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Postal Parcel
Aug 2, 2013


Take that you cop-hating BLM lieberals :smug:

e: https://www.facebook.com/Cwthomasjr/posts/1262375833773270


I'd need to see the couple to believe it, but this just reads so much like STDH

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Fathis Munk
Feb 23, 2013

??? ?
poo poo man that'd only encourage me to do it again.

Also comment on the page

quote:

I saw this on another post, looked at your poo poo eating grin and knew that was your handy work.
You're a class act, Privileged to know ya.
P.s. I would have pulled up a chair and stared at them till they poo poo, left or gave me reason to crack their head open. Your's was clearly the better way !

Yeah I'm sure you would have :rolleyes:

Zaphod42
Sep 13, 2012

If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.

These are hilariously bad all around, but for some reason the following line stuck out as especially bad

quote:

He said a comment that broke the straw that broke the camel's back

Agh, how do you mess that up?

Yngwie Mangosteen
Aug 23, 2007

Zaphod42 posted:

These are hilariously bad all around, but for some reason the following line stuck out as especially bad


Agh, how do you mess that up?

That reads like an intentional choice to me. Like, she fundamentally doesn't understand the turn of phrase so when she was trying to say that his comment was way beyond the pale, she just made herself look even stupider than she already did.

GAINING WEIGHT...
Mar 26, 2007

See? Science proves the JewsMuslims are inferior and must be purged! I'm not a racist, honest!

Khazar-khum posted:

Fro


Keys


Girl


Gurren


Sideswiped

These are so pathetic it's exhausting.

Marius Pontmercy
Apr 2, 2007

Liberte
Egalite
Beyonce

Postal Parcel posted:



Take that you cop-hating BLM lieberals :smug:

e: https://www.facebook.com/Cwthomasjr/posts/1262375833773270


I'd need to see the couple to believe it, but this just reads so much like STDH

It's true. Asking not to be seated next to a group is the same as pumping 16 bullets into a teenager.

Anil Dikshit
Apr 11, 2007

Zaphod42 posted:

These are hilariously bad all around, but for some reason the following line stuck out as especially bad


Agh, how do you mess that up?

99% sure she was trying to say it in the style of the Doctor from Doctor Who

Telemaze
Apr 22, 2008

What you expected hasn't happened.
Fun Shoe

Fathis Munk posted:

poo poo man that'd only encourage me to do it again.

Also comment on the page

quote:

I saw this on another post, looked at your poo poo eating grin and knew that was your handy work.
You're a class act, Privileged to know ya.
P.s. I would have pulled up a chair and stared at them till they poo poo, left or gave me reason to crack their head open. Your's was clearly the better way !

Yeah I'm sure you would have :rolleyes:

Lol that comment. "Cops are nice people, and I'll harass you and bash your skull if you fuckin' disagree!" That's a great way to convince people that cops care about and respect civilians.

Also people who write "your's" are the worst.

ibntumart
Mar 18, 2007

Good, bad. I'm the one with the power of Shu, Heru, Amon, Zehuti, Aton, and Mehen.
College Slice

Telemaze posted:


Also people who write "your's" are the worst.

Your's o right.

FAROOQ
Aug 20, 2014

by Smythe

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

I wonder how many of these people totally did go to school with a La-a or an Abcde?

multiple thousands of them most likely

It's a pity you had to embarrass yourself these, up until this sentence you were only being garden variety stupid.

Aphrodite
Jun 27, 2006

My favorite are the ones who comment on stories debunking the La-a thing saying "No really, I met her!" What the hell do you have to gain there? What's the point?

Khazar-khum
Oct 22, 2008

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:
2nd Battalion

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Some people really don't have much going on in their lives outside of sleep, work, eating, and the pop culture they consume and with which they identify. And when they're occasionally in a group of people with everyone is telling stories or talking about what they did over the weekend or the upcoming ski trip, there's really nothing for them to say. And they learned a long time ago that "I beat Assassin's Creed III on Hardcore difficulty!" is not really the conversation people want to have at the water cooler. So they get frustrated and uncomfortable. Some of them will actually pilfer stories from others, as we saw a few pages ago. Others will make something up entirely without ever pausing to consider the asininity of how it sounds out loud. And still others will take a cue from movies and television where the good guy beats up the bad guy and everyone claps, without any of the aftermath like getting arrested for assault.

