hyperhazard posted:

Not to mention, what was she menstruating out of? Her urethra?

Hymen myths are my pet peeve. The vast majority of people seem to think they work like food seals, completely closed until you have sex or something ruptures them. Hymens do no work like that!

CannedMacabre posted:

I've never come across a vagina that didn't have the tamper-evident seal already broken.

CannedMacabre posted:

I've never come across a vagina that didn't have the tamper-evident seal already broken.

TheKennedys posted:

I have a really similar quasi-memory about fracturing my nose riding a bike when I was a kid; I told it as absolute truth for 15-20 years, and I had the "bump" in my nose to verify it in my mind (even before I actually did shatter my nose years later), but now that I'm older I start wondering how true the story actually is, or if I even broke it the first time at all. Since I have a real "broke my nose standing still in a meeting room" story now I've stopped telling it, but I'll probably always wonder about it.

Resculpting reality to be more interesting or combining stories to make an attention-getting mega-story are pretty common in kids, and a lot of people just never grow out of it. Some of them become the consummate one-uppers that post bullshit on NAR, and some of them just quietly keep doing it on a lesser, more subtle level over the years as they realize nobody's going to call them out on it.

Thin Privilege posted:

Oh and lots of people who say Jews have sex through a hole in a bedsheet.

Thin Privilege posted:

I read some book in high school Spanish class that said something like, women in ye olden Spain who weren't virgins would take a pin and poke themselves in the vagina to bleed on their wedding night because to prove they were virgins the white bedsheets had to have blood on them, and they would hang these bloody bedsheets outside the window the day after the wedding. I have no idea whether this is true or not, but it sounds weird

quote:

Jurassic Farce
FLORIDA, USA

Customer: “I need some help locating the item that this coupon advertises. I’ve looked everywhere and just can’t find it.”

Me: “Let’s see if I can help you here…” *looks at the coupon* “I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t sell this item anymore.”

Customer: “Why not? I have a coupon for it. I wanted to get it for my husband for his birthday next week.”

Me: “Ma’am, this coupon was expired fifteen years ago. They no longer make this product.”

Customer: “Can’t you go look for one? I really need it, it would be perfect for him.”

Me: “…sure! It just so happens that I developed a machine that can warp the space/time continuum. Would you like to accompany me on the trip or would you like to stay here?”

Customer: “REALLY? Thank you so much! I’ll stay here and wait for you.”

(I go into the back room for a couple of minutes to let my manager know what I’m about to do, then come back out running.)

Me: “MA’AM! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! I MESSED UP AND WENT BACK TOO FAR! I ENDED UP GOING BACK TO THE AGE OF THE DINOSAURS AND THERE’S A PISSED-OFF VELOCIRAPTOR RIGHT BEHIND ME!”

Customer: “OH NO! I’LL GO CALL THE POLICE!” *runs out of the store*

(I went back to my manager after the customer ran off, and he was literally rolling on the ground laughing.)

GOTTA STAY FAI posted:

Good on you. You have to get the sealed ones hot or bang them on hard surfaces, and either way it's a pain in the dick

hyperhazard posted:

Literally rolling.

the chaos engine posted:

For as long as I can remember, I've had this childhood memory: I was playing outside, messed around w a sewer grate, the thing fell and four fingers on my left hand got chopped off clean.

A couple of years ago, I was talking to some friends, one of those conversations about scars and accidents, so I started telling that story. Halfway through I realised that I still have all of my fingers and that poo poo definitely never happened what the gently caress did you make me believe all my life, brain

Redcordial posted:

Also a friend of mine was racially abused today whilst commuting home, by a man in a suit and tie no less. He had shoved an elderly Chinese lady to the ground, and proceeded to knock into my friend to then let out a racial tirade.

The guy said such things as "You need to walk in a straight line, maybe over in China you can loving walk all over the place but this is Australia"

And... "It's because of people like you that we need Pauline Hanson".

My friend is a father and motorbike rider, so he was quick to confront the man who left like a coward apparently. My friend received claps and cheers from people around, which is nice.....

