Jedit posted:

Necrophilia is dead good.

Lunchmeat Larry posted:

love to crack open a cold one after work w the boys

XMNN posted:

imagine if 9/11 happened today, those children would be reading my pet goat to the president

freeedr posted:

Romancer being the operative bit

whiter than a Wilco show posted:

I wouldn't say I loved her. What's the Greek for "hole"?

Dabir posted:

η μητέρα σου

Pick posted:

Trig Discipline is somehow a loving shapshooter of the "your mom" joke. It's always in a completely random place and it is always a perfect hit.

And Tyler Too! posted:

Solice Kirsk posted:

Get your anime letters out of here!

quote:

My wife just dropped a massive bombshell on me that I'm pretty sure will destroy the marriage.

She has always had a really kind heart and volunteered for years at a hospice care facility for people with special needs. It was fulfilling work for her and she always came home happy, even if she was completely exhausted after working 8 hours at her real job and then volunteering for a few more hours.

She just confessed to me, seemingly out of the blue, that she has been acting as a sex partner with many of her patients. "It helps calm them down" and "nobody deserves to die unloved" and "it's just a body maintenance thing" were some of her words.

I am assuming she got caught at work and she's trying to normalize this for me before I hear about it from someone else. But it is NOT normal at all and I'm frankly disgusted with my wife right now. These are people who do not understand sex, who most likely can't consent, and my wife has been doing this for a long time.

There is also a large part of me that is convinced this was her attempt at cheating on me, but that she had no luck with "normal" people. We are both pretty overweight - around 320 lbs each, and my wife is not exactly sociable either. I loved her though, and treated her like a goddess.

So since she told me this she's been staying with her sister, and I've been at home alone with our cats. I do not know what to do going forward. Divorce seems obvious but I think she might just need major therapy. But, at least right now, I cannot imagine EVER being intimate with her again, even just the thought of touching her arm is grossing me out right now.

quote:

The obese Florence nightingale of retard blowjobs

quote:

I agree, no one should go unloved but they should also go unflattened.

quote:

Does your wife work from home

E_P posted:

I like Haier because everyone one has 1 or 2 wierd hook up stories (especially out here in Asia) and then they usually becomes traumatised and move on to something else but Haier's stories are like watching a bird fly into a closed window over and over and over.

Splicer posted:

Mirthless has died on so many hills that you could build a new hill entirely out of the Mithless corpses which Mirthless would immediately die on

value-brand cereal posted:

AlphaKretin posted:

value-brand cereal posted:

Vulgar posted:

Jerry Cotton posted:

Sometimes in Winter I just stuff all my groceries in my coat pockets.

e: For the trip home from the store, not permanent-like.

Sociopastry posted:

your coat is now your pantry. fill it for the winter so you can survive the harsh climate. stuff a rotisserie chicken into your pockets. put condiments in the liner. thrive

Throwing Turtles posted:

Beavers can get pretty drat big. Like 50 or 60 pounds big. You're going to have to take my word for it though, an image search wasn't helpful.

QUACKTASTIC posted:

Yeah, a GIS for '50 pound beaver' without safe-search on isn't going to yield many rodents.

MonoAus posted:

Is gay alligator rape really that much different to hetero alligator rape?

Platystemon posted:

Move one letter in your username and you’re “MooAnus”.

Coincidence? 🤔

fizzymercy posted:

I knew a guy who used fish antibiotics to help with an infection he got in his elbow after a nasty fall.

Knew. Dude is dead due to dying of loving sepsis because he didn't have a loving clue how to properly dose himself or which antibiotics to use because they're not all the loving same you goddamn morons. Don't use fish antibiotics ordered off a random website how the gently caress is this even something I have to say??

edit: Holy poo poo, come to think of it I know two different people that used fish antibiotics. The other guy used the antibiotics for a knee injury but is still alive as far as I know. He definitely had what looked like gangrene last I saw so I'd say DO NOT USE FISH MEDS.

Also probably don't buy your meds at Petco.

