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Tijuana Bibliophile
Dec 30, 2008

Scratchmo

I.N.R.I posted:

I'll read all these 10000 word long posts later. in the mean time, I want to remind everyone to call or visit their parents wherever possible. They raised you with love and care and would like to hear about the things you're getting up to in life

I called them and daddy said if I can't shut up about that space citizen thing I'm not welcome home for christmas

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intardnation
Feb 18, 2016

I'm going to space!

:gary: :yarg:

Crazy_BlackParrot posted:

god drat these loving people

32 gig lol.

looks like a wank pod to me.

Thoatse
Feb 29, 2016

Lol said the scorpion, lmao
I think it's just a key to unlock a wankpod.

Gradis
Feb 27, 2016

GAPE APE
woohoo 4-4

In the last 500 years, the Fourth Stimpire has dominated four systems, which it has united into one starzone, Stimsis. The Fourth Stimpire has origins from the Ten Empire War in which 10 of the United Stimpires revolted against each rules. All empires except for the fourth swore freedom upon their citizens. There is no free speech in the Fourth Stimpire, and all self-controlled transportation has been made illegal without undergoing painful medical verification methods, in which arteries are severed without pain resistant, operated entirely by machines. The way they work claim to be the most hygenic and healthy way possible, but these machines often rub against pain points, causing great deals of pain to patients. The heart is then extracted from the body and placed into a glass grinding machine. Various energy centers are also dissected and replaced with dangerous transplants. After the painful, 52 hour surgical procedure, patients will then have to use a fused guidance tool, which pumps painful resistors into the body every 2 hours. The pain they have caused is so bad, the victim would freeze in a tense position. They would then collapse afterwards.

Sexual stimulation in any way within the grounds of the Fourth Stimpire is strictly prohibited, and anyone detected even touching their sexual organs will be subjected to a penectomy or if the offender was a female, they would then have a razor inserted into their ovaries. They would pump a blue solution into the womb until the stitchings burst. Offenders would also be forced to show their operated areas in public, and they would always harass and punch them to a pulp, against their will.

Otherwise, offenders would be tazed with the worst type of electricity in the systematic district, causing so much pain, the victim would scream and flail in madness. The pain would also triple every second, but no death would be incurred. This is also used in combat against enemy units, which is why all UEE forces must wear the upgraded suit to block this effect.

However, enertainment is also questionable in UEE grounds. Sporting events end with the losing team being rounded into a grinder and shredded on live television, boxing matches end with the loser having their hands removed without anasthesia, flight races would end with the losers having their arms and legs removed, then being injected with insanity, for entertainment. People are also forced into these events, by undergoing a painful 127 hour procedure which involves tweaking the muscles so they will not listen to brain commands, and then having a painful drug injected which also causes madness if the player is not sporting. This is all for entertainment, and anyone not watching any of it during sporting times and cheering for the winning team, they will be imprisoned into galactic camps.

Snuff films are also broadcast, and actors are actually murdered just for entertainment. Stealth droids also guide these forced actors into behaving exactly as the director dreams, otherwise they will be punished by being placed into a macerator and having their execution written into the film. Any film that does not feature someone being murdered will be burned and the entire crew behind it will be executed in the most grotesque way possible - vivisection.

All executions are broadcast, and anyone who misses even a millisecond, even by blinking, will be executed. All citizens must boo to the person being executed, and the family is gathered to be injected with eternators, which cause pain forever, making them immoral but feeling the pain tenfold every millisecond. They cannot pass out, but they will feel like it forever.

Conquests by this Stimpire end in the planet being razed, and all the citizens being executed in the same way as their citizens are. The planet is then destroyed and all remnants of it are removed, and any memories of it will be erased instantly from civil minds. People who are also killed are also erased from memories, and all memories of them, including toys and pictures, are destroyed.

Prisoners undergo 40,000 years of relentless and endless labor, and anyone not complying is sentenced to the eternator injection. All prisoners injected with eternators are placed into capsules and launched into far space, then the room is closed tight to ensure maximum insanity. Some prisoners are also subjected to the removal of blood, the lungs, the liver, the genitals, the skeleton, the muscles, the eyes, and even the injection of pressure. Prisoners sentenced to pressure chambers are locked in until they are inflated to a high level. The decompression is then stopped to make sure they are inflated and uncomfortable.

