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tater_salad posted:Suck my dick you fuckman. same
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Sep 12, 2016 18:36
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henpod, I tried to PM you to offer support for your gf, but it seems like you don't have PMs. Just LMK (somehow?) if you need help finding a therapist who is a good fit, and I'm happy to speak with both or either of you on Skype, as a friend, not as a therapist.
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Sep 12, 2016 18:45
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Same, I'm here for your gf if she needs it. My name's Chad but she can call me Goku if that makes her feel better (it makes me feel better) For real though, I don't think there's anything bad about being nice, is just the level of kindness that matters. There's this shallow "niceness" that people do that they think makes them a good person. Like coddling someone instead of actually helping them. "Oh you don't need a diet, you're perfect!" Look how nice I am. Plus not caring about any "rewards" for being kind. And definitely not hanging your niceness above people's heads. There's also the creepy niceness where is convenient to do and matches your MO. Like "comforting" a girl because you really just want to touch her or see her. darkhand fucked around with this message at 19:02 on Sep 12, 2016 |
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Sep 12, 2016 19:00
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Zzulu posted:Shoulda hit that, Groovelord Neato she was out of my league too. plus i'm not into blondes.
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Sep 12, 2016 19:05
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her boyfriend got laid Groovelord, and all he had to do was drown himself.
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Sep 12, 2016 19:14
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henpod posted:I've been trying to get her to think about therapy...I think she feels that therapy would mean she is in fact crazy. I've said that it's really normal and loads of people do it to work through poo poo. We are both going to yoga tomorrow as she wants to try that, and then acupuncture. If those don't help, she's agreed to let me help find therapy of some sort. I can relate, I lost the lady I was going to marry to illness about 4 and a half years back and it really does leave some holes that broken rear end people could use to hook themselves onto you. Losing someone like that when you're both young feels pretty bizarre and it's super isolating since it leaves you with such a disconnect from your peers, and that leaves you even more vulnerable to predatory types. You often feel like you can't expose friends and family to the extent of your grief because you don't want to bum them out and be hard to be around, and it is hard for people to deal with, no question. Therapy, even in small amounts, is very helpful in that you can open up to a neutral yet sympathetic party without worrying about it affecting your relationship with them in the way that it would a partner or close friend. Personally, I only needed a few three quarter hour sessions to get most of the heavy stuff off my chest, although the amount of time needed to work it all out will probably vary significantly for different people. I know how she feels though, it's very hard to reconcile actually needing therapy with the self image of someone who has previously had no need for it. And I'm not normally someone to apply my own personal feelings and experience on matters to other people, but please let her know she's not alone in this experience, and there's no shame in seeking help in dealing with it. And things do get better, albeit gradually. And that guy is a turd, no question, for trying to use something like that as a vector for getting his ugly little dick in someone.
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Sep 12, 2016 19:20
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Groovelord Neato posted:that story reminded me of a friend of a friend who fell into the ocean and drowned while drunk and i felt bad because he was engaged to this girl and i had always thought she was way out of his league. i saw her on match a couple months after the guy went missing but never messaged her. sorry about your friend.  anyway i see a lot of people in here talkin' bout leagues and poo poo but check this out: if someone is dating someone else guess what they're "in each other's league" because the only measure of whether or not someone should be with another person is if they mutually decide to do so. alright glad we could put that dumb poo poo to rest for the remainder of the thread good job everyone.
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Sep 12, 2016 20:09
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Ratjaculation posted:her boyfriend got laid Groovelord, and all he had to do was drown himself. Does drowning retroactively mean you got sexed? henpod posted:I've been trying to get her to think about therapy...I think she feels that therapy would mean she is in fact crazy. I've said that it's really normal and loads of people do it to work through poo poo. We are both going to yoga tomorrow as she wants to try that, and then acupuncture. If those don't help, she's agreed to let me help find therapy of some sort. If she's absolutely dead set against therapy because of whatever hangups she has about it, she can probably avoid it as long as inbetween whatever other extra non therapy-stuff she's doing she's addressing things directly in some way, even if that's just talking to you or a friend about it. Having said that, after actually giving therapy a try she'll probably feel a lot better about it(it being therapy), therapists aren't going to treat their patients as if they're dismissively irredeemably nuts, and I highly recommend giving it a go in place of poo poo like yoga and acupuncture.
