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EclecticTastes
Sep 17, 2012

"Most plans are critically flawed by their own logic. A failure at any step will ruin everything after it. That's just basic cause and effect. It's easy for a good plan to fall apart. Therefore, a plan that has no attachment to logic cannot be stopped."

Waffleman_ posted:

When you think about it, Trump is basically Queen Beryl.

Wow, somebody has a very low opinion of Queen Beryl.

By the way, been watching Sailor Stars and, thinking about it, just how much magical crystal crap is inside a person's body? Star Seeds, Heart Crystals, pretty sure there were one or two other things, it's like people are just macguffin pinatas in the Sailor Mooniverse.

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Ardeem
Sep 16, 2010

There is no problem that cannot be solved through sufficient application of lasers and friendship.
7 golden tickets shards of the silver crystal.

KataraniSword
Apr 22, 2008

but at least I don't have
a MLP or MSPA avatar.
I am my own man.

EclecticTastes posted:

Wow, somebody has a very low opinion of Queen Beryl.

By the way, been watching Sailor Stars and, thinking about it, just how much magical crystal crap is inside a person's body? Star Seeds, Heart Crystals, pretty sure there were one or two other things, it's like people are just macguffin pinatas in the Sailor Mooniverse.

But those macguffins are what allow said people to feel feelings, apparently, since there's always got to be some sort of emotional impetus to withdraw those items.

EclecticTastes
Sep 17, 2012

"Most plans are critically flawed by their own logic. A failure at any step will ruin everything after it. That's just basic cause and effect. It's easy for a good plan to fall apart. Therefore, a plan that has no attachment to logic cannot be stopped."

KataraniSword posted:

But those macguffins are what allow said people to feel feelings, apparently, since there's always got to be some sort of emotional impetus to withdraw those items.

Without Star Seeds, we'd all apparently turn into wacky Sailor Senshi caricatures of our respective professions or favored hobbies, so I guess we should be thankful for them.

Robindaybird
Aug 21, 2007

Neat. Sweet. Petite.

I feel like one could make a joke about this with kidney stones, but I'll leave it to more talented goons to figure it out.

Blockhouse
Sep 7, 2014

You Win!

END ME SCOOB posted:

That podcast really does get excellent.

seriously everyone listen to sailor business

cokerpilot
Apr 23, 2010

Battle Brothers! Stop coming to meetings drunk and trying to adopt Tevery Best!

Lord General! Stop standing on the table and making up stupid operation names!

Emperor, why do I put up with these people?
After reading a few of the updates and getting more then a little curious and though what the hell lets look it up online. Amusingly enough there doesn't seem to be any unified description of it but most of them seem to think that it barrows more from the manga then it does the anime contrary to what you keep saying. I'm guess this one of those thing that their is no real word of god on everyone has their own interpretation of isn't it.

SystemLogoff
Feb 19, 2011

End Session?

Blockhouse posted:

seriously everyone listen to sailor business

I'm voting this thread 5 because it's great.

And it got me to listen to Sailor Business.

Rei is great, screw them. :v:

Mikl
Nov 8, 2009

Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!

EclecticTastes posted:

Wow, somebody has a very low opinion of Queen Beryl.

By the way, been watching Sailor Stars and, thinking about it, just how much magical crystal crap is inside a person's body? Star Seeds, Heart Crystals, pretty sure there were one or two other things, it's like people are just macguffin pinatas in the Sailor Mooniverse.

Whatever the gently caress those mirrors were in SuperS. Dream mirrors? I forget.

MightyPretenders
Feb 21, 2014

EclecticTastes posted:

Without Star Seeds, we'd all apparently turn into wacky Sailor Senshi caricatures of our respective professions or favored hobbies, so I guess we should be thankful for them.

Nah, that's what happens when they get exposed to air but otherwise left in place.

claw game handjob
Mar 27, 2007

pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING


First things first: as soon as we leave the hospital, the very first thing we are doing is heading back to Usagi's street. Not because that's where the plot wants us to go, but because this gentleman with the free heals lurks there, and right now, I need to grind these ladies so that they can take more than one crit without dying.



At this point, I proceeded to fill out the Link Attack portfolio because there really wasn't a better time. As you can see, the somewhat amateur nature of this translation plus space limits turns a lot of these into comedic gold. Other descriptions I love:

  • Mercury + Mars = "Shine Soul" - Water and fire cancel
  • Mercury + Pluto = "Shabon Scream" - Possible, but hard...
  • Mercury + Neptune = "Shine Submerge" - Twice as much water.
  • Mars + Chibi = "Pink Sugar Soul" - Flames and pink light.
  • Mars + Pluto = "Fire Scream" - It's very mysterious...
  • Uranus + Neptune = "Deep Shaking" - This one is obvious...
  • Uranus + Chibi = "Pink Sugar Blaster" - Chibi-Moon & Uranus! (note: this one just makes me laugh because I'm juvenile as gently caress)






The different formations I can use. Something that you aren't told anywhere (because this game is kind of a dumpster fire of UI design and intuitiveness) is that to reorganize the party, you need to scroll down past the list and begin moving the characters manually. The bar goes past "Cluster" and turns into an arrow to highlight and choose positions.



