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*Stands over bed of sleeping couple while wearing a ski mask* Excuse me, sir, where do you keep your Herb Alpert LPs? Also, I noticed you had some broken jewelry in your kitchen drawer. Also, do you want Colombian or decaf for your coffee in the morning? I'll set the timer for you.
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Jun 16, 2016 02:44
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obama wants to take my guns away so that i cant deal with this nightmarish scenario. smdh
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Jun 16, 2016 02:46
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I'll warn you, Mr. Borglar, I was trained by bbillyk and am not to be troffled with.
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Jun 16, 2016 02:47
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I'm super concerned with the security of my home despite living in the middle of nowhere. Any time someone pulls into my drive way to turn around I turn all the lights off and grab one of the guns by the door. Get out of my loving drive way.
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Jun 16, 2016 02:52
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burgle me bro burgle me to death
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Jun 16, 2016 02:55
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Ma'am, could I trouble you to hand over your keys to the Geo? Also, I just wanted to let you know that I was taking that 20" Zenith TV I found in your basement.
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Jun 16, 2016 02:56
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sorry about your thread op 
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Jun 16, 2016 02:57
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i am not to be truffled with kind cat burglar, i am deadly allergic to truffles. so please stop making your elaborate gourmet meal please
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Jun 16, 2016 02:57
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Burgle my B-Hole, OP
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Jun 16, 2016 02:57
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Nice thread by the way
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Jun 16, 2016 02:58
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drain my bank account! like your mom drained my bawls!
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Jun 16, 2016 02:58
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<climbs in own window> haha that's so funny i just got back from burgling your house, man small world!
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Jun 16, 2016 02:58
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Just wanted to let you know I re-set that clock in the hallway that was running a bit fast.
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Jun 16, 2016 02:59
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Egbert Souse posted:Ma'am, could I trouble you to hand over your keys to the Geo? you fuckin edited this and i just wanted you to know that i know and from now on i'll be watching you
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Jun 16, 2016 02:59
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FINALLY i get to legally shoot a person
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Jun 16, 2016 03:00
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<drops trou> Mr. Burg-a-lur! I'm ready for youuuuuuu! <bites index finger coyly>
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Jun 16, 2016 03:01
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Parallax Scroll posted:FINALLY i get to legally shoot a person i believe one should only be allowed to apply the castle doctrine if their house has a moat. that shows commitment.
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Jun 16, 2016 03:01
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Dear Homeowner, I took your entire 1987 20 volume set of Encyclopedia Brittanica, but left a CD-ROM of the 1997 edition that I took from another house. Cheers, Mr. Burglar P.S. Also scooped the litter box before I left.
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Jun 16, 2016 03:03
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Parallax Scroll posted:FINALLY i get to legally shoot a person Wait! I thought you kept your gun dismantled and in a safe programmed to unlock to the tune of Gary Numan's Cars
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Jun 16, 2016 03:03
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i removed your silverware, sure, but first i removed my shoes, because this seems like a shoes-off type of home
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Jun 16, 2016 03:03
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MiracleWhale posted:i removed your silverware, sure, but first i removed my shoes, because this seems like a shoes-off type of home 
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Jun 16, 2016 03:04
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Jokes on you. You took the time to invade my home and I have nothing of value.
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Jun 16, 2016 03:05
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Someone turn on the bat signal
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Jun 16, 2016 03:05
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Tricky D posted:Jokes on you. You took the time to invade my home and I have nothing of value. 
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Jun 16, 2016 03:06
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listen egbert i get what you are trying to do here but an encounter with an intruder in ones home is not going to be tea time for bonzo, its going to be a terrifying and very dangerous situation. even if you did help rearrange my encyclopedias or whatever i would still have to assume the worst and murder you. im sorry but thats the reality of this thread. murder
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Jun 16, 2016 03:06
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Free Cheese posted:Someone turn on the fat signal Fixed that for you.
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Jun 16, 2016 03:06
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Attn: JiveHonky Your video collection is excellent! I took the liberty of stealing your entire laserdisc collection, but not before leaving high quality DVD-R copies in their place.
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Jun 16, 2016 03:07
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i've stolen all the copper pipes in your walls but i wanted you to know that i shut off the main water valve first because i care about you. i'm a different kind of burglar
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Jun 16, 2016 03:08
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Egbert Souse posted:Attn: JiveHonky not bluray? you belong in jail "friend" 
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Jun 16, 2016 03:09
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i woke up once and my kitchen was clean and the recycling was done but my collection of le creusets and gloabal knives were all gone
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Jun 16, 2016 03:09
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Egbert Souse posted:Attn: JiveHonky  <---------- the argh emote is used here to indicate anger/frustration about the quoted post
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Jun 16, 2016 03:10
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I stole all the copper wiring out of your air conditioner, but replaced the unit with a more energy efficient model better suited for your size home. P.S. Also installed the new updates on your iPad for you
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Jun 16, 2016 03:10
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MiracleWhale posted:not bluray? you belong in jail "friend" blu ray lacks the classic warmth of laserdisc. besides the fact that anamorphic widescreen is gross. pan & scan baby
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Jun 16, 2016 03:15
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JiveHonky posted:blu ray lacks the classic warmth of laserdisc. besides the fact that anamorphic widescreen is gross. more like pan & scam haha pan that poo poo directly into the trash haha yknow
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Jun 16, 2016 03:18
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[in bed] but, how come?
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Jun 16, 2016 03:21
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If that burglar wakes me up without coffee, bacon, or sex, they're unleashing forces they cannot possibly comprehend let alone cope with.
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Jun 16, 2016 03:23
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Took your dog out for a walk before I left with your exercise bike that was behind a mattress in your guest room.
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Jun 16, 2016 03:23
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i took the priceless picasso that was hanging in your foyer but i replaced it with a macaroni version i made just for you
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Jun 16, 2016 03:26
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Egbert Souse posted:Dear Homeowner, Lol, turd burglar
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Jun 16, 2016 03:26
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MiracleWhale posted:i took the priceless picasso that was hanging in your foyer but i replaced it with a macaroni version i made just for you On second thought, its value was way under-appraised, so I'm returning it and switching it for one of the Rothkos in your bondage room
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Jun 16, 2016 03:27
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