Furia posted:

Is this dada stdh? Have we reached that point already?

Verisimilidude posted:

there are no open seats

Verisimilidude posted:

So I go to the next seat

RNG posted:

RNG posted:

MonoAus posted:

Khazar-khum posted:

Fedora Spotted

HOOLY BOOLY posted:

Hey man thanks for the advice, you mind warning me if you see sombody like that? Thanks bro

Farmland Park posted:

Historical STDH

Xen Tricks posted:

Has there ever been any kind of research into the psychology of these weird blatantly impossible cult of personality claims? Like I understand you being a dictator but what's the point of claiming you're literally twice as fast as any other human swimmer ever, just shits and giggles?

Boywhiz88 posted:

Depending on the era, it's a form of control due to the people not knowing better. I believe the people of North Korea legit believe all the poo poo they say Kim Jong-Il and Kim Jong-Un have done because there's literally nothing refuting them.

Jerry Cotton posted:

A lot of Americans believe they have freedoms that the US armed forces are protecting.

Boywhiz88 posted:

Depending on the era, it's a form of control due to the people not knowing better. I believe the people of North Korea legit believe all the poo poo they say Kim Jong-Il and Kim Jong-Un have done because there's literally nothing refuting them.

Boywhiz88 posted:

Depending on the era, it's a form of control due to the people not knowing better. I believe the people of North Korea legit believe all the poo poo they say Kim Jong-Il and Kim Jong-Un have done because there's literally nothing refuting them.

Xen Tricks posted:

Has there ever been any kind of research into the psychology of these weird blatantly impossible cult of personality claims? Like I understand you being a dictator but what's the point of claiming you're literally twice as fast as any other human swimmer ever, just shits and giggles?

Aphrodite posted:

They specifically do not believe in Kim Jong Il's poo poo.

NotAlwaysRandom posted:

I work at [coffee chain] as a pizza deliverer. I am walking down the hall daydreaming when a Doctor Who enthusiast stops and stares at me.The girl starts muttering.We are in a poor area so we often get Doctor Who enthusiasts like this.

Doctor Who enthusiast: Can you believe that I swam 15km (around 9.3 miles) in 1 hour 5mins?

in perfect Spanish I reply "Welcome to [coffee chain] *blank stare* What are you talking about? I can't believe that you swam 15km (around 9.3 miles) in 1 hour 5mins."

Doctor Who enthusiast: "B****! You F** you just hate me because I'm a Christian!"

I reply "Beg your pardon sir, you cannot speak to me like that."

Doctor Who enthusiast: "You can't even use a computer! Believe that I swam 15km (around 9.3 miles) in 1 hour 5mins!"

I say "Sincerest apologies sir, I cannot believe that you swam 15km (around 9.3 miles) in 1 hour 5mins. If you cannot behave in a civil manner such as I am doing, you must leave this [coffee chain]"

The Doctor Who enthusiast starts shouting randomly and says "F*** O**!".

Meanwhile a short goon was walking past.

goon: "Greetings girl. I am a goon that has frequented this establishment on many occasions. I have never in my many years seen this level of rudeness from a Doctor Who enthusiast. Please do as the pizza deliverer says and vacate the premises promptly."

Doctor Who enthusiast: "Excuse me? Maybe you can believe that I swam 15km (around 9.3 miles) in 1 hour 5mins."

The goon suddenly spits on the Doctor Who enthusiast.

The Doctor Who enthusiast can't contemplate living and sprints away as fast as possible.

* deadpan* Me: "You're welcome to my undying love as a token of my deep appreciation for your help here today"

Without warning everybody cheered spontaneously. I ended up seeing the goon. We discovered she is my grandmother and have now hired her as the new pizza deliverer.

chitoryu12 posted:

Where the hell do these come from?

Mr. Belpit posted:

Looks like someone resurrected/remade the random STDH generator from the last thread.

chitoryu12 posted:

Where the hell do these come from?

NotAlwaysRandom posted:

I work at [pizza chain] as a regular. I am at a table when a young girl walks through the door. Without warning the co-worker starts muttering. I smile sweetly.

coworker: Please, can you give me a kiss

I say "Saluations, madam!I can't give you a kiss"

coworker: "C***! You F*** O** I am !"

very politely I reply "Beg your pardon madam, you cannot speak to me like that."

coworker: "Just give me a kiss you ugly b****!"

I say "I am unable to comply with your request.Get outta here!"

coworker: "I don't like what I'm hearing."

Meanwhile a calm person (who happens to be white) was walking past.

in perfect french the person (who happens to be white) says "I believe the man asked you to leave."

coworker: "You don't know what you're doing. What is a person (who happens to be white) going to about it?"

person (who happens to be white): "I suck dick for a living" *starts to sing bohemian rhapsody*

The coworker is speechless and runs out in to the street without saying a word .

I reply "Thank you! Please have this voucher for 10% off your next purchase."

Without warning Everybody clapped spontaneously.I have now been in a civil union with the person (who happens to be white) for 3 years !

MonoAus posted:

person (who happens to be white): "I suck dick for a living" *starts to sing bohemian rhapsody* 

MonoAus posted:

ST_DID_H: A few years ago, after reading the STDH thread for a while I noticed that almost every NAR-style STDH had almost the same structure. I had the idea to make a template and randomly insert names/places/things, so I threw together some code. I thought I had lost it in a HD crash ages ago, but I found it in a backup and thought I'd put in a few updated STDH elements.

Basically it's just a random(ish) mishmash of a number of STDH stories, old and new.

Taste the Rainbugh posted:

While on vacation I convinced a married couple I was rich and would pay them $10k to bang the wife.

quote:

Did you bang the wife?

