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Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Porpoise noise continues.
It's so weird that all these MREs manage to gently caress up POWDERED FRUIT DRINK. Like, you can make a bagful of stew taste okay, but you can't do what Kool-Aid has successfully done for a million years? Hell, someone give Kool-Aid a DOD contract and sort this poo poo out.

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kafziel
Nov 11, 2009
I suspect there are concerns that MREs have that Kool-Aid doesn't. Like, you want the package to be small so you can't sweeten it with bulk sugar like Kool-Aid does, and you also don't want the drink to act as a diuretic, so aspartame and a lot of other artificial sweeteners are off the table.

Samizdata
May 14, 2007

kafziel posted:

I suspect there are concerns that MREs have that Kool-Aid doesn't. Like, you want the package to be small so you can't sweeten it with bulk sugar like Kool-Aid does, and you also don't want the drink to act as a diuretic, so aspartame and a lot of other artificial sweeteners are off the table.

Plus, aren't those supposed to have a certain balance of the types of sugar, as well as possible electrolytes?

EDIT: Oooooh, idea. Anyone remember Fizzies? Sports Fizzies!

Samizdata fucked around with this message at 22:54 on May 30, 2016

chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

Polish ration is almost finished; I just have one more meal and some sundries to go through. I also received my Kazakhstan ration! It comes in three big green plastic bags that are attached together by perforations to let them be torn apart into separate meal bags. The full size, unfolded triple-bag deal is about as long as my girlfriend's torso. I also purchased a Spanish ration for cheaper than the other one I was looking at by finding one that didn't throw in a ginormous container of army crackers, so that'll be coming after the forays into Eastern Europe.

Phil Moscowitz
Feb 19, 2007

If blood be the price of admiralty,
Lord God, we ha' paid in full!

chitoryu12 posted:

The full size, unfolded triple-bag deal is about as long as my girlfriend's torso.

Hahaha what? I guess...no, I have no idea.

Grand Fromage
Jan 30, 2006

L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?


Please make all measurements in furlongs or chains

CAPT. Rainbowbeard
Apr 5, 2012

My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.
Lipstick Apathy
Or cubits.

Philippe
Aug 9, 2013

(she/her)

Or inches.

sfwarlock
Aug 11, 2007
Or Smoots.

Suspect Bucket
Jan 15, 2012

SHRIMPDOR WAS A MAN
I mean, HE WAS A SHRIMP MAN
er, maybe also A DRAGON
or possibly
A MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM
BUT HE WAS STILL
SHRIMPDOR
Two hogsheads to a butt

Waci
May 30, 2011

A boy and his dog.
Personally I'm perfectly content with torsos as a unit of measurement. Unlike your weird-rear end units, it works for distances, volumes, AND masses!

Fenrir
Apr 26, 2005

I found my kendo stick, bitch!

Lipstick Apathy
Measure everything in Altuves.

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Porpoise noise continues.
yes i'd like to order a hectare of beef please

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010



Okay yeah but those are all real measurements and stuff guys, you've gotta get more creative with the ludicrous units.

Like meters! Or kilograms! And other fantasy stuff like that.

Philippe
Aug 9, 2013

(she/her)

Come on! Base 10 measurements which correspond to length, weight and volume? That doesn't make any sense.

sleepy.eyes
Sep 14, 2007

Like a pig in a chute.
Tads. Imperial or metric?

Fenrir
Apr 26, 2005

I found my kendo stick, bitch!

Lipstick Apathy

ACES CURE PLANES posted:

Okay yeah but those are all real measurements and stuff guys, you've gotta get more creative with the ludicrous units.

Like meters! Or kilograms! And other fantasy stuff like that.

What the hell is that poo poo? Might as well use quirbles or florps.

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Porpoise noise continues.

kafziel posted:

I suspect there are concerns that MREs have that Kool-Aid doesn't. Like, you want the package to be small so you can't sweeten it with bulk sugar like Kool-Aid does, and you also don't want the drink to act as a diuretic, so aspartame and a lot of other artificial sweeteners are off the table.

