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OctoberBlues posted:But it's already happened... in my heart. I for one have fully embraced Idaho Spud.
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Aug 30, 2016 15:48
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I'm glad the guys in porn look more normal these days rather than ugly rear end or oddly muscular dudes who growl the whole time like we want to hear what a good time they're having
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Aug 30, 2016 15:51
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I'm glad bush is making a comeback.
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Aug 30, 2016 16:18
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KakerMix posted:*bass slap* Int. MONK'S GEORGE: "Have you seen this site? Stepbrotherlylove.com? It's the worst!" JERRY: "Can we not do this right now? I told you, incest porn is not really part of my wheelhouse, George..." GEORGE: "What the hell is a wheelhouse? It sounds nautical. What does sailing have to do with incest, Jerry? What does sailing have to do with anything?!" JERRY: "Anyway, you were saying...?" GEORGE: "This site, Jerry, it's just a bunch of videos of the same guy filming his 'stepsister'. Different girl every video. Same guy, different girl, every video. This guy has a thousand step-sisters! And he always says the same awful lines. 'Oh, I have a date this weekend but I'm afraid she won't like me, can I practice on you?' Like any step-sister is gonna go for that! Then before you know it, he's whippin' out this huge uncircumcised penis-" JERRY: "Please, can we not do the circumcision thing again?" GEORGE: "Oh, that's not even the half of it, Jerry! He whips out this firehose and says 'You don't think my girlfriend is gonna laugh at it, do you?' Smug little jerk. He knows he's big! He's just rubbing our faces in it!" JERRY: "And his sister's, apparently." GEORGE: "Step-sister, Jerry! STEP! Then he does the same five moves, missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, doggy, moneyshot. No variety. A thousand different step-sisters, same five moves every video. It's obscene." JERRY: "Well, it's pornography, George. Incest pornography. It's supposed to be obscene!" GEORGE: "Dammit, Jerry, step isn't incest! It's no more taboo than teachers or cougars or milves!" JERRY: "You mean milfs?" GEORGE: "No, Jerry, I mean milves! Unless you've seen a pack of wolfs running around lately?" JERRY: "OK, OK, milves. So you're saying step isn't taboo." GEORGE: "Not at all! It's vanilla! And THAT'S what makes it obscene! When we were growing up, incest was a real taboo. A sister would sneak into her parents' room while they were asleep and she'd fellate her dad, who was circumcised, by the way, and pray mom didn't wake up. Or dad would have another late night at the office, so mom would wake up Junior and he'd dive right into that bushy muff! None of this step nonsense!" Enter KRAMER. JERRY: "I had no idea this was so important to you, George." GEORGE: "Someone's gotta stand up against the step! Incest used to mean something in this country, Jerry." KRAMER: "Just one more area where the Japanese are giving us a spanking! You wouldn't believe what they've accomplished, Jerry! Inter-generational bukkake! Oooh, mama! It's taking those islands by storm!" JERRY: "Inter-what??" GEORGE: "You hear that, Jerry?! JAPAN! It's Pearl Harbor all over again, Jerry!"
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Aug 30, 2016 16:23
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Incest porn is just plot porn. Take your pick between that or a poorly produced Futurama porn. Functionally, they are the same.
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Aug 30, 2016 16:33
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It's almost enough to make you nostalgic for the days when some frat boy with a huge wanger would just bang a girl in a van and film it
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Aug 30, 2016 16:35
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FIRST TIME posted:Also, why the gently caress can't porn just be like "here's a hot cougar getting banged" or "here's a cute girl in her early 20s getting banged"? It's gotta be some weird incest poo poo. you know im starting to think you guys are just really loving bad at searching or something bc honestly it's not that hard to find either of those 2 things at all either that or you all like the incest stuff secretly
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Aug 30, 2016 16:45
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Gatekeeper posted:"mom is feeling distant from dad so her masseuse brings mom to an orgy so mom decides to bang her son who decides to bang his sister who decides to bang her dad who decides he loves mom again and family is saved also Ron Jeremy is there" is something that could never happen on this lovely internet today Yea, but on the other hand, we couldn't have had Pirates XXX back in the day without the ability to create cheap CGI. Gatekeeper posted:Int. MONK'S This is a really good post. 
