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Redrum and Coke
Feb 25, 2006

wAstIng 10 bUcks ON an aVaTar iS StUpid

Oh Jesus Christ...

WHY ARE YOU EVEN MAKING THIS UP?

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Dreddout
Oct 1, 2015

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.

Non Serviam posted:

Oh Jesus Christ...

WHY ARE YOU EVEN MAKING THIS UP?

Because they needed to type the sentence "Hillary Clinton is a boss bitch" obviously!

ElGroucho
Nov 1, 2005

We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane
Fun Shoe
I liked the dude better when he was a massive Trump troll, so this post had the opposite desired effect

Boywhiz88
Sep 11, 2005

floating 26" off da ground. BURR!

lmao. I know this guy.

Redrum and Coke
Feb 25, 2006

wAstIng 10 bUcks ON an aVaTar iS StUpid

Boywhiz88 posted:

lmao. I know this guy.

The driver?

Boywhiz88
Sep 11, 2005

floating 26" off da ground. BURR!

Non Serviam posted:

The driver?

The author.

Redrum and Coke
Feb 25, 2006

wAstIng 10 bUcks ON an aVaTar iS StUpid

Boywhiz88 posted:

The author.

How insufferable is he?
Even if the story is true, why would he think debating politics with a driver would be a good idea?

Boywhiz88
Sep 11, 2005

floating 26" off da ground. BURR!

Non Serviam posted:

How insufferable is he?
Even if the story is true, why would he think debating politics with a driver would be a good idea?

He's not insufferable at all. Politics runs deep w him. Also this is in NYC so he doesn't really care about running into the guy.

Joey Freshwater
Jun 20, 2004

Always playing with my meat
Grimey Drawer
Has he ever actually taken an Uber because you don't pay them directly...you just get out of the car at the end of the ride.

Redrum and Coke
Feb 25, 2006

wAstIng 10 bUcks ON an aVaTar iS StUpid

Joey Freshwater posted:

Has he ever actually taken an Uber because you don't pay them directly...you just get out of the car at the end of the ride.

Hahaha, holy poo poo, I missed that. Good catch

ibntumart
Mar 18, 2007

Good, bad. I'm the one with the power of Shu, Heru, Amon, Zehuti, Aton, and Mehen.
College Slice
Stupid as it is, I think "As I was paying him"="since/because I was paying."

Haifisch
Nov 13, 2010

Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!



Taco Defender

reddit posted:

Last Saturday my restaurant got raided during peak service. Helicopter overhead, super overkill. The restaurant I assistant-manage employs a tonne of foreign workers, and some plonker called in a malicious tip that we're employing an illegal immigrant as a kitchen porter. Cue like 15 immigration officers covering every exit, barging through while people are eating, demanding everyone stay exactly where they are and nobody leave.

Rewind to 8 weeks earlier: everyone, including the GM, is bitching about the new system I've signed us up for. Everyone's ID documents are centralised online (rather than just being flashed at us while we on-board them as new staff), and everyone's bank details and personal info are kept somewhere secure rather than on an untitled Google Doc spreadsheet. This online HR system (it's free but management still complained about 'wasting company time' to implement it) meant everyone setting up a profile online and taking precious minutes out of their days and getting everyone to do it was like pulling teeth, but it happened. I got called names, but I couldn't deal with the "system" we had so I took it on the chin.

Fast forward to cops gathered around our company computer, calmly reading through each ID document from the HR website. They thanked us for our time, apologised for the commotion, and asked if there was a back way to exit so they wouldn't upset our customers any further.

Now nobody complains.

tl;dr am an organisation freak, saved the day

Redrum and Coke
Feb 25, 2006

wAstIng 10 bUcks ON an aVaTar iS StUpid

They quietly left through the back door, and climbed to their helicopter.

Rockman Reserve
Oct 2, 2007

"Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Not that it's true either way but you realize that a helicopter overhead isn't dropping down immigration agents like the loving SWAT, right? Helicopters help them watch exits.

Furia
Jul 26, 2015

Grimey Drawer
Ok but why would you deploy a loving helicopter out of loving nowhere?

Can I just send out helicopters wherever by tipping the cops?

dordreff
Jul 16, 2013

Furia posted:

Ok but why would you deploy a loving helicopter out of loving nowhere?

Can I just send out helicopters wherever by tipping the cops?

They only start sending out helicopters when the restaurant's wanted level hits 3 stars

Proteus Jones
Feb 28, 2013



Furia posted:

Ok but why would you deploy a loving helicopter out of loving nowhere?

Can I just send out helicopters wherever by tipping the cops?

If you live in LA and tell ICS that there's a sweatshop filled with illegal immigrants, sure.

FrozenVent
May 1, 2009

The Boeing 737-200QC is the undisputed workhorse of the skies.