I forgot to respond to this, sorry :ohdear:

Anyways, what about powdered Gatorade?

I'm not trying to belabor the point or anything, I'm just surprised that this is, like, the thing that's universally crap.

Cumslut1895
Feb 18, 2015

by FactsAreUseless
Hey, I completely forgot about this thread. email me at removed email AT gmail dot com (not a real address) if the soldier chow is still free

edit: I bet you could get a lot of useful feedback having poor people taste-test MRE's (after safety tests, of course)

Cumslut1895 fucked around with this message at 22:46 on Jun 3, 2016

Halloween Jack
Sep 12, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 10 hours!

Internet Wizard posted:

Here's a tumblr of pictures of American military chow hall food.

Most were taken at an Army base. Right now it's difficult to update because of not being able to have my phone with me during the majority of the work day.
The first thing I notice about all these meals is that they look like they were tossed onto the plate from 10 feet away.

Xiahou Dun posted:

And, for the record, I figure it's all but impossible to get but... North Korea? Eh? :kimchi:

Steve Yun posted:

Reading around, it doesn't seem that NK even has official packaged rations.
The NIC estimates that North Korea has rejected somewhere around a quarter of young men for military service in recent years, because malnutrition from the 90s famine was so severe that it left them with mental disabilities disqualifying them for service.

When young men (and some women) are conscripted, their family pulls every possible string to try to get them into a good unit, "good" meaning one that eats. No one wants to be a commando; those units used to be prestigious but now show their patriotism mainly by starving. My understanding is that the North Korean armed forces have to scrounge for food, sometimes stealing from civilians, as a matter of course. (During the famine, military units were getting in armed confrontations with the police in order to seize food.) They have no real ability to project power beyond their borders (not with infantry or mechanized units anyway) so packaged rations would be a waste of resources even if they could afford them.

Nebakenezzer
Sep 13, 2005

The Mote in God's Eye

Halloween Jack posted:

The first thing I notice about all these meals is that they look like they were tossed onto the plate from 10 feet away.


The NIC estimates that North Korea has rejected somewhere around a quarter of young men for military service in recent years, because malnutrition from the 90s famine was so severe that it left them with mental disabilities disqualifying them for service.

When young men (and some women) are conscripted, their family pulls every possible string to try to get them into a good unit, "good" meaning one that eats. No one wants to be a commando; those units used to be prestigious but now show their patriotism mainly by starving. My understanding is that the North Korean armed forces have to scrounge for food, sometimes stealing from civilians, as a matter of course. (During the famine, military units were getting in armed confrontations with the police in order to seize food.) They have no real ability to project power beyond their borders (not with infantry or mechanized units anyway) so packaged rations would be a waste of resources even if they could afford them.

Another telling fact: the height lower limit for NK draftees used to be 4'11. This had to change because they were not getting their manpower requirements down to 4'3

Did you know that North Korea actually operates a chain of restaurants throughout SE Asia using North Korean labor?

Grand Fromage
Jan 30, 2006

L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?


Throughout SEA is a bit much, as far as I know there's just two in Cambodia and one in Beijing. They're propaganda fronts more than restaurants and I am very sad I didn't get a chance to go to one, because apparently most of their customers are South Koreans and they get extremely flustered when whitey shows up.

The food is supposed to be pretty bad but there's a multi-hour performance during dinner which is spectacularly bizarre.

Edit: Welp no I'm wrong as hell, there are a whole lot of them.

deadly_pudding
May 13, 2009

who the fuck is scraeming
"LOG OFF" at my house.
show yourself, coward.
i will never log off

Halloween Jack posted:

The first thing I notice about all these meals is that they look like they were tossed onto the plate from 10 feet away.


The NIC estimates that North Korea has rejected somewhere around a quarter of young men for military service in recent years, because malnutrition from the 90s famine was so severe that it left them with mental disabilities disqualifying them for service.

