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crabrock posted:I will take 59) Magical Realism and Historical Fiction Your story must involve someone going from point A to point B. Point B must be somehow important to the story.
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Feb 9, 2016 08:27
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In with "Astor Man Told Deputies He is Creator, Owns World" And to make sure my lazy rear end actually enters something.  (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
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Feb 9, 2016 08:46
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In for 84) The Fisherman and His Wife
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Feb 9, 2016 10:28
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87) The Girl Without Hands
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Feb 9, 2016 11:59
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57) Lost World Children's Fantasy or Space Opera Eco-Thriller And thanks for all the crits in the past few days
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Feb 9, 2016 12:32
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In with "14) Bloody revenge in ancient Rome, with the emphasis on the bloody."
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Feb 9, 2016 13:29
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5) A man tried to balance love and war, but sacrifices everything for love.
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Feb 9, 2016 13:38
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Thanks for the crit, seb! edit: I'll take 15) Borscht scuz fucked around with this message at 15:59 on Feb 9, 2016 |
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Feb 9, 2016 15:47
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crabrock posted:good crits Thranguy posted:good prompts In. 28) Fabulist Wuxia or Multicultural Spy-Fi
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Feb 9, 2016 16:02
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In with 34) Gold mourning ring with a painted eye.
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Feb 9, 2016 17:12
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In. Someone officialish give me a number.
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Feb 9, 2016 18:00
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Noah posted:In. Someone officialish give me a number. 104) Yearning for the Yellow Cities
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Feb 9, 2016 18:15
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Thranguy posted:104) Yearning for the Yellow Cities 
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Feb 9, 2016 18:19
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67) Paranormal Noir also twist judge the poembrawl!!!
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Feb 9, 2016 19:18
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Poembrawl Results Muffin, I appreciated the clarity in your words for the most part, and I liked the uplifting tone of your piece. But as a poem, it sort of fails. There's not a whole lot of rhythm or meter to it as it's written, not much creativity in the language that's used, and not much effort expended to evoke any sort of stimulating imagery. It reads more like a speech than a poem, maybe a commencement speech given to a graduating class. Also, the one thing I told you both not to do was use the word "sound", and then you go ahead and write "here is the sound and the sound alone". It almost makes me think you took a dive. Djinn, your poem read better as a poem, read with a much better rhythm out loud, played around with language to a satisfying effect, brought forth interesting imagery that stuck with me after I read it, and ultimately had a message that was more complex and original. There were some points where the meter sort of stuttered a bit, but this was rock-solid for the most part, and it felt more worthwhile as a whole. Djinn blows Muffin's speakers out and wins.
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Feb 9, 2016 22:25
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In. 16) Broadway Boogie-Woogie, 1942 by Piet Mondrain
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Feb 9, 2016 23:37
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give me a flash rule
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Feb 10, 2016 00:16
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WeLandedOnTheMoon! posted:give me a flash rule We never set out to be kings but here we are
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Feb 10, 2016 00:21
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Week 183 Crits Ceighk Apocalypse: Global warming combined with fuel shortage. Check. Interesting person: Oil tycoon with a cool car and coke habit. Check. Wants something: Coke, and then to kill himself. Check. This is pretty solid, though it feels like it takes a bit in the beginning to get its feet under itself. You kept the worldbuilding pretty light, but at the same time the story kind of meanders a bit in the beginning before it's clear what his first motivation is. I especially like the writing where he's getting his coke from under the bed, and the next-to-last paragraph. Now that I think about it, good job keeping up a high-energy pace to match his coke habit. Jocoserious Apocalypse: Deadly acid rain. Check. Interesting person: Scientist developing water purifier. Check. Wants something: Son. Check. I like your apocalypse, though I felt like the story could be better in places. The second paragraph after the first break is one huge information dump that could have been better paced if you'd spent a bit less time on helping the kid. That scene does establish what the device does, which is important, and it shows that she's a caring person, but it doesn't seem to further the plot a whole lot. The biggest challenge she goes through is running