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I declare myself the King of Thursday. My previous entry requirements still stand. I'll work something out.
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May 31, 2016 07:20
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 15:23 |
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*cued entrance music* In. I'm a
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May 31, 2016 08:28
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In.
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May 31, 2016 09:06
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Chainmail Onesie posted:*cued entrance music*  flash rule: No character may speak
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May 31, 2016 09:14
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crabrock posted:ok you can have it too. man you sure got me angry. gently caress you crabrock gimme a flash rule.
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May 31, 2016 13:07
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In.
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May 31, 2016 13:48
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I'm in, because I'm addicted to losertars. Now flash me like I'm on a late evening stroll through an empty park.
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May 31, 2016 14:38
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In for Wednesday - Or if that's full, Thursday I guess. And  cause I failed to submit last week(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
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May 31, 2016 14:52
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What the hell. Gimmie a flash rule, seb. clearly nothing can go wrong with this plan
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May 31, 2016 15:44
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Paladinus posted:I'm in, because I'm addicted to losertars. Now flash me like I'm on a late evening stroll through an empty park. flash rule: your story is set in the mesosphereC7ty1 posted:What the hell. Gimmie a flash rule, seb. flash rule: zoo/divorce
sebmojo fucked around with this message at 15:54 on May 31, 2016 |
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May 31, 2016 15:45
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I clearly have problems communicating along the lines of that adverb. seb. Flash me. Flash me good.
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May 31, 2016 17:29
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Gimme a flashrule as well sebmojo. Its not like its going to make my first entry any worse.
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May 31, 2016 17:39
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Thanks!
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May 31, 2016 17:48
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I'll take a flash rule as well, I need something to blame for my terrible story. Also thanks for the crits!
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May 31, 2016 18:09
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will a judge please flash me, please?
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May 31, 2016 23:38
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Week 199 crits, part 2 of 3 Cold Morning Plot: Jeri goes grocery shopping in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. She’s trying to ignore that her family’s dead. The first paragraph of this isn’t engaging at all, and this was one of the duller stories overall this week. It would help if Jeri had a clearer goal here, but the first two thirds of this story feels like filler, because the story’s built entirely around the twist. And there’s definitely emotional energy around the twist that makes me feel like you’ve got a seed of a good idea here, but I wish you’d funneled into it with a more energetic plot. As is, this story feels plodding and aimless, and the words spent on the setting might be better spent confronting Jeri with an obstacle, or racheting up the tension around her family. Doldrums Plot: Captain John Harding led his ship to disaster. The crew mutinies and his friend Kimball attempts to hang him, but when there’s a sliver of hope, Kimball cuts him down and they contemplate the coming storm. Thoughts: This was elegantly structured and paced. The story juggles a lot of elements here, but manages to create a sense of impending dread, develop a relationship between the captain and Kimball, and give us reasons to feel sorry for the captain and hope he doesn’t get hanged. I’m especially impressed with the depth in the captain and Kimball’s relationship, and also the way you’ve channeled the culture and mood of the ship. Definitely one of my favorites this week. Cocytus Plot: In a post-apocalyptic hellscape, three people try to find a place to settle. Thoughts: I’m interested in the dynamics you have between your characters, and I think my favorite parts of this story are the parts that capture the irritation of spending so much time in close contact with the same people. And I think this is a well-thought out concept, but I wish that it’d been mobilized into something a little tighter: a story about these people facing a more pressing crisis, maybe. The problem is that this story isn’t very immediate, and your middle section of traveling and exposition really drags down the energy of the good elements here. Falling to pieces Plot: In the zombie apocalypse, the protagonist tries to find his lover before his body falls apart. Thoughts: This really revels in its grossness to the point of blunting any other impact. The grossness is at least well-written, but I didn’t really care about our hero’s quest, so the story kind of fell apart for me. It’s cool that the protagonist seems to care that he’s falling apart, so there’s some grounding to this story, but the images are so grim and cartoonishly violent that the attempted emotional stakes can’t really take hold. I’d prefer to see the protagonist facing a challenge to him encountering a bunch of gross stuff – that’d at least give this some pulp appeal. I Have Evolved My Progeny As It Pleased Me Plot: The protagonist is a reality researcher, whose research gets cancelled. An atomic weapon is about to go off. Also, there’s like psychic cyborg aliens or something. I kind of wish that this had DMed so the podcast would do a close read of this but I’ve got too many stories to crit to suss out what the Fatestry is, or what kind of reality actually exists in the world of this story, or what the scions have to do with this galactic war. Thoughts: Even though