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I think if you don't let it get awkward it won't get awkward. I confessed my undying love to a friend but it wasn't reciprocated but I decided we were going to stay friends damnit, so I didn't let it get weird and then we stayed friends. You can totally not ruin friendships just by expressing feelings just don't let it change things and continue being cool and then they'll continue being cool and it'll all be okay!
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Feb 2, 2017 04:48
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got some chores tonight posted:im getting married in june March 
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Feb 2, 2017 04:49
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I'm married to the sea.
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Feb 2, 2017 04:52
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CCKeane posted:I'm married to the sea. She doesn't like being called that.
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Feb 2, 2017 04:53
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CCKeane posted:I'm married to the sea. Her names spelt Therasa mate
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Feb 2, 2017 04:55
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Sea ewe nest two stay
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Feb 2, 2017 04:57
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CCKeane posted:I'm married to the sea. I don't want to kill you, but I will.
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Feb 2, 2017 05:00
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AnonymousNarcotics posted:There's another part of this story that makes it not quite as simple as "just tell him how you feel" but I'm bad at explaining things so pera is gonna do it consider moving to new zealand
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Feb 2, 2017 05:12
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MMM Whatchya Say posted:consider moving to new zealand ill be doing this SOON
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Feb 2, 2017 05:15
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GulagDolls posted:ill be doing this SOON anime is banned in new zealand i hope u know this
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Feb 2, 2017 05:45
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then theres a killing to be made
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Feb 2, 2017 05:51
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Why can't New Zealand move to me?
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Feb 2, 2017 05:55
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Why can't New Zealand move me?
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Feb 2, 2017 05:59
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EccoRaven posted:this is so high school, pera be better. anon do whatever you can't not do. Not to be dismissive, but it's a little bit this. You're all adults now and it's not gonna end bad if handled with a bit of tact. Asiina posted:I think if you don't let it get awkward it won't get awkward. I confessed my undying love to a friend but it wasn't reciprocated but I decided we were going to stay friends damnit, so I didn't let it get weird and then we stayed friends. You can totally not ruin friendships just by expressing feelings just don't let it change things and continue being cool and then they'll continue being cool and it'll all be okay! Exactly, this is the tact I'm talking about. It's good not to repress feelings, and airing them out will definitely make you feel better in the long-run. I think Fisk has mentioned how you probably have an idea how they feel, so you an definitely work it in a way that lets you express what you want while expecting nothing, and promising a continuation of your close friendship. If love is supposed to be represented from your joy of seeing the one you love happy (a wholly selfless act), then it shouldn't be too hard to be ok with a situation of un-requited love. Alternatively, create the closest bond possible with your friends by having platonic sex with them. Then you'll know all of each other's secrets and everything will be fine.
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Feb 2, 2017 08:20
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EccoRaven posted:this is so high school, pera be better. this is hilarious. ecco you don't know yet but these two sentences are probably the worst, nastiest, most insensitive and extremely hurtful thing you'll ever say to me (don't worry, I'm laughing) Murmur Twin posted:I can name at least four friends where I went through a phase of embarrassingly crushing on them (and not having it be returned). See above: the advice of my best friend and literally the most empathetic person I have ever known, Anarc; read this and look at it again. Even if you don't necessarily get the green light, you may be able to deepen the intimacy of your friendship in a rewarding way. Earlier I tried to scoot around the specific details and even earlier when she asked me to do this not only was I honored as gently caress because, well, y'know, but she hit me up with "hey I need some advice and this is kinda your area of expertise" and I went lol, "lying or sex?" She doesn't just have feelings for the good friend, who is a lady, but also for her boyfriend of four years, who is also showing at least SOME signs that he might be into our lovely anarc. She feels like she wants to join their relationship and maybe not be in a proper equilateral triad - but at least be together the three of them. It's complicated. She works with the guy. She doesn't want to ruin the friendship she has with either of them. She's not even sure of the sexuality of the lady which is also a concern. I recommended the old "take the broad to lunch to 'talk about a weird thing', get amnesty, give her a way to safeword out and go for it" advice but now she's feeling awkward even around them - having admitted these feelings to herself has made her much more actively aware of them whens he's with them and I tried my best to calm her down but it is not very easy when the poor girl has competing interests pounding away at her. She's not as experienced with poly stuff which I think might actually be a positive because they can learn together, possibly? THE KASHUNO VERSION: anarc has a crush on two people who are in a relationship together and she's nervous about asking to join their relationship She got a little gunshy and told me not to go through with actually doing this, but god drat it, girl. You deserve to be happy even if it's risky. Also don't forget to talk to BK, who was recently rejected by someone who is not only a dear friend to him but could have potentially ruined or threatened his relationship -- of course, when poo poo is just gonna work, poo poo is just gonna work.  .
