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Alright, so! Sometimes I go trolling the websites for various brands to see what kinds of monstrosities they have in the obligatory recipe section. Companies publishing recipes which call for the use of whatever they sell mainly trace back to the cookbooks published and given away for free by Campbell's in the middle part of the last century, which resulted in the preponderance of Campbell's soup casseroles and the like today, and massive profits on the part of the company. As a result of how well that worked out for Campbell's, every company nowadays feels obligated to set up a section on their website for their own recipes, no matter how ill advised they are. So, let us take a brief journey through the recipe section of the Coke website. Most of the recipes are at least passable, since you can use soda in place of sugar in a lot of stuff, particularly wings, ribs, and such, and have it work out. However, then there are these ones. There are photos behind the links, along with the recipes, but at least some of them seem to just be stock images. However, for the most part, it is what they are that is gross, more than how they look. Chicken nachos made with reduced diet coke, for that concentrated aspartame aftertaste. Apple sauce, but with Coke. Cheese dip? Gotta have Coke. Baked Brie? Glaze it with coke! Now. I know chili is a divisive subject on SA. However, I am pretty sure that we can all agree that the base for your chili should not be ketchup, let alone ketchup made with Coke. Baked beans, with 3 cups of coke to 1 pound of beans. Canned Green Beans, cooked with Coke! This is literally just lentils, water, ham, onion, and diet cherry coke. Salad Dressing, made with coke. Particularly puzzling is this recipe for "non-alcoholic Long Island Iced Tea." A long island iced tea is 22 percent alcohol, and is mostly composed of hard liquor. It contains no tea, and only a splash of soda. It completely defeats the purpose to try to make it non alcoholic, and an equal mix of coke, tea, and lemonade will taste nothing like it.
Tiberius Thyben has a new favorite as of 04:58 on Jan 2, 2017 |
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Jan 2, 2017 04:22
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Tiberius Thyben posted:A long island iced tea is 22 percent alcohol The gently caress kind of pussy waters down a long island that much
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Jan 2, 2017 04:24
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Grand Fromage posted:The gently caress kind of pussy waters down a long island that much Should have said at least, according to the IBA. But that makes it more obvious how stupid a non alcoholic one is.
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Jan 2, 2017 04:27
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It's been a while since something in the thread made me look away to stifle a gag reflex. Probably shouldn't look at this thread when I feel full from eating.
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Jan 2, 2017 04:55
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Tiberius Thyben posted:Now. I know chili is a divisive subject on SA. However, I am pretty sure that we can all agree that the base for your chili should not be ketchup, let alone ketchup made with Coke. Where the gently caress is the chili powder or chili flavored anything? Cumin isn't chili flavored.
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Jan 2, 2017 05:25
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StandardToast posted:Where the gently caress is the chili powder or chili flavored anything? Cumin isn't chili flavored.  But it has tabasco to give it some kick!I'm not sure if I should be more concerned about the lack of chili powder or how sweet this 'chili' would be. 
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Jan 2, 2017 05:30
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A whole teaspoon of tabasco! That'll clear out your sinuses, I bet.
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Jan 2, 2017 05:41
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StandardToast posted:Where the gently caress is the chili powder or chili flavored anything? Cumin isn't chili flavored.
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Jan 2, 2017 06:08
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Cumin? More like 
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Jan 2, 2017 06:44
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Related to brand recipes, I once worked years ago for a packaged meat company as my client. During that time the brand was trying to revitalize its lagging rope sausage business and believed that the issue was purely that consumers didn't have enough go-to recipes to use their product. Not that the product was unwieldy, few customers grew up eating it with regularity, the pricing was over the competition, the brand had imploded their advertising, the product was ridiculously fatty and salt rich; no the problem was simply consumers didn't have enough recipes and if this was fixed we'd blow the doors off this category, budget to actually advertise said recipes be damned. I worked in this role for approximately 12 months and they produced a single recipe for this initiative. It was a find->replace Chicken Alfredo, except using their massively fattier rope sausage product not made with chicken.
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Jan 2, 2017 07:28
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My housemates dinner. Plain white bread, tomato paste, shredded tasty cheese from a bag and microwaved to perfection.
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Jan 2, 2017 08:05
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Sadness pizza.
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Jan 2, 2017 08:10
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Jan 2, 2017 08:20
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Sientara posted:True. Although your post made me hungry for sloppy joes. Oh hey, that's my family's chili recipe. Except replace the tomato sauce with juice, and everything else with storebought chili powder.
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Jan 2, 2017 08:26
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https://twitter.com/inthefade/status/815702146746294272
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Jan 2, 2017 08:26
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To get something as thick as ranch dressing to go through that fountain, they probably had to mix it 1:1 with vegetable oil; that's what you have to do to chocolate unless it's a specific kind that's made for the fountains. Imagine how oily that must be, to say nothing for the bits of breading that are falling off and getting mixed in. Plus that chicken in the foreground looks already bitten; mmmm, double-dipping in the communal sauce.
