ASoIaF: A Song of Ice and Fire: George Rail Road Martin

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The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

Kavak posted:

I'm crying. Is that where AGH's name came from?

Sadly (or happily depending on how much of a piece of poo poo you are) my name came directly from GRRM's AGOT where Osha sees Hodor's gigantic dong glistening wetly.

# ? May 15, 2016 03:48

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# ? May 13, 2024 00:21

syscall girl: Nov 7, 2009; by FactsAreUseless; Fun Shoe

POLICE CAR AUCTION posted:

I remember seeing a hilarious story a thread or two ago that involved Bran taking a giant incontinent poo poo while riding in the Hodorbasket. Anyone able to repost that?

It was me.

syscall girl posted:

Bran's belly was distended and taut, like boiled leather molded around an iron kettle. His bowels hadn't moved for days and although he could feel no pain below the waist he could hear his blood rushing through his ears the way it used to during a long climb through the parapets of Winterfell and his breath was short and wheezy. That morning, they ate another meal of Hodor's burnt squirrel and what Meera swore were herbs, although Bran thought they tasted more like dirty straw. And after, Bran in his basket, swinging with Hodor's gait fell into a fitful sleep. It was like the wolf dreams but different somehow, darker.

He dreamt something like the inky black hold of a ghost ship, perhaps one built by his own namesake, but uncrewed. The timbers creaked and groaned as though the ship were on high seas, and sure enough he felt queasy. Then it was though he had become that vast dark space, become the ship, he could feel all the interconnected parts, from the mast to the keel. Now his fingers were the spectral sailors, pulling at ropes pushing windlasses with the captain nowhere to be found. With no one to give command they labored at cross purposes, this one undoing what another had done, one furling and unfurling the sails, another mindlessly turning the rudder back and forth.

Then a voice came like a whisper from above. Was it his own voice? It was so quiet and the wind seemed to push it away, but here it came back deeper and stronger. He could barely make out the words.

"...rub.. eh.. oop ...eck."

The sailors stopped their pointless labors for once and cocked their ears.

"...iots.. the... deck!"

The sails went slack for a moment as the wind died and the voice, it was his he was sure of it now, could be heard.

"Scrub the poop deck, you whoresons!"

Suddenly, the sailors moved with purpose. In unison they began cleaning the ship from top to bottom. Bilge pumps were set in motion. Brushes and pails were handed out and the scaly rime of ages began to be stripped from the hull.

"No grog 'til we've beaten the clog!" the strangely distant captain shouted. The men quickly turned the rhyme into a lusty shanty and doubled their efforts.

Just as Bran felt the ship was being put at rights, out of the fog came another voice.

"Hodor!" it said angrily. And just like that, Bran was back in his basket.

He looked down to see his hands covered in dark, rich, creamy brown poo poo.

"HOOOODOOOOR!!!!" bellowed Hodor, trying to swivel his neck like a goose to see the foul smelling mess Bran's night soil had left down his back and breeches.

"Hodor, Hodor." he grumbled with an uncharacteristic look on his face.

Just then, Jojen returned from foraging.

Oblivious to what had happened he related how he'd found an overturned cart, nearly empty but for a couple of handfuls of old withered grapes.

"They may not look that appetizing, but I found two scoops of them. They'll make a decent breakfast I think."

Hodor bowed his head, eyes closed as Jojen went on.

"I don't know if you ate these in Winterfell but they call them..." his voice slowed as his eyes took in the scene "raisins, Bran."

# ? May 15, 2016 03:57

Pastry Mistakes: Apr 6, 2009

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

Sadly (or happily depending on how much of a piece of poo poo you are) my name came directly from GRRM's AGOT where Osha sees Hodor's gigantic dong glistening wetly.

You've a good name sir.

# ? May 15, 2016 04:59

POLICE CAR AUCTION: Dec 1, 2003; I'm not a princess

syscall girl posted:

It was me.

yesssss

Better than the books imo

# ? May 15, 2016 05:36

dogs named Charlie: Apr 5, 2009; by exmarx

On A similar subject this past mother's day I was hanging out with my mom's seeing how she was doing on her new year's resolution which was to read a new major franchise. I was game too so I told her to read A Song of Ice and Fire and knowing what she was in for she told me to read Gor. If you've never read them Gor books 1-3 are decent schlocky genre works/what passed for smut once. 3 was the best so far. It gets super rapey in 4 early on and I'm staying there for a while.