from the militia in a panic and getting acid rained on as she runs to the car, which while good, is only a small part of the story. If you were going to rewrite it, I'd say consider making the focus more on the tension of the standoff between her and the militia as a storm's approaching. Pham Nuwen Apocalypse: "The Collapse": unspecified, but the Pacific Northwest is split into feudal states. Check. Interesting person: Duke of Portland. Check. Wants something: Hops. Check. So far the three stories I've read all feel like they start off trying to figure out where they want to go, and then start going there. I think you could cut everything from before the first scene break and intersperse the details throughout. Would have been nice to spend more time on the tension of 'oh no, trapped in a stadium with cultists'. I do have to commend you, though, on taking a silly premise and allowing it to exist in a real world. I was worried it might be one big hipster joke after 'artisanal hand-crafted spear', but you used the jokes as part of the apocalyptic world, so it didn't feel like it was all just a pretense for beard oil jokes. J.A.B.C. Apocalypse: "The Freakout": Storms that destroyed advanced human society. Check. Interesting person: A wanderer who collects architectural knowledge from old buildings. Question mark? Wants something: To look at a church. Okay??? I don't understand this, which is a bad sign. It seems like there's some supernatural element to it, but that's unexplained--just stuff about Gods and how he can't come back after dark. I want to say he might be a robot, but if so it's a very vague thing. I get the sense that he's collecting this information and then uploading it somewhere but I don't know where or why. The scene jump in the beginning is also really god drat confusing because I assumed that 'exploding with light' lead into the sunrise, so I didn't understand that it was a leap back in time. You gave me a bunch of worldbuilding too, but none of it explained who this character is, why being from Babel is important, what he's doing, or what he wants. Blue Wher Apocalypse: Gamma ray burst/alien invasion. Check. Interesting person: Cybernetically enhanced scientist. Check. Wants something: To leave Earth. Check. This sucks. Let me enumerate why this sucks. Number one, it's all telling. Every bit of it is this doctor telling me about this cool stuff he's done. Number two, the frame story adds almost nothing. Number three, general stupid sci-fi stuff. Why does Earth's languages allow him to understand alien languages? If the Dracans were human, why wouldn't he know how to build spaceships, and alternately if the Dracans were the aliens who left Earth, why would he know how to fix a hyperdrive just by looking at it? Why would you write a story that's all dialogue? I'm hoping this story loses because I don't want to read something worse than this. QuidProQuid Apocalypse: Post-energy crisis lawlessness. Check. Interesting person: Gang leader hunting down old world targets. Check. Wants something: To...not break up? Question mark. There's a lot of parts of this I like, but I'm not sure they add up to a convincing whole. There's hints of the old life they had, but there's not enough to connect that with what they're doing now. I don't know how the kids who met in college become an ecoterrorist biker gang. The conflict seems emotionally real but disconnected from what they're actually doing; you could change the situation to someone who just sunk a whaling ship as part of an ecoterrorist cell and there'd be no functional difference other than not having the guy's corpse around. On a surface level, it's fine, but there's not enough meat for me to enjoy it, especially when you had all the potential of a wild post-apocalyptic road trip and you turned it into a breakup story. That idea could have worked, but in a way, the characters seem too mellow for their situation. Caligula Kangaroo Apocalypse: "The Dark", a creeping, landscape-eating horror. Check. Interesting person: Disgraced sheriff, son of a war hero. Check. Wants something: To live up to his name. This was exactly what I wanted from the flash rule and I'm really drat glad. The pacing is good, bringing in the disaster close to the top, and then establishing his motivation quickly. The voice is subtle but present just enough to give it that dramatic Western feeling, and the ending is a great resolution: he finds his courage, and even if it kills him, he's going to hurt this thing. The one thing I can say is that there's some proofreading mistakes, even though you had plenty of time left to get some editing in. But saying that feels like I just got a triple XL avocado bacon cheeseburger with french fries and complaining that I wanted black forest bacon instead of applewood smoked bacon. Bleusman Apocalypse: Meningitis plague. Check. Interesting person: Trans teenager. Check. Wants something: Hormones. Check. This is pretty good. The underlying plot of someone mistaking why Owen is looting a pharmacy is neat. I like the rolling tone where the sentences blend together; it works well for that train-of-thought sort of telling. I like the way you deal with the protagonist's emotions here, too, they feel true enough to life that I sympathize with him. There's some parts that fall a bit flat to me, though, like the Jason Mraz line. I don't have any clue who that is, so whatever character beat that conveyed was lost on me. Also, the way that the woman is just so completely unsympathetic bugs me. I know people act like that in real life, but when you put someone like that in a story with A Message, they become less of an actual character and more of a cipher for whatever they stand for. Broenheim Apocalypse: Nuclear. Check. Interesting person: Radiation sickness person. No check. Wants something: To not die alone. Check. I'm having trouble understanding this. There's some people on this island, I think, and Martha and Damien have come here to treat