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Sep 12, 2016 20:19
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empirical, developed medicine is always going to beat ancient chinese secrets and stretching.
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Sep 12, 2016 20:46
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NomChompsky posted:empirical, developed medicine is always going to beat ancient chinese secrets and stretching. Ehhh, as a therapist I don't want to say our research base is *that* good. We're working on it, though.
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Sep 12, 2016 21:00
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okay fair enough but it's better than stretching right?
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Sep 12, 2016 21:01
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NomChompsky posted:okay fair enough but it's better than stretching right? Unless you stretching out that poosay know what I mean bro
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Sep 12, 2016 21:03
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NomChompsky posted:okay fair enough but it's better than stretching right? Well at least stretching should have *some* effect because something is actually happening. I'm not sure what the proposed mechanism of action of "ancient Chinese secrets" is though, the evidence base for acupuncture is dodgy as hell. That said, there are some studies of acupuncture. You can join us anytime in the pseudoscience thread to read takedowns of those.
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Sep 12, 2016 21:04
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NomChompsky posted:anyway i see a lot of people in here talkin' bout leagues and poo poo but check this out: if someone is dating someone else guess what they're "in each other's league" because the only measure of whether or not someone should be with another person is if they mutually decide to do so. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4mbxaa3XL8
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Sep 12, 2016 21:09
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WrenP-Complete posted:henpod, I tried to PM you to offer support for your gf, but it seems like you don't have PMs. Just LMK (somehow?) if you need help finding a therapist who is a good fit, and I'm happy to speak with both or either of you on Skype, as a friend, not as a therapist. Thank you so much - yeah I don't have plat but I am so touched for your offer to help. I will remember your username and find a way to get in touch. Gavrilo Princip posted:I can relate, I lost the lady I was going to marry to illness about 4 and a half years back and it really does leave some holes that broken rear end people could use to hook themselves onto you. Losing someone like that when you're both young feels pretty bizarre and it's super isolating since it leaves you with such a disconnect from your peers, and that leaves you even more vulnerable to predatory types. You often feel like you can't expose friends and family to the extent of your grief because you don't want to bum them out and be hard to be around, and it is hard for people to deal with, no question. Therapy, even in small amounts, is very helpful in that you can open up to a neutral yet sympathetic party without worrying about it affecting your relationship with them in the way that it would a partner or close friend. This is all so true. One of her greatest fears is being an emotional burden on those around her, and is especially afraid of pushing me away. I'm trying my best to be supportive but it can be difficult - I have no experience with this but I can see her getting better, until a trigger from her past brings it all back. Triggers like this nice guy who is a link to that trauma and can't let it go, because that's the only link he has with her. I realise this isn't E/N , didn't mean to hijack. Thanks a lot for listening. For content, if you guys are interested, I can transcribe the message he left her so you can get some pure unfiltered NiceGuy, good to the last sordid drop.
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Sep 12, 2016 21:14
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henpod posted:Thank you so much - yeah I don't have plat but I am so touched for your offer to help. I will remember your username and find a way to get in touch. henpod posted:This is all so true. One of her greatest fears is being an emotional burden on those around her, and is especially afraid of pushing me away. I'm trying my best to be supportive but it can be difficult - I have no experience with this but I can see her getting better, until a trigger from her past brings it all back. Triggers like this nice guy who is a link to that trauma and can't let it go, because that's the only link he has with her.
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Sep 12, 2016 21:19
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I tend to think of niceness as instrumental, and in that way neutral, where as kindness is an intrinsic characteristic and inherently good. I know people who are nice who are terrible people, which this thread tends to highlight in a specific way, and I know nice people who are very kind, it's not that closely related. Meanwhile, I also know people who are very kind who don't quite have the social finesse to appear nice. They tend to be my favorite.
