Troposphere posted:

*slam dunks baby into trash can* that's where that poo poo goes!!! get hosed baby!!!

YeahTubaMike posted:

Moon Atari posted:

This thread frequently delivers stuff I can't even form an opinion on but can only respond to by shaking my head in a mix of confusion/sadness/horror/amusement and a bunch of those obscure German emotions all blended together.

Oh Long Johnson posted:

getting divorced is the dark souls of relationships

Incitatus posted:

I once ran into Shmorky at a Dillard's. He was sweating heavily and short on breath. I asked him what the problem was and he said that he ran over as fast as he could when he heard that children's pants were half off.

Bongo Bill posted:

Goa Tse-tung posted:

Goa Tse-tung posted:

trapped mouse posted:

I had no idea what this was about, so I looked it up and



Sweet burn though.

FAT BATMAN posted:

Who would be in the market for a gem with the soul of a chicken trapped inside? Are gems with the souls in them spell components for greater spells?

Splicer posted:

Broth of Inspiration
Casting this spell summons a thick, nourishing potion that allows the drinker to recall an inspirational anecdote pertinent to their current situation.
Material components: Chicken Soul (for the soup).

Industrial Meat Package posted:

Does anybody have a link to the Dad Jokes thread?

Many good quotes there that I would like to cite, for this thread.

chernobyl kinsman posted:

from the r/relationships thread

quote:

Me [39F] with my daughter's [8F] step-mom [26F]: She gifted my daughter lingerie for Christmas.
This Christmas it was my ex-husband's [37M] turn to have our daughter for the holidays. My husband is re-married to [26F] and I have always been very civil and friendly towards my daughter's step-mom.

My daughter came back to my house today and she was showing me the gifts that she got to open at her dad's house. One of the items was a piece of lingerie (stockings, garter belt, corset, and thong set). I asked her who gifted that to her and she said "it was from 'Lisa' (step-mom)".

I am extremely angry. I do not think lingerie is appropriate for an 8 year old girl. I took the lingerie from my daughter and told her this wasn't age appropriate for her. My daughter also didn't fully understand what the items were (ex. the garter belt). I want to confront my ex-husband's wife about this inappropriate gift, but I am not sure how to go about doing this. Do I speak to my ex-husband about it? To his wife? Or am I blowing this out of proportion? I am not a prude by any means and I have no issue with lingerie, but I think this is a very inappropriate gift from a step-mom to an 8 year old. I also want to return the gifts to "Lisa", but my sister advised me against this and said it would be too hostile.

tl;dr: My [39F] daughter's [8F] step-mom [26F] gifted her lingerie for Christmas. I think this gift is inappropriate, and I am not sure how to proceed with confronting my ex-husband's wife.

B4Ctom1 posted:

It is hard to explain not just the physics, but the amounts of forces involved.

We use throttle to create stretching or "draft" forces and dynamic braking (think of downhill engine braking in a car) to create bunching or "buff" forces.

To start with, when you are running the train, you are feathering the throttle or dynamic braking to keep "in train forces" at acceptable levels. This is based upon the terrain each part of the train is passing over.

Even small changes in grade, if there are enough of them under the length of the train, are enough to break knuckles, rip out draw bars, or derail cars simply by doing "nothing at all" at the wrong time.

In these situations heavier applications of power or dynamic brake are required to keep these "in train forces" down.

Think of a large sliced loaf of bread. I take the wrapper off of it and ask you to carry it across the room. One hand on each end should suffice. A small amount of pressure to keep the bread from being crushed and across the room you go.

The knuckle and drawbar connections between the cars seem very strong to the layman, but when compared to the amount of weight of loaded freight cars, and all of the cars behind them piled upon it, it may as well be dental floss.

You can break dental floss easily, but the difference is that it is hard to "crush" dental floss.

The poster I have quoted above is addressing something we call "train make up". THe "in train forces" can be additionally effected by the way cars or groups of cars are placed in the train. Long cars next to short cars, loads next to empties.

