Gridlocked posted:

Dad: *chatting to friends online about imminent birth of child, wife is in the hospital. suddenly the phone rings*
Dad: Oh poo poo the hospital just called, somethings going wrong I gotta get there fast!

*drives car breaking the speed limit to get there, parks in the first available place and runs to the maternity ward*

Admin Lady: "Hello Sir how can I-"
Dad: "Where's my wife!? What's wrong? The doctor didn't say he just said to come fast. Please!"
Admin Lady: *sad sigh* "One second sir I'll call the doctor please take a seat."

*sits down and fidgets non stop till doctor appears nearly an eternity later*

Doctor: "I'm sorry, that 'minor problem' we noted a few days ago wasn't responding to the medication; we ah...."
Dad: "Tell me doctor"
Doctor: "We were forced to choose between her and the baby.... I'm sorry."
Dad: *attempts to hold back tears* "C-can I see her?"
Doctor: "I think she is still sleeping but come this way..."

*doctor opens door to let dad into room*

Wife: *weeping softly to herself rolled over facing away from the door*
Dad: *stunned into silence*

Zero One posted:

Powaqoatse posted:

but did she poo poo hard? real hard? or not so hard?

Woof Blitzer posted:

Triticum Guzzler posted:

When you get what you want but not what you need: shooting cannonfuls of loose change at the homeless thread vol XVIII

Powaqoatse posted:

one time i poo poo so hard a poop came outta my butt

Decrepus posted:

That is often much harder on the poop than on your butt.

Ugly In The Morning posted:

The first time I did CPR, a dead lady threw up in my eyes. CPR is loving gross.

donquixotic posted:

Maybe you're just a bad kisser

Decrepus posted:

That is often much harder on the poop than on your butt.

utjkju posted:

5-6 times in year i see bears and moose or large deer-like animals in a zoo in city Novosibirsk.
But onсe i met bear in nature reserve Ergaki. . That day i did not go on a mountain. I was left in camp for climbers.
We knew that in nature reserve Ergaki wаlked bears. They (bears) stole food at camp for climbers. Therefore we hanged knapsack with food on a tree.
But that day climbers which went on the mountain took away cordage.
I moved a backpack far away from tent under a tree that the bear didn't get into tent. Then i cooked food for climbers which went on the mountain. Also I left a pan with porridge near a tree.
I sleeped in tent. I heard that at the camp someone went and rattled ware. I thought that climbers returned. But climbers didn't speak among themselves. This was strange. I asked: "Who here? " To me answered: "rrrrrrrrrrrr". I understood that it was the bear. I told it: "leave" But To me answered: "rrrrrrrrrrrr".
The bear ate all porridge which I cooked for climbers. Then bear left. This was the small bear.
Climbers returned at night. I told them abot bear. They told me that they met bear too. They told me that Lena saw an rear end of a bear and cried: "What terrible rear end! " The bear escaped.
I saw moose when i was in geological practice.

Pick posted:

Powaqoatse posted:

one time i poo poo so hard a poop came outta my butt

WampaLord posted:

Well I'm a healthy person so I don't really "get" diarrhea, but I've never had a fart "go wrong" either.

Pick posted:

Hihohe posted:

Why is this guy lying.

WickedHate posted:

It's literally poo poo that didn't happen.

Ride The Gravitron posted:

I see a lot of people on SA and other forums/chats having ongoing meltdowns over things they see on the internet. As some one who's been able to laugh at things like death threats and mean words on the internet I just don't understand the mind set of some one who gets emotional over words on the internet. Can some one explain it to me?

Farg posted:

You'd be upset to if you had to read your lovely posts

Skylark posted:

First impressions of the playthrough so far:
- Political allegory. Free market. "Would you kindly?,". In the age of Trump this words hit very close to home, and it makes me think of the political charts where left and right are the x axis, and the y axis is libertarian-authoritarian. The Bioshock badguys are in the bottom right, and I'm roleplaying my main character as being in the top-left. Im also headcanoning my player character as a woman of color; the game only lets you play as a white dude because lol IBPOC/female representation in 00s gaming.
- The bad guys are called Big Daddy and I sexualize those words now, because I follow like 30 facebook pages titled various permutations of the phrase "Daddy's Little Princess", which post screenshots of tumblr posts and iMessage conversations where a guy says "I'm tgoing to treat you like a princess, and gently caress you like a whore"👌🏼 and the girl goes 😍, etc. Thus the player-enemy dynamic is really different through a modern lens.
- The "old crooning music made creepy with reverb and generally unsettling atmosphere" is even creepier in 2017 than it was when Bioshock was released, because the music is slightly older now.

Chuck Buried Treasure posted:

Replaying Bioshock in Trump's America:

Lunchmeat Larry posted:

Anyway apparently my hosed up dick + gnarly balls flopped out of my trousers at some point during the proceedings and traumatised the attendant really bad, so now I feel like poo poo.

Skellybones posted:

I like how the musclefurryzombie's first instinct after clawing out of the grave was to go back to the gym.

Mycroft Holmes posted:

even in death I still lift

Breetai posted:

*staggers forwards, arms outstretched*

"Gains... GAIIIINS!"

Work Friend Keven posted:

Irony is presenting a toilet in an artistic space, forcing the viewer to grapple with both their preconceived notions of space and meaning and authorial intent. It is not using a toilet in your home.

TotalLossBrain posted:

I was laughing at this earlier.
"What we're doing is legal!"

Lol so is putting your dick in a garbage disposal.

Trig Discipline posted:

How is your mom by the way

Pick posted:

Trig Discipline is somehow a loving shapshooter of the "your mom" joke. It's always in a completely random place and it is always a perfect hit.

Chichevache posted:

So is your mom.






Huh. That's harder than it looks.

Chichevache posted:

Huh. That's harder than it looks.

whiter than a Wilco show posted:

That's what your mum said last night.

Chichevache posted:

Haha, you're a necrophiliac.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

This is getting kinda dark.

Facebook Aunt posted:

Also a medium or necromancer, since she apparently talked to him. Too spoopy.

Chichevache posted:

Haha, you're a necrophiliac.

Chichevache posted:

Haha, you're a necrophiliac.