Finally, gently caress it, since we're in the menu, let's look at what the puzzle currently looks like as I began grinding.




So these are the three enemy types we can encounter in this area. Let's go over these dudes.


Garoben appeared early, a Youma who was trying to brainwash and steal energy from the genius-level cram school Ami was at. Her debut episode involved some of the most hilarious Engrish in the series and blah blah it was a nerd monster with blade-hands. She asked challenge questions. Fodder.


Tesuni did this:



Enough said.


Jumeau is a creepy french marionette from an episode about Usagi's younger brother falling in love with a dollmaker who, and I'm sure this is going to shock you, opened a small business in Juuban. It involved casualties.



Speaking of small businesses in Juuban, we've gone back to OSA-P to flaunt our wealth in this snippy biddy's face, because...



...I got the motherfucking money value locked down, yeaaaaah

I don't plan to abuse 99 Elixirs, but I also don't plan to not have them for when I want them.



But the real goal of this fiduciary fraud was to buy up all the accessories around town, because I wish I was joking when I said "most of these will carry us all game". Each character has some potent, Sailor-specific accessories (which you can be hosed out of finding... you'll see), but for the most part we're going to be using these, the only accessories you can buy in the game, for quite a while.

In order of potency:

ATTACK UP
Bracelet (+5, 700 yen)
Nothing else!

SPEED UP
Anklet (+9, 800 yen)
Earring (+5, 500 yen)
Watch (+3, 500 yen)

DEFENSE UP
Tiara (+8, 800 yen)
Necklace (+5, 700 yen)
Pearl Earring (+4, 600 yen)
Choker (+3, 500 yen)

As you can see, some of these are just goddamn dumb investments, but there's no way to know that unless you buy them... including the trio of Watches I'm now stuck with (god drat it, Usagi). Most of the party are now wearing a Bracelet/Tiara/Anklet combo, but Saturn has an extra Tiara in place of the Anklet because her health is still way below the rest of the party.



We're potent now, let's do this.

It looks like nothing's changed here.
UWAAAAA!
(Shingo runs from left to right, up the stairs.)
W-wait a sec, what's going on here?!
WAAAAAAIT!

And then, I poo poo you not...




...this dude just Pac-Mans across the screen with these two frames as his only animation. It looks hilariously cheap.

A youma?!
(Shingo screams again.)
Everyone! Transform!



Fun fact: if you're like me and think the trigger is "walking in front of the enemy" or "checking to see if Shingo is alive", you're an idiot because you have to talk to the enemy specifically. This took me too long to figure out, I confess, because I had some drinks with the grinding.



I really do plan to get further into the battle descriptions, but the thing is, this is another boss battle with no amazing attacks and just a damage race. I can't sum up other things until we have a 5-person party again.



This is a "Kyurene" in green, which might be a weird translation/reference to "Siren" since the monster used a bunch of screams and sound attacks in the episode. I hope you like this sprite, because we're going to see a fuckload of recolors of it.



I also just want to point out again how loving nuts the train "bosses" were, to have levelled us up 5 levels in a fuller party than I currently have, because this boss didn't even give enough to level them halfway if I'd rushed over here.



Shingo is kind of a huge Sailor Moon fanboy. This is probably the peak of this kid's life right now.

It's alright, Shin...gottattatta.

I have no idea what this is supposed to be other than her catching herself and muttering gibberish, because no translator or dictionary I had on hand can make sense of this, no matter how I break it down.

Anyway... those people wanted to know where the "Gunzaichou" was.
You mean the Ginzuishou...?
Yeah, that's the one.

At this point we leave the house only to hear what would not be a phone in 1996 but basically a phone ring.

Ah, I'm getting a message from Luna!
Sailor Moon, I've found some information about the enemy. Meet us at Hikawa Shrine immediately.
Okay!



Fun fact I discovered while walking back: you can actually interact with the offering box. You're stuck in place for a second until a sound plays, and as far as I can tell, this does nothing whatsoever. But it's cute.



What do you know about the enemy?
We looked up some information on the Crystal Palace's computer. It seems the enemy must come from the future.
Huh? But the Black Moon is gone...
No, these enemies come from farther down the timeline than the Black Moon Clan. They have the power to manipulate time. It seems likely they used the Time-Space Door to get here, into their past.
If we tell the Queen about this event, then surely they'll just seal the door and cut us off. They must be planning something in both time periods.
I've got a picture of one of the enemies we're facing...



(The two cats begin squabbling and trying to 'fix' the problem.)
I am...
Ah! It moved! That's pretty clever, Luna.
I... haven't done anything yet...
I am... the Opposite Sin.
There's something strange about this!

I call bullshit, Haruka's first reaction to this would be "SOMETHING'S WRONG, FIRE AT WILL"

I am the Opposite Sin. One of the Senshi who change Destiny. I shall kill you annoying Sailor Senshi. I completely rule "Her Destiny". Take a look... at this!
(The hologram begins flashing images of the Inner Senshi, all KOed at Sin's feet, and then Chibi-Moon.)
If you want these four and the Princess back... come to Juuban Junior High School. We'll be waiting, Sailor Moon.
(The hologram winks out, this time without blackface or an explosion.)

Sailor Moon, this is definitely a trap.
But they've got everyone. We can't just abandon them!
I didn't say that. I just said we need to wait and research them further.
I agree with Luna. We don't understand our enemy's strength, nor their true power. It's too dangerous to just accept their imitation.
I don't think so. If it's a trap and we're aware, we just destroy it as we walk in, right?
But, Uranus...
I'm going to go save Chibi-Usa.
Sailor Saturn...
...Even when saving the world, I can't just abandon my friends. A universe without the others... I won't accept it!
(sighs) Sailor Moon...
What'll you do, Neptune?
(pauses, then) Not my loss.

I imagine that above line is mangled in translation because she really goes "Eh! Not my concern" and then just files into the party again.

So now we head for the high sch-



RIGHT IN FRONT OF A COP EVEN?! rear end in a top hat!

So as we walk into the school itself (which is the top-left building in Juuban proper), one last event plays...



They're wandering around inside of our illusions, as usual. Only Lady Serenity is immune, protected by the Silver Crystal.
No matter. While "Lady" is in our hands, she can't be touched by a single finger. We just need be patient a little longer...



And then for some reason it scrolls over to show Chibi-Usa laying unconscious on the edge of the roof a good distance away from the villains. That seems really, really risky, guys.

Next time: our first dungeon!

Thuryl
Mar 14, 2007

My postillion has been struck by lightning.
One thing to note about formation is that it makes a huge difference in this game. You can go from taking 500+ damage from an attack in the front of an Arrow or Victory formation to taking less than 100 damage from the same attack in the back, and the damage you inflict is modified by a comparable amount as well.

Crystalgate
Dec 26, 2012
Hitting the defend command also makes a huge difference, its like a 95% damage reduction. Having more defense makes a huge difference as well. I'm a bit surprised this LP even talks about hitpoints, pretty soon I stopped looking at the HP scores of the characters. If they have high defense, they are durable and if they have low defense, they are squishy, regardless of what their HP is. It tends to be so that characters with high HP has low defense, so having a high HP score is almost a sign of squishyness. That said, I don't remember noticing that early in the game, so maybe this isn't a thing this early in the game.

quote:

I call bullshit, Haruka's first reaction to this would be "SOMETHING'S WRONG, FIRE AT WILL"
There are a lot of JRPGs where the playable characters should take that attitude. I don't know in how many games a villain is taunting them and you know he/she will pull something, but the heroes seem content to engage in a moral debate until the trap is sprung rather than immediately attacking.

Quinn2win
Nov 9, 2011

Foolish child of man...
After reading all this,
do you still not understand?
So does Takeuchi have some kind of personal grudge against Small Business or what?

Waffleman_
Jan 20, 2011


I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna!!!

Tonight on Kitchen Nightmares, Chef Ramsey visits a new Italian bistro that's failing to find an audience.

"Whenever people eat the caprese, they just collapse. I dunno what the chef is doing, but it's driving off customers."

"We need more people for more energy."

Endorph
Jul 22, 2009

END ME SCOOB posted:

But, Uranus...
Sailor Saturn...
(sighs) Sailor Moon...
Honestly, this is worse translation than getting a real-life person's name wrong and completely mangling conversations. At least those can be attributed to lack of knowledge. This is just completely failing to care about making conversations actually flow and vaguely resemble human interaction. Michiru sitting there reminding everyone of their names just makes her seem like an idiot. It would literally take ten seconds to fix, too!


END ME SCOOB posted:

I don't think so. If it's a trap and we know about it, we just destroy it as we walk in, right?
You can't just pretend it isn't dangerous.
But I want to save Chibi-Usa.
I understand how you feel, but we need to plan -
Even when saving the world, I can't just abandon my friends. A universe without the others... I won't accept it!
(sighs) What am I going to do with you all...