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Sep 12, 2016 22:06
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Pick posted:I tend to think of niceness as instrumental, and in that way neutral, where as kindness is an intrinsic characteristic and inherently good. I know people who are nice who are terrible people, which this thread tends to highlight in a specific way, and I know nice people who are very kind, it's not that closely related. Meanwhile, I also know people who are very kind who don't quite have the social finesse to appear nice. They tend to be my favorite. Could you please share examples from fiction?
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Sep 12, 2016 22:45
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I don't know who the gently caress these guys are, but that lead singer is like a dead ringer for a guy I know. And the guy I know was a massive nerd who had serious Nice Guy Issues, but then he decided to start compensating by branching out and having other interests besides anime and video games, and he started exercising a lot like jogging every single day and he took care of his hair and general appearance and dressed well. Now he's like this super-handsome guy with chiseled features who's traveled the world and poo poo, except if you spend any time around him you can tell he's the exact same person. He's still super-neurotic and nervous, he still has serious issues with women and he's really possessive and jealous of anyone he dates.
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Sep 12, 2016 22:52
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So here's a transcript of what the emotionally manipulative Nice Guy sent my gf. For context of those just joining us, he is a 42 yr old man who has been in love with her for years and uses the death of someone she was likely to marry (who was also a friend of his) to maintain a link between them and feed into her anxiety and possible PTSD. Bear in mind this was about three days after she told him she was seeing me. At the time he promised her to try and accept it, move on and just be her friend, instead of pining for her. At that time I felt bad for him, because unreciprocated love hurts and it seemed he was really trying. Now of course I know hes an absolute gently caress and is dangerously fixated on her. 'Hi, uh. probably shouldn't message you. I had a friend suggestion on facebook. It was henpod, through *cousin*. I now know you weren't straight with me last weekend. For example, you hadn't discussed with me regarding that you were seeing henpod and that you were abroad together. I think its time to call it quits. sorry. i really adore, you're a fantastic woman but i'm so sorry. I realise that you have hidden the truth for some time from me for whatever reason. Goodbye.' Read that in a tone that is very hurtful and angry. That message made her cry and again knocked her into emotional instability again for a few days. Shes been putting up with this guy for years. I mean, Jesus Christ, this poo poo feels entitled to know everything about what shes doing and threw a tantrum so she gets worried about him and shows attention. I was so angry and had no idea this was the scale of it. I wanted to call him and tell him to disappear but as he is unstable she is worried he will do something drastic, so I have to leave it. But I have a much closer eye on this now that's for sure. Well, shes now deleted his number and if he gets in touch she will tell him that he needs to go away as he is damaging her health, and to leave her alone for a good long while until he's more stable and stops this bullshit once and for all. What a Nice Guy!! Cock.
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Sep 12, 2016 23:02
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He probably won't ever even understand what he did wrong. I mean honestly he probably did a good thing by breaking it off, but he made some weird twisted version of an excuse to do it (and tell her about it) That's what so weird about nice guys to me. The actions are not that far removed from normalcy, but the thing removed makes it so twisted
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Sep 12, 2016 23:16
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I've been on both ends of the spectrum as the guy with a crush on a girl I'm friends with who's not into me at the time, AND as the guy a girl thinks is hot who wants to mess around while some miserable plutonic "friend" is in the background somewhere cursing and grinding his teeth while she and I have rough, athletic animal sex with lots of grunting noises
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Sep 12, 2016 23:17
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Use his words against him, The alternative is some kind of no-contact/restraining order I guess, but he needs some kind of big "please go away forever"-type thing communicated to him.
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Sep 12, 2016 23:20
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henpod posted:So here's a transcript of what the emotionally manipulative Nice Guy sent my gf. gently caress that guy. Is getting a restraining order put on him possible? I'm not a lawyer, so I don't really know. Edit: Did not see the post above mine. My bad.
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Sep 12, 2016 23:26
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Diagnosis: irredeemable douchebag
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Sep 12, 2016 23:29
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You cannot get a restraining order with that. He would need to show up in person or threaten to at the very least. But he's not going to because he's a coward who preys on women who are vulnerable. Turn on the lights and the cockroaches scatter. Good riddance.