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Aug 30, 2016 16:48
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generative grammer posted:ahh yes this classic is still up https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuoaGPlWr-4 i prefer this version https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XX72TBS0_ZU
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Aug 30, 2016 16:48
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WampaLord posted:Yea, but on the other hand, we couldn't have had Pirates XXX back in the day without the ability to create cheap CGI. wow excellent point, pirates and pirates 2: stagnettis revenge are unironically great Evan stone is, and I hate using this overused meaningless phrase, a national treasure
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Aug 30, 2016 16:55
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some more story/context in porn would be nice but I don't think it makes any money really
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Aug 30, 2016 16:56
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Just have the door blow down with the guy fully erect, and a random rear end comes out off screen and pops on. Jesus people, we're not buildin' watches.
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Aug 30, 2016 16:57
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Moridin920 posted:some more story/context in porn would be nice but I don't think it makes any money really The Pirates people tried to release it as an actual movie by editing out all the actual porn. It...uh...did not go well.
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Aug 30, 2016 16:58
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Moridin920 posted:you know im starting to think you guys are just really loving bad at searching or something bc honestly it's not that hard to find either of those 2 things at all who even has to search? out of the 20 or 30 vids on the first page of w/e porn site you use, there's plenty of "hot teen creampied" or "milf teaches paperboy how to gently caress". Unless you're me, and every suggested video and ad and pop up is all CHICKS W/ DICKS!!!! because you got curious once
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Aug 30, 2016 17:00
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Gatekeeper posted:who even has to search? out of the 20 or 30 vids on the first page of w/e porn site you use, there's plenty of "hot teen creampied" or "milf teaches paperboy how to gently caress". Google Knows. 
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Aug 30, 2016 17:03
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I wish Google could be smart about sharing things across devices so that my phone's search bar doesn't autocorrect to porn poo poo the next day bc I was having a jerk off fest the night before
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Aug 30, 2016 17:05
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Gatekeeper posted:Taboo 2 is problematic af now that I think about it It makes me miss ridiculous setups in porn movies. Like the aunt and her friend walk in on the nephew sleeping, but oh no his half-hard dick is hanging out of his pants what do we do? Let's tuck it back in for some reason but oh dear, it's too hard to fit back in his pants! Guess we'll have to suck him off until he gets off, what else can we do?
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Aug 30, 2016 17:14
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There's still plot and ridiculous set ups in porn, that's basically Brazzers' whole gimmick.
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Aug 30, 2016 17:15
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Moridin920 posted:some more story/context in porn would be nice but I don't think it makes any money really
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Aug 30, 2016 17:25
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I want some realistic story porn where it's like a whole hour of two people awkwardly getting to know each other and flirting, followed by some kissing and fondling and 10 minutes of sex. Or the first hour is just them actually Netflixing and chilling, until the guy gets up the nerve to make a move and they gently caress for two minutes before he comes. Then they both fall asleep on the couch in front of the TV.
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Aug 30, 2016 17:34
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King Vidiot posted:I want some realistic story porn where it's like a whole hour of two people awkwardly getting to know each other and flirting, followed by some kissing and fondling and 10 minutes of sex. Writing your autobiography, King Vidiot?
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Aug 30, 2016 17:36
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King Vidiot posted:I want some realistic story porn where it's like a whole hour of two people awkwardly getting to know each other and flirting, followed by some kissing and fondling and 10 minutes of sex.