Imagine you have no life experiences worth mentioning in a casual conversation. Now imagine the incredible urge to take part anyway, regardless of how loving stupid the contribution is.

There are hundreds of Troper's 'Crowning Moments of Awesome' that are just that: retelling how they bested some game, or made a clever quip in a RPG session, or how they totally pwned their brother/friend/pro video game player with one brilliant move.

I leave those to fester and rot.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
I always appreciate someone telling a story in a group of people that aren't really paying attention. They smile politely, but they start dropping out one by one. The person panics and suddenly the story is action-packed!

A few years ago my ex-wife was friends with this woman that was absolutely full of poo poo. One day she's telling a story about a dough mishap at a restaurant kitchen in Disney World that she worked at and she notices nobody cares. So next thing you know, there was a fight! And someone grabbed a cookie sheet and hit someone else in the neck with it! And it severed his...you know, that big vein! And he died right there next to the mixer!

Tunicate
May 15, 2012



Misunderstanding some pretty key mechanics of pokemon go in your anecdotes is not just for facebook anymore.

GOTTA STAY FAI
Mar 24, 2005

~no glitter in the gutter~
~no twilight galaxy~
College Slice

Tunicate posted:

Misunderstanding some pretty key mechanics of pokemon go in your anecdotes is not just for facebook anymore.

Spending years teaching a student how to be a good print journalist and then seeing poo poo like this must be heartbreaking

sweeperbravo
May 18, 2012

AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

GOTTA STAY FAI posted:

Spending years teaching a student how to be a good print journalist and then seeing poo poo like this must be heartbreaking

Editing is really a lost art.

Indolent Bastard
Oct 26, 2007

I WON THIS AMAZING AVATAR! I'M A WINNER! WOOOOO!

sweeperbravo posted:

Editing is really a lost art.

Gotta feed that 24/7 news cycle, no time for edits or fact checking.

CannedMacabre
Jul 6, 2007

In space, no one
can hear you fart.
It's a newspaper article in 2016. The editor is probably just glad to get a check.

Tunicate
May 15, 2012

She's pro-brexit too it seems

Fathis Munk
Feb 23, 2013

??? ?

Tunicate posted:



Misunderstanding some pretty key mechanics of pokemon go in your anecdotes is not just for facebook anymore.

Wow what a bitch.

Indolent Bastard posted:

Gotta feed that 24/7 news cycle, no time for edits or fact checking.

I remember recently leafing through 20 minutes, one of the free daily "newspapers" while I was at work. In the sports section the journalist titles his article "French team trolls Iceland team", an article talking about the football game of the previous day that had absolutely nothing to do with trolling. I mean they won with a big score difference but trolling ?

In the culture section was a page long article complaining about the gentrification of music festivals because they now had stuff like *gasp* a place to drop off your kids. *Gasp* clean toilets. He was wistfully complaining that there was just no festival left where you could roll in the mud and be filthy.

chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

Fathis Munk posted:

I remember recently leafing through 20 minutes, one of the free daily "newspapers" while I was at work. In the sports section the journalist titles his article "French team trolls Iceland team", an article talking about the football game of the previous day that had absolutely nothing to do with trolling. I mean they won with a big score difference but trolling ?

Do you mean "big score difference" like 3-10, or "big soccer score difference" where it's 0-1 and the newspapers keep calling it a humiliating failure for Iceland?

OldTennisCourt
Sep 11, 2011

by VideoGames
The only thing I could maybe see as weird is asking for her number, that might come across as trying to hit on her, but mostly it looks like a dude trying to strike up a conversation with someone about common interests.

What a nightmare.

Ytlaya
Nov 13, 2005

Aphrodite posted:

My favorite are the ones who comment on stories debunking the La-a thing saying "No really, I met her!" What the hell do you have to gain there? What's the point?

It seems like the "I knew black people with ridiculous names" people are especially common among health care workers. My dad (x-ray tech) and all the nurses he works with mentioned such things on countless occasions. Like you said, he would get extremely defensive and offended if I mentioned that some of the stuff he said is a common urban legend.

The problem is that many people are heavily invested in the stories they tell as part of their identity. By questioning one of their anecdotes, it's like you're denying their very being.To play armchair psychologist, I think it might actually be related to insecurity in some way; like, these people are so desperate to have their stories validated that they find it genuinely hurtful if you're skeptical.