Waffleman_
Jan 20, 2011


I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna!!!

But it's not accurate to the holy Japanese language.

Added Space
Jul 13, 2012

Free Markets
Free People

Curse you Hayard-Gunnes!
Since it hasn't been mentioned, I'm going to point out that the first Queen Serenity is an alien demi-god that landed on Earth with her power crystal and transformed the whole Earth into her own personal Pretty Princess Playset. Now, granted, most of her enemies cut deals with cosmic horrors for power. However, you could easily argue they were driven to that extreme due to the massive brainwashing and historical revisionism going on. Point is, the villains are sympathetic if you peek behind the curtain a little.

MightyPretenders
Feb 21, 2014

Added Space posted:

Since it hasn't been mentioned, I'm going to point out that the first Queen Serenity is an alien demi-god that landed on Earth with her power crystal and transformed the whole Earth into her own personal Pretty Princess Playset. Now, granted, most of her enemies cut deals with cosmic horrors for power. However, you could easily argue they were driven to that extreme due to the massive brainwashing and historical revisionism going on. Point is, the villains are sympathetic if you peek behind the curtain a little.

The way I understood it, Earth stayed a sovereign entity the whole time. Though it did get very jealous that it's own satellite had already colonized the entire rest of the solar system.

Rabbi Raccoon
Mar 31, 2009

I stabbed you dude!

MightyPretenders posted:

The way I understood it, Earth stayed a sovereign entity the whole time. Though it did get very jealous that it's own satellite had already colonized the entire rest of the solar system.

All About Eve 2: All About Serenity

FractalSandwich
Apr 25, 2010

Waffleman_ posted:

But it's not accurate to the holy Japanese language.
Excuse you, that's "sei naru Nihongo".

EclecticTastes
Sep 17, 2012

"Most plans are critically flawed by their own logic. A failure at any step will ruin everything after it. That's just basic cause and effect. It's easy for a good plan to fall apart. Therefore, a plan that has no attachment to logic cannot be stopped."

FractalSandwich posted:

Excuse you, that's "sei naru Nihongo".

Sailor Moonspeak. :buddy:

Dick Burglar
Mar 6, 2006

Waffleman_ posted:

But it's not accurate to the holy Japanese language.

Well, the fan dub isn't exactly terribly accurate to begin with. The difference is that they were probably trying to be, and were just horribly incompetent.

kefkafloyd
Jun 8, 2006

What really knocked me out
Was her cheap sunglasses
This is one reason I like the new dub a lot, it manages to be a better overall translation without devolving into weebness and still manages to be true to the show.

Waffleman_
Jan 20, 2011


I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna!!!

In maybe related news, Chibi-Usa is real.

EclecticTastes
Sep 17, 2012

"Most plans are critically flawed by their own logic. A failure at any step will ruin everything after it. That's just basic cause and effect. It's easy for a good plan to fall apart. Therefore, a plan that has no attachment to logic cannot be stopped."

Waffleman_ posted:

In maybe related news, Chibi-Usa is real.

:stare:

Turns out anime was real all along.

FractalSandwich
Apr 25, 2010

EclecticTastes posted:

:stare:

Turns out anime was real all along.
You say that, but Sailor Moon definitely lied to me about what colour sailor uniforms are. The only ones I saw when I was in Japan were black.

claw game handjob
Mar 27, 2007

pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING


So it's the spooky school now!

This dungeon consists of 12 identical rooms, two outliers, and 4 floors before the rooftop. It's incredibly repetitive and, I can't believe I'm saying this, it doesn't even have random encounters to break up the monotony.



Mostly, you enter the identical classrooms and if a Scout is inside, you go into a cutscene and save them from a miniboss. Like this one!



Do not intrude.



Thank you very much, Dr. Mizuno! Thanks to your help, this child is healthy again!
No, it was nothing at all.

A thing that irritates me in these dream sequences: nobody could be bothered to draw a non-schoolgirl portrait for the characters.



Because yep, that's sure what an adult-rear end woman is wearing to her day job.

(The phone begins ringing. Ami picks it up.)
Hello? Darling*, what's wrong? Of course I'm coming home early today. It's our anniversary, isn't it?
(The dream sequence fades out...)



I'll get this in video later, but since it took me a while to get a good screenshot: the battle transition in this game is a digitized clip of the VAs going "MAKE UP!" and this crescent moon fade to black.





So this is Murido, a marionette who disguised herself as the mascot of an amusement park. She's got a whole Sleeping Beauty thing going on, and her name is apparently an anagram of the characters for "doriimu", which... it's dream. It's so obvious even these dudes could translate it. In this game, putting people to sleep translates to...



