHINE KILLS KIDS I would have been like "loving AWESOME" and killed myself on it.

ImpAtom posted:

Can we maybe move away from the discussing of crying raped children in the funny pictures thread?

go3 posted:

tl;dr oil industry

A number of years ago my wife worked for a small oil and gas firm that lived like it was still in the 80s. By that I mean the higher ups regularly flew to Houston, wine'd and dine'd Big Oil execs and topped it off at the strip club. Just the cost of doing business. One trip, a guy forgot his company card or some poo poo and figured "hey I'll just use my personal and get reimbursed!" That wasn't a problem but a bit later the statement hits home and his wife sees a $27k charge for HOUSE OF BIG BOOTY BITCHES or wherever they went and flips out. Husband denies it and says the card got lost on the trip and he'll take care of it no worries. Wife says, "dont worry I already called and cancelled the card and disputed the charge it'll be taken care of ". Naturally it comes back to her that they have a receipt with his signature on it etc but that can't be her husband doesn't do this stuff SOMETHING MUST BE WRONG. Husband sees that his wife is searching for any reason to believe that he didn't do this so he rubs his nuts a bit and gets a great idea, "I'll tell her I was drugged! I didn't know what happened and felt bad in the morning so I went to the hospital, thats right!" Crisis averted, right? Not so fast my friend.

Being a very concerned spouse, wife finally calls the office to inquire about this and whether the hospital visit was covered etc. My wife talks to her at one point and is like nope not doing this and boots the call up to her best friend/boss that ostensibly runs the office. Now, this lady doesn't give a poo poo about what the guys do. She handles the money, makes it all go where it is supposed to be, but she will absolutely not cover their horseshit with spouses. She can take this line because she is Protected. On top of being the only really competent person in the office that doesn't get drunk every day, she had a fling with the owner back in their college days and he has tried to take care of her ever since. He'd drop his wife in a heartbeat if she ever asked, even 25 years later, but she never will. So here she is on the phone with a really vapid wife, asking about lies that she neither knows or cares about. "No he didn't go to the hospital, their flight back was that morning and they were here by noon." The key here is that the wife thought he was coming back a few days later. Really the husband was just going to get back, spend a few days with his in-town girlfriend, then go back home. Oops.

So at this point the husband is pretty loving boned. His wife knows he spends his time out of town dropping megabucks at strip clubs and likes to come home early and not tell her. There isn't really anything left for him to do but accept his fate of impending divorce and spend more time with his girlfriend, but he wants someone to burn and chooses... Untouchable Lady. He tells the owner he wants that bitch gone, she hosed everything up, how can she be so dumb etc etc etc. Now the guy is good at his job but ultimately he's just a loving petroleum engineer and you can't swing a big tittied ho around here without hitting 4 of them. Owner tells him she isn't loving going anywhere and maybe if he wasn't such a loving idiot he wouldn't be in this position, go back to your loving office and deal with it. Guy decides that gently caress it, if he is going down someone is coming with him so he decided to rat out the owner to his wife about his ongoing infidelities even to the point where their regular hotel meet up is. You can guess how well that went.

Fast forward 6 months or a year later or whatever and both guys are divorced after paying out through the loving nose, nearly costing owner the company in the process. Bizarrely through all this the owner never fired the guy for it. His marriage was over long before and professionally its a really good team so lets just move on! The office is still mostly a bunch of raging alcoholics(apart from AP duties my wife would usually fetch a 30 pack or two for them on her way back from lunch every day), one of the guys drank himself to death.

Its really fun to work in an industry where this kind of behavior is not only tolerated but sometimes outright encouraged.

Apocadall posted:

Necc0 posted:

my space angle

SuperMechagodzilla posted:

Definitions of 'bad' have so far ranged from "critical of Hera-worship" to "the wrong kind of grass".

Centripetal Horse posted:

This one's on me.