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Feb 2, 2017 08:25
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With all that said, yeah if you're risking losing them by just being uncomfortable when you're around because you can't admit your feelings, then there's no harm in saying what you'd like to say since there at least you've a chance of it working out.
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Feb 2, 2017 08:32
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peramene posted:Also don't forget to talk to BK, who was recently rejected by someone who is not only a dear friend to him but could have potentially ruined or threatened his relationship -- of course, when poo poo is just gonna work, poo poo is just gonna work. for context for the rest of this thread, the dear friend mentioned here is Sara herself. 
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Feb 2, 2017 08:58
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E/N Mafia Edition
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Feb 2, 2017 09:07
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yeah Murmur said what AA and i also both said but actually i take it all back, poly is a nightmare and personally i wouldnt touch that with a 1 million ft long pole
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Feb 2, 2017 09:25
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poo poo just worked for me. Your results may vary.
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Feb 2, 2017 09:33
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busb posted:yeah Murmur said what AA and i also both said but actually i take it all back, poly is a nightmare and personally i wouldnt touch that with a 1 million ft long pole ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
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Feb 2, 2017 10:10
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Infinitum posted:I babysat a puppy this week this is a good and under-rated post
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Feb 2, 2017 10:50
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To correct something in Sara's post - my feelings are primarily for the guy busb posted:yeah Murmur said what AA and i also both said but actually i take it all back, poly is a nightmare and personally i wouldnt touch that with a 1 million ft long pole Yeah I don't know much about it but it doesn't seem to be something that is realistic in my world.
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Feb 2, 2017 12:24
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If they are poly then whatever, but if not then pls avoid Why is that the kashuno version pera
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Feb 2, 2017 12:34
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Kashuno posted:
You've been owned
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Feb 2, 2017 13:55
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wb
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Feb 2, 2017 14:24
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I like that this started with "Don't nice people deserve to be happy?" It was a trap everyone!
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Feb 2, 2017 15:05
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I do think that does complicate things, and yes can actually be friendship ruining depending on their reaction. It would be awesome if people were accepting of all types of romantic engagements but that's just not the case. I still think you can potentially go for it, but you are definitely going to have to do some "hypothetical" research with them to gauge how they both feel about poly relationships and how the woman feels about same-sex relationships. You don't need to figure out at that point whether it's something they want with you or even if they've considered it before, but you want some sense of what they think about it in general terms. It may be "yeah I think those kinds of relationships can work" but it could also be "those people are perverts" and that's something you are really going to want to know before you go into this conversation because if it's the second then yes they can actually ruin things for you especially if you're part of a larger group of friends. I'm not saying that to scare you, but it's definitely something you need to find a way to know before you talk specifics. Then if the reaction is fairly neutral or even better if it's positive then I think all the previous advice applies and you should just say how you feel and see what happens.
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Feb 2, 2017 15:20
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Keep in mind there are a lot of people who think that poly can work but that does not mean by any stretch they are into the idea. Also keep in mind that if they are NOT into poly or at least the woman isn't and you're getting signs from the guy that he wants you, that is a huge red flag to stay as far away from that as possible. In poly relationships you do not have to have any interest in the third party to make it work, so long as all members understand the situation. Kashuno fucked around with this message at 17:12 on Feb 2, 2017 |
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Feb 2, 2017 15:24
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Read the ethical slut and bring it up in conversation lol
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Feb 2, 2017 15:30
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Kashuno posted:In poly relationships you do have to have any interest in the third party to make it work, so long as all members understand the situation. If you're saying what I believe you're saying here, I disagree and you're wrong.