Taste the Rainbugh posted:

I did although it kinda ruined the trip as it was the first night in the same hotel as them and it became harder to come up with excuses on where his money was. I ended up leaving a day early because he was finally catching on that at that point I had maybe $200 with me.

The one thing that was odd was how much more mad he was about it then his wife. Not saying the sex was that good but she had a whatever attitude while I started to feel bad for him because 4-5 years down the road if they were still together it would be eating at him still.

Edit to add
They were married about a year at that point and took maybe an hour tops from meeting them at the hotel bar. The deal was she spend the night and I would have $10k for them in a day or two. She ended up staying till the next afternoon and it took a lot to convince her to leave. I had to play up the rich thing and it cost me like $125 in room service poo poo and was not worth it. I told her my family was co creators of Gatorade

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

I don't usually quote goons for content but somebody else crossposted this in the IoSM thread and I felt it deserved a happy home here

Furia posted:

That's a thing? Didn't even know/notice.

I'm not sure if that's praise to the generator or a jab at the writing.

MonoAus posted:

person (who happens to be white): "I suck dick for a living" *starts to sing bohemian rhapsody* 

HOOLY BOOLY posted:

goon spit is the deadlist biological weapon known to man, it's no wonder she ran away.

quote:

GUESS WHO STOPPED A RAPE LAST NIGHT?! THESE GALS!

Ok, so we're still recovering from the events, but we wanted to tell the story. And if it seems like the photo is making light of a heavy situation, it's because we know FB prioritizes pics AND we needed to get your attention. This is no joking matter.

Monica, Marla, and I were at Fig at the Fairmont for their delicious happy hour ("Fig at 5." Treat yourself). I was going on about something and saw Monica staring behind and making a funny face. I stopped. "What's going on?" After a few second she said "That guy just put something in her drink."

Now, Fig is a nice restaurant. We were enjoying our charcuterie platter and some fancy cheeses. That type of place. They had a bottle of wine they were splitting. It seemed like a first or second or third date. After a few "Oh god. What do we do"s, I got up to find her in the bathroom to tell her. Warn her. Tell her to get up and leave this creep. Make him drink it. Something.

So, after feeling awkward hanging out by the sinks in the bathroom til she was done, I approached. "Hey! Um, this is kind of weird, but, uh, we saw the guy you were with put something in your drink."

"Oh My God." She said. Shocked, kind of numb, so I babbled "Yeah, my girlfriend said she saw him put something in your drink and we had to say something. Woman to woman...you know. We had to say something. How well do you know that guy?" I was expecting to hear "We just met," but I got:

"He's one of my best friends."

poo poo. Yeah. One of her best friends. They had known each other for a year and a half. They worked together.

I continued to talk for a bit and said she could ask "the one with the short blond hair" any questions since she was the one who saw it and then left her to return to the table.

When I got back, Marla was talking to the server about what happened. Seeing if he or the manager could do anything. Monica filled us in on more of what she saw.

"He pulled her glass toward him, kind of awkwardly, then he took out a little black vial. He opened it up and dropped something in. Then he tried to play it cool, like checking his phone and hiding the vial in his hand and then trying to bring it back down slyly." He apparently saw Monica looking. Marla said she was just going to lean over to Monica and say "that guy is acting really creepy" when she saw Monica already looking. Witnessing.

It only took a minute for the manager to walk to their table, see if everything was ok, allowed the girl to order a sparkling water. All super cool. He stopped by our table and said he couldn't do much because he didn't see it. But he did let security know.

The poor woman had to sit through 40 more minutes, sitting across from "one of her best friends" knowing that he was trying to drug her. Marla noticed him several times chinking his glass to hers to get her to drink. She played it cool. Mostly, I believed, just stunned. The staff wanted to jump in and dump the glass, dump him, do something! I was going through fantasies of walking up and demanding he drink the tainted glass of wine. Eventually, they finished up dinner. There was a delay getting their bill "The computer is down" is what the waiter kept saying to him. Then, in walks Santa Monica PD. They say "Come with us" and he doesn't protest. Doesn't ask why. Doesn't seem surprised.

The head of security came by and said that because we notified them immediately, they were able to go back and review the footage from the security camera.

They got him on tape. They had proof of him drugging this girl. They took the glass away as evidence. They kept us for statements. We asked the girl if she had a ride home. "My car is at his place. In his building. We came together." Part of a plan. We were blown away. She was still in shock.

But it wasn't over.

From every table In our section, from through out the restaurant, people came by to thank us for taking action.

"It happened to my sister...I'm glad I was there to take her home."

"It happened to my roommate at a producer's party. He's still messed up from it."

"It happened to me. At a backyard barbecue."

"It happened to me. At a bar I worked at."

"Some Heroes don't wear capes. Thank you. It happened to me. Thank you."

"gently caress yeah you guys! You fuckin rock!"

At least 10 stories of being personally affected buy someone like this. Something like this. Those were only the ones who knew what went down. I am sure there were tons more stories through out the restaurant and the hotel.

We kept thanking the manager for taking action. We are well aware how many people would not have taken what we said seriously. Not taken action. Said their hands were tied.

So thank you, everyone at Fig and Fairmont in Santa Monica for keeping this guy from harming someone.

And thank you in advance to everyone who sees this and shares this and reminds each other that yes, you SHOULD say something. Even if it's awkward or weird or just uncertain if anything can be done.

Know that YOU did something. And that it helped.

Marenghi posted:

What would have been the guys end game?
Carry his date out slung over the shoulder when she passes out in her soup.
Or tell the staff his companion has taken rather ill and become catatonic but no need for an ambulance he'll personally drive her to hospital.