...our first status effect! Take a look at Uranus. She is poisoned Numb, which is very clearly the poison status effect from a bazillion RPGs. I don't think I need to explain this one.

The rest of the fight isn't worth mentioning, because the only(?) attack this boss has is Toxic Mist, which only connected a single time. Nobody else took a single hit. For the sake of brevity, I'm going to skip the post-fight conversations with each Scout (save one) because they are all variations of "Ouch. You go ahead, I'll catch up, Sailor Moon. I will be fine." Those totally happen, though, if you needed to know.



Also, some status effects do linger after a battle. Numb is one of those. We're actually not taking damage as we walk around (I think, I'll check next time it comes up), but I forgot to look before...



...this fella reappeared a room over! Clearly in the school nurse's office. This is one of the only two rooms that isn't the identical classroom, and we can save in the back if you need.



(holds down L+R and burns rubber)
fuuuuuuuck yooooooou



This is floor 2, identical to floor 1 every single other floor except for two things. These are the classroom entrances, which, again, loving identical from the outside. Buuuuut...




...there's a principal's office! Which looks different and has nothing in it. This is going to be a trend throughout this game.



(stands completely still)
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck yoooooooooooooou



So, no joke, this is probably my fourth or fifth time playing this game over the years, and every loving time I always get tripped up by the other stupid thing about floor 2.



See, this is what it looks like when you run through these rooms like I do every time, walking in one door, and, if a cutscene doesn't trigger, walking out the other to keep going on the floor.



And this is where the motherfucker menacing Rei is standing, not responding to you at all, just out of your line of sight. loving game.



You can actually be ice cold here! And you should, because saying Yes just gets you the response "You'll lose your life trying", but No is an entire routine...

Don't tell lies. You really want to beat me up, don't you? I can't let you do that!

But then it's another Muhreed, and at this point, Neptune/Uranus levelled up after the first, so these fights aren't even lasting a single round.



However, no matter how much Usagi is worried about her friend, or what you chose to start the battle...



...Rei is macking on her husband.

Forgive me, Rei... You're my only true love. You love me, don't you? You've always loved me, Mamoru Chiba. Now... don't say anything... We'll be together forever...
Mamoru... I'm so happy. I'm not dreaming, am I?
...an... ...i-chan...
What?
REI-CHAN!



Mamoru...
MAMORU?!
(jolts awake to her feet) S-sailor Moon?!
What... did you just say Mamoru's name? What the heck were you dreaming about?!

And at this point, Mars collapses back to the ground because there's no "sitting" sprite for any character.




Seriously. Everyone stands up to talk to you in these scenes, then collapses back down into their "comatose" sprite.



Floor 3 has my favorite of these scenes.



Not in small part because it has the return of the doofy-rear end move cycle these dudes have.

This girl's dreams are coming true.
(The monster moves to the window, and begins monologuing.)
You have many dreams too. Dating with that boy you like...
/ (give one another a silent look of "what the gently caress?")
Beautiful clothes to wear...
(Sailor Moon just walks around Jupiter's sleeping form and begins to push her.)
Delicious foods to eat, until you're full...



We seriously just spend this entire scene shoving Jupiter to the door while the monster fucks up.

Becoming an idol singer... You want to become... prettier...
(It finally notices its mistake.)
Whoops! Got away from me there.
(The monster scythe-swings its way to the door and the battle begins.)





Jakoku is a weird-rear end enemy who kinda doesn't make sense and might be a personification of Chibi-Usa's fears? But the short version is "grim reaper, traps you in a dream til you die". I hope you're not shocked that a 200 episode anime with a bunch of monsters of the week went back to that well a time or two. Another slam on the translators, from one site:

quote:

His name literally means "evil black" (邪黒).

THEY COULDN'T TRANSLATE "EVIL BLACK" WITHOUT TURNING IT INTO "JAR COCK".

Ahem.



So like the last boss, he has no(?) attacks save Fascination, which inflicts confusion Enchantment, where the afflicted characters attack teammates randomly until cured. That one doesn't last beyond a battle. Again, you know what this is. The battle immediately transitions into Makoto's dream when you kill him.



This was a dude from a single episode of the series named Joey Jojo. Thanks, game.

I didn't think someone like you would like a guy like me. I'm so quick to start a fight.
............
But with no other tall guys like me around... There probably isn't anyone else for you, so...

Yes, folks, you read that right, Makoto's dream man is picked for her by default because nobody else can kiss her without tiptoes. gently caress this game.

