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Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

gigawhite posted:

Just remember, I'm not trapped on this elevator with you, you're trapped on this elevator with ME *hammers emergency stop button*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NsdQzoIXIE

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Mak0rz
Aug 2, 2008

😎🐗🚬

Facebook Aunt posted:

Lack of experience. They were shy and awkward in high school, so they didn't try to make new friends nevermind romantic stuff. Social skills are skills. They have to be learned.

It's like if you tried learning to play the clarinet when you were 12, when other kids were first getting into band. The first time you try it squeaks and you're embarrassed, so you drop out of band so you don't look foolish. Most of the other kids keep at it, looking foolish and sounding awful, and by the time you're 16 it seems like everyone you know has played a tune, but you're still an unskilled squeaker. If you try joining band now you're going to look even more foolish than if you'd started learning with everyone else. So you go play videogames instead. You never learn that skill.

You can learn social skills as an adult, just like you can learn musical skills as an adult, but it's going to be more difficult and take more effort than if you'd just learned when everyone else learned.

A few pages back but yes, this coupled with the fact they somehow get the idea that it's endearing to talk that way, probably from anime or something.

Shugojin
Sep 6, 2007

THE TAIL THAT BURNS TWICE AS BRIGHT...


gigawhite posted:

Just remember, I'm not trapped on this elevator with you, you're trapped on this elevator with ME *hammers emergency stop button*

you're trapped on this elevator with MY FARTS

BONGHITZ
Jan 1, 1970

lonesomedwarf posted:

i dont get it

edit:

A work of art

ZombieJesus
Feb 26, 2005

He died for your sins, he rose for your BRAINS

pathetic little tramp posted:

I'm reading through Señor hoverhands history and this whole drat thing holy poo poo this whole drat thing, I strong-emphasised some choice bits:


She is the reason why I have not killed myself yet or become a barely functional alcoholic who lives off of pay per view porn and frozen dinners. If it were not for her, I never would have graduated as valedictorian and student of the year, or acquired that 4.0 GPA in college, and for that matter ever really applied myself to anything at all. I would be a miserable underachiever doomed to a life of mundanity, isolation, and loneliness with no prospects of a wife beyond my own hand.



She taught me to be happy even amidst the face of uncertainty, change, and conflict. When I allow my social anxiety to get the best of me and/or feel like women will never like me, she is there to lift my spirits. Her presence alone evokes joy, comfort, and encouragement to take action and be happy.



But more than that,

My mother is the type of person I can always talk to about anything no matter what

And this is probably what I love most about her. Whereas my father is either distant and/or incapable of this without resorting to anger, my mother is open to talk to me about everything and anything, always there to provide me with the advice and guidance that I yearn for so badly. She is the one who encouraged me to major in English, since pursuing my dream is more important than monetary success. Perhaps most of all and very significantly, she has never shied away from teaching me about sex and answering my questions about it, both as a child and as an adult today.


In many ways she had to play the role that my father should have played because he was too weird, prudish, and/or downright awkward to do it himself. I say this not to rail against my father, but to emphasize how great my mother was. She taught me strong Christian values and traditional morality pertaining to sex, but she also taught me the mechanics of it and never shamed me for being curious about it no matter how explicit my questions were. Never have I had to feel odd for talking to my mother about these things, or confiding in her that I'm a virgin, or that I am attracted to such and such a woman. Again, all of which is in stark contrast to my father.



My mother is a woman of glamor and fitness. From dropping thousands over the years at Sephora to counting calories and devoting hours at the gym, my mother takes pride in her physical appearance. She is living proof that despite the excuses given by fat women on here, any woman can lose weight if she works hard at it. My mother had 3 children yet has the figure of a supermodel. What is your excuse? More than that though, my mother is not the shallow type either. I'm sure many of you are already generalizing her as a gold digger or snob, but my mother is nothing like that. In fact, she used to bake snacks for her Church and once volunteered to prepare food for homeless people on Thanksgiving.

She taught me that love actually exists, that a woman can actually love a man who is way below her league. I learned this by observing the way she has loved my father throughout the years, despite him being overweight, middle-class, and a dick at times. She is living proof that the neckbeards are wrong: there are beautiful women out there who are not shallow and can love a man below them. My mother provides me with a priceless model of how a woman ought to treat a man.



She was the one who encouraged me to pursue the girl of my dreams when I was just a shy, socially awkward 16 year old in desperate need of a haircut.

My mother gave me the life that she herself never had the privilege of enjoying.

