Zelder posted:

please stop posting that ghoulish cat eye monster

goose willis posted:

trickybiscuits posted:

His name is Alumnus. This is what his parents named him.

Danaru posted:

Woah, people with different sexual orientations live TOGETHER? This needs to be a TV show! With bonus repeating the punchline but in italics laugh track

Aleph Null posted:

A bisexual with an asexual fiancée makes me wonder how that will work out. Open marriage? Porn and self-satisfaction? Lots of crying?

Garrand posted:

Considering the comment about dragons I'm pretty certain it'll end with a call to CPS.

LOVE LOVE SKELETON posted:

"generally just really excited about dragons" is my okcupid tagline, im getting married to parthanax this spring!!

quote:

The bird's tale
"I worked at a small ice cream shop in an East Coast university city throughout high school and most of college. The ice cream was excellent (I still dream about the Moose Tracks), but the rest of the shop was a craphole. I can't believe people would come in and still be tempted to put food in their mouths, but whatever. Ice cream.

"We were open until midnight every day of the week, so we attracted a lot of weirdos after about 10pm. On weekend nights, we would have a line out the door until we closed, even in winter. One night, I was working the closing shift with Andrea (not her real name). Andrea happened to be a drug dealer as well as an excellent ice cream scooper. She sold out the back of the shop and always added generously to the tip jar on nights that she did well (we were located almost directly on a college campus -- she always did well). Andrea also did a lot of coke herself, which made her great to close with, as she could clean like nobody’s business.

"One night, which was particularly snowy and cold, was going along just fine. Andrea was in the back attending to one of her personal customers while I manned the busy-but-not-crazy counter. A man approached in full snow gear -- he could barely put his arms down -- and something on his shoulder. My eyesight is not great from a distance, so he didn't come into focus until he reached the counter. There was a white-and-yellow cockatoo on his shoulder. Like, a huge bird.

"I really like animals but, drat Snowman, that's gross. So I said, 'Hey, beautiful bird! But actually, if we get caught with that in here we'd be in a lot of trouble. Do you mind leaving him in the car and then coming back to order?'

"He replied, 'I walked here, so no.' Which, if we can just pause to think about this huge man in what is essentially a full-body duvet walking the city streets with a bird. What?!

"As I was about to open my mouth to protest again, the bird took flight and landed on my shoulder behind the counter. It looked at me with those crazy soulless bird eyes and kind of cocked its head. I (weirdly, I admit) did the same. At this point half the line of customers was laughing, the other is vomiting into their own mouths. No one left, because I guess they wanted to see how this would play out.

"It is at this moment that Andrea, who was clearly doing a few lines with whoever in the back, popped her head out to see if I needed help. There I was with a cockatoo on my shoulder, head cocked to the side and eyes glazed. She looked absolutely terrified and screamed, 'YOU LOOK LIKE THAT BIRD!'

"The bird, startled by the noise, flapped its goddamn wings in my face, pooped on my shoulder, and flew back to perch on its owner. The man said, 'So can I get a scoop of mint chip or what?'

"I got him his mint chip, then immediately changed my shirt. When I returned to the counter, I got a round of applause from the remaining customers, a group of whom had taken folded white napkins and made them into cockatoo headdresses. Andrea had fled the scene, and I closed by myself."

Fathis Munk posted:

Why...why would anyone applaud getting pooped on by a bird ?!?!

life is killing me posted:

A few things:

1) Why did this person conveniently have a change of shirt?
2) Why did this person still serve the customer ice cream?
3) Why does this person think the other customers were applauding him/her rather than the clearly awesome dude who walked in with a bird on his shoulder and let it poop on an employee and STILL got ice cream?

And most importantly:

4) Why are enough people thinking to themselves, "Hmm, it's loving cold as poo poo outside, ice cream sounds good" that there was a line outside in the dead of winter?

Oh, and why, even if this did happen (it didn't), does the writer think it's interesting enough to write more than a sentence or two about it?

God, there are too many "writers" out there who think they are good at creative writing simply because one or two people said so.

sweeperbravo posted:

Why would you retell such a boring story, if true

and, more importantly

Why would you create such a boring story, if false

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

I just really want attention from boring people on the internet okay

life is killing me posted:

A few things:

1) Why did this person conveniently have a change of shirt?
2) Why did this person still serve the customer ice cream?
3) Why does this person think the other customers were applauding him/her rather than the clearly awesome dude who walked in with a bird on his shoulder and let it poop on an employee and STILL got ice cream?

And most importantly:

4) Why are enough people thinking to themselves, "Hmm, it's loving cold as poo poo outside, ice cream sounds good" that there was a line outside in the dead of winter?

Oh, and why, even if this did happen (it didn't), does the writer think it's interesting enough to write more than a sentence or two about it?

God, there are too many "writers" out there who think they are good at creative writing simply because one or two people said so.

AlbieQuirky posted:

The answer to 4) is Boston. Bostonians will go out in the snow to get ice cream. Bostonians will walk for miles in the snow to get ice cream. The ice cream shop in question is almost certainly meant to be the Emack and Bolio's on Newbury Street, which did have a bit of an unsanitary air. Maybe some dude tried to bring a bird in once, too.

Bertrand Hustle posted:

Also iced coffee in the dead of winter. We are a strange folk here in New England.

System Metternich posted:

ugh

System Metternich posted:

ugh

System Metternich posted:

ugh

Disproportionate Orphan posted:

I don't get it. What's the point of telling this story if it's true (which it isn't)? It just makes you look like a giant jackass.

Making it up makes even less sense.

Paladinus posted:

It's like in the hit BBC show Sherlock, where the main character is an unlikeable twat, but because he's very clever everyone loves him. That show is popular with teenagers on the internet.