Generally freight trains that are not hauling a bulk of the same commodity are mixed freight. A bulk commodity train would be an entire train of wheat or coal. These trains are very heavy, and have their own set of problems, but in general do not have any issue of train make up because all of the cars are generally the same weight and type. Mixed freight trains are the most common types of trains on the main rail thoroughfares.

A mixed freight train I haul might have 25 heavy loaded lumber cars, 15 empty or loaded auto racks, 20 empty or loaded tank cars of various lengths, 30 empty or loaded covered hopper cars of various lengths, and 30 loaded or empty boxcars of two different lengths.

So for this example train of 120 cars. Lets say it weighs 7900 tons and is 9000 feet (2.75KM) long.

I am traveling along at 50 MPH.

The "head end" of the train has passed the bottom of the grade and the train is still descending the grade. As about half of the train leaves the grade I am looking ahead at the next grade to climb directly ahead. I have been using dynamic brake and need to "transition" from braking to power. I move the lever into the idle position and begin waiting my 10 seconds. In my my mind, from experience, I know that I need to rapidly, but gently begin notching through my power notches without allowing my train to accelerate past 50 MPH which I am restricted to.

The very head of the train is traveling around a slight curvature in the track. I also need to see that the next signal is green "clear" so that I do not have to formulate an entire other plan as a reduction of speed might be required instead. I see that the signal is flashing yellow "advanced approach". This will mean a reduction of speed to 40 MPH and a possible stop short of the second signal ahead.

As I am thinking of what I am to do next and waiting for the 10 seconds to pass, the next crossing becomes visible and I see that there is a truck hauling a low slung trailer with a heavy piece of equipment on it. He is blocking the crossing because his low slung trailer is stuck on the raised rail and crossing lumber that you drive across.

Without hesitation or further consideration, I slam the brake handle into the emergency position, dumping all the trainline air. I reach up and toggle the switch that ensures that the "End Of Train" device dumps from the rear as well. I bail off the locomotive air brakes because they are so powerful in a situation like this, that they can cause such a massive buff forces which will certainly derail a train. Additionally they can crumple or destroy the track beneath them.

While in earlier transition from dynamic braking to power "slack" had developed in the train. Slack is neither draft or buff, but more of a null position like rail cars standing in a yard not connected to a train. A developed space between cars where they are sort of relaxed.

As the air dumped from the train-line, the brake valves on each car sense this emergency and dump the full value of air contained within their emergency reservoir into the large cylinder that applies the brakes giving each car higher than usual stopping power.

Somewhere near the head end of the train a group of empty tank cars having such massive braking power begin to stop the train, but right behind them a group of heavy loaded hoppers presses against them, their own braking being less substantial. A tank car of Anhydrous Ammonia right between the groups which has been taking the brunt of these two opposing forces has a wheel that lifts off the rail as it is being pressed around a curve. This car, the car ahead of it, and nine of the loaded hopper cars behind it all leave the rail and head into a tiny quiet suburb in the middle of the night.

Half way back in the train where the most of the box cars are, they settle down for their stop. Still bunched because they were still descending the hill. The heavy loads of lumber fighting them as they come to a stop. Even though on straight track the, one end of an empty boxcar in the group begins to lift into the air. The opposing force of the heavy lumber cars and the stopping train ahead of it is too much. As it sets back down the wheels miss the track and begin to erase the track, all of the cars behind it having no track to ride on begin to take paths of their own in each direction.

Near the back of the train the auto-rack settle down hard. Harder than the group of heavy lumber cars ahead of them. This causes one of the long 500+ pound (230kg) draw-bars in the third auto-rack to be sheared from place. For a moment it tumbles through space, whistling though the wind in contact with only the air. Then it strikes a tie and the car passing above it in vaulted, only inches off of the rail, and a carload of new rangerovers tumbles end over end into a reservoir of drinking water.