Furia posted:

Ok but why would you deploy a loving helicopter out of loving nowhere?

Can I just send out helicopters wherever by tipping the cops?

American law enforcement loves their choppers.

Pipistrelle
Jun 18, 2011

Seems the high horse is taking them all home

Furia posted:

Ok but why would you deploy a loving helicopter out of loving nowhere?

Can I just send out helicopters wherever by tipping the cops?

One time a guy jumped the fence into our apartment complex, probably to steal bikes and stuff from the garage. He scared one of the tenets while in there and the police were called. The front office told us to be on the lookout for him and when I went out onto the balcony to water some plants, I saw the dude jump the fence to the business next door. He climbed on top of the roof but I couldn't see him after that, so went down, told the cops, and assumed that would be about it. Like 5 minutes later, 6 cops showed up and started up to the roof. My boyfriend noticed a helicopter, but I was like naw, that's probably just weather or traffic helicopter. Nope, it started circling the building and shining this huge light onto the roof of the business. So yeah, I can see the cops just waiting to bust out a helicopter to go gently caress up some immigrants.

The business was also a pharmaceutical company, so maybe that's why, but it still seemed a bit over the top for some dude stealing bikes.

Ein cooler Typ
Nov 26, 2013

by FactsAreUseless
which tenet did he scare

"thou shalt not steal" ?

Pipistrelle
Jun 18, 2011

Seems the high horse is taking them all home

Ein cooler Typ posted:

which tenet did he scare

"thou shalt not steal" ?

Haha tenant, it's early.

hyperhazard
Dec 4, 2011

I am the one lascivious
With magic potion niveous
Sean Hannity is such a badass.

Danaru
Jun 5, 2012

何 ??

hyperhazard posted:

Sean Hannity is such a badass.



Woah, Krav Maga AND sticks? this guy's way too badass for me

Redrum and Coke
Feb 25, 2006

wAstIng 10 bUcks ON an aVaTar iS StUpid

Danaru posted:

Woah, Krav Maga AND sticks? this guy's way too badass for me

He knows firearms.

chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

Pipistrelle posted:

One time a guy jumped the fence into our apartment complex, probably to steal bikes and stuff from the garage. He scared one of the tenets while in there and the police were called. The front office told us to be on the lookout for him and when I went out onto the balcony to water some plants, I saw the dude jump the fence to the business next door. He climbed on top of the roof but I couldn't see him after that, so went down, told the cops, and assumed that would be about it. Like 5 minutes later, 6 cops showed up and started up to the roof. My boyfriend noticed a helicopter, but I was like naw, that's probably just weather or traffic helicopter. Nope, it started circling the building and shining this huge light onto the roof of the business. So yeah, I can see the cops just waiting to bust out a helicopter to go gently caress up some immigrants.

The business was also a pharmaceutical company, so maybe that's why, but it still seemed a bit over the top for some dude stealing bikes.

From everything I know of American law enforcement, I'm 99% sure that you see poo poo like helicopters and armored cars and battering rams getting deployed for no reason other than the officers think it would be badass and they need an excuse to use their toys.

Furia
Jul 26, 2015

Grimey Drawer
Well I stand corrected I guess

Legit didn't know how easy it was... thanks

TheShrike
Oct 30, 2010

You mechs may have copper wiring to re-route your fear of pain, but I've got nerves of steel.

Furia posted:

Ok but why would you deploy a loving helicopter out of loving nowhere?

Can I just send out helicopters wherever by tipping the cops?

Have you never watched Goodfellas

Tunicate
May 15, 2012

dordreff posted:

They only start sending out helicopters when the restaurant's wanted level hits 3 stars

This is why you pay for shill reviewers on yelp

Bonster
Mar 3, 2007

Keep rolling, rolling
I hate that man just for the "some plonker" line. If you're American, there is no natural way to use "plonker".

sweeperbravo
May 18, 2012

AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)
Maybe to describe a torpedo-like, splashing turd, but otherwise I agree

CannedMacabre
Jul 6, 2007

In space, no one
can hear you fart.
I would think a plonker would be less torpedo like and more amorphous and uncomfortably shaped. Certainly accompanied with a surprising amount of backsplash.

BrigadierSensible
Feb 16, 2012

I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

hyperhazard posted:

Sean Hannity is such a badass.



I also know those words. Does this make me as cool and/or tough as Monsieur Hannity?

jesus WEP
Oct 17, 2004


hyperhazard posted:

Sean Hannity is such a badass.