this piece too dense with jargon and ideas for me to make narrative heads or tails of it, I was really struck by the tone. I found the sense of loss and hopelessness really affecting, even if I had trouble wrapping my head around the broader concepts here. It’s just that the story is too conceptually thick for it to cohere into anything compelling, and the more I try to suss out exactly what’s going on here, the more confused I get. That’s OK, because I really enjoy the narrative voice, especially the sense of loneliness and loss from the protagonist. The Rest Is Violence Plot: Casey is a crooked cop. But he draws a line at raping 12 year olds. This makes him a wanted man. Thoughts: In judge chat, one of my co-judges mentioned that it was a little mawkish that the story opens with a relevant social issue before turning into a noir story. I think this is a well-paced noir story, but yeah, it definitely makes me a little squeamish that this story uses child rape and police brutality as fodder for fairly disposable pulp action. We don’t learn a lot about Casey as a protagonist, and I think it would help if we knew a little more about his moral code. As the story stands, it seems shaped by the plot; I’d be interested in a version of this story where Casey’s moral code shapes the plot instead. Check Engine Light On Plot: Ray, who’s missing a hand, and Satyam struggle to keep their damaged ship alive. Thoughts: My primary issue with this story is the way it doles out exposition. Here’s the main offender: “It turns out that when you use knockoff reality TV as the sole funding source for your colonisation project, your mighty research vessel ends up being designed modularly by fifty different contractors and integrated by shitheads.” This isn’t the kind of information you want to introduce three-quarters of the way through your story. The reality TV part is really jarring, since it’s never referred to again, and I have no idea how or why it’s funding a colonization project. Then there’s a reference to a “murder weapon,” which I’m assuming is what the protagonist is calling the faulty piece of machinery that cut off his hand, but which had me thinking the first time I read this story that he was maliciously attacked. That said, I enjoy the kind of hopelessness here, which is more apathetic than despairing, and I like the details you’ve included about the relationship between Satyam and Ray. Aside from the distracting extraneous details, the prose is strong, clear, and evocative, and I hope you keep submitting to the dome. I’m sorry, but you’re hosed Plot: To earn his father’s favor, a son tortures an old friend who wronged his father. Thoughts: The monologue doesn’t make any diegetic sense as something this character is actually saying – it’s stuffed full of “as you knows” and exposition that would be totally unnecessary. It’s corny and goofy, which is a shame, because there’s a good handle on voice, and I like the thoughts and ideas as something your character is thinking to himself. The emotions the character is experiencing, the way he’s trying to justify his own actions, or the way he’s willing to go so far for the smallest bit of approval from his father – this is all good stuff! But in this second person form, the story comes off as cheese when it’s aiming for gravitas. My Brother’s Keeper Plot: Resentful of being the good child in the family, the narrator knocks down his severely mentally ill brother with his car and struggles with the guilt. Thoughts: There’s some very human horror in this story, which I appreciated, and the creeping guilt of the narrator kept this story tense. I don’t think the last section is necessary, though, as it’s mostly information we could infer from the other sections you’ve included. The story walks a narrow line, but I think it succeeds in letting the reader sympathize with the narrator’s plight while still granting that he’s a terrible person. There’s a lot of little quibbles I have with this story, and I’d like to give this a line crit next week. But I think this story is really successful in its tone.
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Jun 1, 2016 00:14
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Maugrim posted:e: out like a useless bitch who can't write there's a space in the Tuesday group Someone better grab that slot! Or you can let them rot and get the bad flashrule. Anyone can grab the Tuesday slot, even if you've already picked a day. Switching days is still otherwise verboten.
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Jun 1, 2016 00:44
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avFq9errZCk in.
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Jun 1, 2016 00:58
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nvm
take the moon fucked around with this message at 01:38 on Jun 1, 2016 |
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Jun 1, 2016 01:05
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spectres of autism posted:ill take it Actually looking at Twist's post, he got to it already. Sorry buddy, you're stuck with your fair and open-ended flsh rule 
Sitting Here fucked around with this message at 01:16 on Jun 1, 2016 |
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Jun 1, 2016 01:14
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Sitting Here posted:You can only do this if you find someone to take your Monday slot, since Monday already got its benign rule. Meanwhile someone else is still free to claim Tuesday. me, it's me, I'm claiming Tuesday
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Jun 1, 2016 01:15
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TUESDAY GOONS HERE IS YOUR FLASHRULE That's ZeB, Sparks, Newt, a friendly penguin, CANNIBAL GIRLS, Ent, Chili, Mistaya, Chernabog and Twist Since you hit the max, you get the nice rule. Pick up to 4 words from this completely arbitrary list. You get 50 extra words for each one you use, up to a max of four(4). Because this is a flash rule, you have to pick at LEAST one, which means you get 50 extra words minimum. brouhaha euphoric eleemosynary euclidean embrocation avuncular obsequious syzygy vituperation crepuscular callipygian diffident eclectic grawlix groak picayune apricity anodyne ambrosia catawampus babushka lackadaisical phantasmagoria excogitate gestalt kerfuffle perspicacious callithumpian crapulous zaftig monsterful desuetude pursuivant nugatory persiflage mellifluous consanguineous tantamount ameliorate juxtapose BONUS DEAL: Anyone who es this week can pick one(1) word from this list and FORCE one(1) other entrant to use it. Again, that's ANYONE who es, and they can inflict the word on anyone else who's in this week.