Children born on the 14th of July are subjected to the removal of their skeleton and an implant of a silver liquid to replace it. The nervous sysem is also injected in various parts to ensure it is five times more sensitive than the average.

Restaurants also are ordered to serve civil meat, and anyone attending must give themself up to be cooked into a grotesque meal. They are cooked alive, undergoing extreme pain, and are then subjected to industrial grinders and blenders. The Stimpire orders at least 1 million citizens to be dispatched every day, as they are afraid the population may overthrow them. But only one planet is cared for, and the rest are banned from eating, drinking, talking, using technology, touching anyone, wearing unauthorized clothes, touching buildings, or walking a centimeter out of designated routes. Civil enforcers are on every planet, and they are engineered so that they are 40 times larger than the 300 quadrillion population. At least 7 billion die every 12 hours under this rule.

Thoughts are also surveyed, and anyone who does not think anything to loving the Stimpire with more than their capabilities will be sentenced to a prison. Prisoners who are punished for this violation will meet their greatest fear, only to have it amplified so they will turn insane as they imagine it exactly as they fear it. They then undergo a painful extraction of all fluids, to be replaced by a toxin which causes permanent irritation. The unknown substance keeps the subject aging normally, except they will never die. Prisoners punished in this way are unable to be reverted, despite many efforts, and they will never be able to be disposed.

The sickening truths have been revealed only today, and invigilation teams are still investigating the truths without setting foot in the galactic space of this sickening empire.

MedicineHut
Feb 25, 2016

Lol at MoMA/Toast suggesting CIG is managing multiple Evocati test builds when they can't still even make a decent incremental patcher. Just loving lol. Hope the rest of his info is not based on the same poo poo source.

MedicineHut fucked around with this message at 22:31 on Dec 6, 2016

Breetai
Nov 6, 2005

🥄Mah spoon is too big!🍌

I.N.R.I posted:

I'll read all these 10000 word long posts later. in the mean time, I want to remind everyone to call or visit their parents wherever possible. They raised you with love and care and would like to hear about the things you're getting up to in life

I have dinner with my mother every Monday as a way to catch up and also because that's garbage night and so I help her out with the bins because she's living alone and is 72 this year and while she's not decrepit or anything I like to do little things to make her life easier, and because I travel from my place to hers by bus I spend the time on the bus reading about people screaming at a video game on my phone and it all works out pretty nicely.

Theotus
Nov 8, 2014
Wonder what the Stimperial flag looks like.

Raskolnikov
Nov 25, 2003

Meridian posted:

Wonder what the Stimperial flag looks like.

This man's skin flayed and put on a flagpole.

NSFW

http://i.imgur.com/mA8qr1n.jpg

WLMortis
Sep 28, 2001
Nebulosis Defunctus
Slippery Tilde

Meridian posted:

Wonder what the Stimperial flag looks like.

It's made of the worst type of cloth

TheLightPurges
Sep 24, 2016

by exmarx

WLMortis posted:

It's made of the worst type of cloth

Its the worlds itchiest sweater on a pole with several very uncomfrotable naked mole rats inside it.

Sabreseven
Feb 27, 2016

Meridian posted:

Wonder what the Stimperial flag looks like.

Pretty much this:

Raskolnikov posted:

This man's skin flayed and put on a flagpole.

NSFW

http://i.imgur.com/mA8qr1n.jpg

o9 Hail Stimpire o9

Colostomy Bag
Jan 11, 2016

:lesnick: C-Bangin' it :lesnick:

TheLightPurges posted:

Its the worlds itchiest sweater on a pole with several very uncomfrotable naked mole rats inside it.

The real question is what heartbreaking and sickening calamity could cause the Stimperor to order it to fly half-staff.

ripptide
Jul 28, 2016

flyboi posted:

Stop spitting out bullshit to save your rear end. All avocados run the same build and anyone can grab them. Even non-avocados have the client download urls in their patcher client and they aren't unique per-user.