Huh?! Th... Then we're...?
Yeah, well then. Could you bring me one of your home-made bento lunches tomorrow?
Sure! (heart symbol)



And, finally...

Venus! Hang in there!
This child is going to live in a dream world forever. Let her be...



So, in another case of "weird canon", this scene heavily references the manga-only Codename: Sailor V series.

Except in reverse.

What is it, Minako? Who are you chasing after this time?
No, no! This time it's true love!
Really? Who's it with?
Minami from the Soccer Club. (heart) I'm gonna give him a love letter today!
Cool! You're really going to give him the letter?
I'll really do it this time... I've tried before, but something always stops me.
Ah! A Sailor Moon video game!
Cool! Sailor Moon's made it all the way to a game!
I've heard rumors that Sailor Moon's a secret detective for the police.
That's so cool... I wanna become like Sailor Moon too...

So a) if you did not believe me that Minako was a proto-Usagi, this really could fit into her series, and b) this is basically the opposite of how said series went, Sailor V got a bunch of video games and merch made of her that appeared as easter eggs in Sailor Moon's various incarnations. Plus, one of her supporting cast was a police detective who wanted to recruit her. Every other line here is a reference.

We fought Jarcock again, but I wasn't going to paste that. He didn't even get a shot off.



With everyone healed, Luna decides to stop tailing us and let us go to the roof nearly-solo.



Once again, just like every cutscene where dialogue turns into word salad, I transcribed this directly**.

Sin! So Chibi-Usa is safe... for now.
Don't worry.
(teleporting in) This child is dreaming, and she has realized what is happening to her. She shall have a good Destiny. And so shall you annoying brats!!
If you want to help this child, hand over the Silver Crystal. This child for the Silver Crystal!!
Sailor Moon, don't! Don't give the Silver Crystal to them!
(Ishtar and Nabu teleport in.)
We shall make her dream until we get what we want.
And she'll die if she keeps dreaming. Her happiness is only in her imagination.
Sailor Moon, the enemy is trying to scare you into giving them the Silver Crystal.
Yeah. So don't let them trick you.
I know...
It's true, Sailor Moon. Don't let them trick you.
I know... Sin. I'll give you the Silver Crystal.
(Every single person on screen goes "YOU IDIOT.")
I'll give the Silver Crystal to you. But you must give back Chibi-Usa!
(teleports in) The Silver Crystal is more important than this child.
I have to help Chibi-Usa.
Good. That's the right solution to this problem. Now, she shall wake up.




And they literally hurl a child at Sailor Moon like some kind of kidapult.

So, at this point, Sailor Moon has her kid back without giving up anything, which makes the remainder of this scene a special kind of stupid.

And not how you think.



I GUESS WE WERE OVERDUE FOR ONE OF THESE.

Who... Who are you?!
It's wrong to play around with young girls' dreams like that. You have such a cold heart. Apologize!




I usually tend to miss these little three-frame animations, so that was a nice bit of luck timing it.

Tuxedo Mask!***
Don't give the enemy the Silver Crystal.
B-but Chibi-Usa...
She's fine. She's being protected by the Crystal's power. Soon, she shall awaken from the sleep on her own.
(He turns to face the villains.)
Why do you want the Silver Crystal?
Changing the fate of the world is very difficult.
/ Changing the fate of the world?
We shall change the fate of the planet, because we want to control the future!
You want to control the future...?
...Control... ....Future...
Sailor Moon! They're manipulating you! They're trying to make us imagine things!
Usa...

(The screen goes black.)



Okay, so. Let's just take a break to point out how pants-on-head dumb this is. We already know the Silver Crystal is potent as hell and can protect against this illusion magic, it's why Chibi-Usa is just napping. Sailor Moon has it between her drat breasts right now, you can't get it closer to you. This whole loving thing should not fly.

And what the gently caress are the other three Sailors doing while this goes on?

You already know what this scene looks like, it's these two as a boring housewife-and-salaryman combo instead of God Emperess and Emperor, gently caress transcribing this.



Have some fanservice. There.



Yeah, that's how I feel whenever my parents get brainwashed too.

(Chibi-Usa runs around trying to wake those two up, which is decidedly not a) transforming b) getting assistance from the trio beside her, or c) getting off this loving rooftop as 5 villains say...)
Girls... now!
(They all shift into formation.)
Die Princess!
Die, bastards!
Die!
Die now!
Please die now. (heart)

For some reason, this wakes up Tuxedo Mask, who proceeds to also be a moron...



...and shield the one conscious person there from the attack that is so slow I captured a screenshot of it. Seriously. That dome comes up so slowly. You could have run.

Tuxedo Mask! Are you okay?
(For some reason****, Sailor Saturn, and only Sailor Saturn, walks over, and then turns her back to the enemies as well.)
Hey...
Big mistake!