The youngest of 6 girls and a bitterly divorced mother, my mother's childhood was difficult to say in the least. Her father was out of the picture for the most part, and her mother my grandmother was the irresponsible type who never should have had children to begin with. That and she was mean and abusive, along with my mother's older sisters (with the sole exception of the oldest) who made her life a living Hell marked by panic attacks, anxiety, and things that would have drove me to suicide. But my mother never gave up.

And perhaps to her detriment, she has never once felt sorry for herself even when I wish that she would. She got pregnant with me at 15 years old, and contrary to taking the cowardly, infanticidal way out like so many girls before her via abortion, she opted to keep me, and strive to give me the life that she never had. From sleeping in my father's car to avoid her thieving heroine junkie of a sister to taking me to the park and spending what little money she had to purchase me McDonalds, my mother was selfless beyond belief. She always put me first.



I try to show her how grateful I am by purchasing her flowers like the bouquet above. The green symbolizes the Holy Spirit while the purple is the Crucifixion and the white the Resurrection. But I know that no flowers no matter how beautiful they may be can ever repay her for what she has done for me. She is the reason why I will get out of bed every morning, why I will go to work, why I will get that 4.0 GPA, why I will make my dreams a reality, why I will marry a sexy blonde woman, why I will put the blade down, and why I will face the world when I would much rather give up and flee.

I learned from my mother selflessness, and the value of putting others before yourself. She taught me that love is not merely a fleeting emotion like its secular bastardization via the Enlightenment, but that it is a conscious, self-emptying sacrifice whereby the recipient comes before the giver. Even when that recipient was a pedantic, ungrateful little poo poo who never deserved it. What St. Monica was to my patron St. Augustine of Hippo, so my mother is to me. The old adage that you will never meet a woman as good as your mother applies especially to me. She will always be #1 in my life.

code:
http://i.imgur.com/sjNqLFi.jpg


From his other posts:






https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPQ_Ac0uQr0
[/quote]

Quoting this entire thing because this guy is so pathetic it makes me simultaneously want to scream in rage and laugh until I cry.

HE'S HOVER HANDING HIS OWN MOTHER

though holy poo poo his mum is hot as gently caress

Cthulu Carl
Apr 16, 2006


Quoting this entire thing because this guy is so pathetic it makes me simultaneously want to scream in rage and laugh until I cry.

HE'S HOVER HANDING HIS OWN MOTHER

though holy poo poo his mum is hot as gently caress
[/quote]

Add her to the pantheon with Microwave's mom.

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
His mom is hotter than my wife

Kurtofan
Feb 16, 2011

hon hon hon

Calico Heart posted:

In uni I was at a girls place to "hang out???" and left at midnight and she literally had to text me after a couple minutes going "so wait, you're actually leaving?"

I'm a social retard but even I could crack the code of "you want to go to my place?"

Marijuana Nihilist
Aug 27, 2015

by Smythe
wish i could tell that dude he has a grade A MILF

Mr. 47
Jul 8, 2008

Well, I guess I'll just go fuck myself, then.

gently caress. marry. t-rex posted:

If she finds out pee comes out of my weiner, I'll never get through the friendzone...

I tried to maintain the illusion that I don't poop, but I live with my girlfriend and she does not always respect the barrier of a closed door.

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

Kurtofan posted:

I'm a social retard but even I could crack the code of "you want to go to my place?"

My issue was always that I wasn't sure what would be cool or not and I'd always be way to cautious in going for the kiss or pulling a move or whatever. I didn't mind asking people out but I was super afraid of coming off as pushy or something idk.

King Vidiot
Feb 17, 2007

You think you can take me at Satan's Hollow? Go 'head on!

Mr. 47 posted:

I tried to maintain the illusion that I don't poop, but I live with my girlfriend and she does not always respect the barrier of a closed door.

You see this door? Imagine how you'd feel if I went through this door to drop a deuce and never came back. And you'd never ever see me again. Did I fall in, did I climb out the window? Maybe I locked the door and strained my poo poo so hard I had an embolism and died, but you're too afraid to open it. The point is, I'm taking a poo poo and I'm never coming back. Now how do you feel? Just imagine it, just imagine the closed door.

Cthulu Carl
Apr 16, 2006

Mr. 47 posted:

I tried to maintain the illusion that I don't poop, but I live with my girlfriend and she does not always respect the barrier of a closed door.

Same but it was my girlfriend at the time's cat.

Fucker would just open the door and stroll right in and rub on my legs while I was busy taking the Browns to the Superbowl.

Mr. 47
Jul 8, 2008

Well, I guess I'll just go fuck myself, then.

Cthulu Carl posted:

Same but it was my girlfriend at the time's cat.

Fucker would just open the door and stroll right in and rub on my legs while I was busy taking the Browns to the Superbowl.