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Aug 30, 2016 17:40
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lol if you aren't still hard after cumming the first time
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Aug 30, 2016 17:41
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Moridin920 posted:lol if you aren't still hard after cumming the first time
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Aug 30, 2016 17:46
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I wish indian porn wasn't so universally terrible, sometimes I try to refine my searches but nope, it's all bad. There's always something ruining it, either the poo poo video quality or the guy is creepy and gross, or the woman can't do anything besides stare past the camera with dead eyes
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Aug 30, 2016 17:50
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je1 healthcare posted:I wish indian porn wasn't so universally terrible, sometimes I try to refine my searches but nope, it's all bad. There's always something ruining it, either the poo poo video quality or the guy is creepy and gross, or the woman can't do anything besides stare past the camera with dead eyes and there's always a three hour dance scene between "good hello most beautiful lady would you want a hot sensual erotic sexual intercourse?" and actual loving
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Aug 30, 2016 17:54
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Now I just really want to see an Indian porn parody of Robot.
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Aug 30, 2016 17:58
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Where's my cyborg sex at, i have been waiting for so long
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Aug 30, 2016 18:00
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King Vidiot posted:It makes me miss ridiculous setups in porn movies. Like the aunt and her friend walk in on the nephew sleeping, but oh no his half-hard dick is hanging out of his pants what do we do? Let's tuck it back in for some reason but oh dear, it's too hard to fit back in his pants! Guess we'll have to suck him off until he gets off, what else can we do? I beat off to this like 100 times.
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Aug 30, 2016 18:00
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Gatekeeper posted:wow excellent point, pirates and pirates 2: stagnettis revenge are unironically great They really are and he really is , it's true 
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Aug 30, 2016 18:01
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For the record, American porn has not come close to Asian porn in terms of "what the gently caress, man" http://i.imgur.com/ranI2Lg.gif It starts there, then it escalates
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Aug 30, 2016 18:05
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King Vidiot posted:Now I just really want to see an Indian porn parody of Reboot.
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Aug 30, 2016 18:05
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Moridin920 posted:I wish Google could be smart about sharing things across devices so that my phone's search bar doesn't autocorrect to porn poo poo the next day bc I was having a jerk off fest the night before Use incognito mode you gigantic idiot. It's having one of those memory eraser things in Men and Black and turning it on yourself after every time you jerk off.
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Aug 30, 2016 18:34
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Veshpo posted:Use incognito mode you gigantic idiot. It's having one of those memory eraser things in Men and Black and turning it on yourself after every time you jerk off. seriously that's the only thing it was invented for
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Aug 30, 2016 18:36
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Veshpo posted:Use incognito mode you gigantic idiot. It's having one of those memory eraser things in Men and Black and turning it on yourself after every time you jerk off. uh but sometimes i want to go back to some video i was watching why can't google just not share the nsfw stuff it's not like they can't tell what it is 99% of the time
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Aug 30, 2016 18:40
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Moridin920 posted:uh but sometimes i want to go back to some video i was watching why can't google just not share the nsfw stuff it's not like they can't tell what it is 99% of the time Use bing, it's better for porn and nobody is ever gonna see your Bing history.
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Aug 30, 2016 18:49
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I just read a Tijuana bible where Wimpy watches a post-boob job Olive Oyl masturbate and then steps into her room and fucks her. Popeye ends up catching them in the act only to whip out his massive penis and join them, ending the story with Wimpy doing anal on him while Popeye's schlong ends up going through Olive Oyl's mouth all the way from her vagina.
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Aug 30, 2016 18:53
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Moridin920 posted:uh but sometimes i want to go back to some video i was watching why can't google just not share the nsfw stuff it's not like they can't tell what it is 99% of the time Never go back
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Aug 30, 2016 18:55
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A woman passionately moans and arches her back in ecstasy, running her fingers through her own hair with one hand and gently reaches for the safety and strength of the back of her lover's neck with the other as all her curves bounce and shake in steady, seductive rhythm. *camera focuses angrily on ultra-closeup of dude's chode the whole time*
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Aug 30, 2016 19:15
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Moridin920 posted:uh but sometimes i want to go back to some video i was watching why can't google just not share the nsfw stuff it's not like they can't tell what it is 99% of the time
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Aug 30, 2016 19:15
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