When young men (and some women) are conscripted, their family pulls every possible string to try to get them into a good unit, "good" meaning one that eats. No one wants to be a commando; those units used to be prestigious but now show their patriotism mainly by starving. My understanding is that the North Korean armed forces have to scrounge for food, sometimes stealing from civilians, as a matter of course. (During the famine, military units were getting in armed confrontations with the police in order to seize food.) They have no real ability to project power beyond their borders (not with infantry or mechanized units anyway) so packaged rations would be a waste of resources even if they could afford them.

This is maybe the wrong thread for this, but how serious actually is the North Korean army? I can't help but think of like skeleton-men in oversized uniforms, armed with weapons that are held together by scotch tape and rubber bands. Are they actually a legit threat?

Grand Fromage
Jan 30, 2006

L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?


deadly_pudding posted:

This is maybe the wrong thread for this, but how serious actually is the North Korean army? I can't help but think of like skeleton-men in oversized uniforms, armed with weapons that are held together by scotch tape and rubber bands. Are they actually a legit threat?

From what I've gathered it's expected that NK's army would perform a lot like Saddam's army during Desert Storm. Big deal on paper, utterly obliterated within hours in an actual war. The only real concern is how much damage NK could do to Seoul before being annihilated.

Nebakenezzer
Sep 13, 2005

The Mote in God's Eye

deadly_pudding posted:

This is maybe the wrong thread for this, but how serious actually is the North Korean army? I can't help but think of like skeleton-men in oversized uniforms, armed with weapons that are held together by scotch tape and rubber bands. Are they actually a legit threat?

The Cold War thread is the best place to ask that. But in short (heh) - a threat, definitely. They have WMDs, and the regime is, well, crazy. On the other hand, the army is so underfed that half an hour of light calisthenics causes them to collapse from exhaustion and nearly all their equipment is ancient and falling apart. The thing that really causes people to worry about NK is what would happen if the existing government collapses or has a civil war.

Halloween Jack
Sep 12, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 10 hours!

Nebakenezzer posted:

Did you know that North Korea actually operates a chain of restaurants throughout SE Asia using North Korean labor?
SE Asia, hell; there are European factories staffed by North Koreans who do nothing but work and sleep and are kept under guard. Supposedly they sign up of their own free will, but it's North Korea, and they're not free to leave, so it's somewhere between enlistment and being an internment camp prisoner. They don't see a penny of their wages until they finish their term of "employment" and return home, and I wonder if they even get the paltry amount to which they're supposedly entitled.

https://news.vice.com/article/cash-for-kim-how-north-koreans-are-working-themselves-to-death-in-europe

Halloween Jack
Sep 12, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 10 hours!

deadly_pudding posted:

This is maybe the wrong thread for this, but how serious actually is the North Korean army? I can't help but think of like skeleton-men in oversized uniforms, armed with weapons that are held together by scotch tape and rubber bands. Are they actually a legit threat?
Really, the biggest threat from North Korea is probably what it would cost to intervene if the regime collapsed tomorrow. Even South Koreans, don't want reunification, not really, because the cost of reintegration would mean economic depression for at least a generation, on top of everything else. There's a Korea megathread. I've summed up my view of the situation in my posts there, often for the benefit of Clancytards wandering in to ask "Should we nuke/invade y/n?!?!" every time NK stages another ludicrous provocation.

People in the DPRK are no longer as ignorant as they're imagined to be by people cracking jokes about Best Korea and God-Emperor Kim. There's a lot of black market trade with China, and many North Koreans have seen Chinese and South Korean movies and TV programs. But from what I can tell from interviews with defectors, one area where they're still largely ignorant of the outside world is relative military strength. I don't think they have any idea how pointless their conventional missile tests are, nor how badly their soldiers, weapons, and armored divisions are outnumbered by NATO forces.