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Jan 2, 2017 14:24
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Geomancing posted:To get something as thick as ranch dressing to go through that fountain, they probably had to mix it 1:1 with vegetable oil; that's what you have to do to chocolate unless it's a specific kind that's made for the fountains. Imagine how oily that must be, to say nothing for the bits of breading that are falling off and getting mixed in. Plus that chicken in the foreground looks already bitten; mmmm, double-dipping in the communal sauce. Who says it's not white gravy? Because if it was white gravy, totally would
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Jan 2, 2017 14:34
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Geomancing posted:To get something as thick as ranch dressing to go through that fountain, they probably had to mix it 1:1 with vegetable oil; that's what you have to do to chocolate unless it's a specific kind that's made for the fountains. Imagine how oily that must be, to say nothing for the bits of breading that are falling off and getting mixed in. Plus that chicken in the foreground looks already bitten; mmmm, double-dipping in the communal sauce. This, combined with the above video (which i could not watch) actually made me dry-heave. Homemade ranch dressing is tasty, but the idea of turning the bottled kind into a jizzy slurry for better splurting into the lolling, globular maw of an inbred Golden Corral customer...
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Jan 2, 2017 14:55
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Geomancing posted:To get something as thick as ranch dressing to go through that fountain, they probably had to mix it 1:1 with vegetable oil; that's what you have to do to chocolate unless it's a specific kind that's made for the fountains. Imagine how oily that must be, to say nothing for the bits of breading that are falling off and getting mixed in. Plus that chicken in the foreground looks already bitten; mmmm, double-dipping in the communal sauce. They mentioned it was a gravy fountain, so not quite so bad.
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Jan 2, 2017 14:58
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Geomancing posted:To get something as thick as ranch dressing to go through that fountain, they probably had to mix it 1:1 with vegetable oil; that's what you have to do to chocolate unless it's a specific kind that's made for the fountains. Imagine how oily that must be, to say nothing for the bits of breading that are falling off and getting mixed in. Plus that chicken in the foreground looks already bitten; mmmm, double-dipping in the communal sauce. Couldn't you just add more buttermilk to get a runnier consistency.
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Jan 2, 2017 15:07
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Mmmm-mm, salmonella on a bun.
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Jan 2, 2017 16:50
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How big of a donkey do you have to be to mess up frying a chicken patty so badly? I thought disasters like that only happened on hell's kitchen to give Gordon a reason to curse at people.
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Jan 2, 2017 18:05
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constantinople posted:They mentioned it was a gravy fountain, so not quite so bad. Ah. Not AS bad.  This is ranch, though. Enjoy!
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Jan 2, 2017 19:59
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At least there's cheese to dip in it.
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Jan 2, 2017 20:58
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I went to a wedding with a ranch fountain (and a Little Debbie wedding cake!) and after a very short while the ranch was warmer than room temperature and smelled like a hobo bathed in it. It would also spit large ranch boogers because blobs of congealed ranch would get sucked into the mechanism and spit back out. Also the ranch started to go kinda transparent and filmy. Looked exactly like a cum waterfall with flecks of pepper in it. No one ate it as far as I know. That little Debbie cake was eaten in half a minute though.
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Jan 2, 2017 21:43
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I'll defend Little Debbie. Especially fudge rounds and oatmeal creme pies.
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Jan 2, 2017 22:12
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yeah I eat rear end posted:How big of a donkey do you have to be to mess up frying a chicken patty so badly? I thought disasters like that only happened on hell's kitchen to give Gordon a reason to curse at people. Sonic is "fast food, but if Satan did it."
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Jan 2, 2017 22:20
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whiteyfats posted:I'll defend Little Debbie. Especially fudge rounds and oatmeal creme pies. It was a Star Crunch cake though
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Jan 2, 2017 22:44
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Titus Sardonicus posted:It was a Star Crunch cake though I'll allow it. Frozen Star Crunches are legit.
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Jan 2, 2017 23:00
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I actually like Star Crunches but imagine an entire wedding cake made out of it.
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Jan 2, 2017 23:52
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whiteyfats posted:I'll defend Little Debbie. Especially fudge rounds and oatmeal creme pies. It's not Little Debbie but I have a strong weakness for zingers. And though I like sno balls in theory they are always dry as poo poo and it just ruins the joy I might otherwise get from one.
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Jan 3, 2017 00:02
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Titus Sardonicus posted:I actually like Star Crunches but imagine an entire wedding cake made out of it. And the filling is Raisin Creme Pies.
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Jan 3, 2017 00:04
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Hostess Orange Cupcakes... *drops mike*
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Jan 3, 2017 00:21
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I had a Little Debbie Christmas tree cake for the first time sometime around November and my reaction was 'Oh wow, this is great!" And then I took a second bite and realized those things were like the McDonalds sweet tea of pastries.         
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Jan 3, 2017 01:07
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RareAcumen posted:I had a Little Debbie Christmas tree cake for the first time sometime around November and my reaction was 'Oh wow, this is great!" And then I took a second bite and realized those things were like the McDonalds sweet tea of pastries. Who wouldn't want to sit down for a nourishing bowl of gelatinous blob?
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Jan 3, 2017 01:44
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That was a whole lot of not good.
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Jan 3, 2017 01:45
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You guys think I didn't make a serious dent in the fudge rounds and swiss rolls portions of that Little Debbie cake? That poo poo was on point. I'd have one. Hell it even looked rad. This isn't it, but it's close: The bottom layer was Snow Balls. White trash can be amazing.
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Jan 3, 2017 01:50
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I think that's silken tofu, which when covered in palm sugar is quite the nice dessert.
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Jan 3, 2017 01:57
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Ibblebibble posted:I think that's silken tofu, which when covered in palm sugar is quite the nice dessert. No.
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Jan 3, 2017 02:01
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You're not actually supposed to eat the scoby when you're done.
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Jan 3, 2017 02:04
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