Unlike the dome attack, the beam Sin shoots out of her hand is gone in a drat instant, and I couldn't capture it. But pretend you saw a pitch-black laser fly through Saturn. At this point, having taken full control of the battlefield and nullifying every single person they struck with a single attack, the villains all leave without a word rather than just finish off the party.



The twin Usagis proceed to mope and blame themselves for this entire thing, which leads into my favorite line of this whole scene:

Hey, let him get some rest. Two of our friends almost died.

So the moon clan leaves, and then Haruka and Michiru go "Jesus, we're bad at our jobs as royal bodyguards." "Oh, ya think?"

Alright, let's do this, let's finish the final text dump of Chapter One. This time, gently caress you, I'm abridging.

Blah blah blah?
Blah blah blah blah blah.
Blahhhhhh.
Blah blah.
Wait, what the hell?



We four are now protecting Prince Endymion.
But weren't you Queen Beryl's...?
Yes, we did serve as her generals for a while, but in our prior lives, we were followers of the Prince of Earth, Endymion... and now we return to our former master to serve once again.
Why appear just now?
The master's condition is rather abnormal, and due to negative energy.
It seems the enemy is in possession of massive amounts of negative energy.
We need to put things back into balance with a positive energy. Solve this problem...
...and Mamoru will come out of this coma!



So I cannot translate this, because it's something new to this game. Sorry.

Also new to this game is the "revelation" that the four stones these guys were contained in that Mamoru kept were, I am taking this directly from the translation, "pure Kage (darkness)". So we need to get the stones corresponding to all of them which are not evil.



Seriously. I'm not making this up.

In a scenario that begs the question "how do you know these modern day names for places that didn't exist when you were last alive and not evil", the four tell us that their stones are in Nepal (Jadeite), Canada (Nephrite), Switzerland (Zoisite), and Turkey (Kunzite). If they gather all of these and combine them with the also-made-up-for-this-game "Rose Crystal" (which this translation calls "Barazuishou"), Mamoru will wake up. That one's somewhere in Japan.

So at this point, the team scatters to the four winds. Neptune and Uranus will search Japan for the enemy's base and Rose Crystal, Mercury is going to Switzerland, Mars to Nepal, Jupiter to Canada, and Venus to Turkey. Moon is going to stay in Tokyo and play nursemaid to Mamoru and Hotaru.



And because she's a constant irritation precocious youngster, Chibi-Usa is going to go crystal hunting on her own as well. Spoilers: guess which party finds that one.



Next time: you'd think this would be my heaven but fuuuuuuuuuuck

* I have begun trying to find script notes or other things relating to this game to try and make more sense of it, and in a few places, they imply that something in this conversation reveals "Darling" is Ryo Urawa. Sure. gently caress it. Whatever, game.
** Except I replaced "Ginzuishou" 500 times with "Silver Crystal" because boy you better believe I can type one of those faster than the other.
*** Okay, I also lied here, because gently caress writing "Tuxedo Kamen-Sama" fifty times.
**** "We needed a way to write the person who is a literal galactic murder machine out of the plot for a while."

a cartoon duck
Sep 5, 2011

If I was Rei I would probably pretend to be unconscious too just to avoid that conversation.

GimmickMan
Dec 27, 2011

Contrived anime writing is a lot worse when you can clearly see the characters doing nothing are right there. An anime just cuts to the characters who are doing things and hopes you forget about the onlookers, but in this game the sprites are right next to each other.

Edvarius
Aug 23, 2013
This game may have some pretty crap writing (though how much of that is a piss poor translation I am now unsure of), but I will give it credit for having some interesting ideas in there, even if they're bungled in the execution. The neat idea in this update is the tempting dreams of what the villains could arrange for the heroes if they allow them to alter fate/destiny/whatever. Specifically Venus' dream, where the big desire they try to tempt her with is... never having been Venus. There's just something incredibly sad about that.

Of course the thing they tried to get Sailor Moon with was just stupid, as she was already fated to wind up with Mamoru. I mean their future daughter was standing right there.

MightyPretenders
Feb 21, 2014

Edvarius posted:

This game may have some pretty crap writing (though how much of that is a piss poor translation I am now unsure of), but I will give it credit for having some interesting ideas in there, even if they're bungled in the execution. The neat idea in this update is the tempting dreams of what the villains could arrange for the heroes if they allow them to alter fate/destiny/whatever. Specifically Venus' dream, where the big desire they try to tempt her with is... never having been Venus. There's just something incredibly sad about that.

Of course the thing they tried to get Sailor Moon with was just stupid, as she was already fated to wind up with Mamoru. I mean their future daughter was standing right there.