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Feb 2, 2017 17:04
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BottleKnight posted:If you're saying what I believe you're saying here, I disagree and you're wrong. it was early should have said do not
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Feb 2, 2017 17:12
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Kashuno posted:it was early should have said do not okay we are agreed
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Feb 2, 2017 17:14
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Sorry about the mix-up Anarc, did the best I could. Re: my plan? Still talk to just the girl alone. You approach one party privately, not both at once. And classically, as a lady approaching a hetero couple, the lady is the gatekeeper. For the record, having a metamour is all but absolutely necessary for me to be happy in a relationship in the first place. That doesn't stop me or prevent me from coupling but my goodness. "I wouldn't" should never equal "you shouldn't" without a solid foundation. Kashuno posted:If they are poly then whatever, but if not then pls avoid 1. It's crazy important to be super clear that they may be open to experimenting without knowing they're capable of poly. Carol almost kept her feelings for me to herself because I had a girlfriend; meanwhile I'm mad crushing on her and telling myself there's no way I'm exposing a total newbie to the intensity of being with me. Dumb of both of us. KV: Honesty about feelings is good when you're careful, not everybody is born poly but can learn it. Carol and I owe our relationship to - lol - a game T/D. 2. Because I anticipated you would like a shorter version without implying you hadn't bothered to read the above version. I guess it's possible to interpret as a burn, okay, but in truth I've had words of yours on my mind regarding my posting for a few days now. I'm concerned about the verbosity of them disengaging readers who are more used to shorter posts. I acknowledge both that as a historian and as a diarist I have an obvious tendency towards rendering the full story when possible and giving as much detail, perspective, and context as possible in the usual attempt to engage readers on a personal level. It's worked well for me? But sure, sometimes all one needs to say is "gently caress off, BK." (<3) KV: Nobody reads my bigass posts and why should anyone care what I have to say? Maybe some people do? I'd like them to. So... abstracts. No intention to offend. peramene fucked around with this message at 17:48 on Feb 2, 2017 |
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Feb 2, 2017 17:40
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I read the KV's before I read the longer text Please don't let me dissuade you from longer posts because I actually highly prefer longer posts? Especially in the early days of me playing mafia I liked longer more thought out posting but I felt like it was not getting my point across well or rather it was only leading to people suspecting me more and more and it was much easier for me to get by just posting short quips rather than in-depth game analysis. When I started playing 3-6 games simultaneously, posting only short emotional stream of consciousness posts seemed to make it easy to keep up with multiple games going on concurrently over the longer term. Honestly it is probably better for your own writing ability as well as the health of the mafia community as a whole to engage in longer posts with references to prior events and cite evidence of the scenario as it contributes to a better overall idea of you as a player, what your perspective is, what exactly your analysis entails, and makes your posting harder to refute without other players putting in much effort. The fact that I myself have not been making long posts or sometimes respond to your posts with "big post" or "wow such effort" and then boil down the whole thing to a one/two sentence response shouldn't be something that overly concerns you. Effort posting should be recognized and rewarded more than it is, rather than chided or treated as an inherently bad thing (a condition I myself am guilty of, especially as of late where my effort in all mafia games has been abysmally minimal). Outside of mafia, please please please don't let the responses from inside a mafia game detract from your posting style outside of game. A lot of people will needlessly pick on things you say, long posts, being verbose, etc as a way to discredit your posting while playing. This is a solid strat that some people employ, but that doesn't mean that you should stop posting the way you like outside of a game. Games are games, and personal posting should be treated separately. You should post long posts if you want to, and don't feel inclined to give a TLDR to people who refuse to do a little reading unless it's well on the way to be being a full fledged article. KV: Post how you want. Kashuno fucked around with this message at 17:57 on Feb 2, 2017 |
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Feb 2, 2017 17:48
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Kashuno posted:I read the KV's before I read the longer text That is how abstracts are usually presented so tbh I guess that works too? Would (and do) feel like spoilers to me. Could help you decide whether you want or need the full loving thing. On that note I probably have to give up the ghost and adapt to reading the abstracts of articles before spending the time on them, with this reduced capacity and the way my memory isn't working anymore, I could fall down a research hole mid-project and not have it be enriching but instead time-consuming and wasteful. Depression sucks, guys. I made a big case recently and had to do draft after draft after draft after... sucks.
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Feb 2, 2017 17:55
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Feb 2, 2017 18:09
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I'm sure the "your boyfriend has been low-key hitting on me, and I'm into it" conversation is going to go super well.
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Feb 2, 2017 18:25
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Pinterest Mom posted:I'm sure the "your boyfriend has been low-key hitting on me, and I'm into it" conversation is going to go super well. Yeah this. This situation is not going to end well unless you are 100% sure they are on the poly page before even mentioning this. I strongly oppose the talking to the girl first strategy.
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Feb 2, 2017 18:27
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CCKeane posted:I like that this started with "Don't nice people deserve to be happy?"
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Feb 2, 2017 18:32
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