Karma Comedian
Feb 2, 2012

Tunicate posted:

"Call me narrow minded."

Well, yeah. You are.

HaB
Jan 5, 2001

What are the odds?

OldTennisCourt posted:

The only thing I could maybe see as weird is asking for her number, that might come across as trying to hit on her, but mostly it looks like a dude trying to strike up a conversation with someone about common interests.

What a nightmare.

Oh I'd say he was DEFINITELY trying to hit on her, I mean... if I strike up a conversation with a cute girl who has a common interest - assuming she's acting receptive, I'd probably ask for her number too. A Pokemon date is still a date. Sounds like dude wasn't picking up on her signals very well, but I have seen plenty of people out playing Pokemon Go who look like they haven't seen the sun in...EVER, so I'm sure socially awkward is kinda par for the course.

She seems to be missing the point that the whole idea of the game is to get outside, possibly meet other people playing, make new friends, etc. Or perhaps she HAS the point and she just doesn't like people.

Henchman of Santa
Aug 21, 2010

chitoryu12 posted:

Do you mean "big score difference" like 3-10, or "big soccer score difference" where it's 0-1 and the newspapers keep calling it a humiliating failure for Iceland?

France won 4-0 and was dominant from the very beginning.

Serperoth
Feb 21, 2013



Henchman of Santa posted:

France won 4-0 and was dominant from the very beginning.

I guess it fits the spirit of the thread, but the Euro 2016 QF result was 5-2, not 4-0. France was the obvious favourite though.

Henchman of Santa
Aug 21, 2010

Serperoth posted:

I guess it fits the spirit of the thread, but the Euro 2016 QF result was 5-2, not 4-0. France was the obvious favourite though.

Oh, I just remembered checking the score when it was clearly already over and didn't think about much time was still left.

GOTTA STAY FAI
Mar 24, 2005

~no glitter in the gutter~
~no twilight galaxy~
College Slice

Ytlaya posted:

It seems like the "I knew black people with ridiculous names" people are especially common among health care workers.

STDH stories/urban legends run rampant in hospitals. It seems like every nurse in America was on shift when the woman came in with a chicken in her vagina or when the guy showed up with his dick stuck in a poodle. It's surprising that the stories haven't started running together yet, resulting in tales where La-a has a chicken up in her junk and brings in her son Orangejello because his dong is stuck in a dog. And that dog's name...

...was Albert Einstein, suffering from diarrhea after someone put Visine in his coffee and also had cockroaches in his mouth from when he licked an envelope

NonzeroCircle
Apr 12, 2010

El Camino

GOTTA STAY FAI posted:

STDH stories/urban legends run rampant in hospitals. It seems like every nurse in America was on shift when the woman came in with a chicken in her vagina or when the guy showed up with his dick stuck in a poodle. It's surprising that the stories haven't started running together yet, resulting in tales where La-a has a chicken up in her junk and brings in her son Orangejello because his dong is stuck in a dog. And that dog's name...

...was Albert Einstein, suffering from diarrhea after someone put Visine in his coffee and also had cockroaches in his mouth from when he licked an envelope

And then everyone stood up and clapped

hyperhazard
Dec 4, 2011

I am the one lascivious
With magic potion niveous

Ytlaya posted:

It seems like the "I knew black people with ridiculous names" people are especially common among health care workers. My dad (x-ray tech) and all the nurses he works with mentioned such things on countless occasions. Like you said, he would get extremely defensive and offended if I mentioned that some of the stuff he said is a common urban legend.

The problem is that many people are heavily invested in the stories they tell as part of their identity. By questioning one of their anecdotes, it's like you're denying their very being.To play armchair psychologist, I think it might actually be related to insecurity in some way; like, these people are so desperate to have their stories validated that they find it genuinely hurtful if you're skeptical.

It's also just good old false memories. My mother swears that 40 years ago, she had a student named Female. Of course, when she told the story 10 years ago, it wasn't her student, but the sister of a student. And 20 years ago, it was a student her friend had. I'm sure 30 years ago, it was a student of a friend of a friend. If you're in an occupation where you see tons of new people constantly, things start blurring together after a while.

Drunk Tomato
Apr 23, 2010

If God wanted us sober,
He'd knock the glass over.