In theory, if the American imperialist wolves invaded the glorious People's Republic, their armed forces are trained to melt into the shadows and wage a brutal guerilla war, just like Iron Willed Brilliant Commander Kim Il Sung!* In practice, the average North Korean soldier is scrawny, hungry, poorly-trained, armed with dilapidated equipment, and spends most of his time doing manual labour if he's doing anything at all. North Korea's also nowhere near the size of Iraq and Afghanistan, and in the event of an invasion they'd likely be robbing the civilians of food, not be sheltered and supported by them.

chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

Basically, the big deal with North Korea isn't the regular military. Pretty much any modern army could tear it to shreds in an incredible bloodbath (assuming they don't surrender as American tanks come into view). The problem is that in case of war, we're pretty sure the regime's first move is going to be indiscriminate artillery firing at South Korean civilians over the border and potentially launching nukes at whatever they can.

Halloween Jack
Sep 12, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 10 hours!
Yep. The absolute worst case scenario for us is that they would successfully attack the United States with a nuclear device. That's incredibly unlikely. What's more likely is that they would do a lot of damage to SK with artillery fire, especially since the population is so concentrated in Seoul and evacuation would be a nightmare to implement. There's also the danger that they would use stockpiles of chemical or biological weapons, or that in the event of regime collapse, some faction would get ahold of them and use them within or without North Korea.

Goodpancakes posted:

Seriously with our bloated military budget they can't afford jalapeņo cheese in every mre?
They're currently testing a jalapeņo-cheese-fueled F-35. Your sacrifice is appreciated, soldier.

Fenrir
Apr 26, 2005

I found my kendo stick, bitch!

Lipstick Apathy

Halloween Jack posted:

Yep. The absolute worst case scenario for us is that they would successfully attack the United States with a nuclear device. That's incredibly unlikely. What's more likely is that they would do a lot of damage to SK with artillery fire, especially since the population is so concentrated in Seoul and evacuation would be a nightmare to implement. There's also the danger that they would use stockpiles of chemical or biological weapons, or that in the event of regime collapse, some faction would get ahold of them and use them within or without North Korea.

I doubt they could successfully get a nuke all the way to America, but they could probably hit Seoul and maybe even Tokyo with one, which would be the biggest disaster in human history. They may already have chemical/biological weapons that can get that far at least.

Ugh, I don't even want to think about that. Please don't let that happen.

Fenrir fucked around with this message at 22:14 on Jun 3, 2016

Aquila
Jan 24, 2003

After finding this thread I was inspired to actually try one of the MRE's I bought to keep in my truck in case of emergency.



These are from "Meal Kit Supply" and cost about $10 each in a case of 12 from Amazon. I bought these about two years ago, the listed shelf life varies based on the storage temperature, and I figure my my truck gets hot enough that I should rotate them out.



The one I grabbed to try ended up being "Marinara Sauce with Meatballs". Here's all the contents except the heater:



And the entrees, Potato Cheddar Soup and Marinara Sauce with Meatballs:



The heater pack and little stuff. I am not sure if anyone in this thread has reviewed a heater of this type.



The heater in action. It leaked and didn't effectively heat both entrees



Crackers and Peanut Butter. The crackers were dry and boring, the peanut butter was creamy and just like any other. Not pictured the bright yellow-green sports drink, very similar to gatorade in taste.



The back of the boxes for the entrees. I don't think anyone's posted this yet, little blurbs about nutrition and such.



Unfortunately I forgot to take pictures of the entrees while I was eating them. The potato cheddar soup was totally fine, very cheesy and bacony, probably the best thing in the pack. The marinara was just like canned chef boyardee or such. The texture on the meatballs was disconcertingly bland and uniform. Just the stuff I've mentioned so far was more than I normally eat for dinner, so I didn't finish the crackers, peanut butter, or marinara, and I didn't prepare the hot cocoa or pudding. I saved the coffee for this morning:



It was horrible. Even for instant coffee it was at best flavorless. I drank only one sip before throwing it out and making some fresh coffee.

Overall nothing made me sick and while pretty bland at home I think I would be fine eating these indefinitely if I get lost in the middle of nowhere or such. As long as I pack enough via pouches.

hogmartin
Mar 27, 2007

Aquila posted:

After finding this thread I was inspired to actually try one of the MRE's I bought to keep in my truck in case of emergency.