protagonist. There's another guy at least, Christopher, and they're also treating him. But they have to leave because there's not enough food. I'm not sure what's going on with Christopher. Honestly, I'm not sure what's going on with a ton of this story because it's mostly dialogue talking about leaving, staying, going, and telling, and it all blended into a big blur. The end was good, and I liked the emotions there, but I wish I had a better grasp on what that wall of dialogue was trying to convey. I have to say this is pretty much the opposite of what I wanted when I asked for slice-of-life on a cozy island paradise. Canis ex machina isn't good enough to counteract the confusion. Thranguy Apocalypse: Time ran out. Check. Interesting person: Someone who walks around the disembodied heads. Check. Wants something: To give release to all the heads who want to pass on. This is really cool. It gets a bit confusing at points--the conversation in the beginning is a bit hard to follow, and the reveal of the guy who isn't a Sikh has some weird bits, especially the flashback to setting a head free when you haven't established that that's how you set a head free. There's also a lot of telling, but weirdly, it works in this meta way to have a bunch of literal talking heads having conversation because they can't do anything else. The main character's motivations were a bit hazy, but they resolve really nicely at the end. The most interesting apocalypse yet. WeLandedOnTheMoon! Apocalypse: World freezing over. Check. Interesting person: Junkie. No check. Wants something: Skis. Check. This started off with this cool rolling tone that I liked. Someone who doesn't give a poo poo and just wants to have some fun is what I was hoping to get. The tension of the standoff fading into 'oh, wait, it's too cold for fire' is also pretty fun, though I dunno if the too cold for fire makes total sense here. You lost me on switching to the old guy on top of the roof having dementia, though. What was the point? And then it just ends. You could have been a contender. scuz Apocalypse: Explosive jungle growth. Check. Interesting person: Scout who gets a new body with every death. Check. Wants something: To find this general? I guess. There's a lot of neat ideas here but they never really resolve into a coherent hole. I feel like this would maybe be a cool first part of a 5,000 word short story or something, but as it is, it sets up a pretty interesting world, matches it with an interesting premise, and then you spent so much time being interesting that as soon as the first thing happens, the story's over. Wanting more is a good feeling to be left with, but I think you would have been better served by aiming for something that needed a bit less explanation. Speaking of explanation, those two paragraphs near the beginning about the state of the world are very 'tell', since they might as well be from a history book written after the fact. SurreptitiousMuffin Apocalypse: "Old Ones": monstrous gods with human cultists. Check. Interesting person: Motorcycle. Check. Wants something: Make right the death of his daughter. This is pretty well-written and it's got a good mix of action and high concept. The break from the trap to the action scene is a little tricky and I'm not entirely sure who did what, and the girl's sudden double-crossing is a little tricky, but overall, this was a fun read with a good voice, aside from the same character going from "hey mister" to "what the gently caress, guy" in two lines of dialogue. I guess maybe this is supposed to be part of her trap? If so, why does she go back to 'mister' stuff once she's bandaged up? Anyway, small complaints for an overall good story. Killer-of-Lawyers Apocalypse: AI gone rogue. Check. Interesting person: AI gone rogue. Check. Wants something: To...something something humans? Reading this, I wonder if the idea isn't that the AI that took over has had its own apocalypse and now it's slowly failing? Having it delete all its unpleasant thoughts is a neat idea and it's the sort of flaw that would doom a computer after a long while, but at points it's unclear just what happened. The AI is only on one continent and the humans have rebuilt elsewhere, I think. And then at the end, the idea is that he's entirely forgotten that he had the space-based systems and is just watching his satellites fall with tragic irony, I think. I like the voice, but I think the clarity leaves some to be desired, and it could have been closer to the prompt. Pantothenate Apocalypse: Prometheus's gifts revoked. Check. Interesting person: Porn producer. Check. Wants something: To save Alexandra from turning into clay. Check. There are two thirds of a good story in this. The turning-into-clay thing is pretty drat horrifying and it works really well to create this sense of unease when you leave handprintts on someone and they smell like soil and their body falls off because they got too clay-like. And then...it ends with a joke about a porn title and Zeus saying "meh." It's not that an anticlimax couldn't have worked, it's that your story shifted gears so hard that it left its transmission sitting on the highway. You earned some serious pathos with that body horror and then it just all went poof. SadisTech Apocalypse: World literally poo poo. Check. Interesting person: Multidisciplinary biologist waking up from stasis. Check. Wants something: World to not literally be poo poo. Check. A captain grumps around while he explains what happened to a scientist, who then goes and does a thing and then says "ah, I've done it," and then the story ends. You spent most of your words explaining the situation, and then in the end, it was really just "I have a plan" more than actually taking action. Not disparaging plans, I'm just saying that a story about coming up with a plan is pretty boring. I think you may have started with the opening line of "the world is poo poo, literally" and then wrote a story around that. It's a valid strategy but boy