Hey hey hey, it's perfectly reasonable to think that CIG compiles and links out multiple versions of the code for testing, what could possibly go wrong with releasing something that was tested piecemeal?


[/s] for MoMA, cus that seriously is some stupid poo poo.

alf_pogs
Feb 15, 2012


WLMortis posted:

It's made of the worst type of cloth

the wrinkles triple every second

alf_pogs
Feb 15, 2012


Colostomy Bag posted:

The real question is what heartbreaking and sickening calamity could cause the Stimperor to order it to fly half-staff.

"we're running out of people to kill"

Mirificus
Oct 29, 2004

Kings need not raise their voices to be heard

Eldragon
Feb 22, 2003


Hmm... who do we know that likes to go around accusing men of not having balls... hmm.... hm.... could it be.... SANDI

<churchlady.gif goes here>

Mirificus
Oct 29, 2004

Kings need not raise their voices to be heard


alf_pogs
Feb 15, 2012


the day er dova manages to ignore someone is the day i buy a lotto ticket

Beet Wagon
Oct 19, 2015





alf_pogs posted:

the day er dova manages to ignore someone is the day i buy a lotto ticket


Er_Dova has put me on ignore at least twice now, and that's not counting all of the copycat accounts I followed him around with that one week.

alf_pogs
Feb 15, 2012


Beet Wagon posted:

Er_Dova has put me on ignore at least twice now, and that's not counting all of the copycat accounts I followed him around with that one week.

you mean the accounts you use to clog the cig support team emails

Runa
Feb 13, 2011

I had genuinely forgotten to check in after the last thread was closed


feel about right for star citizen

Beer4TheBeerGod
Aug 23, 2004
Exciting Lemon

CrazyLoon posted:

Okay, I'm honestly getting loving sick of this word, so imma ask: Is evocati literally the name CIG gave to their creme-de-la-creme testers? This wasn't some label tacked on by evil goonies or such, this is literally what they came up with?

Because if so... :laffo:

This is the same company that thinks the best way to describe their community is "On the Spectrum".

alf_pogs
Feb 15, 2012


CrazyLoon posted:

Okay, I'm honestly getting loving sick of this word, so imma ask: Is evocati literally the name CIG gave to their creme-de-la-creme testers? This wasn't some label tacked on by evil goonies or such, this is literally what they came up with?

Because if so... :laffo:

it is meant to be... evocative

thatguy
Feb 5, 2003

MedicineHut posted:

Lol at MoMA/Toast suggesting CIG is managing multiple Evocati test builds when they can't still even make a decent incremental patcher. Just loving lol. Hope the rest of his info is not based on the same poo poo source.
It's bizarre to me that this is where so many of you guys draw the line to the realm of impossibility.

thatguy
Feb 5, 2003

thatguy posted:

It's bizarre to me that this is where so many of you guys draw the line to the realm of impossibility.
One of the top people doing tickle fetish porn under a pseudonym over a decade ago? Obviously.

thatguy
Feb 5, 2003

thatguy posted:

One of the top people doing tickle fetish porn under a pseudonym over a decade ago? Obviously.
Multiple groups of testers for a game in pre-alpha? Hold the loving phone.

POOL IS CLOSED
Jul 14, 2011

I'm just exploding with mackerel. This is the aji wo kutta of my discontent.
Pillbug

Xarbala posted:

I had genuinely forgotten to check in after the last thread was closed


feel about right for star citizen

:same:

Opposite of bad things which will never get past vaporware, I had a pretty interesting beer recently -- Hitachino Nest's 3 DAYS. the story behind it is pretty interesting; the earthquake that stuck Japan on 3/11/2011 also damaged the company's brewery and they lost power. So a recent mash got to do its thing in tilted casks for 3 days and developed a spontaneous fermentation. It was supposed to be a witbeer, but to me it's much more like a Flemish red ale sour, kinda like Duchesse du Bourgogne. It's cool that the brewers managed to not only save the beer from the brink of disaster, but turn it into something special. There were only 8,000 bottles, and the local distributors finally picked some up, so I am enjoying it along with a nice tabbouleh and kale salad plus turkey bone gumbo.

