JigglyPuff posted:

Context -discussing a twitter account dedicated to the memes created by an AI programme.

Bitter Mushroom posted:

the best posters bury their thoughts, their true feelings, they suppress their very humanity in order to shitpost like this. we never stood a chance

big duck equals goose posted:

if I was a woman I would just lay naked face down, rear end up in a seedy lesbo bar and get hosed all day every day in all holes

Morkyz posted:

Yeah, I guess if I were a woman I'd probably take after my mom, too.

Dr. AA Hazredstein posted:

Oh, my God, I can't handle all these amazing forums quotes you're all posting!

purple death ray posted:

so humans can reproduce asexually!

Big Centipede posted:

I hate when the shower gets my burrito all soggy

Subjunctive posted:

True, but the post said "before work".

Aaron Burr posted:

Because the Republican party is full of rich dudes named "Fred" and whenever anybody mentions 'gay rights' the Freds think back to that spring afternoon in the Choate locker room when the freshman with the floppy hair and the blue eyes slipped a hand under the Freds' towel and gave the Freds a little smirk and said "just relax" and for just one minute everything was glorious and after that the Freds went on to jobs they hated and wives, ditto, and after twenty years they saw in the paper where the blue-eyed freshman was an ACLU attorney dying of AIDS who became free in all the ways the Freds couldn't and nothing, nothing, nothing pisses the Freds off like reminding them of that beautiful spring day at Choate.

Outrail posted:

Dr. AA Hazredstein posted:

Oh, my God, I can't handle all these amazing forums quotes you're all posting!

Blind Sally posted:

Outrail posted:

Dr. AA Hazredstein posted:

Oh, my God, I can't handle all these amazing forums quotes you're all posting!

Solice Kirsk posted:

Blind Sally posted:

Outrail posted:

Dr. AA Hazredstein posted:

Oh, my God, I can't handle all these amazing forums quotes you're all posting!

Hector Beerlioz posted:

"Errgfherrhergggerrge ge grg"
-Bob Dylan, Nobel Laureate

Breetai posted:

loving look at that preview image. Look at that sad shambleman on the left. Just loving look at him and let that image seep into your brain.

Sad little babyman. Pouty little flabgut. This is the face of 'momma always said I was a handsome boy; it'll happen eventually, I'm a late bloomer! This is the face of NEET. This is not so much a citizen of the world as lord and master of the basement and crawlspaces. When Roberts poo poo, he eats. Looking at him lets you know, with perfect clarity, exactly why escapism is his #1 choice of activity. But he can't find a rope strong enough, so he'll escape his life with a video game. He's the Sad Little Engine whose motto is "I know I can't, I know I can't." His shirt reminding everyone who looks upon it to twitch is staggeringly redundant. He is the 'before' picture of a penis pump advert. It's like Hans Moleman hosed Ralf Wiggum. Not the offspring or amalgam of such a union, mind; he's just as awful as the concept of Hans Moleman loving Ralf Wiggum. I'd say it looks like a case of arrested development, only what life did to his development wasn't an arrest, but rather would cause riots in Ferguson.



Guy in the bowtie's a oval office, too.

Greatbacon posted:

Try wrapping it in plastic first, works wonder for my poptarts!

The MSJ posted:

nerdz posted:

I believe this is a more accurate portrayal of the rigged debate:

Greatbacon posted:

Try wrapping it in plastic first, works wonder for my poptarts!

Snapchat A Titty posted:

cans are making pretty big inroads cause nobody wants to lug around the weight of the beer in glass on top of the beer itself

a couple decades ago they tried launching plastic beer bottles but people hated them cause you can't toast properly. not that you can with cans either but i guess times they are a-changin

Smythe posted:

cans are making inroads? what the gently caress are you tlaking about?? the can was inventd in 1810

Smythe posted:

Grodimir Ikanovsky or whatever in some frozen clog country: you ever heard of this?? *holds up a can*
Vlad: vot... ??? ??
Grodimir: its called Can
Vlad: bjorkinadeneer iikjag
Groddy:
Jesse, Jan, Lars, and Gijs:

Uncle Boogeyman posted:

*watching 9/11 footage on TV, picks up telephone*

"Hey, Zack, it's your cousin Marvin! Marvin Snyder! You know that new style you're looking for? Turn on channel 7!"

general anime posted:

kuddles posted:

I believe in the power of Jesus because he saved my life. Like every single young man, I had the overwhelming and insatiable desire to commit sodomy numerous times with other men. Thankfully, through years of prayer, shock therapy, and relatively few slip-ups (eight months without sinning!) I made the lifestyle choice that is right for me and settled down with a wonderful woman and had three kids. Sure, each and every time we make love I have to close my eyes and think of those filthy thoughts with other males in order to reach completion and that makes me resent her internally sometimes, but the point remains that Satan has lost this battle.