Well, I may have been a bit untruthful. I'm not allowed to close the door all the way, you see, because her cat scratches at a closed door. So I'll push it most of the way closed, the cat will open the loving thing right back up again, and she'll stroll in right as I'm trying to see a man about a horse.

Rags to Liches
Mar 11, 2008

future skeleton soldier


Moridin920 posted:

My issue was always that I wasn't sure what would be cool or not and I'd always be way to cautious in going for the kiss or pulling a move or whatever. I didn't mind asking people out but I was super afraid of coming off as pushy or something idk.

I'm still this way, actually. Fortunately the girl I'm with now finds it endearing enough to stick around, but it was a pain in the rear end growing up.

Mandator
Aug 28, 2007

i just got a date with a really really really cute girl for this sunday. way out of my league

already texting a lot since we exchanged numbers

i did good guys, stop being cynical and just appreciate the one person on this forum who is crushing puss on the reg

Mandator
Aug 28, 2007

also i got a handy from a fwb yesterday wtf my life is awesome!

i also am supposed to be at work right now but we are between projects so i'm working from home

and i have drugs

it's a good drat day

TehRedWheelbarrow
Mar 16, 2011



Fan of Britches

Mandator posted:

i just got a date with a really really really cute girl for this sunday. way out of my league

already texting a lot since we exchanged numbers

i did good guys, stop being cynical and just appreciate the one person on this forum who is crushing puss on the reg

psssht again with the leagues thing. but its ok investment banker dude I will cheer for you

:siren::toot::siren:

CrazyLoon
Aug 10, 2015

"..."

Mandator posted:

also i got a handy from a fwb yesterday wtf my life is awesome!

i also am supposed to be at work right now but we are between projects so i'm working from home

and i have drugs

it's a good drat day

:same:

Kurtofan
Feb 16, 2011

hon hon hon

Moridin920 posted:

My issue was always that I wasn't sure what would be cool or not and I'd always be way to cautious in going for the kiss or pulling a move or whatever. I didn't mind asking people out but I was super afraid of coming off as pushy or something idk.

i mean im the same, awkward and poo poo, but im alone with a girl late at her place, Im gonna ask.

Fat Shat Sings
Jan 24, 2016

Mr. 47 posted:

Well, I may have been a bit untruthful. I'm not allowed to close the door all the way, you see, because her cat scratches at a closed door. So I'll push it most of the way closed, the cat will open the loving thing right back up again, and she'll stroll in right as I'm trying to see a man about a horse.

I've never had a cat bother me, but my dog always waited until I was walking the brown mile to come and stare at me wanting to go outside. Like, look dog, I'm not even opposed to it but you really just get me at the worst time.

Mandator posted:

also i got a handy from a fwb yesterday wtf my life is awesome!

i also am supposed to be at work right now but we are between projects so i'm working from home

and i have drugs

it's a good drat day

don't forget to post the other half of your bipolar episode.

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

Kurtofan posted:

i mean im the same, awkward and poo poo, but im alone with a girl late at her place, Im gonna ask.

I mean like when you're already kissing and stuff, I feel super nervous about escalating and like going for the feel up or whatever. I mean I will now but back then I was terrified of her being like 'HEY WTF' and getting mad and storming off or something idk.

DragQueenofAngmar
Dec 29, 2009

You shall not pass!

Moridin920 posted:

I mean like when you're already kissing and stuff, I feel super nervous about escalating and like going for the feel up or whatever. I mean I will now but back then I was terrified of her being like 'HEY WTF' and getting mad and storming off or something idk.

:same:

NomChompsky
Sep 17, 2008

Pick posted:

also whoever mentioned making fun of dragon age 2: all my friends are allowed to make fun of dragon age 2 to their heart's content, even though it is the best video game ever

You know what pick we're friends now and that means I have to be honest with you because that's what friends do but here goes: while dragon age 2 was Fun, it was Lazy and they reused too many resources.

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY

NomChompsky posted:

You know what pick we're friends now and that means I have to be honest with you because that's what friends do but here goes: while dragon age 2 was Fun, it was Lazy and they reused too many resources.
I will simply never understand the appeal of that game.

Mandator
Aug 28, 2007

Fat Shat Sings posted:

I've never had a cat bother me, but my dog always waited until I was walking the brown mile to come and stare at me wanting to go outside. Like, look dog, I'm not even opposed to it but you really just get me at the worst time.


don't forget to post the other half of your bipolar episode.