Dreddout posted:

What should I major in if I want to be paid disgusting amounts of money to draw graphs?

zedprime posted:

A well connected family and an executive MBA.

A normal MBA on top of a business or communications undergrad will tell you more than you'd ever want to know about drawing bad graphs but no one will pay you for them unless you start sneaking them into the crema.

rjmccall posted:

i grab a thick foot-long carrot and i take it into my mouth, inch by knobby inch, my tongue savoring that rough but luscious skin, my jaws straining to bite, tear, crush it, barely able to keep up with my hunger for more, more, more of that hard orange root

carry on then posted:

"eh, what's up doc?"

Alteisen posted:

Grinding money in owner mode of DOAX3 can eat a barrel of dicks, along with the owner exclusives swimsuits.

Accept my gift you whore.

Leal posted:

I'm not convinced this game is anything then one gigantic troll with tits. The girls have a set chance to reject gifts, even if you do anything right cause gently caress you (though if you wanna throw some cash our way you can buy premium gift wrap which has a 100% success rate!). Wrapping the exclusive swimsuits cost a lot of owner cash, and if a girl rejects the gift you get to spend the money to wrap it up and try again. There is difficulty scaling, so if you don't want every minigame to be a pain the rear end you need to intentionally throw games to get it to scale back down. There is a money cap so you can't hoard money. Even partnering is a pain in the rear end if you don't take whoever offers to join you at the start, even with 3 notes they still reject.

Pastry of the Year posted:

Just jerk off you loving lunatic

Battle Pigeon posted:

Steve's Bathroom Adventures

Eejit posted:

As I understand it, that's the usual grindr experience

ol yeller posted:

(voiceover) Caesar ruled his kingdom with glorious victory...
[We pan over a picture of Julius Caesar]
(voiceover) Stalin ruled with fear...
[We pan over a portrait of Stalin]
This leader... might be somewhere in between...
[We enter a 7/11 and snapzoom on the angriest man in the world]
LARRY: friend of the family!
(voiceover) this summer, the unlikeliest possibility...
[We see Larry trying to climb into a car, tripping and falling]
(voiceover) might just be the one we can't forget
[Larry leans in to kiss a girl, she leans away]
LARRY: Stupid oval office!
(voiceover) You won't be able to get him out of your head, no matter how hard you try.
LARRY: I shot a arab once lol
PARRISH THE THOUGHT
June 12, 2017

value-brand cereal posted:

mirthless

LethalGeek posted:

It's amazing how he seems to have a personal experience with every drat thing ever

Chichevache posted:

I really want to see a picture of him irl.

VanSandman posted:

He posted one earlier. Bog standard skinny metalhead is a pretty good description.

Chichevache posted:

I am 100% shocked and disbeliefed. I want to see the alternative photo.

one of my encounters with him was based on his ridiculous defense of obesity. He sounded like he took it very personally.

Chichevache posted:

I am 100% shocked and disbeliefed. I want to see the alternative photo.

one of my encounters with him was based on his ridiculous defense of obesity. He sounded like he took it very personally.

Tendai posted:

I love the bird thread

Hogge Wild posted:

cool birbs

Neddy Seagoon posted:

Barry Foster posted:

No Eccles no sale.

Fine, fine, fine.

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

I wouldn't marry her either, she proposed during the second quarter when his favorite team was getting loving massacred in one of the all time great superbowl beatings when the Pats had a less than 1% chance of winning.

You could have heard a mouse running around my place around that time, I wouldn't have taken her seriously either.

Edit: to put this in context this was the sports version of someone proposing to you while you're watching Schindler's List

wayfinder posted:

i just saw Moana and its weird hearing the rock say my name

theflyingorc posted:

it doesn't matter what your name is

Pick posted:

and the fact is i still like touching my cat's nipples to the beat like some sort of extremely uncomfortable revival of guitar hero, and i guess my point is people come in two flavors: psychos and boring a-holes,

We Know Catheters posted: