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As I approach the door, the skulls' eyes light up. With a booming voice, they call out, "Who are you?" "I am Doc Friday, a simple adventurer." I reply nervously. "Why do you wish to pass through our doors?" The skulls boom. "Uh, I just want to see what's ahead." I say. The skulls seem to glare at me. "Past these doors, horrors and monstrosities await you. You will die if you progress." I exclaim, slightly irritated, "Well, fighting monsters is pretty much our jawb, and if we stay here, we're boned. Let us pass." The chorus of skulls screams out, "Why are you doing that? You're not funny!" "I'm really not trying to be humerus. Look, is there some sort of mandible way to open the door?"
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May 10, 2016 20:24
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 09:04 |
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ive not got up yet
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May 10, 2016 20:36
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Doc Friday posted:As I approach the door, the skulls' eyes light up. With a booming voice, they call out, "Who are you?" the skulls on the door manage to roll their eyes, despite the complete absence of any. "Alright it's your funeral, just quit it with the puns." With an ominous groan the doors swing open, revealing a two headed ogre!"  "Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum! I smell the blood of someone dumb!" the right head cries out, the left one rolls it's eye and shoulders the massive club. "Give a shout when you're ready to die." treasure bear and wayne bruce take a moment to gather themselves. Saint Isaias Boner posted:im not here to play games. i narrow my eyeholes, shift my cigarillo from one side of my mouth to the other, spit, and step right over the middle of that X on my way over to the man in black "You see the thing is you're supposed to step around the x and then trap doors open up. I don't suppose there's any chance you would oblige..." The man in black turns and runs down the corridor, vanishing out of sight quickly in the dark mine.
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May 10, 2016 22:10
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i continue to play dead
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May 10, 2016 22:20
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December Octopodes posted:the skulls on the door manage to roll their eyes, despite the complete absence of any. "Alright it's your funeral, just quit it with the puns." With an ominous groan the doors swing open, revealing a two headed ogre!" "not a chance in hell" i growl to no one in particular, and follow the man in black at a steady pace deeper in to the mine.
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May 10, 2016 22:26
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I stop dancing and fade into the shadows, my goal is to step up behind the new two-headed menace and backstab it for oodles of damage!
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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May 10, 2016 22:45
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"Hmm... Perhaps I should say something about the Ogre 'seeing-double.'" I mutter, while preparing another horrible pun.
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May 10, 2016 22:55
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Saint Isaias Boner posted:"not a chance in hell" i growl to no one in particular, and follow the man in black at a steady pace deeper in to the mine. as you follow him you hear the sound of rushing water growing louder. the tunnel opens up to reveal an underground river and the man in black hopping into a row boat! another row boat is nearby, what do you do? Splatmaster posted:I stop dancing and fade into the shadows, my goal is to step up behind the new two-headed menace and backstab it for oodles of damage! it looks like the left head managed to notice you! unfortunately you're not gonna get a clean sneak attack, unless someone can come up with a good, annoying distraction treasure bear posted:i continue to play dead a giant bee has buzzed down to make sure the hornet is thoroughly dead, but catching a whiff of honey on you decides you're more interesting. it starts licking and cleaning your fur
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May 11, 2016 03:10
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"Ogre here!" I call out to the monster.
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May 11, 2016 04:06
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December Octopodes posted:as you follow him you hear the sound of rushing water growing louder. the tunnel opens up to reveal an underground river and the man in black hopping into a row boat! another row boat is nearby, what do you do? Being a boneman I'm deathly afraid of water (our bony arms and legs let a lot of water through and make swimming a chore, and it's a huge pain in the rear end to walk across the bottom of a body of water intact. also all skeletons hate getting wet in general ever since that business with the Argonauts). I let him go. "Next time, man in black".
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May 11, 2016 08:53
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Saint Isaias Boner posted:Being a boneman I'm deathly afraid of water (our bony arms and legs let a lot of water through and make swimming a chore, and it's a huge pain in the rear end to walk across the bottom of a body of water intact. also all skeletons hate getting wet in general ever since that business with the Argonauts). I let him go. The man in black let's off a firey burst of magic in your direction, but misses you striking the tunnel behind you! it collapses, and it seems the rest of the cave has become unstable as well! Unless you hop in the boat it looks like you'll be stuck for a long time. Doc Friday posted:"Ogre here!" I call out to the monster. neither head is able to ignore such an atrocious pun, and with their full attention on you splatmaster has his chance! with a solid crit he deals a whopping 18 points of damage! the ogre roars in pain and lashes out at doc, but can't manage to focus enough to land a solid blow! treasure bear and his bee buddy are joined by another bee. feeling left out it picks up wayne bruce and starts grooming him
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May 11, 2016 18:26
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i tip the bee
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May 11, 2016 18:47
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i light up the room
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May 11, 2016 18:49
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treasure bear posted:i tip the bee it makes polite buzzings about not possibly being able to accept before doing so Yobgoblin posted:i light up the room pulling out a concealed machine gun even yobgoblin didn't know he had he sprays the room with bullets! he takes out the left head's eye and it slumps down. "Archibald nooooooooooo!" it cries out as the club drops from the left hand. the right cradles Archibald in his hand as they drop to their knees. somehow he fails to strike doc friday, and grazed splatmaster for 4 damage. the ogre appears to be defeated, what do you do?