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Jun 1, 2016 03:00
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IRC posted:newt|work> grawlix nugatory mellifluous vituperation +200 words for newtest leper.
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Jun 1, 2016 03:07
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Chernabog posted:I'll take a flash rule as well, I need something to blame for my terrible story. flash rule: someone is crushed to death by an avalanche of ironic consumer goodsTitus82 posted:will a judge please flash me, please? flash rule: your protagonist has narcolepsyCarcer posted:Gimme a flashrule as well sebmojo. Its not like its going to make my first entry any worse. flash rule: three characters, two secrets, one crimeHammer Bro. posted:I clearly have problems communicating along the lines of that adverb. seb. Flash me. Flash me good. flash rule: drunk in charge of a warship
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Jun 1, 2016 03:18
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Wednesday is for war
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Jun 1, 2016 03:43
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flash rule: two souls chasing each other down the same drain. CAN'T BE DEPRESSING.
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Jun 1, 2016 03:47
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I think I'll finally have a home tomorrow. In for this week, phonepostin from the Best Western Bayou Inn and Suites, LA. I haven't written a word in a week. Gimme some thunder, judges.
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Jun 1, 2016 03:52
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Sitting Here posted:BONUS DEAL: Anyone who flerp must use the word zaftig
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Jun 1, 2016 03:59
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Oh yeah, flash rule. Any judge, any rule. I'm too burned to be more specific. Gimme a challenge
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Jun 1, 2016 04:02
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Tyrannosaurus posted:Wednesday is for war Carl Killer Miller posted:I think I'll finally have a home tomorrow. In for this week, phonepostin from the Best Western Bayou Inn and Suites, LA. I haven't written a word in a week. Gimme some thunder, judges. Wednesday is full, so I'm adding you both to the Thursday flashrule group. Carl, I'm sure mojo will happily flash you.
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Jun 1, 2016 04:14
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Carl Killer Miller posted:I think I'll finally have a home tomorrow. In for this week, phonepostin from the Best Western Bayou Inn and Suites, LA. I haven't written a word in a week. Gimme some thunder, judges. flash rule your story takes place on an ancient titan
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Jun 1, 2016 04:50
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Tyrannosaurus posted:Wednesday is for war And your word is crapulous. I knew I'd have my revenge. I just didn't know it would be so soon.
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Jun 1, 2016 11:08
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I'm giving flerp the word zaftig again so he has to use it at least twice, good luck bro
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Jun 1, 2016 11:30
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Marshmallow Blue posted:And your word is crapulous. Aight
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Jun 1, 2016 15:19
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I want to thank everyone for the kind and accurate words used to critique my awful story. I would also like to throw myself to the piranhas and declare myself IN this week. I will dutifully await my sentence.
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Jun 1, 2016 22:34
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In for Week 200
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Jun 1, 2016 23:14
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MEGABRAWL UPDATE To prevent procrastination and to space out the reading I'm going to have to do, I'm adding a flash rule for everybody: If you get your piece in significantly earlier than the deadline and you win your brawl, you will receive bonus words in the following round, commensurate to how early you were.
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Jun 1, 2016 23:57
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IRC posted:QuoProQuid> Hello friend I see you are in need of some assistance Oh I see you are a Monday signup Flashrule: "Man agonizes over his paseo"
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Jun 2, 2016 00:05
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Sitting Here posted:Hello friend I see you are in need of some assistance lol that's not a flash rule this flash rule story takes place between breathsis a flash rule
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Jun 2, 2016 00:14
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 15:23 |
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sebmojo posted:lol that's not a flash rule if you read the goddamn thread for once you'd see I was sticking to the dumbass flashrule scheme some idiot thought up for Monday signups Christ you buffoon anyway, QPQ you get both
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Jun 2, 2016 00:20
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