Thin Privilege posted:

My (least) favorite one was told by I think actually elise but maybe I'm wrong about who it was that posted it. It went along the lines of, "I had this little old lady patient and was trying to get a catheter into her but I couldn't find the hole, then I noticed that there was an intact hymen. I asked her if she was sexually active and she said "yes when I first had sex with my husband it hurt but I thought it was supposed to hurt." Apparently she had been having sex through her urethra for 40 years and didn't know it." I mean, come on. That's loving literally physically impossible.

I Am Not Steve posted:

Aphrodite posted:

He said the magic word Australia, so that's entirely plausible.

Thin Privilege posted:

My (least) favorite one was told by I think actually elise but maybe I'm wrong about who it was that posted it. It went along the lines of, "I had this little old lady patient and was trying to get a catheter into her but I couldn't find the hole, then I noticed that there was an intact hymen. I asked her if she was sexually active and she said "yes when I first had sex with my husband it hurt but I thought it was supposed to hurt." Apparently she had been having sex through her urethra for 40 years and didn't know it." I mean, come on. That's loving literally physically impossible.

quote:

This troper goes to an Australian public school - year 10 this year, actually. Anyway, most years, the way the house captains are announced is by just having the principal call out their names and having them walk up to the front all normal-like. This year, we did something different. They started up like they were going to do the normal thing, then two of the house captains came up onto the stage in black clothes and shades and announced a mission - 'jailbreak' one of the other senior students. Cue a vaguely All Your Colours Combined sequence ... then some dude runs in with a fake bomb, plants it on the door to the assembly hall staff room. Everyone ducks. No explosion noise. The dude kicks the door open. The 'captive' walks out. Through all this the Mission Impossible theme is playing. It was stupid and awesome at the same time.

quote:

The following is crossposted from Crowning Moment Of Heartwarming. Raekuul is completely uninvolved.
[O]ne of those [overzealous religious bigots] came to our college campus, and, among other things, started condemning women for the way they dress, saying that a good "Christian" woman wears skirts and dresses (never pants) and realizes that her place is to be subservient to men. He then pointed out a girl who was walking across campus, modestly dressed in a blouse and long skirt, saying that she was a perfect example of how women should dress. Her response to this was to stop what she was doing, unzip her skirt, walk out of it, and resume her stroll across the green.

quote:

This Troper (I shall use first person from now on, it's easier) as a sixth-grader was a total outcast and disconnected freaky-tall girl - and, come to think of it, I still am. xD But anyway, this status easily landed some pretty stupid rumors; I mostly shrugged them all off, except for one - 'Hey, (Troper), is it true you punched a teacher in third grade?' I got this one from a girl I didn't know. I asked the girl who she heard it from, and actually tracked the trail back to its origin - but that wasn't the C Mo A. The guy who started the rumor was talking to a friend of his. This friend was a total wimp, and so when I loomed ominously over the boy his buddy didn't even try to tell him I was there. He was turned away from me, and I disguised my voice. This insanity ensued...
ME: Hey, I heard you started that rumor about (my name) socking a teacher in third grade. (I never, ever use the term 'socking'...)
KID: Oh, yeah, I did that.
ME: D'you think she's going to find out about it?
KID: Naw, she's too stupid to do that...
*silence*
KID (to FRIEND): She's standing behind me, isn't she?
FRIEND (scared): Naw.
ME: No, not really...
KID: Oh, good...
ME: *in scary and emotionless tone* ... I'm actually standing slightly to your left.
KID: *looks around, mouth open* I... didn't mean any of it... aah! *runs away*

quote:

This troper, who recently got home after curing acute appendicitis, apparently walked around with said appendicitis for four years, as the symptoms began showing four years ago when this troper was thirteen years old. Most who do not treat acute appendicitis is likely to die within in a matter of days or weeks untreated. This troper, Made Of Iron? gently caress no, this troper is GODDAMN IMMORTAL!. As icing on the cake, this troper has never broken a single bone in his body, rarely if ever gets infected by diseases and has a pain threshhold over 9000. This troper thinks a lot of it is related to his status as a Determinator worthy of Bro' Kamina himself. To compensate for it, he's the living embodiment of the Afraid Of Needles trope.