Breetai
Nov 6, 2005

🥄Mah spoon is too big!🍌

CrazyLoon posted:

Okay, I'm honestly getting loving sick of this word, so imma ask: Is evocati literally the name CIG gave to their creme-de-la-creme testers? This wasn't some label tacked on by evil goonies or such, this is literally what they came up with?

Because if so... :laffo:

In a rare burst of self awareness even shitizens are referring to it jokingly as 'the avocados' because of how loving goofy it is.

Tokyo Sexwale
Jul 30, 2003

Beer4TheBeerGod posted:

This is the same company that thinks the best way to describe their community is "On the Spectrum".

if anything, that's a rare bout of honesty for them

2DCAT
Jun 25, 2015

pissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssss sssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssss

Gravy Boat 2k

ZenMaster posted:

staring at all series DVDs on my shelf now

Is Croberts the king of the potato people in all of this? ...and are the backers purchasing magic carpets?

Ash1138
Sep 29, 2001

Get up, chief. We're just gettin' started.

has squadron 42 has gone gold in time for a christmas release???

AP
Jul 12, 2004

One Ring to fool them all
One Ring to find them
One Ring to milk them all
and pockets fully line them
Grimey Drawer

Crazy_BlackParrot posted:

I know where I would put my money on.

Money is absolutely fine, I think he's pretty cool and he really isn't interested in computer games at all. He was the most likable person on those horrible twitch shows after all the others got fired/resigned.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuC1Hw-S0tg&t=12s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukNj3p9VfOw&t=164s

tooterfish
Jul 13, 2013

Ash1138 posted:

has squadron 42 has gone gold in time for a christmas release???
Yes. Christmas 2117.

Propagandist
Oct 23, 2007

tooterfish posted:

Yes. Christmas 2117.

After only 4 years in development, too! way ahead of schedule compared to things like Mass Effect: The universe, Battlefield World War 3, Far Cry 19 and Call of Duty Blackest Ops Modern-er Warfare 16

alf_pogs
Feb 15, 2012


Crazy_BlackParrot posted:

I know where I would put my money on.

mrs lesnick is my guess

Ash1138
Sep 29, 2001

Get up, chief. We're just gettin' started.

tooterfish posted:

Yes. Christmas 2117.
well drat i walked right into that one!!!

AP
Jul 12, 2004

One Ring to fool them all
One Ring to find them
One Ring to milk them all
and pockets fully line them
Grimey Drawer

alf_pogs posted:

mrs lesnick is my guess

It was the guy in the hat behind Lando, the video guy who rushed together that Citizen Con special on Around the Verse to explain why they didn't show SQ42. I think they laid him off as a reward for being competent, it was making the rest of them look bad, but I really have no clue.

Also a senior programmer for SQ42 that was in charge, according to Chris Roberts, of the "not difficult" task of making ships dock together, land and all sorts of stuff in SQ42 left. According to moma this is normal turnover though and nothing at all to worry about in the slightest, senior programmers leaving months before SQ42 ships probably just means everything is done already and they're holding it back because of spoilers. I dunno if he was laid off or left but... hahaha, ok, I'm sure he left, he probably ran out the fire exit before anyone could stop him grinning from ear to ear.

alf_pogs
Feb 15, 2012


AP posted:

Also a senior programmer for SQ42 that was in charge, according to Chris Roberts, of the "not difficult" task of making ships dock together, land and all sorts of stuff in SQ42 left. According to moma this is normal turnover though and nothing at all to worry about in the slightest, senior programmers leaving months before SQ42 ships probably just means everything is done already and they're holding it back because of spoilers. I dunno if he was laid off or left but... hahaha, ok, I'm sure he left, he probably ran out the fire exit before anyone could stop him grinning from ear to ear.

frantically cramming as many expensive coffee machines under his shirt as he could carry

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ComfyPants
Mar 20, 2002

2DCAT posted:

Is Croberts the king of the potato people in all of this? ...and are the backers purchasing magic carpets?

Yeah, a little three one-seater.

EDIT: Cattes browsing the thread

ComfyPants fucked around with this message at 00:53 on Dec 7, 2016

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