The drawbar is angry, propelled by its last impact it drops onto the rail for a moment derailing a load of mini coopers, a load of corvettes, a load of ford diesel pickups, and a load of prius. The last of the autoracks ram into those derailed and the drawbar impales itself through the bottom of a boxcar piercing 20 cases of aged Glenfiddich.

Back on the locomotive, pressed forward by the loads behind, we cover the half mile to the stuck trailer in about 45 seconds. My conductor sees that the piece of equipment is a D9 Caterpillar bulldozer and screams like a woman as he jumps from his window at 35 mph. The fall from 15 feet in the air certainly would have killed him but instead he tumbled and struck feet first shattering his legs in 20 places and cartwheeling to his death as his head exploded when it struck the hard granite ballast some 20 times or so in the cartwheeling tumble. It takes 24 hours for them to find his body under crumpled boxcars.

I run out the back door to the second locomotive where I lay down in the cab. The impact at 35 mph is brutal. The second locomotive which I am on climbs under the front locomotive. The third locomotive does the same to mine. When the locomotive comes to a rest, is on its side, and both my arms are broken.

I drown, face down, in 200 gallons of brownish, blueish sewage from a chemical toilet long overdue for a cleaning. But my dignity is preserved because a fire from the combined 12,000 gallons (45.5 Kiloliters) of fuel burns for 3 days incinerating me and most of the locomotives completely.

The undocumented worker driving the truck with the wedged trailer disappears.

During the conductor's autopsy, trace amounts of THC from a brownie he consumed 3 weeks earlier while on vacation in Amsterdam are found to be the cause of the accident.

It was also noted in the government report that the cellphone of an engineer on a different train following ours was "on" at the time of our impact, and this may have contributed to the wreck.

Bongo Bill posted:

I Before E posted:

BRRRRP Morty, Morty, it's just, it's just the Hedgehog/Prower phenomenon BRRP of ostensibly adult characters engaged in presexual intimacy. I mean jeez Morty, they're BRRRRRP they're not even at the level of of Matthew Broderick in Hackers, taking his shirt off in front of a girl.

Morty.

Morty, you know what the erotic appeal of Sonic is, like for the fans? H-BRRRRP-e doesn't gently caress. Ever. Doesn't need to. Ever, Morty. It's aaaaaaall in the eyes, M-URRRRRRR-orty. Eyes and the chili dogs. Just, just looking at you and eating the chili dogs, that's sex to him. That's satisfaction.

And, and so that's why Finn and Poe will never gently caress, Morty, they'll just keep hugging and sharing clothes, even though they're like 25, 30. They just don't ne-UUUUURP-ed to.

Okay so that's the birds and the bees, now let's get that quantum impURPlant into your spine.

Ranma Fan Art posted:

any time someone says that they will not be posting on SA any more i just thnk heck yeah more posts for me

Phyzzle posted:

Running a locomotive:

Phyzzle posted:

Running a locomotive:

IPCRESS posted:

Well, one of us is playing train simulator wrong.

quote:

