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Like I had one client wanted an undead dragon servitor for his dungeon. Said he had the dragon already. No big deal, right? So I apparate there at dusk, figured I'd be done by midnight and could cut out early to work on my own project Well turns out that not only is that dragon actually a wyvern but also it's still alive!! Not only that, but his "dungeon" is in an abandoned cathedral and it hasn't even been desanctified yet! Suddenly what should've been a three hour routine raising and binding job is a full enterprise solution for this idiot. I should've walked just disapparated right there but the missus needs a new eternal youth treatment, you know? Anyhow yeah I used some web of defilement off of crypthub to desecrate the church while I killed the wyvern. Of course I could've desecrated that cathedral myself but I was already killing a wyvern just to raise it from the dead anyhow, might as well desecrate the church with a script all in one spell
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Apr 5, 2016 16:36
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Paramemetic posted:Of course I could've desecrated that cathedral myself You were right to pick a spell-solution.
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Apr 5, 2016 16:57
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Was expecting to see more cool bone golems itt so here is one
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Apr 5, 2016 17:09
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as many of my gbs pals remember ive been in the process of seeking a way to be "turned" into a vampire. the process has led me to dangerous adventures like the old abandoned house in which I made a den and bowser the cat familiar who burned it down to spite me, being beaten and scratched and imprisoned by vicious werewoofs from the nypd who eventually turned me over to the clutches of cruel wizards learned in magickal psychiatry who forcefed me terrible brain potions and mood stabilizing elixirs made by terrible filipino alchemists, all sorts of terrible fuckery that has me worried for the safety of my rear end (rear end is slang for self you pervs lol) really it was terrible as ive said repeatedly just terrible (much like my posstjng lolol) anyway i been thinkin a lot lately about employin a golem for protection so this thread is serendipitous for sure! someone pls explain golems: a tutorial for me pleas How is a golem? pros of constructing golem from skeletons over mud/metal/my dad/waste? What instructions do i place in the golems mouth to make sure i don't get monkeypawed into having golem harm my famil or kill the vampires I'm tryin to befriend instead of the woofmen I'm tryin to keep away? If I use pulped pages from strong books like Harry porter or Anne rice to make the golems face or arms will it be more powerful or handsome? Can it be a women :bigtran: how can I make it post for me when I'm busy at the hospital or eatin vegan food with my Hare Krishna pawgs? As you can see I'm long on questions and short on answers (and penis hahaha jk jk) so can anyone lend a tip?
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Apr 5, 2016 17:48
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Applewhite posted:An animated skeleton is usually limited to taking the arrangement the bones had in life, whereas a bone golem can be a shambling mass of bones thrown together in any configuration. I hope this helps, OP. this is the answer.
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Apr 5, 2016 17:51
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Is it possible to make a Boob Golem? Asking for a friend.
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Apr 5, 2016 18:12
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Lil Peeler posted:Was expecting to see more cool bone golems itt so here is one That is offensive! Xir identifies as a zombie.
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Apr 5, 2016 18:13
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VendaGoat posted:Is it possible to make a Boob Golem? Asking for a friend. Golems are kind of like meat loafs, you can throw pretty much anything in there and it'll work.
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Apr 5, 2016 18:13
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VendaGoat posted:Is it possible to make a Boob Golem? Asking for a friend. The real question is whether you want to make a golem out of "boobs", or just fashioned to have boob-shaped appendages and other outside features. Many a respected wizard have crafted iron boob golems, nobody wants a ton of rotting breast flesh wandering around your hidden labaratory.
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Apr 5, 2016 18:21
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Don't kinkshame, please
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Apr 5, 2016 18:21
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Gatekeeper posted:as many of my gbs pals remember ive been in the process of seeking a way to be "turned" into a vampire. the process has led me to dangerous adventures like the old abandoned house in which I made a den and bowser the cat familiar who burned it down to spite me, being beaten and scratched and imprisoned by vicious werewoofs from the nypd who eventually turned me over to the clutches of cruel wizards learned in magickal psychiatry who forcefed me terrible brain potions and mood stabilizing elixirs made by terrible filipino alchemists, all sorts of terrible fuckery that has me worried for the safety of my rear end (rear end is slang for self you pervs lol) really it was terrible as ive said repeatedly just terrible (much like my posstjng lolol) This is a pretty great simulation of crazy person word-salad and you ought to be proud of it
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Apr 5, 2016 18:24
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Colonel Cancer posted:That is offensive! Xir identifies as a zombie. Literally 3rd or 4th result for Bone Golem scrub
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Apr 5, 2016 18:36
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Where do bonelords fall on the skele-spectrum? four arms, half a skull, and a really long hood.
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Apr 5, 2016 21:38
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clockwork chaos posted:Where do bonelords fall on the skele-spectrum? Ancestral spirits merely inhabiting a skeleton-shaped shell. Absolutely nothing to do with skeletons or golems. I'm starting to think that you're not even a wizard! Its like confusing a golem with a humanoid shaped animated object. You haven't gone to Bardic College, have you? Colonel Cancer fucked around with this message at 21:54 on Apr 5, 2016 |
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Apr 5, 2016 21:52
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The ladies call me bonelord
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Apr 5, 2016 21:52
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Booblord Zagats posted:Golems are just elementals born in to slavery at the hands of a conjurer 
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Apr 5, 2016 21:59
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Exactly!
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Apr 5, 2016 22:00
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The Elemental Plane of Watermelons is one soul poorer.
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Apr 5, 2016 22:07
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golems are made out of clay because god created man from clay. Also
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Apr 5, 2016 23:57
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Golems and the basic elementals you neophytes are thinking of have no capacity to reason, think, or feel pain. Why is enslaving them bad? Surely it's no less ethical than strapping livestock to a plough's harness. Perhaps it is more ethical, as the elemental is an immortal being.