Anyway my mom was only like 2/3 of the way through the first book, we shared some theories over steaks and wine. She finds it graphic and disgusting but the intrigue and politics are amazing enough to keep going. I now have the theory that the world is a mobius and that heading north from the Wall will eventually land you in Ulthos and Asshai. 19 Crimes is a good product, I recommend it over Gor. Anyway as she was leaving I told her "he glistened wetly." She didn't know what I was talking about. Later that night she texted me something to the effect of "goddamn it how did you remember that sick poo poo" to which I got to respond "Hodor."

So basically I got my mom to start reading these books. She can't stop. By year's end she'll be done and I'll get to tell her there is no more and there never will be. I may be history's greatest bastard.

# ? May 15, 2016 06:10

kcroy: May 30, 2002; by Nyc_Tattoo

dogs named Charlie posted:

On A similar subject this past mother's day I was hanging out with my mom's seeing how she was doing on her new year's resolution which was to read a new major franchise. I was game too so I told her to read A Song of Ice and Fire and knowing what she was in for she told me to read Gor. If you've never read them Gor books 1-3 are decent schlocky genre works/what passed for smut once. 3 was the best so far. It gets super rapey in 4 early on and I'm staying there for a while.

Anyway my mom was only like 2/3 of the way through the first book, we shared some theories over steaks and wine. She finds it graphic and disgusting but the intrigue and politics are amazing enough to keep going. I now have the theory that the world is a mobius and that heading north from the Wall will eventually land you in Ulthos and Asshai. 19 Crimes is a good product, I recommend it over Gor. Anyway as she was leaving I told her "he glistened wetly." She didn't know what I was talking about. Later that night she texted me something to the effect of "goddamn it how did you remember that sick poo poo" to which I got to respond "Hodor."

So basically I got my mom to start reading these books. She can't stop. By year's end she'll be done and I'll get to tell her there is no more and there never will be. I may be history's greatest bastard.

maybe for mother's day next year you can show her a picture of his fat rear end, and say "when he dies he says he will have the notes burned"....

# ? May 15, 2016 11:22

kcroy: May 30, 2002; by Nyc_Tattoo

POLICE CAR AUCTION posted:

This was brilliant but,

yesssss

Better than the books imo

yeah both of those are loving horrific/excellent. The poo poo-dreads was the one I remembered the most. I didn't remember it turned into a sex thing though. Pretty sure I blocked that out of my memory.

# ? May 15, 2016 11:23

Josuke Higashikata: Mar 7, 2013

These "chapters" are sensational.

# ? May 15, 2016 12:28

Kavak: Aug 23, 2009

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

Sadly (or happily depending on how much of a piece of poo poo you are) my name came directly from GRRM's AGOT where Osha sees Hodor's gigantic dong glistening wetly.

I'm a huge one so I'm glad.

We should collect the thread's best shitfics in a book and release it instead of Game of Bones II.

# ? May 15, 2016 12:34

Blade_of_tyshalle: Jul 12, 2009; If you think that, along the way, you're not going to fail... you're blind.

There's no one I've ever met, no matter how successful they are, who hasn't said they had their failures along the way.

dogs named Charlie posted:

I now have the theory that the world is a mobius and that heading north from the Wall will eventually land you in Ulthos and Asshai.

Why a moebius strip? That's even shittier than a sphere!

# ? May 15, 2016 13:16

TK-42-1: Oct 30, 2013; looks like we have a bad transmitter

Kavak posted:

I'm a huge one so I'm glad.

We should collect the thread's best shitfics in a book and release it instead of Game of Bones II.

A Crap of Kings

# ? May 15, 2016 13:32

Invicta{HOG}, M.D.: Jan 16, 2002

dogs named Charlie posted:

So basically I got my mom to start reading these books. She can't stop. By year's end she'll be done and I'll get to tell her there is no more and there never will be. I may be history's greatest bastard.

It was the opposite for me. My mother-in-law hooked my wife and she convinced me to read them. I had avoided them before because I have rule that I never start an unfinished series but obviously I'm going to get burned on this one.

# ? May 15, 2016 14:38

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

I read the first chapter and put it down because it was dumb nerd poo poo.

Then I did that again.