I'M COMING DOWN

Mandator
Aug 28, 2007

it's not bipolar, i'm constantly going up or down from that dogfood

real pure poo poo

gently caress

Rabble
Dec 3, 2005

Pillbug

Fat Shat Sings posted:

I've never had a cat bother me, but my dog always waited until I was walking the brown mile to come and stare at me wanting to go outside. Like, look dog, I'm not even opposed to it but you really just get me at the worst time.

Dog probably thinks it's normal because humans tend to stand around and watch while their dogs take a dump.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

NomChompsky posted:

You know what pick we're friends now and that means I have to be honest with you because that's what friends do but here goes: while dragon age 2 was Fun, it was Lazy and they reused too many resources.

Both valid points. However, that was in large part due to its very short development cycle, where the short development cycle was a huge part of how it turned out so great. For example, if the game had more time for writing and editing, they probably wouldn't have had the scene with the "Tranquil Solution" where they draw a completely inappropriate parallel between real-life Jews and satanic wizards. Or the part where your whiny schizophrenic friend chastises you for dating anyone aside from him, while on a quest to collect bat droppings for him, which he will use to 9/11 a granny

Inquisition really lacked those moments.

Groovelord Neato
Dec 6, 2014


Moridin920 posted:

I mean like when you're already kissing and stuff, I feel super nervous about escalating and like going for the feel up or whatever. I mean I will now but back then I was terrified of her being like 'HEY WTF' and getting mad and storming off or something idk.

at that point you pull your dick out and when she stares at it you say "i didn't let it out for air"

Mandator
Aug 28, 2007

i got owned earlier and i'm still upset about it even though everyone moved on

glowstick party tonight
Oct 4, 2003

by zen death robot
hey guys what's going on in this th

Ratjaculation
Aug 3, 2007

:parrot::parrot::parrot:



mdm posted:

hey guys what's going on in this th

Close thread. Ban op

Pththya-lyi
Nov 8, 2009

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2020
One of my favorite MGTOW essays:

August Løvenskiolds, AVoiceForMen.com posted:


Eating while MGTOW: Buck buck chicken

The MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) lifestyle, ideally, involves both a real-world withdrawal of men from women and a reduction in the large excess of productivity by men necessary to support the pampering of women through the state’s taxation of men’s natural high productivity.

Men like me who choose this path may experience a decline in disposable income as we no longer strive to be the stripper pole of cash climbed by needy, seductive succubi eager to harvest us for our resources. But this doesn’t mean that MGTOW should be denied the gastronomic pleasures of preparing our own easy, affordable, and low-cost meals.

I go shopping for food once every two weeks or so. I eat out less than once a month – twice in calendar 2015 so far, and a woman paid for one of those meals.

Beef is quite expensive as I write this but chicken is cheap and in Dallas, I can buy a “family pack” (heh) of 7-9 boned (heh), skinless chicken breasts (heh) for less than 10-12 dollars US. I break them up into individual plastic freezer bags, carefully bleeding out as much air as possible before freezing them. I then have a fortnight’s worth of protein for the price of buying some crazy feminist harpy two sour apple martinis.

Now, the basic preparation of one of these frozen breasts is easy: remove from freezer and wrapping, plop onto a pan and place into a 450 degree Fahrenheit (about 230 Celsius) oven for about an hour or less.

While you are waiting, get on Twitter and give hell to any feminists you can find.

At the end of an hour you will find a beautiful, tasty (if a little dry) roasted chicken breast. Pair that with your favorite dipping sauce (teriyaki and chili paste for me), some veggie dish and a glass of cheap wine, and you are eating in a way Caesar would envy two thousand years ago.


Now, after a while, you can get more elaborate with seasonings, dipping sauces and side dishes but the basic idea is the same: low-cost, low work, and good, sensible food to keep you going on your latest online adventure.

I just polished off my latest variation on this dish. It is much more elaborate but adds a variety necessary to keep gastronomic things interesting.

First, before I removed it from the bag, I thawed the chicken breast. I picked a large breast because I intended to stuff it with butter and herbs.

I force-thawed the still-bagged chicken breast in a small container under a leaky faucet dripping slowly on top of it. It took about 50 minutes to thaw. Two twitter feminists screamed and blocked me while I was waiting. I then preheated the oven to 400 degrees (about 205 Celsius).

As I held the thawed breast gently, my knife made a small incision on the thickest side of it. I enlarged the incision with the blunt plastic handle of a small spatula until there was a tight canyon/cul-de-sac in the breast as far as I could force the probe without rupturing the other side of the breast.

I stuffed the resulting cavern in the breast with one smashed clove of garlic, several shards of frozen butter, and a fresh leaf of sage. Oregano, rosemary, or really, any herb you like can be used here.