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May 12, 2016 01:15
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i surreptitiously begin filling out an HR incident report beneath the folds of my voluminous robe |
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May 12, 2016 01:24
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Android Blues posted:i surreptitiously begin filling out an HR incident report beneath the folds of my voluminous robe you pass the roll with ease, concealing your work while accurately detailing the nature of the incident. this is surely something you've never dealt with before
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May 12, 2016 05:55
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December Octopodes posted:it makes polite buzzings about not possibly being able to accept before doing so there there, hes in a better place. although only half of him is there so hes probably still not having a good time
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May 12, 2016 06:04
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i bark |
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May 12, 2016 13:01
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i wheel myself into the room because I'm looking for my dad the two headed ogre. (i am a disabled two headed ogre child who is in a wheelchair and i have only been able to survive so long because of my dads love) "papa? are you alright?"
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May 12, 2016 14:24
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TWIST FIST posted:there there, hes in a better place. although only half of him is there so hes probably still not having a good time you roll to console the remaining head and... succeed! the pain is still there, but he's able to conceive of a time when the hurt will be a reminder, a distant scar in time and space. 9hotonic posted:i bark the acoustics are really great for this! you hear fainter barking you think there might be someone else barking? do you bark again? Luvcow posted:i wheel myself into the room because I'm looking for my dad the two headed ogre. "roll to survive a broken heart, little one, for Archibald is dead." you roll a 9, and were your health better this wouldn't be an issue. a young life is in danger! do the adventurers try and do anything about it? As for the Skull with no name, almost like he isn't controlling his body he finds himself propelled down the underground river in the rowboat. he seem dry, and protected from the cursed water rushing below him. he can make out the man in black up ahead, what does he do?
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May 12, 2016 22:21
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i put the disabled ogre child on my healthcare plan (all-inclusive tricentennial saver with Wizened Crone Pharmaceuticals and Essence Contouring) |
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May 12, 2016 22:30
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i am neutral evil though so he will still have to sign a copay |
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May 12, 2016 22:32
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i wheel myself over to a corner and stare into it forlornly "papa never told me where he hid the treasure... now we'll never know..." *sigh*
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May 12, 2016 22:38
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I kill some rats for experience points
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May 12, 2016 22:51
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*still sobbing in the corner* "i think... i think one of his pet rats might know where the treasure is..."
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May 12, 2016 22:59
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Doc Friday posted:I kill some rats for experience points one of the rats you kill is wearing a cute pink bow! you've fatally wounded it, it beckons you closer with its dying breath it squeaks out the location of the treasure, but alas! you do not speak rat oh hey you got enough exp to level up! same for the rest of the crew as well
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May 12, 2016 23:54
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i take out my reverse bat translator to try and translate the rats words but it just translates my words to rat instead
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May 12, 2016 23:59
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ha ha, i say, i sure do enjoy "levelling up" and reaching a new level which is one infinitesimal fraction closer to that of the remorseless maven of the arcane who rules this place, whose power is immense and eternal as unto the end of time, who can never be toppled from the throne of hollow mastery whose sitting price they have paid by steeping in darkest wickedness their very soul i doggedly attempt to pick the "power attack" feat |
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May 13, 2016 00:24
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TWIST FIST posted:i take out my reverse bat translator to try and translate the rats words but it just translates my words to rat instead the rat smiles as if to say, "How perfect, born not understanding, die not being understood." Android Blues posted:ha ha, i say, i sure do enjoy "levelling up" and reaching a new level which is one infinitesimal fraction closer to that of the remorseless maven of the arcane who rules this place, whose power is immense and eternal as unto the end of time, who can never be toppled from the throne of hollow mastery whose sitting price they have paid by steeping in darkest wickedness their very soul you roll quite high in your effort to pick it, but it just doesn't seem to take. a shadow, unseen by the others slides off from the wall and deposits a scrap of parchment in your hand. "Sir, when you do next enjoy a small increase to your already mighty and awe-inspiring power you might consider something along the lines of skin thief? or perhaps the subtlety of shadow walk might be enjoyed. Either way we look forward to the results!"