Then one day I had to take a massive Dany, so I read it again, then the next 2 chapters, then I just sat on the porch all day reading.

For three books I enjoyed getting ready to put the book down and then seeing the next chapter was Tyrion or Jon.

Then I finished ASOS and the owning began. I am still the most owned man on earth because I read books 4 and 5.

# ? May 15, 2016 15:01

Josuke Higashikata: Mar 7, 2013

The most owned men and women on the planet are the ones who read AFFC and ADWD and think they're actually good.

# ? May 15, 2016 16:27

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Josuke Higashikata posted:

The most owned men and women on the planet are the ones who read AFFC and ADWD and think they're actually good.

It's not nice to poke fun at mentally challenged people.

# ? May 15, 2016 18:11

MG3: Mar 29, 2016

Hodor's real name is willis. As in "what you talkin' 'bout willis", so I don't think he was known for his smarts before his accident.

# ? May 15, 2016 19:51

uncivil mittens: Nov 1, 2010; Fun Shoe

I'm kicking about a theory that the introduction of a primarily seafaring race/faction signals the inevitable decline of a fantasy series. The only examples I have are the Ironborn and the Athaan Miere from Wheel of Time, but that's pretty darn conclusive right there imo.

# ? May 15, 2016 21:08

MG3: Mar 29, 2016

uncivil mittens posted:

I'm kicking about a theory that the introduction of a primarily seafaring race/faction signals the inevitable decline of a fantasy series. The only examples I have are the Ironborn and the Athaan Miere from Wheel of Time, but that's pretty darn conclusive right there imo.

Why was that the decline in this series in your opinion?

# ? May 15, 2016 21:10

uncivil mittens: Nov 1, 2010; Fun Shoe

It's half in jest, but I just remember that sinking feeling in my stomach when I read the AFFC introduction where, instead of consolidating on existing points, new and somewhat pointless characters and plots were introduced. Just like every post-book 5ish of WoT, pretty much where their sea people were introduced.

# ? May 15, 2016 21:25

SaviourX: Sep 30, 2003; The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether, or Eartha Kitt.

Solice Kirsk posted:

It's not nice to poke fun at mentally challenged people.

A_H contributed to A Game Of Bones, though!

Lends it all a certain authenticity.

quote:

We should collect the thread's best shitfics in a book and release it instead of Game of Bones II.

The Wit And Wisdom Of TB Thread

# ? May 16, 2016 00:28

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Much and more of your favorite targaryen scented brown water, tastefully curated by TB Thread.

# ? May 16, 2016 02:02

JumpinJackFlash: Nov 15, 2001

Finally Dany actually does something for once

# ? May 16, 2016 03:02

Shimrra Jamaane: Aug 10, 2007; Obscure to all except those well-versed in Yuuzhan Vong lore.

True Targarians confirmed fireproof is now canon, anything to the contrary is fan fiction.

# ? May 16, 2016 03:02

azzenco: Jan 16, 2004; Slippery Tilde

loving loved that ending. Does this mean hot showers don't do poo poo for her?

Also, did I miss someone posting this Tower of Jedi?

# ? May 16, 2016 03:09

Dr. Video Games 0112: Jan 7, 2004; serious business

Did I misunderstand that completely but was that episode Littlefinger suddenly deciding to march on Winterfell coinciding with the letter a straight up book spoiler/change to imply Littlefinger wrote the letter? I dont really remember if that makes any kind of sense if that's actually who it was in the books.

Maybe it was just his brilliant plan all along in the show, to plant Sansa in Winterfell, then get Jon Snow to suicide bomb it with wildlings only to ride in and clean up the leftovers and come out the hero?

Dr. Video Games 0112 fucked around with this message at 03:29 on May 16, 2016

# ? May 16, 2016 03:26

Shimrra Jamaane: Aug 10, 2007; Obscure to all except those well-versed in Yuuzhan Vong lore.

Dr. Video Games 0112 posted:

Did I misunderstand that completely but was that episode Littlefinger suddenly deciding to march on Winterfell coinciding with the letter a straight up book spoiler/change to imply Littlefinger wrote the letter? I dont really remember if that makes any kind of sense if that's actually who it was in the books.

Maybe it was just his brilliant plan all along in the show, to plant Sansa in Winterfell, then get Jon Snow to suicide bomb it with wildlings only to ride in and clean up the leftovers and come out the hero?