A good post. Commercial-packed MREs could almost be their own thread, there are so many variations between the different vendors who assemble them. And they're more likely to be bought, stored, and consumed by the average internet nerd than the fascinating and exotic foreign ones, as neat as they are to eat vicariously. I'm sure there's a readiness/survival thread in TFR or something that has already covered this though.

I got a pack of 12 with heaters from Emergency Essentials maybe 3 years ago, then took them all apart (they come in zip-top bags) and reassembled them so the applesauce went with the turkey instead of with the teriyaki beef or whatever. I only ever opened one so far when I moved into a new house in the gap between the apartment lease expiring and the water/electricity being turned back on and I don't remember which one it was, but it was OK. Emergency Essentials is pretty good about selling the components a-la-carte too, so you can buy a bunch of the ones you like. I didn't end up using the heater because it was last June and no electricity means no A/C, but it was thick plastic with the beloved ROCK OR SOMETHING and an NSN so it was probably one of God's Own. I should probably start rotating them out myself; the assumption is that they'll last forever but they really do start to get ugly after a while, even if they're technically safe. I could do posts on them as I rotate them but you've already seen Kiwi Dude do pretty much every one and he's more charming (and The Boss much more adorable) than I am.

Plus I should stop ratfucking them for the tasty parts and just order a dozen jalapeno cheese and mixed fruit.

http://beprepared.com/mre-emergency-backup-meal-ebm-case-of-12.html

chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

hogmartin posted:

A good post. Commercial-packed MREs could almost be their own thread, there are so many variations between the different vendors who assemble them. And they're more likely to be bought, stored, and consumed by the average internet nerd than the fascinating and exotic foreign ones, as neat as they are to eat vicariously. I'm sure there's a readiness/survival thread in TFR or something that has already covered this though.

I got a pack of 12 with heaters from Emergency Essentials maybe 3 years ago, then took them all apart (they come in zip-top bags) and reassembled them so the applesauce went with the turkey instead of with the teriyaki beef or whatever. I only ever opened one so far when I moved into a new house in the gap between the apartment lease expiring and the water/electricity being turned back on and I don't remember which one it was, but it was OK. Emergency Essentials is pretty good about selling the components a-la-carte too, so you can buy a bunch of the ones you like. I didn't end up using the heater because it was last June and no electricity means no A/C, but it was thick plastic with the beloved ROCK OR SOMETHING and an NSN so it was probably one of God's Own. I should probably start rotating them out myself; the assumption is that they'll last forever but they really do start to get ugly after a while, even if they're technically safe. I could do posts on them as I rotate them but you've already seen Kiwi Dude do pretty much every one and he's more charming (and The Boss much more adorable) than I am.

Plus I should stop ratfucking them for the tasty parts and just order a dozen jalapeno cheese and mixed fruit.

http://beprepared.com/mre-emergency-backup-meal-ebm-case-of-12.html

I support you posting reviews just because.

Is it cost that keeps civilian MREs flowing? I don't see them being that much cheaper than the military ones (which are usually better or the same quality). The most I've ever paid for a single military MRE was $10 flat, and larger orders make it cheaper.

Halloween Jack
Sep 12, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 10 hours!

Fenrir posted:

I doubt they could successfully get a nuke all the way to America, but they could probably hit Seoul and maybe even Tokyo with one, which would be the biggest disaster in human history. They may already have chemical/biological weapons that can get that far at least.

Ugh, I don't even want to think about that. Please don't let that happen.

Fortunately, thus far North Korea's nuclear weapons program has only demonstrated the ability to annihilate tiny portions of North Korea and massive portions of North Korea's GDP.

Nebakenezzer
Sep 13, 2005

The Mote in God's Eye

Halloween Jack posted:

Fortunately, thus far North Korea's nuclear weapons program has only demonstrated the ability to annihilate tiny portions of North Korea and massive portions of North Korea's GDP.

It's true; they don't have a missile yet that can lob their bombs any distance. Nuclear weapons are mainly a threat (naturally) against NK's own people and any would-be invader.