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Sep 12, 2016 23:31
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WrenP-Complete posted:Could you please share examples from fiction? Sherlock, from the hit British television series Sherlock
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Sep 12, 2016 23:37
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Stinky_Pete posted:Sherlock, from the hit British television series Sherlock Sherlock Holmes is an example of which type? Nice and Kind Nice and unkind Not nice and kind Not nice and unkind
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Sep 12, 2016 23:57
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lohli posted:Use his words against him, Humor is also curative. It fills my heart with glee when a girl is laughing it up at some dweeb who can't take a hint so we can laugh together. It shows trust between you, that you're not overprotective and that the prospect is laughable to her. I've been a pining idiot baby before, but you gotta know when to call it quits and not move on someone vulnerable. That's piggish and kinda sinister, really. The times when your SO relates something to you about "oh yeah, you know X? (some guy you met in passing at her party weeks ago) I told him we were together and he just started going on about how much better looking/athletic/smart he is than you and how I was 'leading him on' " is a time of delight, really. You get to be there when the manbaby sends her embarrassing texts, lovely prose, childish tantrums. It's so bizarre that it rarely occurs to a "nice guy" that their message could be seen by someone's friends/SO. Or maybe it does and they just think better of it. Stinky_Pete posted:Sherlock, from the hit British television series Sherlock
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Sep 13, 2016 00:26
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henpod posted:So here's a transcript of what the emotionally manipulative Nice Guy sent my gf. Look, I was a creepy nice guy for a good long chunk of my life and then it finally reached a crescendo and I ended up stalking a very good friend of mine. Ruined a decade long friendship. Deleting his number was a good step. Don't actually talk or respond to him at all. Even telling him to go away is still attention. If he does call, hang up, block the number. If he writes, have the post office bounce stuff from his address. If he shows up somewhere while you're out, leave. Just ignore the gently caress out of him. If you have to, get the law involved, but don't talk to the fucker. It probably took a good six months or so for me to punch myself out on being obsessed, but it certainly worked. I was manic the entire time, but I wasn't dangerous at least. I really wish I could go back in time and break my legs and then force myself to get therapy and take meds a few years earlier. Say levee, as the French say.
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Sep 13, 2016 00:50
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Lawrence Gilchrist posted:The white nationalist Richard Spencer was on vacation in Japan when he learned that Hillary Clinton was planning to give a speech about Donald Trump’s ties to the so-called alt right, and he was thrilled. “It’s hugely significant,” Spencer told me by Skype from Kyoto. “When a presidential candidate—and indeed the presidential candidate who is leading in most polls—talks about your movement directly, I think you can safely say that you’ve made it.” didnt he talk about how if the alt right won we would have grav trains with massive forrests and blond women cutting wheat, because he is loving re re who reads old nazi propaganda so he can go cummies.
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Sep 13, 2016 00:56
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Pvt.Scott posted:Look, I was a creepy nice guy for a good long chunk of my life and then it finally reached a crescendo and I ended up stalking a very good friend of mine. Ruined a decade long friendship. If someone had been open and honest with you about how lovely a person you were being, not in a "You are a huge rear end in a top hat jerk!" sort of way, but rather an outline of all of the weird and terrible poo poo you were doing and why it was bad for everyone sort of way, would that have made you realise you had been a poo poo person and set you on a path to change your ways or would it have been the trigger to blow your and/or someone else's brains out?
