SpaghetioSexNoises posted:

Johnny Depp is going to steal a bunch of Oscar gift bags and escape in an early 2000's Honda Civic

MeatwadIsGod posted:

From the Johnny Depp is Broke thread:

Stare-Out posted:

In the BBC article about Depp's financial situation, one of the things listed was how he had spent like a half a million on shooting Hunter S. Thompson's ashes out of a cannon. Among all the other stuff it kind of stood out.

Powaqoatse posted:

That's a worthwhile thing to do though, HST died & wanted to be shot out of a cannon. It would be kinda assholish not to do it.

That said, I dunno that I would spend several hundred thousands on it. You could probably go to an old navy fortress and pay them to let you do it for like a fifth of that.

Stare-Out posted:

In the BBC article about Depp's financial situation, one of the things listed was how he had spent like a half a million on shooting Hunter S. Thompson's ashes out of a cannon. Among all the other stuff it kind of stood out.

Stare-Out posted:

I'm not saying it's wrong or not frankly an awesome thing to do, it just stood out as funny to me in a list of regular ludicrous celebrity spending of private planes and mansions and what have you to suddenly see "yeah, shot this one dead guy out of a cannon for 500 grand."

Aphrodite posted:

3 million.

purple death ray posted:

If he wanted to be shot out of a cannon he should have been putting money aside for it imo

Like he committed suicide, he completely chose the time of his death, he could have planned this out a little better. What if he hadn't had a rich rear end friend to pick up the slack? Inconsiderate, that's all there is to it

Outrail posted:

How much does a cannon cost? How do you spend 3 million dollars firing a cannon? I'm genuinely confused and would really have trouble running up that much cash doing something so simple.

Outrail posted:

How much does a cannon cost? How do you spend 3 million dollars firing a cannon? I'm genuinely confused and would really have trouble running up that much cash doing something so simple.

quote:

On August 20, 2005, in a private funeral, Thompson's ashes were fired from a cannon. This was accompanied by red, white, blue and green fireworks—all to the tune of Norman Greenbaum's "Spirit in the Sky" and Bob Dylan's "Mr. Tambourine Man".[50] The cannon was placed atop a 153-foot (47 m) tower which had the shape of a double-thumbed fist clutching a peyote button, a symbol originally used in his 1970 campaign for Sheriff of Pitkin County, Colorado.

..

An estimated 280 people attended, including U.S. Senators John Kerry[51] and George McGovern;[51] 60 Minutes correspondents Ed Bradley and Charlie Rose; actors Jack Nicholson, John Cusack, Bill Murray, Benicio del Toro, Sean Penn, and Josh Hartnett; musicians Lyle Lovett, John Oates and David Amram, and artist and long-time friend Ralph Steadman.

Outrail posted:

Pig vegan what now?

quote:

There is to my mind only one solution, my friend:
Lock your friend in a room with two hired soldiers and a keyboard. Give him the sheet music for "it's a small world after all". Have him try again and again to play it on the keyboard, with the soldiers jamming a razorwire-covered baseball bat up his rear end every time he hits a wrong note.
When he has perfected the tune, let him sleep, eat, and live a normal life. Then, every night for a year, have the soldiers wake him up at a random point in the night with the assbat treatment, holding out a casio keyboard until he plays the tune. Each time, they will remove the bat when he plays the tune.
After a year, he will be conditioned so that as soon as he gains consciousness after sleep, he will be driven by fear-installed instinct to play "it's a small world after all" as soon as he possibly can for fear of being manraped with a razorbat.
Allow him a few days to think things are fine, and then drug him to the gills by slipping a mickey in his soy milk.
Saw open his skull and remove his mind, keeping it on ice in your well-stocked lab. The brain should then be implanted into the grown body of a pig embryo given fragments of human DNA in order to give it arms and legs workable with human nerve impulses.
Before consciousness is regained, manipulate the porkmate creature into a tuxedo, and glue it to the seat of a colossal hellish organ. This organ's pipes should be lined with the still-living throat and lung tissues of battery-farmed pigs, their sedated but conscious heads still weeping from the top of the pipes, kept alive by the air flowing through the pipes and nutrients from underground vats.
Your friend will awake in the nightmare ghoulform of a remade human pig, and will desperately begin playing the organ. The organ will force air through the twisted, sore, splayed out vocal chords of the sad creatures impaled on its pipes, screaming out an infernal dirge of "it's a small world" in constant agony.
Your friend will soon realise he must keep playing to keep air flowing through the reconfigured lung tissues of his mangled brethren, but to do so keeps them alive in an existence of perpetual torture. He will weep with guilt, tears of blood from sore and ill-wired tear ducts, but he will keep playing.
His audience? seven thousand PETA members, each nailed into a coital position with the rotting carcass of a dolphin, while six-foot tall raven haired valkyries dressed only in thigh high boots and collars made from dog leather whip them with flails made from the intestines of kittens.
You and I shall each sit on titanic floating thrones of ebony, malachite and ossified whaleflesh, being pleasured at random by our own chained valkyries until your friend commits suicide by choking to death on his own bitten-off bacony tongue.
...
Hold on, I have to go and wank now.

Dirk the Average posted:

In the time it would take him to make an elevator pitch, a lactose intolerant person could chug a gallon of whole milk and their bowels would provide a succinct summary of his content.

sweeperbravo posted:

Was that long post supposed to be funny?

Guy Mann posted:

The vegan pig machine guy, the "The Thing is the best movie ever because there are no women in it" guy, and the "The Flash has pants made of Goes Fast" guy all walk into a restaurant together. They die of starvation because nobody can stop talking long enough to place an order.

techknight posted:

Power Ambient posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=re2FFqBGDnQ

darthbob88 posted:

sweeperbravo posted:

Was that long post supposed to be funny?

graybook posted:

If you're in middle school and need to be edgy, then yes, it's uproariously funny.

purple death ray posted:

If he wanted to be shot out of a cannon he should have been putting money aside for it imo

Like he committed suicide, he completely chose the time of his death, he could have planned this out a little better. What if he hadn't had a rich rear end friend to pick up the slack? Inconsiderate, that's all there is to it

Guy Mann posted:

The vegan pig machine guy, the "The Thing is the best movie ever because there are no women in it" guy, and the "The Flash has pants made of Goes Fast" guy all walk into a restaurant together. They die of starvation because nobody can stop talking long enough to place an order.

slinkimalinki posted:

Like if you want to die and you want to be shot out of a canon I don't know why you need to go to the trouble of killing yourself first.

Powaqoatse posted:

well he was too old to be shot out of a cannon while alive lol

Absurd Alhazred posted:

I'm sure he could have been alive at first.

Powaqoatse posted:

maybe, but not after he killed himself tho

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Maybe he wouldn't have killed himself if he had had good friends, the kind of friends who shoot you out of a cannon?

Powaqoatse posted:

fuc i didnt even consider that. i want the kind of friends that will shoot me out of a cannon.

into a building is fine

Powaqoatse posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=re2FFqBGDnQ

Jeza posted:

So, this is amazing?

Jeza posted:

So, this is amazing?

Triticum Guzzler posted:

The one drop rule, chastity devices, grain thresher honor killings, and there's a problem with my receipt - The new dating megathread