Evilreaver posted:

a man falls through the earth and into wayne county sherrifs department. taking a torch from the wall he spies row upon row of policemen. grasping the nearest by the shoulders, he shakes it madly, yelling “my nigga does my meth have zika?!"

Sanguinary Novel posted:

I'd pretend to be surprised that an article had the gall to tell men to teach women about their own bodies, but then I just look at Congress

naem posted:

Inzombiac posted:

One if my former friends hung out with the local Rocky Horror stage group for a while and dragged me

Karate Bastard posted:

I didn't know you could use that as a transitive verb.

1337JiveTurkey posted:

I was catching up on the thread sick with a fever when I impulsively bought my first and last big red custom title and instantly regretted it.

I'm almost certainly not who anybody was expecting and I was tempted to just slip away into the night causing further harm to the community by opening more likely posters to recriminations. I'd try to offer an explanation why but I'm afraid that I'll turn it into a defense when nothing about it was defensible. Whatever justification existed only in my mind at the time and was very, very wrong. The text was an attempted reference to a previous thread but "clever" racism is just everyday racism with an extra bit of the idea that I'm better than other people.

Everything about the title caused very real pain to other posters. It referenced a very dark portion of America's history in a way intended to cause as much harm as possible. That was wrong and only furthers the continuation of white supremacy. I can't deny that I intended to cause that pain and specifically because of the words of a black man on race. This harm goes beyond the forums themselves and causes people of color to doubt their ability to speak up both here and elsewhere. It creates fear of retaliation from racists—like me—who don't like what they have to say and drags our country backward when we desperately need to be going the other direction.

Since I spent money to do that, I felt that the least I could do is spend money to try and heal the damage at least somewhere. This is a bit presumptive on my part but I made a donation to the NAACP in honor of gfsincere in hopes that it goes to educate other people like myself. I'll send gfsincere the text of the confirmation email rather than waving it around like some sort of paid indulgence.

In the end all I can say for myself is that I hope that I will be less racist tomorrow than I was today and I apologize to everyone affected for everything that I have done and promise to never do it again.

Sincerely,

1337JiveTurkey

ArfJason posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnXyWnX8G6g

Luvcow posted:

BYOB Halloween 2016: I'm still trying to get my poo poo together enough to make the dog wear some toilet paper or something for the costume contest

Hemingway To Go! posted:

Beezle posted:

You're driving me bananas mate

Rough Lobster posted:

Arctos posted:

In the thumbnail it looks like a furious banana golem

LORD OF BOOTY posted:

does anyone have the story of the guy who drained his rear end cyst with a shop-vac

quote:

I've had a boil on my taint for a few days and its been bugging the gently caress out of me. It hurt to sit, it hurt to poo poo, it hurt to do a lot of things.

I tried scrubbing the area with alcohol, and then poking a pin through it, but it wasn't working. First squatting over a mirror and then propping the mirror up on a hamper full of dirty laundry.
I tried the boiling bottle technique, but I don't think I was patient enough.

So, today I had a great idea. I got out the antiseptics, and disinfectants, and the alcohol, and the vacuum. Its a Hoover wind tunnel since someone will ask.

The first shot I didn't quite get it centred where I wanted it but it was still over the mark. Even though it was on that spot for maybe half a second there was still evil juices flowing from my taint. When I got it centred properly, and left it for several seconds I could practically feel the magic as the juices were flowing from my body and into the vacuum hose, coating the inside of it. I'm going to have a hard time making my vacuum not look like a crime scene. But relief is upon me!!!

Haier posted:

LOL, I like how she couldn't edit out the nose bridge mole in the glasses pic, so she left it like nobody will notice (or the fact that she's suddenly a brown skin tone).

She's 18. Most people are half or fully retarded until like 25. I imagine she thinks she's giving off this look like "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease talk to me. I am soooooo sad and in need of you, whoever you are." I would swipe right and tell her free hugs at my house after 10pm.


My latest Tantan stories: Old Lady Edition -

New strategy - Swipe right as fast as possible and do twitch judgments. If my eyes don't immediately recognize a symmetrical and/or non-huge head or face then I swipe left. I barely even know what anyone looks like, and I don't remember who I match with.

Old Lady 01:
I matched with this cute older lady (45). We get to Wechatting (since she didn't speak English and Tantan has no translation) and she said she's looking for a serious boyfriend her age, and knows no young man such as myself would ever want that with her. I agree. She said I was handsome, so she wanted to keep talking. Calling me handsome while you're that old means you've solicited a dick pic from me. She's surprised and says she has to go.

A few hours later she's back like nothing happened. She tells me she has a daughter and wants her to do well in school. She asks if I can tutor the daughter for an hourly rate. I ask her what her rate is, even though I have no interest. She say 80 is all she can afford. Less than $12 USD per hour. She's a single mom, divorced, and she works a lot in her company and just wants her daughter to do well in school. She asks if she can pay me with sex, because she wanted to ask if I can be her "young man lover" anyway, and figures it would be a win-win situation. I LOL. She said she thought about that photo I sent her and wants to "sit on."
No resolution with her. Status still on-going. Not sure I want to try a cougar because she lives like 4km away and I am too lazy. Chinese moms are weird.