1. Start the lubricator. The more the merrier – if you can see any water at all in the indicator sight glass, you're not providing enough lubricant.
2. Check the water level in the boiler. If you can see the red ball at all, it's far too high. Open the blow-down valves to drop the level. Be sure to open the valve closest to the platform first. The yard workers are all Irish and are agitating to get paid something other than company scrip anyway. Don't open the steam injectors or operate the displacement top-up pump.
3. Set the train brakes to 'emergency' to dump all your air. Don't start the compressor, it costs fuel and fuel is money. Do release the loco brake at this time.
4. Start the generator. Get the fireman to put a spanner across the outputs to make sure it's working.
5. Light bulbs cost money, and that's something this company can't afford to be wasting in this economy. If you use one, you'll be charged for the fraction of its life you've used up. If you're caught not using one, the railway will deny that it's standard practice to tell people not to use the lights.
6. If it's dark, your eyes will automatically adjust. Do not use the headlight at night – people complain that it shines through their window and complaints are a pain in my rear end. Ditto the bell – ring that fucker after 7pm and Myrtle will be on the phone to me in seconds about it.
7. Open the steam throttles to full. Set the blower to maximum and open all the draft doors in the firebox. You're going to want that sucker good and hot.
8. Tell the fireman he's not being paid by the hour, and he should get to shovelling. If he complains that he's not being paid at all, hit him with a pick handle. Also, write him up for damaging the DC generator.
9. Close the blow-down valves when the water level is at or below the crown sheet.
10. Check that your friends are recording, because you're about to lay down a sweet burn out in your bro-train, rolling coal yo. If your friends are all being treated for full-thickness burns, write them up for wasting company time. Be sure to inventory any first aid kit supplies used so their estates can be billed later.
11. Exhort the fireman to shovel faster.
12. Set the train brake to zero. Start the compressor at this time.
13. Open the regulator to the fully open position. Throw the reverser bar as violently as you can the full-forward position (in that order).
14. Avoid the conrods and valve gear as they part company with the locomotive. Record the throw distance for posterity.
15. Ask the fireman to visually check the crownsheet.
16. Open the steam injector fully.
17. Write yourself up for damaging company property.

If everything's gone to plan, your train should be a crater surrounded by fragments of scalding hot metal raining down on people brought out into the street by the sound.

Kwyndig posted:

Peasants make more peasants. When properly maintained, over time peasants can provide you with unlimited skeletons.

slowdave posted:

*can't access the toilet in the sims because the doorway is blocked* AAhh bingo gubelman!?

trapped mouse posted:

I had no idea what this was about, so I looked it up and



Sweet burn though.

Babysitter Super Sleuth posted:

Allow me to present the sequel:

Henchman of Santa posted:

https://twitter.com/SUPGVNetwork/status/816283238285135872

The Cheshire Cat posted:

Why haven't they caught the toddler yet?

FrozenVent posted:

They've sent baby sitters, he shot them.

sweeperbravo posted:

Dumbasses, everybody knows they need to find a good toddler with a gun.

Bluedeanie posted:

*Josuke Higashikata bursts out of breath into local Ancient Greek History university lecture* excuse me "professor," were you there when Plato first addressed the Academy? Did you personally take up a pike and march in a phalanx to defend Athens from the Persian scourge? Of course not, you fraud. You fool. You goddamned moron

Excelsiortothemax posted:

It's a whole new galaxy. Let your freak flag fly and guzzle down 8 testicles of space chicken lizard jizz.

GnarlyCharlie4u posted:

Yup, I was getting 36k after my raise.
I was working 90+ hour work weeks regularly. Building multi TB NAS/SAN in a weekend, PBX deployments with 8 hours notice, running 500 new network drops solo in a weekend, new VPNs/NATs all over the place at the drop of a hat, running helpdesk for some 300 people, building loving office cubicles, shopping for servers at goodwill with my own money, Asterisk, SIP, PRI, Trunking, IP phones, OPEN SOURCE implement a virtualization solution! virtualbox - no that's not good enough - Openstack - no we need pets not cattle - oVirt - no i don't understand this, put it all back to bare metal, mikrotik, hylafax, MPLS, FAX server, zenoss ZENOSSSSSS DASHBOARDS, rasberry pi HUDs, ras pi pbx, REMOTE OFFICE IN A BOX, lan topology DASHBOARDS BLINKENLIGHTS!!!!!!, EIS, Capario, ITSM, lansweeper (thank god for lansweeper <3), OPENDNS, we need more power circuits!
THE GOD-drat-WI-FI. I AM A WARRIOR, making GBS threads IN A PIKE LINED TRAP HOLE IN THE JUNGLE OF A DESERTED PACIFIC ISLAND DECADES AFTER THE WAR ENDED WAITING TO BE CONTACTED BY HQ AND BE loving DAMNED IF I'M NOT GOING TO KILL ME SOME PRINTERS TODAY.
Agile, Six-sigma, LEAN, Lean-to, sleeping on file cabinets, Microsoft Office?, libre office, open office, closed office, BPM, BPMN, BPMN 2.0, SpagoBI, Process modeling, mapping, ISP failover gateway, "GET THIS ANCIENT IBM TAPE BACKUP WORKING, WE ARE GONNA USE IT," Asana, Slack, Skype, Lync, lol, Ubuntu desktops (yeah they'll figure it out eventually), Zabbix, iptables, Ansible, Docker, Jenkens, Chef, Puppet, OTRS, OSticket, RequestTracker, ZenDesk (jklol), my crowning glory: Ubiquiti AP's (I was king for a day)
gently caress Freeswitch, Eat poo poo PfSense. HALLELUJAH! HOLY poo poo! where's the Tylenol?