quote:

When this troper was at her old school, bad things happened, with a very specific aim. These things included being followed home by one particular group of boys, as well as them following her mum and sister around. They also included knives, once, when she was on her own. This kid, surrounded by his mates, pulled out a penknife on her. She gave him eye contact and simply informed him of the fact that he was never going to use it (whilst secretly panicking and preparing the flight option of the fight-flight-freeze decision), and that if he went now she'd never mention it again (hah). Her judgement was correct; he and his mates walked off looking a bit sheepish (a slightly different kind of sheepish to the JW, it has to be said). Her interactions with a different but, at the same time, very similar group of boys (you know what I mean, right?) resulted in her stabbing the leader in the head with a sharp pencil, making him cry in front of all of his friends. It was very satisfying, and him and his mates left her and her friends well alone after that.

Khazar-khum posted:

Ytlaya posted:

The appendicitis troper tale is hilarious, largely because it crosses the line from just "situation extremely unlikely to ever occur" to "literally impossible." I also like how he says he "rarely if ever catches diseases" after saying he suffered from appendicitis for 4 years.

Xen Tricks posted:

The fact that he's saying he had an "acute" illness for four years is making me irrationally annoyed

Khazar-khum posted:

(a slightly different kind of sheepish to the JW, it has to be said). Her interactions with a different but, at the same time, very similar group of boys (you know what I mean, right?)

hyperhazard posted:

I mean, virgins aren't more likely to bleed than non-virgins, unless they have a medical condition. I know the STDH thread isn't the place to go into it, but I'd love to know why the bleeding = virgin myth became a thing.

Telemaze posted:

Tropers seem bizarrely obsessed with pencils. I swear every other story from there has someone getting stabbed with one.

Xen Tricks posted:

The fact that he's saying he had an "acute" illness for four years is making me irrationally annoyed

quote:

The second involves a mugger on the NYC subway late at night. The guy pulled a knife on me, and stabbed my right shoulder when I refused to hand over my wallet by saying, "I have no intention of giving you my money. It's bad enough I pay taxes!" I clamped down on the pain long enough to pull the knife out of my shoulder, give the guy a Kubrick Stare over the tops of my glasses, and ask, "Did it ever occur to you that I might be left-handed?" I then drove the knife into his shoulder, broke the blade off, and got off at the next stop to get my shoulder stitched and report the incident to the NYPD.

quote:

This troper witnessed something that clearly shows that Reality Is Unrealistic. You see, there is a bully/loser that is always playing poker for money during lunch. He and his group of bullies try to occasionally force someone to play with them, so they can basically steal his money.(4 guys playing poker for money against one. Since they share the money they win from the person they force to play, they always end up winning.) One day, a new guy transfered to this trooper's high school. The bullies invited him to play. He accepted. This trooper felt sorry for the new guy. He wasn't very tall, and wasn't very strong either. Then, at the first hand...He bet twenty dollars. Then, that guy laughed and raised the bet to sixty dollars. IN HIGH SCHOOL. DURING LUNCH. The bullies(and everyone watching the game) stared at him for a couple of seconds. The bullies figured he was bluffing. He wasn't. Then he LAUGHED. An Evil Laugh. This troper asked his friend if the transfer student was called Akagi. Before he could answer, the transfer student decided to give them a chance to get their money back. In Black Jack 21. They lost. Then he laughed histerically, took their money and walked away saying that they didn't know what real gambling was like. I swear, if they ever make a Western adaptation of Akagi, they should hire that guy to play Akagi. I'm dead serious.

quote:

This troper's father was a hippy during the Vietnam War, and he not only lay down on the ground in front of the White House when there were policemen on horses there, but he got arrested, escaped the police van with a bunch of his hippy friends when it got a flat tire, took over a college building, got kicked out of Yale for said college building incident, managed to get out of the draft by saying he was a CO, and got back into Yale all in the same time frame.

quote:

