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breaking fast |
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Sep 22, 2016 16:18
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 00:21 |
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google THIS posted:breaking fast I am the one who Eggos
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Sep 22, 2016 16:18
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any BIG breakfast eaters itt? |
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Sep 22, 2016 16:19
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google THIS posted:breaking fast
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Sep 22, 2016 16:19
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which is what breakfast is actually a portmanteau of, so like, whoa |
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Sep 22, 2016 16:19
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The day I hit rock bottom was when I spent $750 on this giant box of primo count chocula instead of paying rent, but I fell asleep after one spoonful (because I was so hyped for breakfast I woke up to eat it at 4:30 AM) and by the time I woke up the rest of it had gone soggy. Had to just throw it out. Hi, I'm loquacius and I've been on two meals a day for 294 days now. It's a struggle to make it until noon sometimes, but all you can do is just take it one morning at a time. |
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Sep 22, 2016 16:23
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finding all your missing spoons hidden in your teen's room... that's when you know they have a real breakfast problem.
~sig~ |
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Sep 22, 2016 16:24
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~*
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Going to the big party with a keg o' waffles. |
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Sep 22, 2016 16:25
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*sees that clock reads 7:30 AM* Hell yeah, breakfast time motherfuckers. 7:30, eat cereal erry day! *reaches under table, pulls out big elaborately carved colored glass tube-like vessel full of milk and a baggie of stale Cap'n Crunch* *pours a small handful of Cap'n into a little bowl at the bottom of the tube, then breathes in through the other end so the cereal get sucked through the milk tubes into my mouth* awwww yeah crunch-a-tize me cap'n |
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Sep 22, 2016 16:28
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we were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the breakfast began to take hold, but it was hard to tell with the boxes of silverware rattling loudly in the trunk.
~sig~ |
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Sep 22, 2016 16:30
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*frantically tries to click on lighter to heat bent spoon full of sausage gravy* |
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Sep 22, 2016 16:32
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A Junji Ito comic about a guy who cooks himself in a giant toaster because he's obsessed with Frosted Strawberry Pop Tarts. |
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Sep 22, 2016 16:33
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FactsAreUseless posted:Where we're going, we don't need eyes to see the taste you can see. Dehumanize Yourself and Face to Biscuits |
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Sep 22, 2016 16:33
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Heartbroken 2Twice posted:we were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the breakfast began to take hold, but it was hard to tell with the boxes of silverware rattling loudly in the trunk. We had two boxes of Pop-Tarts, seventy-five K-cups of dark roast, five boxes of brown-and-serve Jimmy Deans, a salt shaker full of cinnamon-sugar, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored Trix, Fruity Pebbles, Lucky Charms, Froot Loops... and also a quart of maple syrup, a quart of half-and-half, a gallon of whole milk, a pint of raw pancake batter, and two dozen Eggos. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious breakfast collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the pancake batter. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of a batter binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon. |
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Sep 22, 2016 16:35
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FactsAreUseless posted:A Junji Ito comic about a guy who cooks himself in a giant toaster because he's obsessed with Frosted Strawberry Pop Tarts. this is my toaster! it was made for me!