Old lady 02:
She's 47 and she looks really good for it. She's a TCM doctor and lives and works across the street (like diagonally about 200-300m). She's married, but at some point in their marriage while she was raising the kids the husband got a side-girl pregnant. She was ok with that because in her words "older Chinese don't see this kind of thing as a reason to divorce. Life is too short to worry details." But she worried details when the side-kid showed up one day because Ba wanted the kid to live with them. This meant Side-mom popping in from time to time. So my match left home many years ago and only goes back once per year to see her own kids. Still not a good enough reason to divorce, apparently. She said he's been screwing around the whole marriage and it's time for her to get a lover too. She's said she'll never live with him again anyway.

So we're talking. I explained myself, sent a dick pic, she complimented me, and then out of nowhere she asks if I was thinking of marrying a Chinese woman. I said no. She sent me a photo of a very cute girl. I asked who. It's her daughter. She thinks I would be a good match. This is AFTER she's seen my dick pics and I've said some filthy things to her. She's trying to hook me up with her (very attractive) daughter. Now I'm embarrassed.
I talk her down from this idea and tell her she's across the street and so close to me. She accepts and stops talking about it. We talk more and some days go by. Even though she's a TCM doctor, she never talks about it or tries to correct me about anything, not even hot water. Tonight she told me she has a young coworker that might be interested in me. I tell her this is too weird to have dirty talk with an old lady and then her trying to get me to dick her friends. She apologizes.
No resolution. Didn't meet her yet, but probably by next week. I still feel weird, not sure if I am up to banging an old lady this year.

Young girl 01:
Matched with me and when I asked her what reason she was using Tantan (friend, boyfriend, lover, etc) she said her friends told her it's a friendship app and it seems too strange that people would consider a relationship or sex with someone from the internet. I tell her it's normal and not very complicated. She tells me Chinese girls don't do this. I say she's naive. She tells me to go back to America and find an American girl, because this is China and I am in the wrong place for such behavior. I Unmatched her.

Young girl 02:
20 or 21-year-old college girl. She told me one story about herself, living with her family, strict life, not much freedom or time, just wants friends and can't think of boys at her age. We talk more and by the second day everything has changed. She lives by herself, she's busy with school but free every night, and "if you keep making me laugh I might fall in love with you." LOL, kid moves fast, she must be very stable. We do a voice call and I'm telling her all this stuff and then after like 10 minutes of me saying stuff to a girl I think is alone, I hear a giggle that doesn't sound like her. "Who else is in the room?" "It's my best friend. She's sleeping here tonight." "She can hear me?" "Yes, she can hear everything." "HELLO!!! MY NAME A COCO" "Cocoa?" "COCO!"

Coco smokes cigarettes. If she smokes, she pokes. I ask for Coco's photo and get it. I tell Coco to come to my house. Two girls giggle. I tell them both to come to my house and sleep in my bed tonight. The line goes silent for a moment. Coco replies "I HAVE TO WC." She comes back and I ask if they are both virgins. They tell me to guess and I said "You are, but Coco isn't because she smokes." They giggle and tell me I am wrong, both are not virgins. I was concerned about that, TBH.
Anyway, I was trying to get a date with Cocoa, but the original girl cockblocked me because she wants to come to my house to "learn English." She says guys her age are too immature and irresponsible and guys my age are much better, so she wants to try an Uncle instead of a Boy. She said if she decides she wants to be my lover, she will ask me to be her uncle. I can't stand these cultural terms at all.

To be continued.

Pirate Radar posted:

It's like watching a raccoon break into a supermarket. I can't believe this is happening but I respect that he's having the time of his life.

Crocoswine posted:

value-brand cereal posted:

Boosted_C5 posted:

Patriot James O'Keefe revealed today what we all knew to be true - it is in fact the Democrats who are not only committing property and personal violence against Trump supporters, but also instigating violence at Trump events as well.

We have the human right to defend ourselves. Be viligant, be ARMED, and respond with appropriate force to Hillary's goons. Don't risk getting beaten to death, don't risk your wife and child getting beaten to death, be prepared to subdue Demonrats with force.

Stay safe out there.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Captain_Maclaine posted:

MOD NOTE

Do not incite political violence, especially in such a Freeper-esque fashion.

texasmed posted:

boosted wasnt inciting violence you loving idiot. he said to defend yourself if you get attacked which any american is free to do without fear of legal repercussion.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Leper's Coloney posted:

PROBATION 10/17/16 09:44pm texasmed He's coming right for us!! User loses posting privileges for 1 week. zen death robot zen death robot

Shine posted:

value-brand cereal posted:

Taciturn Tactician posted:

Is this the same goon who talked on an app to the Chinese woman who was a masseuse and gave handjobs or are there a lot of goons in China with weird views on women who post appchat trip reports?