Ytlaya posted:

It seems like the "I knew black people with ridiculous names" people are especially common among health care workers. My dad (x-ray tech) and all the nurses he works with mentioned such things on countless occasions. Like you said, he would get extremely defensive and offended if I mentioned that some of the stuff he said is a common urban legend.

The problem is that many people are heavily invested in the stories they tell as part of their identity. By questioning one of their anecdotes, it's like you're denying their very being.To play armchair psychologist, I think it might actually be related to insecurity in some way; like, these people are so desperate to have their stories validated that they find it genuinely hurtful if you're skeptical.

I just don't get why people do this. I was getting drinks with a friend who is working at a daycare, and she said that one of the kids is named "La-a". I frowned and looked at her, just said "... Really?". She gave me a really weird look back and said "yeah".

I dropped it because our other friend who was there started gushing about "omg people are so dumb and weird" and then a long conversation about dumb names started up. I kept out of it and just internally cringed at all the bs being spouted.

This is not a person I know to lie, so the whole thing was just... weird.

Thin Privilege
Jul 8, 2009
IM A STUPID MORON WITH AN UGLY FACE AND A BIG BUTT AND MY BUTT SMELLS AND I LIKE TO KISS MY OWN BUTT
Gravy Boat 2k

GOTTA STAY FAI posted:

STDH stories/urban legends run rampant in hospitals. It seems like every nurse in America was on shift when the woman came in with a chicken in her vagina or when the guy showed up with his dick stuck in a poodle. It's surprising that the stories haven't started running together yet, resulting in tales where La-a has a chicken up in her junk and brings in her son Orangejello because his dong is stuck in a dog. And that dog's name...

...was Albert Einstein, suffering from diarrhea after someone put Visine in his coffee and also had cockroaches in his mouth from when he licked an envelope

My (least) favorite one was told by I think actually elise but maybe I'm wrong about who it was that posted it. It went along the lines of, "I had this little old lady patient and was trying to get a catheter into her but I couldn't find the hole, then I noticed that there was an intact hymen. I asked her if she was sexually active and she said "yes when I first had sex with my husband it hurt but I thought it was supposed to hurt." Apparently she had been having sex through her urethra for 40 years and didn't know it." I mean, come on. That's loving literally physically impossible.

Thin Privilege
Jul 8, 2009
IM A STUPID MORON WITH AN UGLY FACE AND A BIG BUTT AND MY BUTT SMELLS AND I LIKE TO KISS MY OWN BUTT
Gravy Boat 2k
Oh and my apparently racist sister in law gynecologist likes to talk about those blacks that are using their iPhones while giving birth. "Keep your legs closed!" :rolleyes:

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011


I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Thin Privilege posted:

My (least) favorite one was told by I think actually elise but maybe I'm wrong about who it was that posted it. It went along the lines of, "I had this little old lady patient and was trying to get a catheter into her but I couldn't find the hole, then I noticed that there was an intact hymen. I asked her if she was sexually active and she said "yes when I first had sex with my husband it hurt but I thought it was supposed to hurt." Apparently she had been having sex through her urethra for 40 years and didn't know it." I mean, come on. That's loving literally physically impossible.

I think that one's an old chestnut from a mid-century medical biography. Regardless, I've never understood how anyone could find it plausible. How could you possibly accidentally penetrate the urethra even once, let alone for 40 years straight without somehow stumbling on the vaginal opening? Are we supposed to imagine the mythical Great Wall of Imperforate Hymen here, somehow unbreachable even by the steel-hard nightmare dong that could gently caress a urethra?

Christ, the paragraphs I find myself writing on SA.

Telemaze
Apr 22, 2008

What you expected hasn't happened.
Fun Shoe

Thin Privilege posted:

My (least) favorite one was told by I think actually elise but maybe I'm wrong about who it was that posted it. It went along the lines of, "I had this little old lady patient and was trying to get a catheter into her but I couldn't find the hole, then I noticed that there was an intact hymen. I asked her if she was sexually active and she said "yes when I first had sex with my husband it hurt but I thought it was supposed to hurt." Apparently she had been having sex through her urethra for 40 years and didn't know it." I mean, come on. That's loving literally physically impossible.

I hate that story so much too. A dick would manage to accidentally slip down into the vag long before it could get worked into a hole 1/5 of a loving inch wide (which would be never).