First, after his parents were unable to go to a Parent-Teacher's meeting, he had to go, and endure a "conference" by a "Psychologist" who claimed that Anime and Videogames were EVIIIILLLLL! Except that he commited the typical mistake of only putting the typical bad examples: Grand Theft Auto on the videogames and Urotsukidoji in the case of anime, and mixing up terms like calling an Otaku a Hikkikomori.. At the end, when people start throwing questions at the presenter, including several who praised the "objectiveness" of the conference, said troper raised up from his chair and asked him: "Excuse me, sir, have you played any videogames or watched any anime?". Said "psychologist" just replied with a simple "No, but I don't need to either play or watch them to know they corrupt our youth". And the troper came back by telling him: "Go play Harvest Moon and tell me about it". Needless to say, the director stepped in and told the psychologist to get out of his school, because he lied and he didn't wanted the school to get corrupted by the influence of liars. Later on, he found out the director of the school actually used to play that same game.

Khazar-khum posted:

Knife

flosofl posted:

I know they're just nerd fantasy. But every single time, they manage to piss me off. Every. Single. Time.

knife posted:

I clamped down on the pain long enough to pull the knife out of my shoulder, give the guy a Kubrick Stare over the tops of my glasses, and ask, "Did it ever occur to you that I might be purely a figment of some sad person's imagination?" and then I disappeared because I don't exist.

quote:

Except that he commited the typical mistake of only putting the typical bad examples: Grand Theft Auto on the videogames and Urotsukidoji in the case of anime, and mixing up terms like calling an Otaku a Hikkikomori.

quote:

This troper witnessed something that clearly shows that Reality Is Unrealistic. You see, there is a bully/loser that is always playing poker for money during lunch. He and his group of bullies try to occasionally force someone to play with them, so they can basically steal his money.(4 guys playing poker for money against one. Since they share the money they win from the person they force to play, they always end up winning.) One day, a new guy transfered to this trooper's high school. The bullies invited him to play. He accepted. This trooper felt sorry for the new guy. He wasn't very tall, and wasn't very strong either. Then, at the first hand...He bet twenty dollars. Then, that guy laughed and raised the bet to sixty dollars. IN HIGH SCHOOL. DURING LUNCH. The bullies(and everyone watching the game) stared at him for a couple of seconds. The bullies figured he was bluffing. He wasn't. Then he LAUGHED. An Evil Laugh. This troper asked his friend if the transfer student was called Akagi. Before he could answer, the transfer student decided to give them a chance to get their money back. In Black Jack 21. They lost. Then he laughed histerically, took their money and walked away saying that they didn't know what real gambling was like. I swear, if they ever make a Western adaptation of Akagi, they should hire that guy to play Akagi. I'm dead serious.

Atreiden posted:

Troper tales are my secret pleasure. The best (worst) are the anime ones, where they refer to a character from their favorite anime and/or use anime culture words, which I often have no idea what means. Like the poker story, I have no idea of who Akagi is.


or the the conference story, I don't know what a Hikkikomori is or how it differs from an otaku. Yet somehow this makes the stories better in my broken brain.

Atreiden posted:

Troper tales are my secret pleasure. The best (worst) are the anime ones, where they refer to a character from their favorite anime and/or use anime culture words, which I often have no idea what means. Like the poker story, I have no idea of who Akagi is.


or the the conference story, I don't know what a Hikkikomori is or how it differs from an otaku. Yet somehow this makes the stories better in my broken brain.

Tunicate posted:

You see he broke off the knife in the mugger's shoulder because he knew the mugger might be left handed too.

Xen Tricks posted:

I love that because he doesn't even name drop the series, even for things I know random names referenced don't usually make sense.

Also Otaku is an idiot anime nerd that occasionally goes outside, hikikomori is an idiot anime nerd that is terrified of the outside world and hasn't left their room in literal years, also known as NEET. Weird people online fetishize it and the ideal of being an entirely broken hermit person. Why, who knows

Weatherman posted:

No, NEET stands for "not in employment, education, or training" and is someone who is--wait for it--not in employment, education or training. There's overlap between the two groups (in that hikikomori are almost certainly NEET), but they're not the same thing.