They showed a Bolton rider under a white flag deliver the letter so I doubt it.

# ? May 16, 2016 03:43

Invicta{HOG}, M.D.: Jan 16, 2002

Is there anything in that episode that negates that leaked season synopsis? The last scene made me like Dany for the first time in many years.

# ? May 16, 2016 03:57

kcroy: May 30, 2002; by Nyc_Tattoo

I was forced to watch the "episode review" that comes afterwards. those things are loving horrible. They offer zero insight into the episode and just recount some poo poo that happened. Yeah we get it that jon and sansa haven't seen eachother in a long time and a lot has happened.

And the poo poo about Dany, how she is so commanding "even when she is powerless" .. uh yeah, considering she is about to burn them all alive I wouldn't characterize her as "powerless".

Their babble is rage inducing.

# ? May 16, 2016 04:05

Arc Hammer: Mar 4, 2013; Got any deathsticks?

That ending was the most 90s thing ever, right down to Dany doing the Terminator walk through the flames. And her head poorly CGI'd onto some body double to top it off.

# ? May 16, 2016 04:27

Trash Trick: Apr 17, 2014

Arcsquad12 posted:

That ending was the most 90s thing ever, right down to Dany doing the Terminator walk through the flames. And her head poorly CGI'd onto some body double to top it off.

There was no body double.

# ? May 16, 2016 04:29

Trash Trick: Apr 17, 2014

Invicta{HOG}, M.D. posted:

Is there anything in that episode that negates that leaked season synopsis? The last scene made me like Dany for the first time in many years.

Yeah, the majority of it.

# ? May 16, 2016 04:30

Arc Hammer: Mar 4, 2013; Got any deathsticks?

a cop posted:

There was no body double.

So just pure CGI then. Emily Clarke has it in her contract that she no longer does nude scenes.

# ? May 16, 2016 04:32

Gravity Cant Apple: Jun 25, 2011; guys its just like if you had an apple with a straw n you poked the apple though wit it n a pebbl hadnt dropped through itd stop straw insid the apple because gravity cant apple

Arcsquad12 posted:

So just pure CGI then. Emily Clarke has it in her contract that she no longer does nude scenes.

That's a rumor, that was Ros' actress I believe. Which is why she stopped showing her tits and then got killed. Emilia Clarke's been nude in the series since that rumor was leaked, the bath scene where Daario comes in and delivers the heads of the Captains of the Second Sons is one.

# ? May 16, 2016 04:39

Arc Hammer: Mar 4, 2013; Got any deathsticks?

I still don't think it's her. Her head is just sort of floating there.

# ? May 16, 2016 04:40

Gravity Cant Apple: Jun 25, 2011; guys its just like if you had an apple with a straw n you poked the apple though wit it n a pebbl hadnt dropped through itd stop straw insid the apple because gravity cant apple

Arcsquad12 posted:

I still don't think it's her. Her head is just sort of floating there.

It's still bad CGI of her standing in flames, that's why it looks fake.

# ? May 16, 2016 04:42

TommyGun85: Jun 5, 2013

its actually her. Emilia Clarke already confirmed it in an interview. No cgi no body double.

http://www.ew.com/article/2016/05/15/game-thrones-emilia-clarke-dany

# ? May 16, 2016 04:49

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

Daenerys did something.

After 16 loving years Daenerys loving did something.

Just loving die already, GRRM.

# ? May 16, 2016 05:12

Arc Hammer: Mar 4, 2013; Got any deathsticks?

TommyGun85 posted:

its actually her. Emilia Clarke already confirmed it in an interview. No cgi no body double.

http://www.ew.com/article/2016/05/15/game-thrones-emilia-clarke-dany

Huh, so they did a Christopher Lee, then.

Gotta say, after having poo poo to do last episode, I loved the Tyrion scene this time around.

# ? May 16, 2016 05:17

Dirt: May 26, 2003

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

Daenerys did something.

After 16 loving years Daenerys loving did something.

Just loving die already, GRRM.

Episode 10, she's going to wake up, and she's still in the middle of nowhere, with projectile diarrhea, and this whole plot line has all just been a hallucination from dehydration.

# ? May 16, 2016 05:18

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# ? May 13, 2024 00:21

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

You guys.

I'm looking forward to more episodes. What is this weird feeling?

# ? May 16, 2016 05:20

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