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Sep 22, 2016 16:36
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in the midst of flashing strobes and techno beats a raver girl slips a fresh piece of jimmy dean into my mouth then kisses me, i can feel the sausage enter me, become a part of me, in a daze i slip my pacifier back into my mouth and lose myself in the music
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Sep 22, 2016 16:42
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Teenager: "mom, this is just raisin bran, not raisin bran crunch. I asked for the crunch" Mom: "I'm sorry honey but this is the one I could find. Maybe you can just have another half bowl, and that will make up for the crunch?" Teen: "NO, THE RAISIN BRAN ISN'T STRONG ENOUGH IF THERE'S NO CRUNCH! I CAN'T GET FULL OFF OF THIS, YOU DUMB BITCH!" *throws bowl against wall, grabs bookbah and storms out of hose to go suck go-gurt out of a strangers tube* Mom: *sobs* "Where did I go wrong?" |
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Sep 22, 2016 16:49
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Heartbroken 2Twice posted:we were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the breakfast began to take hold, but it was hard to tell with the boxes of silverware rattling loudly in the trunk. Business Gorillas posted:*frantically tries to click on lighter to heat bent spoon full of sausage gravy* ---------------- |
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Sep 22, 2016 16:53
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Choose lunch. Choose a snack. Choose a dinner. Choose a late brunch. Choose a loving big sandwich. Choose sous vide machines, food processors, gas barbeques, and electrical tin openers. Choose high carbs, low cholesterol and Vitamins A-E. Choose fixin's and smorgasbords. Choose a starter. Choose your entree. Choose kitchen rags and matching oven mitts. Choose a three-course meal on hire purchase at a range of loving restaurants. Choose GMOs and wondering what you ate on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, sprit- crushing cooking shows, stuffing loving junk food into your mouth. Choose grilling away at the end of it all, serving your kraut on a miserable plate, nothing more than an accoutrement to the smokey, spiced-up brats you cooked to replace your 'dogs. Choose your diet. Choose lunch... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose lunch. I chose somethin’ else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got breakfast?
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Sep 22, 2016 16:56
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Luvcow posted:in the midst of flashing strobes and techno beats a raver girl slips a fresh piece of jimmy dean into my mouth then kisses me, i can feel the sausage enter me, become a part of me, in a daze i slip my pacifier back into my mouth and lose myself in the music |
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Sep 22, 2016 16:56
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(Soap opera organ intro) Francine: It's over, Gerald. I'm leaving you. Gerald: What? What are you talking about? Francine: You said you'd stop. You promised me, and you promised the children. But I found hollandaise sauce on one of your shirts. Gerald: Francine! Darling, it was nothing! i'm in control! I can quit anytime I want! Francine: No, Gerald. I think you've Benedicted for a long time. I was just too blind to see it. (Dramatic organ outro. Francine storms out. Gerald, despondent, gets out a pack of English muffins and struggles to undo the twist tie with shaking hands) |
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Sep 22, 2016 16:57
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Jordan walked through the door of his home, having just left brunch with his friends. His mom is sitting at the kitchen table in her bathrobe, fuming. Before he even has a chance to take the satisfied look off his face his mother is up and storming towards him. "Where have you been? It's 11 in the morning, I have been worried sick!" Jordan's gaze falls to his feet, and he mumbles something, the only intelligible word being "friends" "Oh, and are these the friends that have been causing the school to send home so many warning letters about the dangers of a well cooked egg? Do you even know what an omelet does to your body? Oh my GOD, you're full right now, aren't you?!" Jordan suddenly feels a rush of something. Maybe it was sugar from the mini-box of golden grahams he gulped down on the way home, maybe it was just anger from his teenage hormones, but whatever it was caused him to snap, crackle, and pop. "gently caress YOU, I WISH MRS. BUTTERWORTH WAS MY MOM" |
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Sep 22, 2016 16:58
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I went to a music festival and thought everyone was looking for some lost friend of theirs named Jimmy. They'd walk by me and quietly say "Jimmy?"and I'd shake my head - no, I haven't seen him, sorry. When I told my friend about this later in the tent, they laughed at my innocence and told me the horrifying truth - these were breakfast dealers, selling warm slices of sausage to breakfast-addled festies at $10 a pop. I'm afraid after hearing this, I just couldn't enjoy the Pink Floyd Experience show that evening, and when they played Alan's Psychedelic Breakfast, the way the crowd cheered just made me sick. |
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Sep 22, 2016 17:12
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*walks up on friend passed out under a pile of Flutie Flakes boxes after running another marathon, a pair of trainers sticking out from beneath the pulsing mass, moving quickly with labored breathing* "..hit bottom yet? Let me help you."