it didn't work here. Grizzled Patriarch Apocalypse: Something something robots something something ashes. Check. Interesting person: A robot who wants to eat. Check. Wants something: To eat, or to die, either way. Check. There's more to this story, but you didn't write it. What are these robots? Why are the humans dead? Why are they hungry? What are they hungry for, if anything? I don't need every question answered when I'm reading a story, but when I read a story and I don't really know what's going on throughout the whole thing, that's when I feel a little upset. Their hunger is related to the factory and the bomb but I don't have any hints as to how. I'd like to like this story as it's got a cool tone but I can't because you didn't write enough of it, drat it. Jitzu_the_Monk Apocalypse: Spanish conquistadors. Check. Interesting person: Healer and her brother. Check. Wants something: To get his sister to safety. Check. I found this one to be pretty nice. The use of historical color works well and definitely adds that tragic irony edge to the ending. The tone got a little stark at times; I know you were going for a kind of formal, ceremonial sense to the way they talk, but at one point she kind of goes "I know that you, who are sick with smallpox right now, etc," and that was where it got a bit eye-rolling to me. Aside from how everyone talked like they were straight out of the KJV, I liked what was going on well enough. spectres of autism Apocalypse: Penguinpocalypse. Check. Interesting person: Brother in fake monastic order. Check. Wants something: Solace. Check. I don't know if the penguin stuff really helps your story all that much--it's a weird idea, sure, but I think the tone of your story would have been fine without it. That said, it was pretty cool--fairly mellow, since it's kind of all about not doing anything to this girl and then she dies, but there's a good tension going on that slowly builds up and reaches a peak--there's not exactly a traditional climax here, but I like the story arc all the same. Titus82 Apocalypse: Quantum fuckery. Check. Interesting person: Talented cellist. Check. Wants something: To play the cello, for the world to make sense. Check. There's a lot of asides and flowery language in here that didn't exactly work for me. I did like the absurdist touches of people trying to make sense of the world by going reverse-bowling, though some of the little quips make less sense if you try to sort them out. You can't drive anywhere because every car takes every possible path. So how can you go anywhere at all, wouldn't YOU take every possible path? Also, what Matilda wants seems pretty vague, and there's a large portion of the story (the whole thing with Matthew) where it's just about relationships and not about that core desire. Bird Tyrant Apocalypse: Everyone died and then just stopped. Check. Interesting person: Struck by lightning as a kid. Check. Wants something: Companionship. Check. The tone here is fun and I was going to say it was risky to start so far back from the actual apocalypse, but then again, the story isn't 'about' that, it's about his loneliness, so it makes sense to start where it does. I could kind of see the girl with the lightning strike as being important as soon as I saw it, but I don't know what exactly I would have done to keep that from being 'oops, solved the story' anyway. Still, a really good showing--liked the plot, liked the characters, and I even liked the way you slipped in how your apocalypse worked, because you told it all in the character's voice and through his experience, instead of dropping it into an expository paragraph. curlingiron Apocalypse: Everything turning into other stuff. Check. Interesting person: Mom with lingering regret over not being there, stuffed lion. I'll give it a pass. Wants something: Daughter. Check. The apocalypse here is pretty interesting in its abstract way, and I felt like the emotions were good and real. It's weird to say this about this story, but I almost wish it made more sense. I get on some level that it's supposed to be a surreal apocalypse and there's some really good images about that, but I don't know why there's a chorus as the sun starts to set, or why a cliff suddenly appears and then her daughter walks out of it, or why the house is so warm. It's an interesting read to be sure, but it feels like there's meaning that's out of reach to the reader. Tyrannosaurus Apocalypse: Unspecified. Check, ish. Interesting person: Teddy Roosevelt animatronic. Check. Wants something: To help this guy. Check. This was pretty fun, though it only nominally touches on the apocalypse--I guess that's the only way to pair the lawless wild west setting with a Teddy Roosevelt robot, though. The dialogue-via-quotes was pretty interesting and led to a nice chemistry between them despite the obvious constraints. I'm not entirely sure why he's helping out this guy, aside from the fact that he's presumably against lynching, but hey, it was amusing. Ironic Twist Apocalypse: Everyone turned into stars. Check. Interesting person: A star. Check. Wants something: To apologize to her daughter. Check. This is really interesting, though it feels almost too abstract to be an apocalypse. The world is over, though, so fine, I'll go with that. It's interesting and an neat way to explore the emotional resonance of regretting saying something that you wanted to be able to take back. There's some joke to make about writers reducing people to spheres of emotion, but anyway, nice job. YFDHippo Apocalypse: What Interesting person: ????? Wants something: ?????????? what the gently caress am I reading
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Feb 10, 2016 00:26
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Boaz-Jachim posted:critz
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Feb 10, 2016 01:11