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May 13, 2016 02:02
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I make sure the rat is dead and choose a random perk.
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May 13, 2016 02:27
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December Octopodes posted:the acoustics are really great for this! you hear fainter barking you think there might be someone else barking? do you bark again? i bark again!! i bark again!!! |
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May 13, 2016 11:35
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Luvcow posted:"papa never told me where he hid the treasure... now we'll never know..." i suddenly develop empathy for luvcow and do a hug |
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May 13, 2016 12:11
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but then i get distracted and drop him |
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May 13, 2016 12:13
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December Octopodes posted:The man in black let's off a firey burst of magic in your direction, but misses you striking the tunnel behind you! it collapses, and it seems the rest of the cave has become unstable as well! Unless you hop in the boat it looks like you'll be stuck for a long time. guess i aint got a choice. i get in the boat but i'm not happy about it. I'll take it out on That Guy when I catch up
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May 13, 2016 12:16
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I add points to Troll Grappling just in case we need to grapple a troll
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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May 13, 2016 14:09
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i add points to walking in the hope that my crippled ogre legs will one day work again, full well knowing that they won't
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May 13, 2016 15:02
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Luvcow posted:i add points to walking in the hope that my crippled ogre legs will one day work again, full well knowing that they won't you somehow manage to add the points, but it seems to make no difference to your health. despite this, the adventurer's kindness seems to have done wonders for your continuing to live past your father. Splatmaster posted:I add points to Troll Grappling just in case we need to grapple a troll your troll wrasslin skill allows to pick a feat do you embrace: The Lucha Way: You can challenge a masked wrestler to claim his mask and signature move, so long as the mask stays on you will gain a bonus to wrestling, unarmed fighting, and strength. You cannot perform the signature move without the corresponding mask. Kayfabe: You never break character. IF good aligned you gain the face ability which gives a bonus to charisma and performance checks. If evil you gain the heel ability which gives a bonus to stamina and saving throws. Either way you get a big bonus to bluff. treasure bear posted:but then i get distracted and drop him he sorta falls back into the crudely constructed wheel chair. you can tell it was built with love if not skill, and the father carved in a message expressing his love for little luvcow. 9hotonic posted:i bark again!! i bark again!!! you don't know who this dog thinks it is, but somehow its barks and yours combine to form https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4wptBuM6zs Doc Friday posted:I make sure the rat is dead and choose a random perk. given the small rat family surrounding the corpse and squeaking, pulling our their fur, and gnashing their teeth it seems you may face a vengeance quest in the future. this rat is dead though. you go to increase your luck but for some reason you can only take away points? your luck has somehow gone negative! you now have Dumb Luck: Bad things and bad rolls happen more often around you, but you almost always seem to land on your feet. The entire party moves forward and comes across a circular chamber. in the center surrounded by goblins and orcs shouting and holding wads of money a battle is going on. a shirtless troll, wearing a blue mask with a fin on top is shouting. "Yo soy Tiburon del Tierra. Lucame y pierda!" Facing him is a large Orc with a thousand mile stare. "Gragh 3:16, for I am a merciful god who is swift in crushing his enemies. Don't think, cabron, that you can walk into my cave and have it your way, you are going down!" Does the party place bets? Do they interfere with the match?
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May 13, 2016 20:22
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December Octopodes posted:your troll wrasslin skill allows to pick a feat do you embrace: I take the Lucha Way December Octopodes posted:The entire party moves forward and comes across a circular chamber. in the center surrounded by goblins and orcs shouting and holding wads of money a battle is going on. a shirtless troll, wearing a blue mask with a fin on top is shouting. "Yo soy Tiburon del Tierra. Lucame y pierda!" Facing him is a large Orc with a thousand mile stare. "Gragh 3:16, for I am a merciful god who is swift in crushing his enemies. Don't think, cabron, that you can walk into my cave and have it your way, you are going down!" Does the party place bets? Do they interfere with the match? I patiently await my turn with the troll and do some warm up stretches as I prepare to grapple him after this match. It is at this time I reach into my backpack and produce a black leather mask with a zippered back and a bright red ball gag. "Mmmmph!" I say, to no one in particular after putting it on. "Mmmmffmroooph!" and I meet the troll's glare with one of my own https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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May 13, 2016 20:35
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| I tell the goblins to join us | |
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May 14, 2016 18:23
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 09:04 |
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I throw down some steel coins.
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May 15, 2016 07:14
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