...and the list goes on.
It was stupid. But it is over.
Now I have a nice cushy local government job doing literally none of those things at a 60% raise

Zelder posted:

Because the plot in big tit milf is better


But seriously are you asking why porn of someone having sex with an attractive person is considered less weird than this porn where people gently caress and impregnate each other with dog dicks

Smythe posted:

to take your insanely thin metaphor to its conclusion, imagine if all of your friends had sexy dominatrices who kicked you in the balls at their house, at the mall, in your and their cars, and your job. imagine if everywhere you went there were latex clad vixens pummeling your genitals until you wept for mercy and/or release from your CBT-5000 chastity iron maiden. imagine if your friends and family thot u were a hosed up weirdo for not wanting your balls brutally owned and to be spit on and called fag and stuff on a st andrews cross. thats the network effects ppl are worried about. in the first 2 decades of the new millennium it became normal to give all ur info to big companies and the nsa and u were left out and ostracized for not doing it. in the next decade it is shaping up to total surveillance and we're installing the panopticon ourselves.

Danaru posted:

Karate Bastard posted:

This is a good quote, make no mistake, but sometimes I click these links to see what possibly could be the context for such a statement, just to find it's the loving third hand e/n expository thread which just does not loving lend itself to such analysis, yet I find myself confusedly clicking through a handful steps of traceback of other people's arguments about completely unrelated people's misrepresentations of their misunderstood cirmumstances chasing that subterfugic assumption of coherency until I start gasping and stabbing that X in exasperation, only this time I managed to spaz out a series of words in the quotes thread first woop-de-loving-doo

Karate Bastard posted:

This is a good quote, make no mistake, but sometimes I click these links to see what possibly could be the context for such a statement, just to find it's the loving third hand e/n expository thread which just does not loving lend itself to such analysis, yet I find myself confusedly clicking through a handful steps of traceback of other people's arguments about completely unrelated people's misrepresentations of their misunderstood cirmumstances chasing that subterfugic assumption of coherency until I start gasping and stabbing that X in exasperation, only this time I managed to spaz out a series of words in the quotes thread first woop-de-loving-doo

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

Powaqoatse posted:

I did the exact same thing. Clicked for context and it was just a weirdness of goons arguing about lovely porn and quotes taken from pages back (i believe theyre called necro-quotes) and like 5 concurrent conversations. There was no solid ground to stand on, no branch to hold on to. Just goonery up & down the walls. I nearly died that day, and I definitely cried. Au wait as I w

Yeah sometimes it's better to not click the link. The trouble is you'll never know if you don't do it.

Powaqoatse posted:

AAAHHHH

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

Multiple people attempted to shame me for taking the bold stance of saying I wouldn't date someone who masturbates to Benedict Cumberbatch getting the guy with the big ears from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy butt-pregnant with his dog dick.

inferis posted:

At least when Canada has devastating shootout losses they try to prevent them from ever happening again. The US only sends thoughts and prayers.

duTrieux. posted:

if i'm ever rich i would want a dungeon but i could never actually build one because people would think it was a creepy sex dungeon and i'd always be all "no, it's just a normal dungeon with skeletons" but nobody would believe me.