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Very excited to see the painting week stories! I'll give crits to all those who choose a painting week prompt. Edit: So I'm a judge so I'll be giving crits to everyone. Maybe I'll do line crits for painting week stories. newtestleper fucked around with this message at 02:04 on Feb 10, 2016 |
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Feb 10, 2016 02:00
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In, and please assign me a prompt as I am too much of a babby to pick for myself... Maybe if I'm lucky I'll write something halfway competent this week 
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Feb 10, 2016 02:35
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Blue Wher posted:In, and please assign me a prompt as I am too much of a babby to pick for myself... 53) Latvia 2015 Eurovision
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Feb 10, 2016 05:37
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newtestleper posted:Very excited to see the painting week stories! I'll give crits to all those who choose a painting week prompt. I will do line crits for the zero people who choose a song by The Books as their prompt
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Feb 10, 2016 05:54
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In withThranguy posted:24) Don't Let's Start (TMBG) and a for my poor showing in Startup Week.
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Feb 11, 2016 04:07
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I've been away for too long, I'm in!Thranguy posted:
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Feb 11, 2016 04:18
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I'm in please. I'll take: 112) You see the flow of information between people and things like a series of intersecting roads or rivers. You aren't all-knowing; rather, you see information when it's in transit between informer and informee. Sometimes, if you're very careful, you can dam or change the flow. And a for not submitting my maze story.
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Feb 11, 2016 16:40
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A bit under 12 Hours before the second round for prompt pickups begins, so if you want the chance at two rad prompts and the extra words that go with it, you should get in soon. (You can still get in on Friday, but will only be able to take a single prompt.) In other news, if you toxxed for the week but didn't explicitly request a flash rule (+words), I haven't given you one. If that's you and you wanted one (or if you didn't then but have changed your mind), let me know. Thranguy fucked around with this message at 19:52 on Feb 13, 2016 |
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Feb 11, 2016 21:10
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judging is a good way to help hone your internal editor, which can pay off for your own writing, so even if you don't feel you're "good enough" you should totally do it.
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Feb 11, 2016 21:36
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crabrock posted:judging is a good way to help hone your internal editor, which can pay off for your own writing, so even if you don't feel you're "good enough" you should totally do it. counterpoint: everyone's stories suck
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Feb 11, 2016 23:53
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I'll judge that TD (edit: didn't see the thing about first-time judges wanted, I've judged once before so I'll step down if someone else wants it)
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Feb 11, 2016 23:55
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Broenheim posted:counterpoint: everyone's stories suck Rebuttal: So do you.
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Feb 12, 2016 00:05
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CANNIBAL GIRLS posted:87) The Girl Without Hands gently caress your archive
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Feb 12, 2016 02:01
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CANNIBAL GIRLS posted:gently caress your archive :O
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Feb 12, 2016 02:12
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It's me the artist formerly known as welandedonthemoon
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Feb 12, 2016 02:22
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Djeser posted:Rebuttal: So do you. lol who are you even quoting, never heard of that guy
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Feb 12, 2016 02:26
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People already in who want to can now select a second prompt and receive 200 additional words. I've edited them in now, but the prompt originally didn't have the deadlines. As you probably expect, entries close Friday 11:59 Pacific and Submission Sunday 11:59 Pacific. If you're not in, you can still get in. All you've missed is the chance for the extra prompt.
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Feb 12, 2016 09:04
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im taking A Cold Freezin' Night (The Books) too
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Feb 12, 2016 09:12
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I am also taking a second prompt: 37) Hands where I can see them, girl. | Prophet of Death by CantDecideOnAName - http://writocracy.com/thunderdome/?story=1078
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Feb 12, 2016 11:36
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 22:43 |
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My apologies for this, but my week has been pretty busy, and I have some stuff to do this weekend as well, so I'm going to be dropping out of this week. I just don't really have enough downtime to really sit down and write for this week.
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Feb 12, 2016 16:30
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