paul_soccer12 posted:everyone in the idf must die |
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Sep 22, 2016 17:13
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*opens a tome stitched together from torn flesh and starts reading from the bloodied pages* Three eggs, dash of salt, four cracks pepper *the hooded cultists kneel and repeat* Two slice ham, quarter onion, dice it dice it *the cultists chant and an unnatural darkness fills the room, otherworldly whispers begin to swirl* Tablespoon butter, heat on high, watch it MELT. *the chanting becomes more frantic, the whispers growing louder. The head priests eyes roll back into his head and start weeping a black ooze, his voice suddenly going unnaturally deep* WHISK THE EGGS. LET THEM BOIL. ALWAYS HE STIRS. *the cultists on the floor abandon their chants and succumb to unholy urges. They start to thrash at each other. What was once a peaceful ceremony rapidly devolves into a cacophony of the screams of the dying* FOLD IN THE HAM, THE ONIONS, THE CHEESE. THY OMELETTE IS WESTERN AND FULL OF THINE BOUNTY. *nightmarish horrors tear into our reality. Tentacles and screaming faces ripple on the skin of the head priest* SLATHERRRRR *portals to the Rancheros dimension split open, causing salsa to flood into the room. The head priest explodes into sour cream. The ritual is complete.* Business Gorillas fucked around with this message at 17:21 on Sep 22, 2016 |
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Sep 22, 2016 17:16
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| Dylan and Eric ate breakfast every day. | |
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Sep 22, 2016 17:25
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misty mountaintop posted:Dylan and Eric ate breakfast every day. I heard they found custom Doom maps on their computers where you shoot bowl monsters with some sort of oatmeal gun *shudder* |
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Sep 22, 2016 17:34
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loquacius posted:I heard they found custom Doom maps on their computers where you shoot bowl monsters with some sort of oatmeal gun *shudder* what's worse, it was produced by some top dog breakfast suppliers to try to keep people hooked. they even gave it out for free in some of their packages. |
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Sep 22, 2016 17:39
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czr7Uoeu5sM
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Sep 22, 2016 17:44
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Sep 22, 2016 17:45
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Sep 22, 2016 17:47
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Sep 22, 2016 17:48
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the scene where jennifer connelly splits a giant breakfast sausage with another girl in front of a crowd so she can afford more hardboiled eggs was so hosed-up |
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Sep 22, 2016 17:50
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loquacius posted:the scene where jennifer connelly splits a giant breakfast sausage with another girl in front of a crowd so she can afford more hardboiled eggs was so hosed-up
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Sep 22, 2016 17:51
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me: honey I'm home! significant other, sitting over the edge of the couch, head in hands, weeping: what is this? *notions to table strewn with miniature frosted flakes boxes* WHAT IS THIS? me: Oh, oh god. I-I don't know. They came in the mail. Uh uh Dennis brought them for the camping trip this weekend so: you told me you grew out of it. you told me you were drinking spinach, drinking kale god damnit my mom warned me about this me: look look, I can't stop. It's going to sound stupid, but ...t-they bring out the tiger in me so: WHAT IF I DON'T LIKE THE TIGER IN YOU |
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Sep 22, 2016 17:53
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You set standards for yourself when scrambling eggs. You promise to only use whole milk, but then one day you find 2% in the fridge. it's okay, it's just a one time thing, right? wrong. you still try to get whole milk whenever you can, but at the same time that 2% goes to skim. it's terrible, it's not as good as you remember it being, but you use it anyway. "at least I'm using milk," you tell yourself "I'll never use anything but milk." but then times get tougher, money gets tighter, and before you know it you're sobbing as you pour from the Brita you couldn't even remember to refill from the morning before |
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Sep 22, 2016 17:59
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holy poo poo
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Sep 22, 2016 18:00
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what's the deal with eggo? it's not an egg! You can turn the tables, but your feet will still be under them |
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Sep 22, 2016 18:11
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two innocent teens download the "hot coffee and a cheese danish" mod, little knowing the nightmare world they are about to enter |
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Sep 22, 2016 18:23
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 00:21 |
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watches out the window until mom and dad's car pulls out of the driveway, hands shaking as I nervously light up a fat blintze |
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Sep 22, 2016 18:26
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