I started a new job recently. I've been struggling to get up to speed with out large code base, and the dozens of technologies we employ. If you followed my GBS thread, you know I'm feeling significant pressure to do well at this job. Consequently, I've been staying late at work. Last night, everyone was gone by 7:00 or so, except the CIO and one of the high-level managers. The CIO left, and the manager stopped by for a talk. We chatted for half an hour or so, and he left. I was all alone in the IT Engineering room. Even the Russian guys who take care of the trash and building maintenance were gone. I spent the next hour-and-a-half or so working on various aspects of my project, keeping a full-volume conversation going with myself the entire time. That's something I do regularly when I am alone, because I am either mentally ill, or very lonely, and probably both. Suddenly, I felt a cramp in my gut. I pressed down, and let loose with an incredibly long, incredibly loud fart. It was one of those wet farts that sounds like a horse blowing a raspberry. It was extremely satisfying. I groaned in satisfaction. To celebrate, I stood up and sang

DOMO ARIGATO, MR. ROBOTO!

DOMO!

DOMO!

I was in mid-Robot when a torso swivel brought me face-to-face with the guy who was sitting in a cube directly behind my chair, and not five feet away from me. He'd been sitting back there for maybe two hours, listening to me talk to myself, and was witness to both my fart, and my Robotting. It was like 9:30 at night, and I hadn't heard a loving sound from him.

I expect bonus schadenfreude any day now when I get fired for whatever kind of harassment blasting rear end on a guy then singing Styx at him qualifies as.

genesplicer posted:

Long, long ago, in 1976, I was part of my high school's crack computer team. Our school didn't actually have a computer. We had a teletype machine and a 300 baud modem. With this, we connected to the MIT mainframe and assisted seniors in finding colleges that had the progams they were interested in taking. During downtime, I figured out something. We used numerical codes to navigate, so I decided to see what other codes would do. After finding very little of interest, I managed to stumble upon the complete list of codes.

With this I was able to enter into parts of the server I was not authorized to enter. I managed to figure out a few passwords (not nearly as secure as they are today) and accessed even more. About this time, we had to do a report on some topic in biology. I decided to wow my teacher, and do my report on genetic engineering. This was a new technology (the first experiments had been done in 1973), and MIT was at the forefront. Since I had access to their primitive email system, I sent a few messages to the grad students asking questions. Eventually they figured out I was not an MIT student and questioned me. I explained what I had done, and the students approached a professor. They gave me limited access to their mainframe, in exchange for me not trying to crack the system any further. Quite a coup for a freshman high school kid.

The professor set up my account, with the tounge-in-cheek name "Genesplicer" (actually, it was "gensplcr", because login names were all 8 characters)

So, in December of this year, I will haved used the name "genesplicer" on various websites, etc, on the ARPANET, BBSs and the Internet, for 40 years.

AlphaKretin posted:

Random Stranger posted:

Sure, he says pomegranates are good for you, but just eat a couple of seeds and *bam* everything is covered with snow for months.

ACES CURE PLANES posted:

HogX posted:

He just ordered a club sandwich.

mom posted:

So there is like NO meth here in Azerbaijan

mom posted:

Electrical subcontracting for an oil and gas company outside of Baku. Need meth.

Captain_Maclaine posted:

Guess who's resurfaced, in the southern Caucasus this time!

Tiggum posted:

pomegranates stuff

burexas.irom posted:

I expect I'll be feeling pretty stupid once you explain this one to me.

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Persephone

Captain_Maclaine posted:

Guess who's resurfaced, in the southern Caucasus this time!

Your Dunkle Sans posted:

Why the gently caress would you be fiending for meth in Azerbaijan?

Mom's steak theft adventures in Colorado were pretty entertaining, though. Some of the best SomethingAwful stories come out of TCC. Joose piano purchases, etc.

Your Dunkle Sans posted:

Why the gently caress would you be fiending for meth in Azerbaijan?

quote:

Mom's steak theft adventures in Colorado were pretty entertaining, though. Some of the best SomethingAwful stories come out of TCC. Joose piano purchases, etc.

Captain_Maclaine posted:

Or were you more asking about the location?

Your Dunkle Sans posted:

Why the gently caress would you be fiending for meth in Azerbaijan?

Captain_Maclaine posted:

Uhh, because he's mom and fiending for meth is pretty much his thing? Or were you more asking about the location?

Your Dunkle Sans posted:

cock hero flux posted:

ban for quoting yourself in the thread

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Persephone

Pharnakes posted:

You forgot to mention that Persephone is also Zeus's daughter, and that Zeus, Hades and Demeter are all siblings. Although I suppose that could be taken as a given in Greek mythology.

CommissarMega posted:

Didn't Persephone and Hades end up the only happy coup0le among the Greek gods? Hell, she even got him to soften up when Orpheus came calling, and that couldn't have been easy.