Also I just remembered - this was posted a while ago in this thread:

AnonSpore posted:

I did a search for North Korean combat rations and came up with this:



This is Instant White Rice, which according to what I read is pre-cooked frozen dried rice. You add water and it becomes regular rice. This ration is only distributed to soldiers on important missions and those assigned to escort higher ups. The regular soldiers get salt (?!) and misu powder, which is then mixed with water.



Here is dearly departed Great Leader Comrade Kim inspecting rations together with some generals. In the center you can see the stuff that came with the rice. Nobody outside of NK knows what they are but based on Korean food culture it's probably doenjang and ssamjang, two types of Korean bean paste.



Joyous day! Great Leader Comrade has seen fit to bestow the gift of cup noodle onto the masses.



No idea on what this stuff is, but Kim seems pretty into it.

cinnamon rollout
Jun 12, 2001

The early bird gets the worm

Gridlocked posted:

I would like to take this opportunity to post this, it's not an MRE but it is in a similar vein:



While Plumpy'nut is a trademarked product produced by a private company, Médecins Sans Frontières use it to supply food to refugees and it is quite a literal life saver. It helps stave off malnutrition; provides carbs, protein, fiber, fats and Vitamin's E and B; needs no water to function and stays fresh in it's packet for 2 years, or a whole day after the seal is broken.

AND on top of all that it costs as little as 60 US cents to provide it to a starving child for two months; at least in 2010, I talked to an MSF worker a few months ago and I remember the price still being less then a US dollar per child for 2 months.

This stuff is literately saving lives in Syria, Africa and was used extensively in Haiti. If you can get some and try it I would love to hear about it; if not I will take this shameless opportunity to plug throwing a donation MSF's way so they can continue to supply it to people who need it.

Hey, I'm not sure you ever got a response to your inquiry about plumpy nut, but I work with it (along with MREs in general and other ready-to-use foods similar to plumpy nut) and have tried it out. It looks like peanut butter so you expect a peanut butter taste right off the bat, however it has a sweeter taste and trends to be more gritty instead of smooth. There isn't a whole lot more to it than that to be honest.

hogmartin
Mar 27, 2007

chitoryu12 posted:

I support you posting reviews just because.

Is it cost that keeps civilian MREs flowing? I don't see them being that much cheaper than the military ones (which are usually better or the same quality). The most I've ever paid for a single military MRE was $10 flat, and larger orders make it cheaper.

Freshness more than cost. Military MREs on the civilian market are made for the military and are somehow surplussed. That eats into a bit of their best-by date. Commercial-packed MREs use the same individual entrees, sides, and snacks from the same facilities, but they go right into the bag instead of sitting in a warehouse until the military decides they don't want them anymore.

Samizdata
May 14, 2007

Wuzzlez posted:

Hey, I'm not sure you ever got a response to your inquiry about plumpy nut, but I work with it (along with MREs in general and other ready-to-use foods similar to plumpy nut) and have tried it out. It looks like peanut butter so you expect a peanut butter taste right off the bat, however it has a sweeter taste and trends to be more gritty instead of smooth. There isn't a whole lot more to it than that to be honest.

I think I remember researching it a while back and discovering civvies can't really buy it.

chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

Samizdata posted:

I think I remember researching it a while back and discovering civvies can't really buy it.

Yeah, when it was suggested on the first page I looked it up. They require you to call for a quote, presumably to determine your needs and filter out any randoms who want to buy a case for their survival bunker in the Appalachians.

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holttho
May 21, 2007

It's considered more of a medical product more than a food product, so its distribution is regulated under different laws. Like the bag of fluid they stick you with when you're severely dehydrated: its basically gatorade, but differenty enough that you can't really buy it.

And some cursory reading (wikipedia) says the manufacturer is a bit embroiled in controversy as they won't relinquish the patent rights to other producers but aren't quite keeping up with demand. Which it would follow that every bar that does get manufactured has to be accounted for going to famine areas.

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