I placed the stuffed breast in a 10-inch (25 cm) heavy aluminum pie pan with some frozen whole-kernel sweet corn. I put some pats of real butter, hot sauce, pepper and salt over the whole mess and baked them for about 40-55 minutes while I abused some more online feminists with logic.

And voilà. A feast of buttery baked chicken and sweet corn. Life is GOOD.

You can stuff the chicken with whatever you like before baking: ham & cheese, bleu cheese, leeks, olives (green and/or black), horseradish & apple – endless choices. No affirmative consent is needed. Ever.

A cheap, delicious meal – costing two to four bucks – and a nightmare for feminists.

Living well is sweet revenge.

(Source)

Yes, modern women just hate the idea of a man who can cook!

(BTW, I suggest that beginner cooks try one of the dishes from this video instead:

http://www.food.com/video/improv-chicken-138

Much tastier than unseasoned, un-thawed chicken. Your date will love it! :iamafag:)

Pththya-lyi fucked around with this message at 23:35 on Sep 1, 2016

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
there's no way goddamn Julius Caesar would be jelly of that sorry



just imagining some idiot mangling a breast by jamming in a blunt spat handle into it

Moridin920 fucked around with this message at 23:38 on Sep 1, 2016

Pththya-lyi
Nov 8, 2009

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2020

Moridin920 posted:

there's no way goddamn Julius Caesar would be jelly of that sorry

Also Caesar got laid

And the best part is that Amanda Marcotte wrote a response essay making fun of how loving proud Løvenskiolds is of his horrible bachelor "cooking," so the website added this post-script to the original essay:

quote:

Pub note: Apparantly, feminist douchequeen Amanda Marcotte was so PO’d by the idea that men might find her as useless as she is, that she actually took time to write an article about it on Pandagon, sending thousands of her readers here to get the same message.

Now that is what I call bang for the Buck Buck, here at AVFM, especially during our quarterly fundraiser.

Please help us help Amanda find equally important things from which to be offended. PE

Redjakk
Apr 24, 2007

cormano sigue siendo mi hermano
Fun Shoe
I met my current girlfriend through mutual friends. We hit it off right at the beginning but then she abruptly ceased contact for a while. A few months later she wound up talking to me again out of the blue and we started dating shortly after that.

Eventually I found out the reason she ghosted me for a couple months. A 'nice guy' coworker who had a crush on her made up some slanderous bullcrap about me. He got it backed up by another coworker who held a grudge against me because we were in the same group of friends and competing for the same girls for a while. Eventually she figured out they were both creeps who were full of poo poo and so she stopped hanging out with them got in touch with me again.

She invited me to a company party shortly after we started dating and 'nice guy' was there trying to glare a hole through my skull. He proceeded to get completely drunk and stay glued to us the entire time, clumsily hitting on the object of his affection to her pity and embarrassment. Eventually we get ready to head out and get some late night food. The buses have all stopped running by this time and she she asks me to give drunk, sad nice guy a ride back to his place. It's on the way to where we're going so I oblige. He spends the entire time describing how amazing his apartment is and then when we're getting to the last minute of the drive he starts literally begging her to go up to his apartment with him. She just turns silently away and nice guy has a Ralph Wiggum heartbreak moment. He gets out when I stop at the next traffic light a couple blocks away from his apartment and trudges wordlessly home.

Anyway, gently caress nice guys.

Also, gently caress guys that act like every female acquaintance they have is their own personal property.

NomChompsky
Sep 17, 2008

Pick posted:

Both valid points. However, that was in large part due to its very short development cycle, where the short development cycle was a huge part of how it turned out so great. For example, if the game had more time for writing and editing, they probably wouldn't have had the scene with the "Tranquil Solution" where they draw a completely inappropriate parallel between real-life Jews and satanic wizards. Or the part where your whiny schizophrenic friend chastises you for dating anyone aside from him, while on a quest to collect bat droppings for him, which he will use to 9/11 a granny

Inquisition really lacked those moments.

Inquisition's cadre of characters was the weakest of the three games.

snoo
Jul 5, 2007




drat right that chicken breast would be 'a little dry'

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Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

NomChompsky posted:

Inquisition's cadre of characters was the weakest of the three games.

IMHO the characterization is DA2's greatest strength. Unlike the generic power fantasy rpg where you have a cadre of the best [whatevers] in the universe, the prince of the whatevers and the high priestess of the whatever and the last of the whatevers, you instead have a bunch of loving losers who only seem to survive because one member of the group is responsible and another member is a master-class friend. Your friends do not turn out to have been competent diamonds in the rough by the end, either. they are big idiots and cause a ton of trouble, just like the bad man at the gate said y'all were. he said refugees were going to destroy the city and by god, you did

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