Jui Jitsu? But he already said Krav Maga :confused:

Khazar-khum
Oct 22, 2008

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:
2nd Battalion
Suck

quote:

This troper is a rare Real Life example of this trope, with the unfortunate exception that I cannot remember it all, and I can't voluntarily remember something at the expense of something else. I can tell you what kind of shirts were on sale at the Gap when I passed it, but I can't get a decent score on a history test. Blessed With Suck, indeed.
Another Real Life example: this troper, in addition to above-average declarative recall, has a frightening memory for mundane details, most notably license plates. (I wish I was making that up.) That little quirk scared the snot out of my best friend several years ago when I warned her that she was about to try unlocking the "wrong" car in a parking lot, this car being the same make, model and color as hers but the wrong license plate number. Of course, she had gotten new plates the week before.
And another Real Life example, this troper is able to spot very small things and minute details at great distance, even at a glance. In one instance he picked out the design on a small package (5X3 cm/2X1 inches) he had been looking for for quite some time, by incidentally glancing towards it, clear across a crowded supermarket (app. 50 meters/160 feet out). Also, he can consciously use this to a 'zoom-effect', magnifying details for inspection in his mind. Talk about zoom-eyes...


Work

quote:

This Troper has been able to perform this on occassion, but it is usually something he has to intentionally do. Picking up on accents, bumper stickers, jewelry, hair styles and other things can reveal a lot about someone. But he has also noticed that you have to have the required knowledge to associate such observations. After a few years with various jobs and observing others work habits, he was able to predict a new co-worker not lasting long because of his lack of a strong work-ethic, self-idolizing and flirtatious behavior. Sure enough, he eventually left after a sexual harassment complaint.


Robot

quote:

This Troper was walking down the hallway of his high school when without warning, a large robot of the kind used in battlebots zoomed around the corner before stopping about a foot away, with no operator visible. While it was unarmed and was basically a large wedge on wheels, it had enough raw power that it could go a at a jogging pace even with a person standing on the damned thing, which made its sudden and unlikely appearance rather disconcerting.


Class

quote:

Beat this - in a now infamous Year 13 (17-18 year olds) Advanced English class at this troper's old high school, after watching the David Mamet film Oleanna (which depicts feminists as conniving and destructive), the teacher led the whole class in convincing the then-Head Boy to break up with his girlfriend (who went to another school in the area) of a year-and-a-half. In class. Live over the phone. While the students shouted "Break the shackles!"


School

quote:

This troper's entire school took a day off to see Star Wars Episode I when it was released. We showed up at school, bussed to the theatre, watched the movie, and that was it for the day - everybody went home. Not for any particular reason, either. The principal was a big Star Wars fan, apparently.


Books

quote:

Oh you guys.. I read a textbook on psychology... in the summer between elementary and middle school.. and understood all the concepts.
In this school year, I've read, so far, 11 Michael Crichton books, the first 7 books of the Discworld series, Nation, Exodus (1000+ pages) THHGTTG (I read it once a year during November, don't ask why. The five book and one story compilation, not the first book in the series), about 20 books from the school library from 100 to 700 pages, all the books in the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series, 1984, a book of 3650 jokes ranging from awful to "I might giggle if nobody is around", the Artemis Fowl Series (just to check out Eoin Colfer, who is now writing another HHGTTG book. He's pretty good.) and about six books in the Xanth series. So... before you guys say, "LOLOLOLOL I read a 700 page book in a week" consider that in the space of three months of school I've read what amounts to probably from 10 to 20k pages of books (I'm estimating around 12k). I also read each of the Harry Potter books in one day upon receiving them.

System Metternich
Feb 28, 2010

But what did he mean by that?


This amounts to about 150 pages (of mostly YA novels) per day. Truly, those 700-pages-a-week losers should tremble in the face of such awesome reading prowess!

Furia
Jul 26, 2015

Grimey Drawer

Hey guys, let me tell you about the time I was in school and then nothing loving happened

Tritanomalicious
Mar 14, 2008

A dog, A barrel... RIDICULOUS!
Among the most depressing brags I've ever seen.

BgRdMchne
Oct 31, 2011

LITERALLY A BIRD
Sep 27, 2008

I knew you were trouble
when you flew in

Khazar-khum posted:

quote:

Also, he can consciously use this to a 'zoom-effect', magnifying details for inspection in his mind. Talk about zoom-eyes...

Oh gently caress off.

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Blurred
Aug 26, 2004

WELL I WONNER WHAT IT'S LIIIIIKE TO BE A GOOD POSTER

hyperhazard posted:

Sean Hannity is such a badass.



Serious question: does knowledge of these disciplines really transfer into the ability to defend oneself properly in an actual fight situation? I know it's a common stdh trope to have a 5'2" /110lb dude beat off a bunch of bullies with his highly cultivated kung fu skills, but is there any truth to that at all? I mean, if you're a krav maga guru then you can probably handle yourself just fine, but is there any evidence the knowledge gained in these courses actually translates into a real ability to defend yourself in a spontaneous fight situation?

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