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Apr 6, 2016 00:22
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The more I think about it, the clearer it becomes. It is no golem at all! Its a Swarm of Diminutive Watermelon zombies. Fruit, disconnected from the plant, is a dying or already dead living organism. Giving said fruit mockery of life with undoubtedly most evil spells is a work of a canny necromancer, not a golem crafter.
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Apr 6, 2016 00:34
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Colonel Cancer posted:The more I think about it, the clearer it becomes. It is no golem at all! Its a Swarm of Diminutive Watermelon zombies. Flesh golems and bone golems are definitely golems, idiot. Just because dead poo poo is the material used does not mean some creep in black robes has to be contracted to make it.
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Apr 6, 2016 00:39
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Booblord Zagats posted:This is a pretty great simulation of crazy person word-salad and you ought to be proud of it Things of which I am proud: 1. cutting my own hair 2. eating saitan  3. Makin pbnf (pnutbutter Nutella fluff) sanduskies for the neighborhood block party and not puttin ANY pot in them Things of which I am NOTProud: 1 askin for golem help and being mocked for saladsimulations )^= Can I MAKE A POTTER GOLLUM GBS POSTER SLASH BODYGUARD OUT OF SKELLIES OR NOT
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Apr 6, 2016 00:41
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Gatekeeper posted:Things of which I am proud: I'd laugh at you and resurrect the skeletons in your golem giving them the will to fight back against your golem.
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Apr 6, 2016 00:44
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as an animated skeleton i'm very annoyed that I wasn't consulted before this thread was made, a lot of misinformation in here re bone golems vs skeletons
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Apr 6, 2016 01:22
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Bitter Mushroom posted:as an animated skeleton i'm very annoyed that I wasn't consulted before this thread was made, a lot of misinformation in here re bone golems vs skeletons If you are capable of being annoyed you are a bone creature and not an animated skeleton! Stop fakeposting.
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Apr 6, 2016 01:31
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I consulted with a bone wizard to animate my bone golem but all I got was a neck readjustment and some very expensive sugar pills
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Apr 6, 2016 01:38
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Dr Cheeto posted:If you are capable of being annoyed you are a bone creature and not an animated skeleton! Stop fakeposting. He's probably an angry (annoyed?) spirit possessing his own skeleton. There's a lot of bad information out there, so many of them self-diagnose as Animated Skeletons as they try to come to grips with their undeath. It's surprisingly common and very unfortunate.
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Apr 6, 2016 01:45
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Ive heard of muscle memory, do bones have something comparable?
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Apr 6, 2016 02:40
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clockwork chaos posted:Where do bonelords fall on the skele-spectrum? Four arms would be a nightmare. Whenever someone's taking a picture of me I can never figure out what I should be doing with my arms, and don't even get me started on trying to lie on 2 arms while I sleep. Sure, you're thinking "what about all the times I have to flip the hotcakes, whisk the hollandaise and shoo the cat off the counter all at the same time?", but I'd wager that those times are few and far between. Would be cool for breakdancing, though.
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Apr 6, 2016 02:44
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Bone golems and skeletons are similar in that they both lack any measurable intelligence or metabolism. They differ in that golems are animated by magical energy from the plane of earth while skeletons are animated by negative energy. That's why skeletons can be destroyed/commanded by priests.
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Apr 6, 2016 03:52
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Paramemetic posted:Like I had one client wanted an undead dragon servitor for his dungeon. Said he had the dragon already. No big deal, right? So I apparate there at dusk, figured I'd be done by midnight and could cut out early to work on my own project so this joker then tries to tell me how it would be theoretically possible to mark an entire country's worth of souls and then corrupt them in parallel and then i had to stop him in his tracks, "whoa buddy, there isn't enough arcane power in this entire plane to do what you're asking. you're effectively asking to perform a simultaneous puppet control of over a hundred thousand souls with little to no build-up, simply just mark and go. it isn't scalable!" "then again", i offered, "if you're looking to simply control the wills and fates of a hundred thousand people you could always get into politics"
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Apr 6, 2016 04:34
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Golems made out of food are the best golems imo.....
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Apr 6, 2016 05:41
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But what would keep you from eating them? They would smell bad when they spoil.
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Apr 6, 2016 20:30
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Lil Peeler posted:But what would keep you from eating them? They would smell bad when they spoil. Food golems are for short-term use ONLY. They're great party-favors (good way to sneak a golem into a wedding or a royal feast), but do not, under any circumstances, use a pudding Golem to guard a dungeon or tomb. You'll attract ants.
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Apr 6, 2016 20:37
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drat it, so that's where my giant defense ants went!
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Apr 6, 2016 20:43
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Attracting ants isn't really the problem, formorians are some nasty motherfuckers and can gently caress an intruding adventurer up. The problem is that they'll eat your golem, then you have to make a new one.
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Apr 6, 2016 20:59
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Paramemetic posted:Attracting ants isn't really the problem, formorians are some nasty motherfuckers and can gently caress an intruding adventurer up. The problem is that they'll eat your golem, then you have to make a new one. No. Those things burrow everywhere. Suddenly there's a side tunnel around your big trap gallery. If I wanted some assholes to have a choice between fighting an ant-queen or dealing with traps and waves of golems, I'd have added that from the start. The trap gallery isn't optional, it's the centerpiece of the whole thing.
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Apr 6, 2016 21:11
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Golems are not supposed to talk. If your Golem talks, please contact your immediate sorcery supervisor.
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Apr 6, 2016 21:23
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Golem pictured in OP is made of iron and not bones. Thank you.
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Apr 6, 2016 21:28
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