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Sep 13, 2016 01:04
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anyone here of denko, its the ultimate nice guy story and in sad pathetic way and its so loving sureal how deluded this guy is. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gw-ID3eMcEw&list=PLpNAl5zLZSMUcMfsUrHFGR_avA6Jql2bl just listen to all of it. henpod posted:So here's a transcript of what the emotionally manipulative Nice Guy sent my gf. she is doing the right thing, but it could set him off. prepare for a flood of texts and calls. Pvt.Scott posted:Look, I was a creepy nice guy for a good long chunk of my life and then it finally reached a crescendo and I ended up stalking a very good friend of mine. Ruined a decade long friendship. I have been there when i was in high school and little after. i did alot of stupid poo poo i regret because i was dumb rear end who was to blind by infatuation with weird nerdy girl. it only broke after said girl dated my best friend(and that was a loving drama mess) they broke up a week or so later and my best friend and i reconected and talked along time about it. apparently she was never worth it and was nuts(like legitimate mental issues and tons of family stuff). so i gave up and met other girls and had real experiences and got out of the whole "nice guy" poo poo (i was the man hating kind, not the woman hating kind) she married a dude in the UK and seems alot better now which is nice.
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Sep 13, 2016 01:05
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I kinda had the whole "as soon as you ask a girl out she either says yes or you immediately end the friendship" thing going on for a while in high school, but looking back at it it was because the first girl I asked out basically did that to me. We went from great friends talking/texting every day to her pretending I didn't exist just because I asked her out and let me tell you that fucks a guy up when you're in 9th grade and haven't really done the dating thing before. I basically assumed that's how it worked for years after that until I got turned down but the girl was chill about it so we stayed friends like normal people.
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Sep 13, 2016 01:15
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lohli posted:If someone had been open and honest with you about how lovely a person you were being, not in a "You are a huge rear end in a top hat jerk!" sort of way, but rather an outline of all of the weird and terrible poo poo you were doing and why it was bad for everyone sort of way, would that have made you realise you had been a poo poo person and set you on a path to change your ways or would it have been the trigger to blow your and/or someone else's brains out? Well, I'm not a terribly violent person. If I would've hurt anyone, it would have most likely been myself, by accelerating my already out of control drinking or making a big boy try at suicide. While it would have hurt a lot, yeah, I think it would have helped if my friends had all sat me down and told me to knock that poo poo off. The woman I was obsessed with is part of the same peer group that I've stayed in contact with for fifteen years now and they're all solid and loyal cats. They're people who I trust and listen to. I don't know if she ever really told anyone about it at the time, though. I've discussed it with a few of them, and it was pretty much the first they'd heard of it. I was honestly crazy at the time and so lost in my own poo poo that I didn't realize I was doing anything weird or bad. She's gone on and gotten married to a kickass dude, gotten a master's degree in psychology and now helps weirdos like me get better. While I was getting sober, I did the AA step of apologizing, so I sent her a letter. I didn't ask for a response, or forgiveness, I just stated my wrongs and what I was trying to do to redress them. (Meds, therapy and rehab) she got back to me eventually and said we were cool, so I drop her a line a couple times a year and like something on her Facebook once or twice a month. I'm not even going to try and get any of the closeness we once had back. I murdered that long ago. At least this story has a happy ending. 
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Sep 13, 2016 01:24
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WrenP-Complete posted:Could you please share examples from fiction? Uhhhh I don't normally think of these things in terms of fictional characters, but whammo blammo here it is Nice & Kind: maya fey Nice & Unkind: damon gant Not Nice and Kind: miles edgeworth Not Nice and Not Kind: manfred von karma
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Sep 13, 2016 01:47
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Pick posted:Uhhhh I don't normally think of these things in terms of fictional characters, but whammo blammo here it is Hey, so about that date, you gonna turn me down or keep playing with my heart over here?
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Sep 13, 2016 02:03
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Pvt.Scott posted:Hey, so about that date, you gonna turn me down or keep playing with my heart over here? Sorry, I had a human skull memory and my kokoro loving teleported back to Pine Town. ask me in a month
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Sep 13, 2016 02:14
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TV told us about what to do when there are bullies, or what things can be like when a new friend joins our existing group of friends. But one life lesson TV/Movie/video games don't tell you very often is that you can't always get what you want. The one you pine for may never be interested in you. I blame TV 
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Sep 13, 2016 02:28
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Nice & Kind: Aries, Taurus, Gemini Nice & Unkind: Cancer, Leo, Libra Not Nice and Kind: Virgo, Scorpio, Sagittarius Not Nice and Not Kind: Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces
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Sep 13, 2016 02:30
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