I'm getting mad at stdh. That one is so stupid it offends me.

Ytlaya
Nov 13, 2005

Drunk Tomato posted:

I just don't get why people do this. I was getting drinks with a friend who is working at a daycare, and she said that one of the kids is named "La-a". I frowned and looked at her, just said "... Really?". She gave me a really weird look back and said "yeah".

I did similar things with exaggerating stories a couple times back when I was a teenager (though not to the extent of the troper tales). One example was basically a composite of three incidents. One involved me going out to bike and forgetting my helmet, with my dad reminding me to wear it before I left. Another involved me having a bad bike accident where I scraped up my knee really bad. And another involved my helmet getting a dent in it somehow. I melded these stories together into "I almost went biking without my helmet before having a bad bike wreck where my helmet hit the curb so hard it was dented." In reality this probably didn't happen, but the pieces were there and I thought it would make a good story. Over time it reached the point where I started to believe things had actually happened that way, and it wasn't until I was in my early 20s or so that I realized that I only vaguely remembered each element of the story separately. It was easier to just not think too hard about it and assume it actually happened.

So, basically what happens is people think "If I said this people would be interested" and then either immediately and reflexively shut-down the following thought process of "isn't it kind of hosed up to make up stories?" or tell themselves "this really happened" so much that they start to honestly believe it. It's an easy way to get acceptance and conversation from peers, and people choose to not think more about what exactly they're doing.

hyperhazard
Dec 4, 2011

I am the one lascivious
With magic potion niveous

Antivehicular posted:

I think that one's an old chestnut from a mid-century medical biography. Regardless, I've never understood how anyone could find it plausible. How could you possibly accidentally penetrate the urethra even once, let alone for 40 years straight without somehow stumbling on the vaginal opening? Are we supposed to imagine the mythical Great Wall of Imperforate Hymen here, somehow unbreachable even by the steel-hard nightmare dong that could gently caress a urethra?

Christ, the paragraphs I find myself writing on SA.

Not to mention, what was she menstruating out of? Her urethra?

Hymen myths are my pet peeve. The vast majority of people seem to think they work like food seals, completely closed until you have sex or something ruptures them. Hymens do no work like that! :argh:

sweeperbravo
May 18, 2012

AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

hyperhazard posted:

Not to mention, what was she menstruating out of? Her urethra?

See, the sex made the urethra bleed and she's a dumb woman so she thought that was her period!! :haw: Women amirite lol

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TheKennedys
Sep 23, 2006

By my hand, I will take you from this godforsaken internet

Ytlaya posted:

I did similar things with exaggerating stories a couple times back when I was a teenager (though not to the extent of the troper tales). One example was basically a composite of three incidents. One involved me going out to bike and forgetting my helmet, with my dad reminding me to wear it before I left. Another involved me having a bad bike accident where I scraped up my knee really bad. And another involved my helmet getting a dent in it somehow. I melded these stories together into "I almost went biking without my helmet before having a bad bike wreck where my helmet hit the curb so hard it was dented." In reality this probably didn't happen, but the pieces were there and I thought it would make a good story. Over time it reached the point where I started to believe things had actually happened that way, and it wasn't until I was in my early 20s or so that I realized that I only vaguely remembered each element of the story separately. It was easier to just not think too hard about it and assume it actually happened.

So, basically what happens is people think "If I said this people would be interested" and then either immediately and reflexively shut-down the following thought process of "isn't it kind of hosed up to make up stories?" or tell themselves "this really happened" so much that they start to honestly believe it. It's an easy way to get acceptance and conversation from peers, and people choose to not think more about what exactly they're doing.

I have a really similar quasi-memory about fracturing my nose riding a bike when I was a kid; I told it as absolute truth for 15-20 years, and I had the "bump" in my nose to verify it in my mind (even before I actually did shatter my nose years later), but now that I'm older I start wondering how true the story actually is, or if I even broke it the first time at all. Since I have a real "broke my nose standing still in a meeting room" story now I've stopped telling it, but I'll probably always wonder about it.

Resculpting reality to be more interesting or combining stories to make an attention-getting mega-story are pretty common in kids, and a lot of people just never grow out of it. Some of them become the consummate one-uppers that post bullshit on NAR, and some of them just quietly keep doing it on a lesser, more subtle level over the years as they realize nobody's going to call them out on it.

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