A few of the ideas brought up in this game were referenced in the Manga later. I like to think that was the original author paying attention and addressing the things she thought were interesting.

kefkafloyd
Jun 8, 2006

What really knocked me out
Was her cheap sunglasses

Edvarius posted:

This game may have some pretty crap writing (though how much of that is a piss poor translation I am now unsure of), but I will give it credit for having some interesting ideas in there, even if they're bungled in the execution. The neat idea in this update is the tempting dreams of what the villains could arrange for the heroes if they allow them to alter fate/destiny/whatever. Specifically Venus' dream, where the big desire they try to tempt her with is... never having been Venus. There's just something incredibly sad about that.

Of course the thing they tried to get Sailor Moon with was just stupid, as she was already fated to wind up with Mamoru. I mean their future daughter was standing right there.

Well, if she's a well-to-do housewife married to a never-home salaryman, the two of them would never realize their ~destiny~ of becoming benevolent magical monarchs. It makes some kind of character sense since the series have touched on teenage Usagi's unwillingness to deal with her destiny. The game presents it in about the most ham-fisted way possible combined with a terrible translation.

Caphi
Jan 6, 2012

INCREDIBLE
I'm sorry, I know I'm the sixty billionth person to make this observation, but it bugs the hell out of me: what kind of woman names her daughter "mini-me"? What did she think was going to happen when the kid grew up?

Anyway tlnote: shin no ishi is probably just "the true/actual stone," maybe referring to the original correct form of the crystal that's now divided into light and dark or whatever. Context would help but if you're working on the patch you have access to the whole plot, so you have no excuse for not knowing what it's supposed to mean.

Pyroi
Aug 17, 2013

gay elf noises

Caphi posted:

I'm sorry, I know I'm the sixty billionth person to make this observation, but it bugs the hell out of me: what kind of woman names her daughter "mini-me"? What did she think was going to happen when the kid grew up?

Well, chibiusa's actual name is usagi, and by the time of Crystal Tokyo original flavor usagi is Neo Queen Serenity, so really this is all on present day usagi for giving her that name.

Crystalgate
Dec 26, 2012
Speaking of Chibiusa, her presence is bad news for Usagi. Usagi is fifteen or fifteen'ish, an age where you don't need a child. On the other hand, if you as an adult do decide to have a child, chance is you want to keep that child, not have it disappear for some time or forever. Every day Chibiusa spends with present Usagi is a day future Usagi will miss out on. The other alternative is that future Usagi does not want her child, but then there's a problem for other reasons. Either way, Chibiusa's presence should be a constant reminder for Usagi that she will face a serious problem in the future.

Well, the Sailor Moon series doesn't seem to go with "everything will be rosy", so I guess that makes sense.

Rabbi Raccoon
Mar 31, 2009

I stabbed you dude!
I never understood why people name their kids after themselves. But then again I have a butler name and oftentimes wonder how my parents could hate a baby so much

hopeandjoy
Nov 28, 2014



I think Chibiusa's full name is actually Usagi Small Lady Tsukino, and everyone from the future just calls her Small Lady.

That's still hardly a good name, though.

Space Cadet Omoly
Jan 15, 2014

~Groovy~


hopeandjoy posted:

I think Chibiusa's full name is actually Usagi Small Lady Tsukino, and everyone from the future just calls her Small Lady.

That's still hardly a good name, though.

If anything that's worse.

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kefkafloyd
Jun 8, 2006

What really knocked me out
Was her cheap sunglasses

Crystalgate posted:

Speaking of Chibiusa, her presence is bad news for Usagi. Usagi is fifteen or fifteen'ish, an age where you don't need a child. On the other hand, if you as an adult do decide to have a child, chance is you want to keep that child, not have it disappear for some time or forever. Every day Chibiusa spends with present Usagi is a day future Usagi will miss out on. The other alternative is that future Usagi does not want her child, but then there's a problem for other reasons. Either way, Chibiusa's presence should be a constant reminder for Usagi that she will face a serious problem in the future.

Well, the Sailor Moon series doesn't seem to go with "everything will be rosy", so I guess that makes sense.

Future Usagi is essentially immortal, so she can afford to foist Chibiusa on to her past self for a little sailor guardian training.

The causality problems of Chibiusa being in the past will make you go cross-eyed if you think about them too much.

hopeandjoy posted:

I think Chibiusa's full name is actually Usagi Small Lady Tsukino, and everyone from the future just calls her Small Lady.

That's still hardly a good name, though.

I always thought that was dumb. Then again, old Queen Serenity also named past-life Usagi Princess Serenity, so it's just another moon family tradition. I bet that was real confusing.

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